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The Hollywood Matador (1942)
There's a scene early during this picture in which . . .
. . . the elevator operator bringing Woody Woodpecker to the fighting ring level of an animal abuse arena announces "Main floor: Picadors, toreadors, matadors, troubadours, swinging doors and cuspidors . . . " Most citizens of this our Modern 21st Century are familiar with the first five terms here, but not necessarily with the final door-word, which is derived from the Portuguese. In the late 1800's, cuspidors were commonly seen in brothels. The root word of "cuspidor" means "to spit." Being famously fastidious, Brazilian working gals or sects service attendants insisted upon having one or more cuspidors readily at hand in their business cubicles to receive the fruits of their labors. Back in the 1900's, this sort of thing would be "common knowledge" to Woody Woodpecker's target audience for THE HOLLYWOOD MATADOR.
Pantry Panic (1941)
As most of the other commentators have declared . . .
. . . this picture makes little sense, since the opening scene's "Prof. Weather B. Groundhog"--obviously based on the infamous "Pennsylvania Phil"--predicts an early Winter, and this is what actually happens. As documented on the Internet, Phil's "Inner Circle" is composed of liars and cheats, claiming that their abused woodchuck sees his shadow when it's raining outside, and denying the critter's sharply-cast shade shape when the sun is glaring brightly overhead. If there really was any Truth in a burrowing animal's meteorological forecasting ability, his portents would have to be accurate at least 90% of the time. However, Phil has proven wrong at an astounding 65% rate, meaning that his prognostications indicate what will NOT happen! Therefore, PANTRY PANIC's starting point implies that Winter will come very late, if at all.
Super Bowl LVII (2023)
My devices are buzzing a hole in my pocket . . .
. . . regarding the fact that this page may bring down the entire Internet tonight. Users from coast-to-coast, and presumably across the entire Planet, are trying to get their proverbial "two cents worth" in about this show, and reportedly are being stymied at every turn. Evidently, this event was the most controversial in about five dozen iterations, and perhaps because of that fact, no feedback is being brooked that falls short of a total "sweetness and light" snow job. I'm sure commentators can be found that will write such misleading blather if paid enough, just as some mercenaries will state that the sky is green, grass is purple, East is West and the World is flat, IF you pay them enough. At the moment, this program has a suspiciously high aggregate rating of "8" out of ten. Perhaps votes are only being accepted from Missouri?
Puny Express (1950)
Before he became a big name in basketball . . .
. . . Bill Russell was one of a trio of dudes who founded the Pony Express. This picture contains some significant historical inaccuracies in its portrayal of American mail delivery during the 1800's. First off, PUNY EXPRESS misspells the actual name of William "Buffalo Bill" Cody's first employer. Bill dropped out of high school--he hated the other kids in the violin section--at the age of 15 to ride 322 miles daily as a "Pony Boy," a feat which sometimes required 21 horses--ridden consecutively, NOT concurrently. IF America had been riddled back then with high speed streamlined trains, as depicted here, there would have been no need for a Pony Express. However, in actual fact, this short-lived mail service only existed for 18 months. After that, someone back East invented basketball, causing taller men all across the U. S.--including Bill Russell--to quit their day jobs, and join the NBA.
Drooler's Delight (1949)
The ice cream float was invented by Robert M. Green . . .
. . . around 10 AM July 2, 1874, at Philadelphia's Franklin Institute, directly across the street from the entrance to my row-house. Though I was not residing there during Bob's day, his confections were all visitors ever heard about when wandering around Ben's place in more recent times. DROOL. ER'S DELIGHT revolves around some variation of Bob's innovation. Back in the 1800's, Americans had the choice of buying a gun, a horse or an ice cream drink such as a malt, float or shake for a single hard-won quarter, as the picture reveals. Twenty-five cents represented a veritable fortune to the average U. S. resident, who seldom if ever had four bits to rub together. Quarter-filching often constituted a hanging offense.
Spirited (2022)
Now that Awards Season has rolled around again . . .
