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No. just no. This should not exist.
I for one am one of those kids who grew up in the christian fundamentalist household, and let me tell you, the stuff we got to watch. But by far, the video that has left me the "Psaltiest" with pun totally intended, was Psalty's Salvation Celebration.
The story begins with Psalty, Shelly, and shelley's newly converted friends marching through a jungle, getting captured by cannibals (Very kid friendly at the start) But we wind up going back 2 weeks, where Psalty, and his star performer Shelley and a group of kids he knows are about to take a trip through the U.S. by train to perform shows at various cities. tagging along are Charity Churchmouse, and the evil Risky Rat.
First Problem - It claims to be a movie. A movie is at least 1 hour, 30 minutes long. Maybe they called it a movie because they knew it would be played during sunday school and most sunday school classes don't go longer than an hour, so the prospect of watching a movie that actually ends before the end of sunday school sounds awesome, but it's really not.
Second Problem - Risky Rat. He's the most obvious bad guy in the world yet most of the characters are so dumb they never catch onto him. Also, he's the only character who spends most of his time interacting with the audience, mostly to draw heel heat in case you haven't figured out he's the bad guy.
Third problem - The unrealistic portrayal of faith. Psalty is Christian. Like very Christian. He's so Christian he's Ned Flanders in a blue book suit. How many kids can actually relate to the guy? not many. On top of that, Psalty's attitude is so reflective of that other character, who sings songs, wears a polyester smile...oh yeah, Barney. Psalty is basically a Christian Barney.
There's lots more, but i can't talk about all of it. To sum this one up, this was a bad memory for a lot of us christian kids who had to deal with fundamentalist upbringings. We look back on this and either laugh about how cheesy it was, or how much we felt like we were being brainwashed. Watch it if you like, but expect a lot of cringing.
To say that a 1960's TV show is still relevant is hit and miss for most shows.
Then "Opie and the spoiled kid" comes along, and the extreme relevance to modern time not only hits the mark....it destroys the mark into a million pieces. This episode still holds it's morals as well as it did in 1963.
The angle of this story is comparing the lives of that of a spoiled child to that of a discliplined one. But it's not truly aimed at kids, it's more or less aimed at the parents. Andy's best line throughout the whole episode is "If we don't teach children how to behave in society, what's gonna happen to them when they grow up?"
Now the kid who plays Arnold (Ronnie Dapo) is spot on. Like wrestling heel heat spot-on. He plays the role of the spoiled kid so well you want to punch him in his smug little face. Dapo eventually left the acting business as a teenager, quoting he simply "Gave up" and couldn't do it anymore. But maybe that's a good thing. He'll definitely be remembered as the spoiled kid...and in a good way.
It's in the public domain, so it's available for free viewing online. Check it out, you will enjoy it!
Based on a true story
I grew up watching this movie multiple, multiple times as a kid. I had not seen it in probably 15 years when my mother dug it up on Netflix last night and I got to relive this dog-lovers classic. But unlike the last time I watched, I did no research done on the actual true story...but that's for later.
Balto is the story of a half-dog/half-wolf who is the subject of intolerance by the living beings of Nome in the year 1925. Even though he has friends like Boris, the Russian Goose, and Muk & Luk, 2 goofy, fun loving polar bears, He desperately tries to fit in, but no matter what he does, the townsfolk don't trust his wolf side and the dogs of the town wish he would simply cease to exist, especially the vicious husky Steele. But when a sickness overtakes a wave of children in the town, including young Rosie, who's dog Jenna takes a liking to Balto, Balto takes it upon himself to help save the children, with Boris informing him "A dog cannot make this journey alone....but maybe a wolf can."
Now with every "based on a true story" line there's got to be alterations to the story. and some alterations, like adding in comic relief in the form of a Russian goose and a british-accented polar bear are totally acceptable.
But there are details that are left out. For example, The sled run was not made by one dog team, it was actually multiple mushers and 2 leaders - Togo (who we can assume is whom Steele is based upon.) and Balto, a trained, single breed Siberan husky. Togo ran most of the run, but Balto only ran the last leg of the course, and therefore got all the fame. If you really want to know the true story, just dig up the trivia section.
The voice actors do a really good job, although Kevin Bacon sounds too good to play the role of a stray dog like Balto. Bob Hoskins definitely got the Russian snow goose role down very well, although having Robin Williams there would've been really, really fun (But too recognizable...and expensive.) Bridget Fonda for Jenna, She's got the beautiful girl voice. Phil Collins, the guy from Genesis for Muk & Luk, he's not bad but it feels out of place because of his british accent. Rick Moranis & Dave Thomas (Bob & Doug McKenzie) Would've been perfect, but they came later for brother bear. Jim Cummings? What can you say, the guy's a Voice-over legend but you can hear the traces of Tigger in his voice (Tigger from Winnie the pooh, Cummings also provides his voice) And finally, the uncredited Frank Welker as the bear. No really. give him credit. He made a killer angry bear.
