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Machete (2010)
Danny You Magnificent B*******
6 August 2019
Let's talk Danny Trejo. When he was younger Trejo had a troubled past. He started out as a thug, committing various crimes, being addicted to drugs, and going from jail to jail. However, things changed. He became a better person, entered a twelve step program, and cleaned up his act. In 1985, things got interesting. While he was working as a youth drug counselor, a teenage patient asked for assistance with cocaine problems on the set of Runaway Train. While there, he was asked to be a boxing coach for lead actor Eric Roberts, and even got the role of Eric's opponent. From there, Trejo's acting career began, and the roles kept coming. Now that we've talked about Trejo's history, let me talk about my opinion on him as an actor and person. To put it simply, I think he's great. Not only is he a personal favorite actor of mine, but he seems like a really nice and humble guy who loves his fans. As for the movie itself, I love it. After years of playing the drug dealer or side character, Trejo gets a leading role, and damn is he good. He has a natural presence and Machete himself is a very interesting character. The supporting cast also does a great job, and I especially love Cheech Marin as the gun-toting preacher. The film also has some clear things to say about immigration and border nuts, and does so while being smart and not overly preachy. Finally, the gore. It is grindhouse in every sense of the word and I love it. The practical effects work wonders and boy is it not for the squeamish. However, if you're a gorehound like me there is a lot to love. All in all, this film isn't for everyone, but if this sounds like your kind of film I highly recommend it.
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Gory, Hilarious, And Even Better Than Office Uprising
30 December 2018
Bloodsucking B******s is a 2015 horror comedy about Evan, an employee at a soul-crushing telemarketing job, working with his slacker best friend Tim and his (ex)girlfriend Amanda. However as soon as his nemesis Max receives a promotion Evan was supposed to get strange things begin happening around him: the office gets darker, and coworkers either die or go through personality changes. When it's discovered Max is a vampire who is turning coworkers into the un-dead, it's up to Evan, Tim, Amanda, and security guard Frank to save the office from a a vampire take-over. You're probably wondering why I said that this movie is better than Office Uprising. Well, to put it simply, it's a lot funnier. This film manages to balance comedy and horror excellently. The actors all are excellent, mad props to Joey Kern who steals the show and has some of the best parts. Fran Kranz makes for a likable protagonist, and Pedro Pascal is a great villain, and you definitely want to see him defeated. Plus, the gore is excellent. By the end, all of the characters are covered in blood, and it's a beautiful sight. Plus there are some awesome vampire deaths, but not without some hilarious lines sprinkled in. So yeah, if you liked Deathgasm or Office Uprising I highly recommend this film.
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Deathgasm (2015)
Pure Metal Awesomeness
10 November 2018
Deathgasm is a New Zealand horror comedy about Brodie, a metalhead who forms a metal band that accidentally summons a demon that turns civilians into bloodthirsty demons. First, let's talk about the good: the gore is all done with practical effects, and it's fantastic.The deaths are all extremely creative and gory, and should please even the strongest gorehounds. The characters are all likable and serve a purpose in the film. The cast is also excellent. And finally, the film is well shot and the soundtrack is great. Now, onto the bad: I really have only one problem, which is the villain. The main demon, Aeloth, shows up at the end, and he looks pretty bad. His face looks like a rubber mask, which is a shame considering how all of the other effects look great. So yeah, that's my review of Deathgasm, a film I highly recommend.
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Funny and violent, this one's a winner
10 August 2018
Office Uprising is an action horror comedy about Desmond, a slacker who works at Ammotech, the world's leading weapons manufacturing company. When Zolt, a popular energy drink, is released to the office and turns his coworkers into violent savages Desmond must rescue his true love and get out of the building alive. I found the performances to be well-done, Karan Soni does a good job as the "sidekick" role, Jane Levy is great bouncing back from human to zombie, and Zachary Levi is obviously having the time of his life playing Adam Nussbaum, the main antagonist, a man with power and an accent to boot. The jokes are also well done, and even the ones that don't work can be forgiven because you know a good one's right up the corner. That said, when the film tried to be serious it came off as forced, and some of the effects are far from special. All in all, Office Uprising may not be an oscar contender, but it's still a fun ride worth a watch.
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The Babysitter (I) (2017)
A Gory Good Time
25 July 2018
Warning: Spoilers
The Babysitter is about Cole, a nerdy 12-year old kid who has a crush on his hot older babysitter, Bee. One night while Bee is babysitting she brings her friends over. Everything seems fine until Cole witnesses Bee and her cult kill a nerd and collect his blood. Now Cole must run for his life before Bee and her cult kill him too.