. . . film buffs and Tinsel Town pundits are ferociously debating whether this year's major Holiday Time musical remake--SPIRITED--will garner more of the coveted gelded statuettes than last year's recycled song & dance spectacle, WEST SIDE STORY. On the one hand, the latter picture's director--Steve Spielberg--is better known in some circles than the producer\writer\director of this season's melodious extravaganza, Sean A-n-d-e-r-s. Even this site's spellchecker favors Steve. However, it is important to keep in mind that STORY only managed to walk away with a single statuette, despite racking up seven nominations through its massive publicity campaign. Can SPIRITED match STORY's lone win in the Best Supporting Actress category? True, Dame J-u-d-i D-e-n-c-h was snubbed at this year's Golden Globes for SPIRITED, but hers was a non-singing role. Octavia Spencer, on the other hand, demonstrates that HER pipes can feel pretty pretty, as well. Do not be surprised if Mr. Ferrell and Mr. Reynolds join Octavia on the winners' podium shortly.
The Pink Blueprint (1966)
An interesting "bonus feature" is included . . .
. . . on the 2005 DVD release from MGM called Pink Panther, Volume Two. This "extra" itself is named "From Page to Screen: The Pink Blueprint." The aforementioned version of the animated short in question pairs storyboard-type sketches with clips from the completed cartoon. All of this is backed by Henry Mancini's iconic Pink Panther theme music. The editing of this retrospective is pleasantly slick and professional. All of the key scenes of the original theatrical release seem to be here, in a more truncated, to-the-point form. This is probably a more rewarding use of a viewer's time than endless alternative audio tracks by the self-anointed "animation historian" crowd.
In the Pink (1967)
There's another variation of this picture . . .
. . . called From Page to Screen: In the Pink, which is included as a bonus feature on the 2005 MGM DVD release titled Pink Panther, Volume Two. This new version of the film uses well-edited split screens and actual full-blown animated clips to couple the preliminary crude sketches with the finished product. This is all backed by the original score, comprised primarily of Henry Mancini's iconic Pink Panther theme music. The end credits list K-e-l-e-n-e T-r-o-l-l-i-n-g-e-r as the producer\director of this retrospective look. John L-a-f-f-e-r-t-y is named as the film editor, and about a dozen other production assistants are mentioned as well.
The Hand Is Pinker Than the Eye (1967)
Hand-washing is the main way to prevent . . .
. . . conjunctivitis, aka "pink eye," as depicted in THE HAND IS PINKER THAN THE EYE. All of the characters in this story neglect basic hygiene. They are never shown washing their mitts. Neither the magician nor the cab driver, let alone the Pink Panther, rinse off a paw from start to finish. While this dread malady can be bacterial or viral, it's quite likely that germs will be the downfall of this entire trio. Furthermore, the crazy-colored big cat risks mononucleosis, allowing himself to be smooched by white rabbits of various sizes at least half a dozen times during THE HAND IS PINKER THAN THE EYE.
Prefabricated Pink (1967)
It doesn't take much research to learn that . . .
. . . Aaron A. Aardvark founded the Acme Construction Company in Brooklyn, NY on Oct. 24, 1929. This is the business briefly employing the Pink Panther during PREFABRICATED PINK. Following the U. S. stock market crash, Acme was purchased by Warner Bros. In 1930. Early Acme architectural triumphs included the Empire State Building, whose construction is documented within the 1941 film RHAPSODY IN RIVETS. However, a termite infestation resulted in the sale of Acme by Warner to United Artists in the mid-1960's. Soon United's exterminators terminated the termites, resulting in a short-term revival of Acme's building concern, depicted during PREFABRICATED PINK.
She Said (2022)
When I went to see this movie . . .
. . . there were only two other people in my theater. One way to look at this would be to regard the film as a good way to duplicate the home viewing experience, except that the screen probably would be a lot larger than the one in your house. The trick is to get to a place where you can see the flick before it disappears. The showing I saw was the only one of the day, at 9:45 PM. That late of a screening keeps you out into the wee hours of morning, when the movie is about two and a quarter hours long and you have a fairly lengthy drive home. Maybe the payoff here would be too much trouble for a lot of people. After all, there is not as much scenery to appreciate on the Big Screen as there is in that romantic comedy playing now supposedly set in Bali.
The Mansion Cat (2001)
America's heroic ROBIN HOOD film studio . . .
. . . Warner Bros., always has been 100% behind the concept of trashing the undeserving Rich. That's why it is absolutely no surprise that the 100% Warner Tom & Jerry episode--namely, THE MANSION CAT--focuses upon giving a family of resource hoarders their just deserts. When this pernicious pack of pillaging looters leave their residential vault of ill-gotten loot, doubtless for the purpose of engaging in even more conspicuous consumption, Tom and Jerry take it upon themselves to act as avenging angels, wreaking havoc as they transform the private museum-like residence into a virtual garbage dump, now suitable only for immediate demolition. Normal average Patriotic Loyal Union Label working Americans will find it particularly pleasing to see this edifice, which is packed floor to high ceiling with expensive knickknacks purloined from other continents, get flooded, soiled, busted up and royally ruined. THE MANSION CAT provides a great game plan for the upcoming siege and plundering of Maria Largo down in Florida.