Animation-wise, it's very well done. Amblination/DreamWorks always have been able to hold a candle up to Disney (even though Disney's got the firehose to douse it.) look for a cute little reference to E.T. during one scene.
As long as it's still up on Netflix, give this one a view.
"I am not a distraction!"
Oh boy. If this episode aired today (2017) it would cause a school riot, particularly with the provocatively dressed girls who love to hashtag the phrase "I am not a distraction." The message is simple - If you dress differently at school you are a distraction towards others who are trying to concentrate on their schoolwork.
The episode begins with Beaver rushing to his room to get his money to buy a grotesque sweater, along with his friends. They all agree to wear their sweaters to school the next day, but beaver winds up being the only one who does.
Sadly, a 50-year old television show sometimes does not age well, and this episode is an example. Today the school dress code is largely disregarded by both boys and girls and the teachers don't get much support from parents (More than likely, the parents chew out the teachers for punishing their kids.) so if anything, this episode is just a window into American suburbia from the 50's and 60's.
The Tourettes Guy (2005)
To officially dispel any rumors, The Tourettes guy is not real. It's quite possible the actor playing him does indeed have Tourettes and the idea to blow his disorder out of proportion for a laugh seems legit, but it's not.
Also, the official tourettes guy website (That's right, the official one) claimed that "Danny" had passed away in a car accident back in 2007, but he really had just gone to jail (Presumably for a drunk driving incident, because in all his post-2009 videos, he is not driving a car.) and since 2016, has not appeared in any new videos.
So if you're looking for a summary, there really isn't much of one here. It's just a series of videos where this overweight, bald man with tourettes goes about his daily routine, constantly swearing at everyone around him.
It's an entertaining set of videos that went viral in the previous decade, and if you're looking for a chuckle, they're worth a view.
In these times of hardship, just remember....we...are..Groot!
I absolutely love the Guardians of the Galaxy series. No matter who you are there's something for you to enjoy. To go along with Vol. 2, Marvel put together a music video parody of the 70's disco style, featuring actors from the movie dressed up in ridiculous outfits from the era.
In the video, The actors who played the roles of Mantis, Kraglin, Yondu, Drax, Nebula, Gamora, and Starlord all appear in some form throughout the video, as well as David Hasselhoff (As Zardu Hasselfrau) and the movie's director, James Gunn. They all dance around and sing the Guardians theme song in it's Disco form.
Now back in the 70's, When Star wars first came out, Disco was huge. So to bring the 2 together, a group called Meco composed a star wars disco theme record, and it was very, very popular. This video is meant to be a parody of said theme. But it's a very enjoyable parody.
Wonder Woman (2017)
If you've seen Batman vs Superman...you've seen this already
I love Wonder Woman. She's definitely one of my favorite superheroes of all time, right beside Batman, Spiderman, The Guardians of the Galaxy and Deadpool. But in the case of her movie....it's basically rinse and repeat of every other DC superhero movie ever made, right down to the superhero landing, the epic one-on-one battle with everything blowing up and swords clashing and stuff.
In terms of how accurate it is to the original comics, it gets a lot of things right but a few things wrong. For example, Diana becomes Wonder Woman only after winning the amazon games, Steve Trevor brings Diana to America, not London, and she appears in World War II and not the first world war.
So did I like it? No, I didn't. I wanted to, but I couldn't bring myself to like it. Everything's rinse and repeat from the last DC films, and it doesn't have the humorous approach that marvel movies have taken in the last few years (Deadpool, Guardians 2, and Avengers; Age of Ultron) But that's the thing. It really depends whether you want "comic" book heroes or Comic book "heroes." I don't think it's a bad movie, but I didn't like it. It's exactly like every other DC superhero film i've seen, except in this case, the protagonist has boobs.
Oh yeah, and Lynda Carter and Lyle Waggoner didn't cameo in this film. Finally! Not that I wouldn't love to see Lynda in a movie...But the cameo thing has been done to death in recent years.
20,000 Leagues Under the Sea (2004)
An entertaining adaption
I sat down and watched this out of pure curiosity. I mean, DiC never let me down before so why would this be any different? It wasn't. This one was actually more faithful to the actual novel than the 1954 Disney adaption, although not entirely accurate. It also threw in something that really was not necessary. Whoever was writing the script must have had Titanic on the mind because the character of Bernadette was almost identical to that of Rose.
Starting in the modern day, 3 young kids go skin diving off the coast of New York and find a treasure chest containing a journal. The journal, is essentially 20,000 leagues under the sea, as told by a young Bernadette, who smuggles herself aboard the Abraham Lincoln after Professor Arronax, his faithful assistant Conseil, and the Canadian Harpoonist Ned Land, who is actually African-Canadian in this adaption. Just a side note, According to the Jules Verne novel, Ned Land is Canadian. It's true, look it up.