Once it gets going the film goes from raunchy comedy to an EXTREMELY gory horror film, a tone switch that is handled well. Samara Weaving is excellent as Bee, and Robbie Amell, Bella Thorne, Hana Mae Lee, and Andrew Bachelor (aka King Bach) do just as good as her cult members. Judah Lewis makes for a likable protagonist. That said, I found the bully character very annoying since I found him to be nothing more than a one-dimensional stereotype. Right when it looks like he's going to help Cole he deserts him, destroying all hope for character development. Another problem is that words flash across the screen for no reason, and it gets annoying

Overall, despite a few flaws, The Babysitter is an enjoyable horror comedy that I highly recommend.
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Knight Squad (2018–2019)
R.I.P. Funny Nickelodeon Sitcoms
24 February 2018
Ok so before I start this review let me say Nickelodeon started with shows like iCarly and Drake & Josh. But then they started doing unfunny sitcoms like Henry Danger, The Thundermans, Game Shakers, The Haunted Hathaways, and THIS. The show is about a princess and a thief who go to a school for knights. These are what the jokes like: hee hee, butts and poop are SOOO funny. The characters are annoying, the acting is pretty meh, and like Henry Danger, the laugh track won't shut up. Also it suddenly goes from pee jokes to "you lied to me so you don't deserve to be on my team." So yeah, another year, another crappy nick sitcom to be avoided.
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Merry S***mas!
23 February 2018
Ok then, the Three Dogateers. Honestly I have no idea what to say. This movie is about three dogs who are named after the Three Muskateers and are called the "Three Dogateers." When the king and queen are away the dogateers' presents are stolen so the dogatters must get their presents and avoid and evil dog catcher doing a painfully bad Danny Trejo impression with the help of Santa. The animation on the dog's mouths is godawful, the script is terrible, and the film even manages to waste the talent of Dean Cain and Richard Riehle (Sam from Office Space). Overall this film makes the Air Buddies films look like Citizen Kane and I do not recommend to anyone for any reason.
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Teen Lust (2014)
Better Than I expected
18 February 2018
Walking into this film I expected another dumb American Pie wannabe. But I was pleasantly surprised. So basically the film is about a teenager, Neil, who's parents are part of a church that wants him to never lose his virginity. However he soon discovers the church practices satanism and wants to sacrifice him to Satan. He flees with his friend Matt and they try to get Neil to lose his virginity and save the world. The cast give good performances, Cary Elwes steals the show as the leader of the church, and Darryl Sabara (Juni from Spy Kids) provides most of the film's laughs. Also the characters feel realistic. So yeah I give Teen Lust a 7/10 and if you like horror comedies or just want some good laughs I recommend this film.
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Weird little film
30 July 2017
So this movie was originally released in 2004 and was the first danish computer animated called Terkel in Trouble. As so the animation is not very good. Years later this weird little film was released as a dubbed American version (this film). The plot is basically a young boy named Terkel lives a miserable existence and is frequently bullied by 2 merciless bullies named Nigel and Saki. His miserable life takes a turn for the worse when it becomes apparent someone wants him dead. Even though the animation sucks some of the jokes are pretty funny and the twist at the end of who Terkel's tormentor's is is pretty good. Then again for every good joke we get a joke like a character named Dick Ball sack. Also the character of Jason is SOOO annoying because he frequently tries to use slang and the musical numbers are pointless. Overall if you enjoy South Park and Sausage Party then go ahead. If you don't, then you probably won't like this film.
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Luigi0730 (2011– )
Pretty good
19 July 2017
OK I think 4.9 out of 10 is too low a rating. OK it's not perfect but it's not terrible. LUIGI0730 is a comedy web series by two guys, David Gattis and Eric Arnold, about Mario and Luigi, two plush toy versions of those famous pesky plumbers, trying to get through their daily lives fighting Bowser and his minions and interacting with other famous Nintendo characters like Toad and Princess Peach. If you think this sounds like SuperMarioLogan, you'd be right! If this show added Bowser Jr and a bunch of puppets you'd have that exact show. But the show isn't bad. It's not great but it will get some laughs from me a lot and the creators are nice people. Overall I recommend this but if you don't like it watch SuperMarioLogan instead.
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ethanpaisley (2012– )
Shameless Shane Dawson Ripoff
16 July 2017
Let me just say right off the bat it's pretty obvious this show is a Shane Dawson ripoff. It meets all the guidelines: vulgar language, bad taste rape and masturbation jokes, and the star talking about a topic for each episode and doing random sketches based around that topic. It's not to say Ethan doesn't have talent, his later videos show that. He's a natural director and actor. The problem is he tries so hard to be Shane Dawson he loses sight in the fact that even though Shane retired from his original sketch format people want to see SHANE do these type of videos again, not some Dawson wannabe. This is why you should ignore Ethan's channel and his channel is a cautionary tale about what happens when you try too hard to be someone else.
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