mradamrudy

Beethoven's Treasure (2014)

no treasure

When I found this on a dusty VHS tape in a burnt-out Ford Pinto in front of Kmart, I was excited. A dog? Sure! A dog wearing a pirate costume? Oh boy! A dog in a pirate costume in a pile of treasure? Woah! I'm there! So you can imagine my disappointment when SPOILER ALERT, after devoting my whole afternoon to this film, I realized that there wasn't a singe piece of treasure in the whole thing. The cover of the VHS clearly indicated that there would be at least some treasure in the film, maybe even a whole chest's worth. Alas, there was none. If I ever see Ron Oliver on the street, I'm not going to do anything, because he is and will forever be a terrible director of no consequence to anyone, and will never have any notoriety beyond the three and a half hour lie that is Beethoven's Treasure Tail. One star.