Unlike most TV movie animated films, this one isn't all that bad but if it didn't include the romantic subplot between Professor Arronax and his future wife it would've probably been a whole lot better. I'm not against romance but here I had no idea it was a romance until Arronax and his future wife kissed.
Overall, it's definitely worth a view but I still like Disney's adaption better even if it's not even half-accurate to the novel.
A sexy movie that is understandably disliked
Let's get the obvious out of the way. This is a remake of the '89 to '01 TV series, Baywatch. How does Hollywood remake it's classic TV? First, they take what was a serious show and turn it into a comedy. Then, they throw in a few unnecessary F-bombs. Then they include a lot of sex jokes, some of which are funny and others that are just stupid. They usually include one or two cast members from the original show (Of course it's going to be Hasselhoff and Anderson, who else?) And they throw in a bad guy, or in this movie, a bad girl.
And that is how Hollywood does remakes. They did that with Dukes of Hazzard, They did it with Starsky & Hutch, they did it with CHiPs, every remake had the same setup.
Set at Emerald bay, Mitch Buchannon (Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson) is a lifeguard who takes his job seriously. Backed up by the lovely C.J. Parker (Kelly Rohrbach) and Summer Quinn (Alexandra Daddario) and a few other co-workers, Mitch is setting up tryouts for the openings to the Baywatch team. While several potential lifeguards are putting an effort into their work, Former Gold Medalist Matt Brody (Zac Efron) is there for his own benefit. He and Mitch are at constant odds, when a series of drug packets, and bodies wind up on the shores of Emerald bay.
To be honest, I enjoyed this movie despite not really seeing the original show. I only watched Baywatch once during it's run. I was 7 years old at the time. It wasn't long after the episode ended I walked around with rigor mortis in my shorts that my mom said I shouldn't watch it anymore.
I can understand why people hate this movie - It takes it's source material, beloved by many just the way it is and dirties it up with a lot of swearing, unnecessary sex humor and other gross material. Some moments are funny, others make you shake your head.
But, I liked it. I'm not saying it's the greatest movie of the summer, because it's not. But it is a fun movie when you don't analyze it too hard. It's a 2-hour trip to the beach where you're going to have fun.
Just don't get caught checking out the lifeguards too much.
Mother 2: Gîgu no gyakushuu (1994)
A game that goes deeper than it's childish look.
At first glance, 1995's Mother 2/Earthbound might seem like a childish game that wouldn't keep a more seasoned gamer occupied. But if someone was brave enough to pay 20$ for a brand new, discounted copy of this game around the time that the 4th generation of video game consoles were fading out, they would've bought a cult classic...and a profitable product - Original, good condition copies of this game top $200 in value in online auctions.
Set in the '90s, Earthbound is the story of a young boy named Ness, who is gifted with Psi powers and is thrust into a quest in the middle of Eagleland (A fictional take on the U.S.A.) to save the world from the evil Giygas.
First of all, This game is loaded with cultural references to a lot of things, from Religion to the Beatles. It rejects Swords in favor of Baseball Bats as weapons, and rejects Potions in favor of Hamburgers for regenerating health. It requires a mind abundant with thought about what to do, but a sense of humor that can determine what is funny and what isn't. And there is lots in the game to laugh at. From the "Parents Opposing Obsession Plan" to the guy who wants to make "Pretty girl paper" and then eating the cake in summers, and finally, fighting master belch, a big pile of barf.
But to look at the game from a different perspective, When you were a child, you would've seen lots of things that didn't make sense that you would see again as an adult, that finally did. This game is a take on that. You are playing as Ness, who is seeing the world for the first time and since he is a child, most of it doesn't make sense at all. This is particularly evident in "Happy-Happy Village" in which all of the members want to paint the world blue. As the player, you realize that part of the game represents a cult that has a goal that seems sensible. But to a child, It looks like a bunch of morons who want to waste their time doing a pointless task.
Thankfully, Nintendo made this game available for $10 on their eShop on the Wii U. That's definitely the best legal option to play this classic...or you could do it the way everyone's been playing SNES games for the last 15 years or so by downloading it for free and playing it on an Emulator.
Either way, go play it. It's definitely worth a few days of your time.
Biohazard 5 (2009)
Favorite of the Resident Evil Series
The Resident Evil/Biohazard games are some of the best experiences a player can have. You're constantly looking over your shoulder to see if there's something behind you and not looking forward to going forward because you just know some maniacal monster wielding a chainsaw is coming to get you.
A few years after the fall of the umbrella corporation, The leftover biological weapons that the corporation created have wound up in the hands of Terrorist organizations.The BSAA (Bio-Security Assessment Alliance.) is formed to deal with this new threat. BSAA Agent Chris Redfield is tasked with going to West Africa to track down a man named Ricardo Irving, with the help of fellow BSAA agent, Sheva Alomar. When they arrive at the Village of Kijuju, Something goes horribly wrong - the villagers begin attacking the agents, and pretty soon, biological monsters join in. Also, Chris Redfield's long lost friend, Jill Valentine, might still be alive.
