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Transformers (2007)
this gave me a headache
After nine or so years, it's only now that I get to review this live action turkey. To be honest, I wasn't that excited to hear the news of a non-animated version of the Transformers, especially something that was to be shown on the big screen. It's not like I haven't seen giant transforming robots on the big (or small) screen before. For example there's that obscure and forgotten Power Rangers movie back in the 90s or how about the countless super sentai shows in Japan? I just don't think big mecha would translate real well in a live-action setting as they do in the animated format and after seeing Bay's movie, I was proved right all along.
Instead of Hasbro wasting all that money on big name stars and special effects, why not hire a competent Japanese anime director, hire Japanese animators (the studio behind "Transformers Zone" is highly recommended)and stick with the aesthetics of the original 1980s animated movie. I guarantee if Hasbro followed what I just suggested here, the spirit of the first two seasons of the 80s Transformers cartoon would be revived for both old fans and new.
Of course, judging from the current decisions of the present Hasbro management, this won't be happening anytime soon because they would rather be trendy and modern. Better to create more shows and movies to keep the hipsters in the populace happy right? It helps them buy more mansions, luxury cars and pay for the trophy wife's boob job. The toy buying sheeple of course would continue supporting Hasbro; they don't want their supply of garbage movies, shows and crap toys to end.
To get back to the live-action film, I don't think it's Bay's fault alone that it turned out to be this great steaming pile of horse dung. I actually like his Bad Boys films so I can't really blame him. I think what is at fault are the people financing the movie. They know the psychology of the demographic they were aiming for. Big dumb movie for big dumb people right? The type of people weaned on a daily helping of American Idol and Master Chef. The kind of people who gush about the Kardashians and listen to the latest insipid Justin Bieber hit. That is what this sorry excuse for a movie was made. For the non-discriminating masses who have simple tastes. They obviously can't tell or discern what makes a movie good or bad.
The designs of the robots were crap to begin with. And what about the transformation sequence? It sucks. None of the witty rearranging of parts like in the cartoon. All you see is a bunch of pixels morphing. And the story was written by people who overdosed on crack cocaine.
In conclusion, this is a film for the multiplayer gaming attention deficit disorder crowd. A barometer of modern civilization's decline and decadence.
The Expendables 3 (2014)
a waste of film
Boy, this movie sucked. The first in the franchise was a mediocre direct to DVD style film (which is an insult to direct to DVD movies, a few of these are actually better than some garbage churned out by Hollywood), the sequel was over the top, dumb fun and easily the best in the series (I enjoy action movies where there is actual spilling of blood; I don't understand these movies where someone gets shot and the dude doesn't even bleed, kind of stupid actually; which is why films like Saving Private Ryan ranks high in my book).
The third installment though is one of the most boring travesties put to film. The action is uninspired and plods along. The new members of the expendables team are wasted. Honestly, what was Banderas supposed to be doing in this movie anyway? Talk and do nothing? He was more interesting and entertaining in that Sponge Bob movie than this. The same goes for Snipes; no memorable character or action scenes here like in Demolition Man or Blade.
This is what happens when greed and corporate people enter the equation. A movie with no soul for people who have nothing to do in the cinema. Ideal for necking and petting couples.
God's Not Dead (2014)
self-righteous and hypocritical nonsense
Okay, so this is the movie about Christians trying to prove to non-believers that "God's not dead". As a non-believer (in the Judaeo-Christian deity), I really take offense with the many assumptions implied in this movie. Still that doesn't mean I don't like religious movies; I actually immensely enjoyed "The Passion of the Christ" and think it is a great work of cinematic art.
GND though is anything but artistic but I'd like to address a few of its smug "witticisms". The protagonist triumphantly says to the professor "How can you hate something that doesn't exist?". Newsflash kid, I do hate things that don't exist in real life. For example, I hate the New 52 versions of the Justice League. I also hate Bayformers. Yes, you can hate something that don't exist.
The other premise I'd like to address is the assumption that without the existence of a divine authoritarian being, there can be no room for morality or ethics as if Judeo-Christianity has a monopoly on morals. As pointed out in the kid's presentation, "without god, anything is permissible" which is pure hogwash. The old testament itself says that evil springs from God as can be seen in the misfortunes that befell Job. Also the bible describes countless barbaric acts: genocide, rape, murder, incest, human sacrifice perpetrated by God himself or his chosen people.
Religion is nothing more than a method of mentally controlling the masses through fear and ignorance. People need to stop believing in these other-worldly delusions. It's all about giving in, submission, servility.
That is not what life is about.
Ojik geudaeman (2011)
Better than average romance drama
"Always" is just a little bit superior to your regular Asian romance film; on watching the movie, one marvels at the subtle nuances, the low-key expressiveness of the actors. In the hands of an inferior director, the script would have deteriorated into run of the mill mush but Mr. Song Il-gon covers all bases perfectly. I would like to shake this guy's hand personally and thank him for creating this masterpiece.
The climax is definitely Jung-hwa's breakdown (near the underpass); to say this scene is one of the most moving pieces of cinema is an understatement. If I was an Oscar jury member, I would hand Han Hyo-joo a Best Actress trophy pronto. That type of unbridled emotion takes a lot of guts and balls to pull off. So Ji-sub is excellent as the hardened ex-boxer, Jang Marcelino/Chul-min. The support cast is also commendable for their individual performances.
I'd like to ask a question though: how come Jung-Hwa never figured out Chul-min's face/identity after regaining her sight? She could've done a little investigation; the guy used to be a local boxing champion, surely there's a photo lying around somewhere. In spite of this minor foible in the plot, the superb acting of the cast and the masterful direction of Song Il-gon elevates this from the usual mass of rom-coms and romance dramas. It is such a shame that this was under-appreciated at the box office. "Always" is that rare gem and a definite classic of film drama.
Kung Fu Panda 2 (2011)
All flash, no substance
What a great disappointment this was; the first Kung Fu Panda dared to be different from the rest of the corny and bland, goody two shoes crap Pixar and the other studios was churning out like Ratatouille, Madagascar, Ice Age. It was a breather from those films that took themselves too seriously; it was funny and along with the Shrek movies, tried to summon the cartoony feel of classic Looney Tunes (at least in the feel and tone).
The sequel sucks for several reasons. The humor is virtually gone and replaced by some dour "drama". We discover Po's real parents which, is kinda boring; nobody gives a damn about Po's biological parents and this actually downplayed and undermined the screen chemistry and dynamic between Po and his goose dad so carefully built up in the first movie; the promise of the first film, on Po using his new found skills as a martial arts master against more formidable enemies is discarded, replaced by a "Once a Upon a Time in China" like storyline.
Honestly, I can't stand all the China ass-kissing on display here. It's like the Dreamworks investors and shareholders were on a meeting and agreed that "hey, China is one of the most populous locations on the planet, let's make a movie that panders to their cultural and national motifs and we're sure to make bucketfuls worth of dollars in Chinese currency".
The verdict: Kung Panda 2 is boring, needlessly gloomy, tedious and a waste of potential.