Here comes the King of the stupid remakes. Wow. Let's begin with the one good thing about this film - the cinematography and special effects departments. The visuals in this movie are stunning, and, let's face it, are the reason you went to see it. Jackson does a great job with lighting on the characters, making the actors appear just a bit CGI themselves, to match the imperfect CGI of the animals. Not to mention the wonderful looking 30's NYC. The only part that looked fake at all is when Kong gets out of his chains in the theater.
So why could a movie such as this only get 2 stars from me? Simple. It was written by a 2 year old. OK, I can admit this movie would be great for kids, but for intelligent adults, it has some of the most ridiculous lines and characters ever filmed. We all know the story of King Kong, so the movie itself is, of course, completely predictable. But when you can predict each character's cheesy line right before they say it, something is wrong.
Let's start from the beginning. The movie opens up and we are rushed through a sad scene with Naomi Watts and some random old guy who is going to Chicago. We don't know who he is or why he is leaving, and (in true Peter Jackon style) we never will. The old guy later shows up at the theater, but we are still confused as to exactly what role he is playing.
Naomi Watts can't find a job as an actress, and begins to starve, resorting to stealing food and even considering becoming a hooker. Jack Black to the rescue with the movie role of a lifetime for her. Starving Watts (for some unexplained reason) turns him down. What?!!! Of course, he talks her into it.
Now on the way to the island, we are run through about 30 minutes more of ludicrous acting and scenarios that have nothing to do with the story. A boring side-story with the token black mentor sailor teaching the young, inexperienced sailor, stuff like that. Skip ahead to the island. The islanders were sort of cool, but why not capture Watts right away? We have to wait another 20 mins for her capture aboard the ship. Boring.
Now in to the rescue comes the men. Unlike the great adventure stories like Jurassic Park, in this one, they never use their smarts to get out of a hairy situation. They are constantly saved by dumb luck. Somehow surviving a brontosaurus stampede, then a swarm of bugs. Why not use the light to scare away the big bugs? It would be a really cool scene! No, we'll just have some guy magically show up with a tommy gun and kill thousands of them in about 2 seconds. I'd go on, but you know what I mean.
Now, capture Kong and bring him to NYC. How will they get him aboard the ship? No explanation. They just do. Here is the moment I have been waiting for. King Kong loose in the city. Ehhh. Not much happens aside from the car chase. I've been waiting 2.5 hours for this scene and it's a bit short. Naomi Watts appears out of nowhere in my favorite stupid "saved by dumb luck" scene. The predictable, "sad" ending, had me laughing.
In all of this what do we walk away from? Did Jack Black learn his lesson? He was a jerk throughout the whole movie. Character development? What's that? No. He just says "It's beauty and the beast" and walks away. What??!?!!!
Jackson needs to stop concentrating on special effects, and use some of those millions for a decent screenplay. Heck, if he paid me $100, I'd write him something twice as good, and (as you can tell from this review) I am no writer. I give this movie a huge Boo.
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