Where the first few games took place in dark, creepy, spooky environments, this game takes a more grittier approach - in a 3rd world country. and while some may think that it's not as scary as it looks, it's definitely not a place you want to be. Considering how West Africa had an Ebola crisis recently and every form of communicable disease will form in a poverty-stricken village like Kijuju. I find that to be almost as scary, if not scarier, than the dark, spooky mansions the previous games took place.
Also...when this game's trailer debuted back in '07, Almost immediately, people began accusing the game of being 'racist' due to the fact that it showed a white American guy killing African people who were infected by the biological weapons. But the game wasn't even close to racist. Even voice actress Karen Dyer, who gives Sheva her voice, said "This game is not racist, because if it were, I would not be doing it."
I recently picked up the re-release version of this game, which isn't much different than the 360/ps3 versions, other than the faces are more detailed, and the framerate is much more smooth. It also includes more stuff to do, so for $25 it's worth the purchase.
California Highway Patrol does not endorse this film...at all.
I had read other IMDb reviews on this one going in, so I probably should've considered another film elsewhere. But being a bit of a CHiPs fan, i wanted to see how badly the remake factory in Hollywood butchered this one.
The only thing that was lifted from the TV series was the names - Baker & Poncherello and everything else is simply unoriginal. And when i say that, i mean sex and toilet humor. it's all been done before and it's not funny anymore. Even the idea of cameos are unoriginal. You just knew Erik Estrada was gonna pop up somewhere.
The plot is a hackplot - Within the CHP lies a group of corrupt cops. Our heroes have to find out who they are, provided that Jon Baker can stop dwelling on his cheating wife and Ponch can stop dwelling on his desire for sex to the point he has a chronic masturbation problem. I'm not kidding.
Oh yeah, and Jane Kaczmarek? I'm pretty sure she had a body double but her character appears as a topless, sex-depraved cougar in this one. She's also the boys' boss. I'll let you think about that one.
To sum this one up, Hollywood sure loves it's 70's/80's TV show remakes (Baywatch comes out later this year) But i've learned from watching past remakes like Dukes of Hazzard and Starsky & Hutch never to expect much from remakes. just a complete soiling of what made TV back then so classic.
Red Asphalt III (1989)
Certainly the messiest of the Red Asphalt series
The philosophy behind the California Highway Patrol's Red Asphalt series is simple - don't try to reason with people, just scare the hell out of them. Red Asphalt hopes that's what happens to it's viewers, that they are scared out of their wits that they ALWAYS follow the rules of the road.
Red Asphalt III is definitely a relic of it's time (1989) simply by looking at it's presentation - the videos are commentated on by a video editor and a CHP officer, both sitting in front of a giant screen while at apple mcintosh computers. The officer is definitely welcome to talk, but the video editor is as ridiculous as it gets. He exaggerates in a really unbelievable way and almost overreacts to each video he sees.
RA III contains probably the most gore of all the red asphalt videos. If you're into the traces of death series, this is a nice little treat. Scenes in this one include a man who crushes his head and loses his brains, and a teenage girl who winds up face first into her steering wheel, and a few other messy jewels all over the video.
One final note - At the beginning of the video, Maury Hannigan makes an appearance. He's best known for hosting "Real stories of the highway patrol" which was a popular alternative to Cops back in the 90s.
Finally, Remember to buckle up, don't drink alcohol and drive a car, and always, always follow the rules of the road. If you don't, you could wind up in the next Red asphalt video.
Red Asphalt II (1978)
A worthy sequel.
Red asphalt II is the sequel to the original Red Asphalt, put together by the California Highway Patrol to educate new drivers of the dangers of driving unsafe. If you are looking for a great motivator to drive safe, this is definitely worth a view.
The video contains a fair amount of gore and is narrated by various members of the CHP. A lot of them sound very similar to police officers you speak with even today, complete with a touch of dark humour (We'll be there to peel you off the highway.) Some of the gore includes a roadway covered in blood, and a girl whose leg has had it's skin ripped off down to the bone.
This one plus the 3rd one are both my favourites in the series as they blend the reality of careless driving, and a narrative really well (This one does it better, however.) and even today this video holds up well.
What's kind of funny is how many of the CHP officers are talking about wearing safety belts yet they aren't wearing them during driving scenes - in reality they're probably being towed, and not really driving.
Finally, for fans of scary logos, the logo at the end of this video is right up there with the Screen gems "S" from hell, along with really creepy synthesizer behind it. It even uses the same yellow background.
Happy Gilmore (1996)
A Comedy that's only blotched by one single flaw
Adam Sandler, whether you love him or hate him, he still makes movies and this one is arguably his best. He crossed the blue-blooded traditions of golf with the rabid, blue-collared style of hockey, and brings about a comedy that is still loved to this day.