Tom's Photo Finish (1957)
This controversial picture glorifies Tinsel Town's . . .
. . . Snitch Culture, then running rampant primarily at Tom & Jerry's home film shack on Hollywood's infamous poverty row, known as the House of the Groaning Fat Cat. Notorious low-life's, such as Marion Mitchell "Insert-Family-Mutt's-Name-Here" Morrison and his buddy War Bonds would go riding their Hogs up and down the boulevards late at night with ball bats, clubbing anyone who struck them as being "fey," when they were not off blabbing to Congress about any grips, gaffers or parking guards they suspected of being right-minded. Directors Ford Tough, Frank Cap Off and Elastic Rubber Band, actors Charlatan Hash Pan, Ronnie Ray Gun, Ginger Snaps and her mom and critic Head of Lettuce rounded out the top ten on the Yellow List, more chicken of loyal patriotic normal average Union Label hard-working Real Americans than the bird in the refrigerator Tom nibbles on here. Fittingly, rodent Jerry the Mouse depicts the insidious rat fink tattle tale Pachyderm Party types during TOM'S PHOTO FINISH.
Springtime for Thomas (1946)
"Puppy Love" may strike most viewers as being kind of . . .
. . . cute, but cat crushes are totally crushing, according to SPRINGTIME FOR THOMAS. The title character and his feline nemesis Butch both lose seven or eight of their lives in the battle for Toot's affection. Suddenly reconfigured as a blue-eye all-white Persian cat, Toot's transformation is quite jarring and off-putting right off the bat. Speaking of bats, Butch implausibly uses his cherished guitar as one to mash Thomas, totally destroying is serenade strings. Which sort of makes a person wonder, exactly how many musical instruments can an unemployed feral cat afford? However, it's unimaginable that any perceptive human woman would rate this misogynistic violence fest higher than a four.
The Midnight Snack (1941)
My rating is limited to the alternate version of this picture . . .
. . . called THE MIDNIGHT SNACK: PENCIL TEST, which is available as a "Bonus Feature" on Disc One of Tom and Jerry: The Golden Collection, Volume One. These nine minutes consist entirely of Black and White, partially animated drawings, which is far more apt for the insipid, milquetoast, lackluster, pale, one-dimensional, wan so-called "Tom and Jerry" animated series than the majority of related films available, which are mostly in the sort of color merited by vibrant cartoon characters such as Popeye, Bugs Bunny, Superman, Daffy Duck, Betty Bop, Porky Pig, Olive Oil, Sylvester Cat, Sweet Pea, Elmer Mud, Brutus, Yosemite Sam, Pip Eye, Tweet Bird, Pup Eye, Speedy Gonzalez, Lois Lane and Michigan J. Frog. Furthermore, though this pencil test version is dubbed with portions of the final dialog, Tom's REAL, more suitable name--Jasper the inept Cat--is written in on the preliminary drawings at least a half dozen times before the names were crassly changed to win over key manipulators of the annual vote for the animated short gelded statuette.
The Milky Waif (1946)
The House of the Groaning Fat Cat always has been . . .
. . . a prime specimen of self-loathing, and THE MILKY WAIF is a perfect example of this. No one would sign up for years of buying litter and spending a fortune to kowtow to a feline's fiendishly fickle financially-draining finicky food phases after seeing this picture, which delights in depicting said fur-balls as inept thankless loser pets. Cats are shown to be totally defenseless at keeping a household from being overrun by voracious vicious vermin here, as apt to foster disease-spreading pests as to corral them. Tom the Cat is given the super power of being able to wield a gun. This implausible turn of affairs simply results in Tom shooting off his own tail, which has become a constant refrain from Leo's Poverty Row animation studio. Tragically, Tom did NOT manage to squander all of his lives here, since he seems to be endowed with an infinite number of these by his unimaginative bevy of doodling dolts.
Orphan: First Kill (2022)
This film documents how Rich People are utterly . . .
