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Devil's Gate (2017)
So much potential, so little budget
This could have been great, and Iran not horrible, but man that lighting... Scy Fy Channel level special effects totally sink this film and waste some nice performances.
The Lake on Clinton Road (2015)
The algae covered farm pond beside a dirt driveway
That's a Moreno accurate title. Not a lot of review necessary, it stinks. Bad acting, terrible direction, pitiful excuse for a script. Avoid it like malaria.
...that's 75 minutes I'm never getting back. I have a soft spot for found footage horror movies and can usually find something redeeming in even the most amateurish of efforts. I tried here, and can't. We have found the bottom of the found footage barrel and it it was in Spain, country of origin for this laughably inept "film".
Hell Mountain (2016)
Great effort held back a little by budgetary constraints
As a fan of horror that consumes a lot of indie efforts, finding something original and engaging is admittedly rare. This film is both. Sadly, that's about all I can tell you because I refuse to spoil this for anyone who will give it a shot. It has its issues - time away from a film set has had a definite negative impact on Taylor Dooley and some of the other acting in smaller roles is choppy - but overall this is a strong effort by a filmmaker with talent.
The Bone Garden (2014)
Tough to review
The Bone Garden is a tough film to review. On one hand, when looked at for pure cinematic value, it is dismal. It's a cheaper than cheap thriller that would make the Asylum give it a hard pass. A lot of the cast are known for their various roles in the Friday the 13th franchise and there is a reason none of them ever went any further and most have all but disappeared: they can't act. Add a completely abysmal script and kid-with-his -first-camera level directing and you have a film that no one should ever have to see. But then, on the other hand, this film is unintentionally hilarious in a way few films have been since The Room. The overacting, fhe laughable dialogue, the clueless directing and editing...by the halfway mark I was beginning to wonder if they were trying to be this bad. So, as an actual film this is a complete trash heap but as a midnight movie with a crowd that's in on the joke, it has a future.
Nigel, it's time to stop
Bad Ben was a pleasant surprise. Steelmanville Road was like a forced root canal. This one is laughable, but not in a good way. As a character in the film says: "look this is bad, OK?"
Why the hate?
I really don't understand the hate for this film. Great performances from both leads, solid plot, strong supporting performances. It's not perfect and it's a little slow at times but it's far better than some dreck that gets glowing reviews on here.
What in the amateur hour, non actor, no script, make it up as you go hell did I just sit through? There are a lot of dirt cheap found footage horror films that work, this one does not. This may be the worst "movie" ( I'm being generous by calling it that) that I've ever watched. Truly, laughably horrible. Those responsible for this should never be allowed to film anything again under penalty of law, not even kid's birthdays - they'd find a way to ruin the day.
Joko invoca Dio... e muori (1968)
It could have been superior
A solid (if standard) plot, good action, and well directed by an under appreciated filmmaker who churned out many solid entries in the genre. Only one thing holds it back: the lousy acting of Richard Harrison. Harrison had a real knack for detracting from the overall value of the films he appeared in, in all honesty he just could not act. Cast Anthony Steffen, Gianni Garko, or Craig Hill in the lead in this well crafted spag and it would have been something to remember.
The Watcher Self (2016)
The cure for insomnia
Slow, dull and predictable is no way to make a successful thriller. This is the cinematic equivalent of watching paint dry. 3/10 for some solid performances, otherwise this one is a total waste of time.
The Quarry: 2011 (2011)
Short film idea, feature film runtime
I have a soft spot for found footage horror, if I didn't this would be a 2. An hour of nothingness leads to 20 minutes of pointlessness. There's really not much left to say.
Slow. The film equivalent of watching paint dry. "There's that noise again", Ya don't say. I appreciate what the filmmakers tried to to with basically no budget but the end result is predictable and bland. Pass this "house" up.