Happy Gilmore (Adam Sandler) is a failed hockey player who has a sweet heart but a short temper. That, and a slapshot that could send a puck through 6 inches of Kevlar. While his grandmother's house has been repossessed by the IRS, But in his words "A house my grandfather built with his bare hands." Happy learns that his mean slapshot translates into a 400+ yard golf drive, something that has never been seen before. With a few strokes of luck, Happy gets an opportunity to get his grandmother's house back by joining the golf tour, With the support of tour coordinator Virginia Venit (Julie Bowen) and legendary golf pro Chubbs Peterson (Carl Weathers) but he's got a rival in Shooter McGavin (Christopher MacDonald) the leading money winner who has never won a gold jacket, as well as a lifelong enemy in Price is Right gameshow host, Bob Barker.
Now this movie is downright hilarious. From Happy's antics on the golf course, to his unbelievable showdown with Bob Barker, It is a riot of laughter and humor. But as I mentioned in the summary, There's one single flaw that this movie could've done without.
In-film advertisements. If you didn't notice, Pepsi and Subway commercials are littered throughout the film. The arena where Happy tries out for his local hockey team has Pepsi clocks. Happy brings Subway home for his girlfriend. Shooter asks specifically for a diet Pepsi from Virginia. Happy Gilmore is teamed up with Bob Barker on the Pepsi Pro-Am. Happy gets $50,000 from doing a Subway commercial, and gets free Subway for life. There's Subway logos littered all over the tournament championship course.
And it gets worse - if you watch the heavily censored TV version of this movie, the editors removed almost all of the product references in the movie's dialogue, but the worst edit is the logo on Happy's subway shirt. The editing they did is blatantly obvious. Other movies had obvious product placement in them too (GMC trucks in Lethal Weapon 2, Pepsi in Home Alone, McDonalds in Big Daddy) But here it's overdone.
At any rate, it's a comedy that's achieved a cult status and it's possibly the best film Adam Sandler's ever done. Now if we could all just forget about Jack & Jill.
The mystery of the max headroom pirate
The allure of a mystery can really bring out the interest in people, even more so when the case remains unsolved, and even better, the case is real.
The idea for this 1 and a half-minute short to even get a page on the IMDb just goes to show how popular this mystery is.
The bit begins with an unknown man in a max headroom mask. Throughout the video, he makes references to Clutch Cargo, and Coke & Pepsi, before ending with having his backside spanked by another unknown.
And that's it. And for almost 30 years now, it has caused many internet geeks, myself included, to drive ourselves crazy begging for whoever did this to come forward and tell us how he or she did it.
Jurassic World (2015)
Taking bets on who's gonna get eaten first.
It's Jurassic Park. You just know someone is going to get devoured. It's just a matter of who's going first.
22 years after the original Jurassic Park was built, the popular tourist attraction Jurassic World operates, as originally envisioned by the visionary John Hammond. Visitors can interact with herbivore dinosaurs and witness the decimation of livestock by the carnivores. But after 10 years of operation, the park's visitor rates are declining. They need something that's going to bring back the people. As a result, they create a new dinosaur. But this dinosaur's more intelligent than the mad scientists who created her. and pretty soon, the park becomes an entrée plate of goodies. The real question is, who stays alive and who gets eaten?
For those who love a good monster movie, you're in for a good time. The action comes and goes and the survival horror mentality is there.
First of all, it was nice to see Chris Pratt as the hero but since he came off the lapels of Star-lord in Guardians of the Galaxy, it's kind of hard not to see him that way here. To me, he's still Star-Lord, except now, he's dealing with dinosaurs.
Bryce Dallas Howard plays the quintessential woman of the film, Aunt Claire. And personally, I wanted her to get eaten the most (Well, except for Private Pyle) She demeans her nephews and treats them as if they're young children, when they somehow get a 1992 Jeep Wrangler running on fuel and a battery that had been sitting for 20 years, and they can drive Stick shift. Aunt Claire wears heels and gets glorified like Wonder Woman. That's the only thing that prevented me from giving this movie a 10.
And I mentioned Private Pyle. Vincent D'Onofrio. He played Private Pyle in Full Metal Jacket back in 1987 and here, in an ironic twist, he's now a top military guy, looking for a new way to fight insurgents around the world...and trained killer dinosaurs come to mind.
To close the review, I recommend you go and see this film. It's going to have a sequel in a few years, and hopefully that one will be as fun as this one was.
XCOM: Enemy Unknown (2012)
Must-own for the 7th-gen consoles
Years ago, I made a review for the Original X-com; Enemy unknown from 1994, when we all thought that X-com game was the only one that would exist...and then 2K & Firaxis teamed up to bring us this Masterpiece.
