Stevieboy666

"Ghosts indeed! Servant's talk!" Crooks use the legend of the ghostly Black Abbot at an old mansion near London in order to kidnap its rich owner. In fact there is a former monastery that adjoins the large house - Old Monk's Hall, "It's 'aunted!" The legend says that the old wing of The Grange is haunted by the Black Abbot, who was said to have dabbled in Black Magic. This is a "quota quickie", it runs a mere 56 minutes but even that felt somewhat stretched for what is a very basic plot. Two characters, a gardener and a maid, not only add a comical element but they are obviously there to pad out the run time too. He is constantly talking about his small rare plant (a Saxifrage) and she keeps talking about her heavy cold in a very bunged up sounding nasally voice, this soon wears very thin and they were hardly funny in the first place. Made in 1934 the English spoken is all very jolly, old chap! Indeed, seeing the old fashions and motor cars (Austin) was rather splendid too! It is very talky and with most of the characters being situated in the same areas this looks more like a stage play than a movie set. As a horror fan I found the ghostly Abbot wandering around the grounds and the old building itself to be atmospheric. The plot, well nothing much to say really other than decades later it could have been used as an episode for "Scooby Doo". To top things off there is a silly shootout in the dark at the end. I had never heard of this British film before, despite its age the print that the excellent Talking Pictures TV screened was of a good quality. Worth a look.

Residents of a Melbourne suburb are used as guinea pigs for a new health supplement but side effects include mutation, body melt, exploding stomachs and hallucinations. Ian Smith - aka Harold Bishop in the long running Aussie soap "Neighbours" - plays a mad doctor. And he's not the only "Neighbour" in the cast either, there's the lovely Lucinda Cowden (who plays Melanie in the soap), Lesley Baker, Amanda Douge and the gorgeous Regina Gaigalas too. Yes, I am a "Neighbours" fan but enough of that and back to "Body Melt". I first saw this when it came out on VHS in the early 1990's, I seem to remember thinking that it was alright at the time, then I pretty much forgot about it. I don't think that in the realm of "body horror" movies that it is very well known, which is a shame because it's pretty good. Granted the plot is not the film's strongest point, I could do with re-watching it again as I found it a bit disjointed, a repeat should hopefully remedy that. What does work is that it is a satire on the obsession with being physically perfect (more recently seen in 2024's excellent "The Substance"), and I guess it is also Aussies poking fun at themselves too. There is an Outback garage run by a family of mutants who are an absolute blast to watch. Needless to say there is plenty of goo and gore, although it was obviously shot on a low budget the effects are very good and let's be honest they are the main reason to watch this. There's some sex and nudity too, including brief full frontal male nudity. Pornography is briefly seen on a TV and in the closing credits "Buttocks" and "Testicles" both get credited! The soundtrack has some banging techo/rave music, very much of its time and I for one personally liked it. At just over 80 minutes in length the time passed quickly, I enjoyed revisiting this Ozploitation movie and will give it another watch before long.

"I'm supposed to save The World? I can't even figure out how to talk to a girl!" Fourteen year old Will (Alexander Ludwig) lives with his American family in rural England. He is the Seventh Son of a Seventh Son so anyone who has a basic knowledge of the occult will know that that makes him very special. In fact he is the Sign Seeker, the last of a time travelling group known as The Old Ones. The Dark is on the rise again, led by The Rider, can Will save Mankind? I have not read the book so I am unable to compare but being a fantasy movie with family drama and horror elements it appealed to me. I am English and I can say right now that none of the architecture, building interiors, roads or signage looked British. Do Americans really think that Romania can double for rural England!!?? The acting was generally good enough though I found Christopher Eccleston's portrayal as The Rider to be weak. He made a good Dr Who in his short stint playing that part but as the leader of The Dark he just is not scary enough. One of the few things I liked were the special effects, I am not a big fan of CGI but they were well done here. A scene set in an old church crypt with skeletons and lots of snakes was for me the best part of the movie. Young Will has a crush on school girl Maggie but she was played by 25 year old Amelia Warner, I am surprised that the make-up artist didn't cover the star tattoo on her one hand - oooops! The story is set during the Xmas holidays but I wouldn't go as far as to call it a Festive movie because not much is made of this fact. As a middle aged bloke I am obviously not the movie's target audience, however I am sure that much younger audiences will enjoy it more than I. Having said that as an afternoon time filler watching this film wasn't too bad.