First House on the Hill (2017)
This film has no idea what it wants to be. It wants to be an old school giallo, no wait, a comedy. Nevermind, meta horror. Nope, maybe a mix of all the above. And a poorly written, acted, directed and scored one at that. It could have been a "so bad it's good" cult film, but it fails at that too. It's just plain bad.
My Little Sister (2016)
Why the hate?
This is no classic by any standards but it's not the garbage most here say. It's an old school slasher film and better than most other modern takes on it. It would have been received much better 30 years ago, when these were more prevalent. All in all, it's a fun throwback to a once strong sub genre.
The Pale Man (2017)
Where to even begin?
With a budget so low the "ghost" effects are simply an actor with a lot of makeup to make him "pale", there's not really anywhere to go with a film. Add in some flat performances, some way over the top performances, some dumb as dirt decision making by the protagonist and dialogue that Tommy Wiiseau would find laughable and you have waste of an evening.
The Final Haunting (2014)
Effective once it gets going
There is slow build, then there is the first 30 minutes of this film. Scenes run too long, some add little to nothing at all to the development of the film. From that point on, however, things pick up quickly. There is nothing new about the "is it real or is she psychologically deteriorating" storyline but it is done well here. Certainly worth a watch for horror fans who don't require easy answers or to be spoon fed jump scares, just don't give up before it gets going.
Tonight She Comes (2016)
The hate is from those who don't get it
I thought this was a complete blast. An obvious homage to the grindhouse horror films of the 70s, it's not to be taken seriously. Those who can put their brains on pause and not try to make sense from insanity will enjoy this no holds barred horror/comedy, those who can't will badmouth it. At least for those people Blumhouse will have another lazy flick full of cheap jump scares for them soon enough.
Girls' Night Out (2017)
Surprisingly not terrible
Above average performances - particularly from Jacob Blair - in the hands of an experienced director almost make up for a very uneven script. Almost.
Skinwalker Ranch (2013)
I don't understand the hate for this movie. Does it try to do a little too much? Yes. But it certainly isn't boring, and in the round fotage sub genre that alone is worth something. Decent acting, solid story, better than I expected.
Steelmanville Road (2017)
Bad Ben was an unexpectedly fun film. This one, not so much. Good story, good idea, horrendous acting. One in particular - the lady portraying Mona - should never be allowed a script again, in film, or even dinner theater. I understand this a no budget project but at least TRY to find competent amateur actors.
A masterpiece, except....
This film has so much that works so well, it's a shame one thing keeps it from working entirely l: the music. The single most annoying song I've ever heard in a film. Secondly the newest "restored" version inexplicably has two totally different English voices dubbed for Nero. His first few lines are delivered in a deep clear "radio announcer" pure English baritone, the rest of the film is in a poorly faked accent. What exactly would be the reason for this? Other than those two distractions, a great late era entry to the genre.
The Thin Man (2015)
Above average, but...
This had so much going for it, until the third act. The introduction of a character that required as strong a performance as the three primaries was almost its undoing - Alistair cannot act. That aside, it's a creepy film that will get under your skin and shows great promise for the film makers responsible.
Absolute Zero (2015)
Another solid film from Trapani
Gus Trapani delivers more from less than any other microbudget filmmaker I've seen. His previous feature Bad vs Worse is a film I consider brilliant and this is a step above that one. I can only imagine what he could do with an actual budget.
Toad Road (2012)
The definition of pointless
This is a perfectly dull muddle of nonsense for almost an hour, then from out of nowhere a weak attempt at a plot shows up! Seriously though, Toad Road is a mess of a movie saved only bybsolid performances. We get just short of an hour of aimless drug abuse and dialogue before our "filmmaker" seems to have remembered that a plot is a requirement in a movie ansd, oh yeah, this is a horror movie. Our leads then wander off looking for the seven gates of hell, when all along the very movie they are stuck in is hell enough. In short, some talented young actors working with a minimal script and a pretentious director equals a bad movie.