Set in the year 2015, assuming the year is still 2012, Aliens from outer space have invaded earth, and have begun killing, capturing & consuming humans. in the midst of this, the world's governments have come together and formed X-com, a project that has sworn to eliminate the alien threat, by any means necessary. But, if the project doesn't do as well as the nations of the world hope, they might just back out of the project, taking valuable funding with them. As the commander at X-com, it's your job to guide soldiers in battle, build a base and arm interceptors to shoot down UFOs around the planet. And the council will grade you on it. They'll be in touch, Commander.
This is the granddaddy of Strategy games, Games like Starcraft, Age of empires, and Master of Orion exist solely because of the original X-com. the 2012 remake is also a fun game, and it also tones down the difficulty and makes the battles a bit simpler for gamers of this decade. The gameplay is very similar, although battle-mode has been made a lot more simple. Time-units are replaced by lines that say how far your soldier can go before he's dashing, and it seems you get more hits in battle. The biggest and most disappointing difference is the number of soldiers you can send into the field, starting at 4 and capping at 6. Why would a government-funded program designed to fight 20-30 aliens on one field, only send out 6 soldiers?
The music has been totally changed from the original. Personally, I loved John Broomhall's score from the original game a lot more, but there are pieces from the 2012 game that are worth their weight, like "To the fallen" and "Depths of the hive mind" both composed by Michael McCann. The music lacks an eerie/creepy vibe and has a more movie-epic sound to it.
At times, this game feels like it's setting you up to fail, and at times, you'll have to retreat from a battle, or, you'll have to ignore a UFO over a foreign country, because the cost to replace a battle-hardened Colonel or an interceptor ship is not worth the risk of charging them to their death. It's hard to accept, but sometimes you have to pull out from the battlefield, and take the verbal beating from the council.
Overall, I totally recommend anyone to play this game while they're still available at EB & Gamestop.
American Ultra (2015)
Stoner Comedy meets Action Suspense.
When it comes to blending action with comedy, some films hit the mark (Lethal Weapon & Rush Hour) and others, don't (Paul Blart) but when you combine action/suspense with stoner comedy, then what leads is one of the most fun films you'll see this summer.
Mike Howell (Jesse Eisenberg) is an everyday small-town stoner, who works a bland job at a market, with the goal of marrying his girlfriend, Phoebe (Kirsten Stewart) but what he doesn't know, is that he's actually an experiment conducted by a CIA agent named Victoria Lasseter (Connie Britton) and that the CIA has put out a hit on him. With lots of time and money invested in Howell, Lasseter goes out to his little town and "activates" him, turning him into a stone-cold killer. But while he's the perfect killer, he's also a sweet guy who just wants to be with his girlfriend.
First off, I want to say that this flick was funny as hell and chocked full of good action. I had a good time watching it and I was rooting for Mike all the way. But while this film is awesome, I have some complaints but i'll get to them after the pros.
Jesse Eisenberg nails the role of stoner perfectly. He's a chilled out lovable guy who just wants to be with his girlfriend and a joint of marijuana. You want to climb into the screen and smoke a fat one with him. and you want to watch his back when he's surrounded by 6 assassins...not that he'd need you.
Kirsten Stewart might be known best for her role in Twilight and of course we all know how much those stories mean to single women who spend a lot of time writing fanfictions inspired from a Danielle Steel paperback, but here, she's actually not that bad. She needs to do more comedy cause she works well as the "straight man" or woman in this case. Although she might be typecast for romance films, maybe someone like Ellen Page or Kaya Scodelario would've been a better Phoebe, but hey, it's Kirsten Stewart. can't change it now.
Connie Britton fits her role well too. It's almost like watching Colonel Trautman with Rambo from First blood, assuming Mike Howell is John Rambo.
OK, now the complaints. first, the obvious. The shaky camera....Hollywood, get it through your thick dumb skulls; We HATE shaky cameras during fight scenes. It doesn't make the scene more exciting or interactive, it just makes the fighting hard to see. Enough already!
John Leguizamo. The guy is awesome, one of my personal favorite actors and half the reason I came to see this movie. And they gave him the persona of a wigga. Really? This guy was Benny Blanco from the Bronx and Luigi Mario...OK, maybe that wasn't his shining role as Luigi but he should've at least gotten more screen time.
Overall, I totally recommend this film, but maybe you should get baked before going to see it. Or at least get baked for the ending.
The final movie in the Disney renaissance
From 1989 to 1999, Walt Disney studios created some of the most amazing, mind-blowing animated movies of all time. From the little mermaid to beauty and the beast, from Aladdin to the lion king, from Pocahontas to Hercules, and finally, Mulan to Tarzan, these movies still hold their staying power to today. However, Tarzan was the last of these films, from the period known as the Disney Renaissance. Disney remains a popular animation studio in the public eye, but no one could deny how popular they were throughout the 1990s.
Tarzan itself is based upon the novels by Edgar Rice Burroughs and the movies from the 1930s. Tarzan is a baby who loses his parents, and is adopted by a family of gorillas, who raise him up as their own.
For a Disney film, this one is one of the best. For a renaissance film, It's not the best of them. I still like to say that the first 2 (The Little Mermaid & Beauty and the Beast) were the best. I know that some Disney fans would chew on me for not saying The Lion King, but that's just my personal preference.
I still think it's a great movie, worthy of being part of the collection of Disney's best.
Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2 (2015)
I've never seen the original Paul Blart film, but from what the reviews say, it's apparently not bad. but the 2nd one is the real deal, it sucks.
First of all, you could've hired a fanfiction writer to write the script, and it probably would have been funnier. Heck, I could've written a funnier script than what they came up with.
There's only one real redeeming quality to this film, and that's it's physical comedy. Some of the bits were well timed, but most of the time, it's just Paul Blart falling down.
The story is a hack plot. Blart's off to Las Vegas, and just happens to get wrapped up in the middle of an art heist. There's not much else that I cared about in the film.
1/10...don't go see it.
Lives up to the Hype
The first & third person shooter genres, shall we say, have been far overdone. War games (Medal of honour, Call of Duty), battling against monsters (Doom, Resident Evil) fighting secret organizations as secret agents (Goldeneye & perfect dark) it's essentially all been done.
Then Nintendo comes along, and says "What if...we took cute squid girls and cute squid boys, gave them water guns full of coloured ink, and had them splat the ink all over each other's faces?
It sounds dirty...OK wait, that was dirty, let's rephrase that.
"What if....we took cute squid girls and cute squid boys, called them inklings, and make them battle over condensed urban-like battlegrounds, using water guns full of ink, having battles over how much turf they can cover with that ink?
The story of splatoon is rather pointless, as most gamers bought the game to play online battles against other players. You take control of an inkling, and you level up and earn money by participating in turf wars. the object of the game is to cover more turf than the other team, using coloured ink to mark your turf, using ink guns, rollers, and other cartoonish tools of war. Win or lose, you gain experience points and money to spend on new gear and clothing you can use in the field. Level up by battling as much as you can.
The story is about the rogue octarians stealing the zapfish, a power source for the inklings. the player must successfully navigate the courses laid out for them in order to recover these zapfish, while fighting the octarians and their bosses. This mode is somewhat pointless, but if you have an Amiibo, you can unlock more stuff to use in multi-player with one, by playing the levels a bit differently.
Personally, I got hooked on splatoon during the Global test-fire dating May 8th, 2015 at 8pm, and I've been hooked ever since. Nintendo's always willing to go out on a limb to try new things, and splatoon is their newest effort.
When you're playing, you're either going to do 2 things - One, cover as much ground with ink as possible to secure your team's victory, or, you're going to go after the other team's players to prevent them from covering the ground. Either one of these objectives is necessary to win. If you're planning to cover ground, get a roller. If you're planning to fight, get the charger. if you're intent on doing a bit of both, the splattershot or any rapid-fire gun will be balanced enough.
it's easy to play, but not really too hard to master. Once gamers start figuring out new strategies and tricks, it might a little bit more effort to keep up. Watch how others play and learn a few strategies.
The controls are as fluid as the squids in the game, Unless you're playing with the motion controls. I found the motion controls are a bit frustrating, but you have the option to turn them off. I do and I like it that way.
The touchscreen can get a bit confusing, but once you've figured out everything, you'll navigate it well.
SOUND & MUSIC
The music's not bad, but I wouldn't consider it a true collection of masterpieces. You get a rock-alternative style of music, with a bit of cartoonish sounds interspersed into it for multi-player mode.
The best piece of music in my opinion is the octo valley mission theme in single player mode. The percussion feels like a disco song with a distorted guitar hitting at the same time as the drums. It's awesome and gets you excited to play. Why it didn't appear in multi-player kind of sucks, but hey, at least when online support for this game ends by the 2020's or so, you don't lose that awesome song. Hopefully by then, Nintendo will release a sequel on the next gen console.
The sound effects are OK too, they're nothing special, just some squid noises and splatting sounds.
The internet whined about the game lacking some common features found in other FPS games, the biggest being voice chat.
Personally, for voice chat, some see it's absence as a liability, I see it as a blessing. For once in my life, I can play a shooter game without some 12 year old drama Prince calling me dirty names, and acting like a complete brat.
Lets be completely honest. While games like Call of duty are aimed at older gamers, and splatoon is aimed at the younger audience, it's the polar opposite of who will be playing what. The line-up outside of EB games on splatoon's release day was all guys my age (Mid-20s) And the number of kids you hear yelling on the mic playing call of duty or halo? too many to count.
Star Fox (1993)
Landmark title in the history of the 16-bit wars
In the 1990s, Video gaming was huge. But nothing was bigger than the corporate battle between Sega & Nintendo. While Sega had thrown their hat into the 3-d ring with the Virtua games, Nintendo came at them with Star fox, and not only did they introduce the very first game that was capable of 3-d polygons on their console, they created one of the most popular franchises of all time.
The Star fox team are a team of mercenaries on the peaceful planet of Corneria. Then one day, an army of bad guys from the planet Venom attacks their peaceful home, causing them to retaliate. these mercenaries, made up of a Fox, a falcon, a toad, and a hare, hop into their trusty arwings and fly through space, coming for venom, and largely, Andross, the evil being behind the attack on Corneria.
For the super Nintendo, this might not be the most impressive game on the system (That title arguably would go to Donkey Kong Country) But it's also the first to be in true 3-D. A few other games would follow, including Dirt Trax FX, and Stunt Race FX, meanwhile, games like donkey Kong country, which used 3-d rendered sprites, also became available for the console, including Killer Instinct, and even Disney Interactive's Toy Story.
Would I recommend Star Fox? Totally. However, due to it's Super FX chip, the game has not been made available on Virtual console/Nintendo E-shop, but it's readily available at your local retro gaming shop, usually commanding a high price.
Get Hard (2015)
Get hard or get it where it hurts
I'm not a big fan of Will Ferrell, but I'll admit he has made some really fun movies, and he made the Celebrity Jeopardy parodies on SNL a thing of legend, parodying Alex Trebek.
But Get hard isn't one of those fun movies. It's actually a series of jokes, almost all of them in poor taste, with nary a laugh.
Stock broker James King (Will Ferrell) is accused of fraud and embezzlement, and after turning down the option to admit to his guilt, gets sentenced to 10 years in San Quentin, the worst prison a man like him could ever get sent. Desperate to survive, He turns to Darnell Lewis (Kevin Hart) who washes his car every day, to get him ready for prison. However, being an entitled elitist, James automatically assumes Darnell was incarcerated simply due to the fact he's African American and that statistics show 1 in 3 African American men have been incarcerated. With a little financial incentive, Darnell begins training James on how to stay alive in prison.
Unfortunately, movies like this one are dime-a-dozen and always have jokes in bad taste. I would need more than my 2 hands to count all the bad racial jokes and sexual innuendos that came through, none of which made me laugh.
The worst part of this movie, is the riot training sequence, where Darnell sets up the lights to flash repeatedly to simulate a riot. I was sitting a few seats from the screen in the theatre and had to cover my face to avoid getting a seizure.
And just so you know, I'm not epileptic.
To be fair, there are some moments that caused me to chuckle, but nothing caused me to laugh out loud. Also, the ending is truly satisfying for what it's worth.
But if you're looking to laugh, don't expect anything from this unless of course you like repetitive jokes and worn-out adult humor.
The seemingly always quintessential game for the Nintendo.
First of all, I'd just like to say that today is April 20th, 2015, which means I have officially been a part of the IMDb for 10 years. And i've also achieved "Top Reviewer" on my Page. That is a real Honor & achievement to me.
So to celebrate, my 10th anniversary review will be for the latest installment of the immortal & unstoppable game series, Super Smash Bros. Wii U.
To begin, The SSB Series began in the late 90's, coming off the lapels of other fighting games of the 1990s, but this one was different. if having Nintendo characters as the fighters wasn't enough, the game wasn't about draining your opponents energy bars or performing fatalities - this was about racking up damage and knocking your opponent off the stage. A completely new concept at the time. The game was initially released in Japan, but almost never made it over to the west, until Nintendo made the decision to do so. 16 years later, Nintendo is still releasing the game, with added characters, stages, music, weapons, and game modes, and we still keep on handing them cash over fist...and we love it.
There's not much else to add, it's the same old formula (Hey if it ain't broke, don't fix it) except on the Wii U, Nintendo's latest console. The gameplay is similar to that of Brawl and it feels like it's on the same engine. However, more characters come to the battle, including Megaman, Pac-man, The Xenoblade characters, The Wii fit Trainers and Little Mac from Punch-out.
Sadly, as far as I know, Snake doesn't make a return. He's exclusive to Brawl.
The trophy system's been reworked too, but not to my personal liking. The Trophy coin-op machine from Melee was cool, the coin launcher from Brawl was a real joy, but the new way to acquire trophies feels lazy. You destroy falling boxes on a platform and you pay for the time with coins acquired in battle. So you could rack up a boatload of coins to spend 10 minutes or you could spend a small amount for 10 seconds. Maybe i don't know how to do it, but i still don't like the idea. The coin launcher was much more fun in my opinion.
What I do like is the 8-man mêlée - last Christmas, My cousins and I spent new years eve together, and played a few brawls, 6 people at once - it was revolutionary and I couldn't have been happier to see more than 4 people playing at the same time when the maximum amount of gamers was 4. Nintendo pushed that boundary making a 4-player console standard with the N64 and now they're pushing it further with the Wii U. How many other games will allow 8 people to play at once?
To end this review, I'd love to say that the Super Smash Bros series is one of my personal favorites and deserves all the accolades and love that it gets. it's worth the 60$ you pay for it and you should definitely go get yourself a copy, you will not be disappointed.