. . . worthless losers, with the ones whose ancestors "Came over on the Mayflower" being the worst ilk or the dregs at the bottom of the national cuspidor. ORPHAN: FIRST KILL shows how any female under forty can easily pass herself off as a defenseless little girl to a well-heeled scion of Wealth, even if she's actually a vicious cold heartless serial killer with plenty of experience at bloody murder. ORPHAN 2 also shows how the sycophantic enablers of the clueless billionaire class, such as the thick-headed detective here, are just as doomed riding as lap dogs on the Misers' bandwagon as the deluded Midas wannabes themselves. Anyone seeing this picture in a movie theater will be cheering for the orphan, since they paid to get in, unlike the Social Leeches used to seeing their entertainment in private screening rooms. As the Silver Spoon Set fall off their mountainous Money Hoard one by one here, perishing from the overconfidence brought on by their Gold Fever, it will be easy to give avenging angel Lena "two thumbs up."
Mrs. Harris Goes to Paris (2022)
Only the most ill-informed viewer would imagine any . . .
. . . possible similarity between MRS. HARRIS GOES TO PARIS and either PHANTOM THREAD or HOUSE OF GUCCI. In actuality MRS. HARRIS is simply a case of NORMA RAE meets READY TO WEAR. This latter film documents that working people are the salt of the earth, and rich individuals are insect-like vermin, contaminating everything that they touch. Ada, Archie, Vi, Natasha and Andre are the featured working poor heroes here. Among the r-o-d-e-n-t-i-n-e pests in need of extermination are Lady D-a-n-t, the Marquis, Madame A-v-a-l-l-o-n and her daughter--this last pair being two family members of the miserly miscreant Parisian "Garbage King." Unfortunately, this unholy quartet and the other lazy Richer-Than-Thou malingerers populating MRS. HARRIS never receive their full just desserts, since the legal systems in the Western World have been historically rigged to keep the Rich rich, forever, no matter how many Crimes against Humanity they commit. Marie Antoinette may have lost her head, but that was one of the few exceptions to this rule.
Daredevil Droopy (1951)
There's nothing funny about ocean liners sinking . . .
. . . and when the Titanic went down in 1912 it did not elicit so much as a snicker, chuckle or even a smirk from its Captain Smith. Yet some dude styling himself as "Texas" Avery depicts DAREDEVIL DROOPY firing bulldog Spike into such a vessel just off-shore, sinking it with all hands and passengers lost. Ha-ha. Nearly every "gag" of this misshapen animated short misfires in similar fashion, seemingly proving that there is no fun to be had at a circus. Clowns are in short supply during this picture, which was released just seven years after a big top fire killed 168 or 169 people in Hartford, CT. There were so many crispy body parts that even that state's top puzzle master could not reassemble them all. At the time when Avery portrays Spike instigating a probable arson by chopping down the big top's center pole, poor Little Miss #1565 from the Real Life Hartford disaster had yet to be identified! Talk about bad taste!
Out-Foxed (1949)
WHY on Earth does the kennel master have . . .
. . . 51 steaks on hand to facilitate a banquet feast for fifty sly fox and the mutt Droopy at the conclusion of OUT-FOXED? Did this sort of spur-of-the-moment largess on his part require a half dozen cattle to be butchered at a moment's notice? Surely his proposition did NOT state that he would reward 50 hunting dogs with 50 separate steaks IF they collaborated to corral ONE fox. Why should ONE of the canines being credited with rounding up 50 fox be grounds for awarding said cur and each of his alleged quarry with their own private steak, then? Something appears to be rotten in England, but alas, that's nothing new.
Get a Horse! (2013)
The moral of this picture is that you cannot be a jockey unless you . . .
. . . GET A HORSE! Though this bit of folk wisdom might seem to be simply self-evident, it is amazing how many people are slow on the uptake. For instance, just think about all of those characters populating slasher flicks. Whether you're talking franchises such as SCREAM, FRIDAY THE THIRTEENTH, HALLOWEEN and NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD or stand-alone fright fests such as RESERVOIR DOGS and ONCE UPON A TIME IN HOLLYWOOD, no one facing imminent doom seems able to meet their predicament with an ounce of Common Sense, while everyone in the film audience is shouting--often out loud--GET A HEARSE!
Feast (2014)
This film does an excellent job of illustrating that old adage . . .
. . . "Babies are dogs' best friends." The canny canine featured here is happy to go along with the junk food diet of the single dude who adopts him off the street. When a perky female enters the picture, and tries to put Fido on a "healthier" diet featuring green vegetables, the misused mutt thoughtlessly resists her culinary recommendations. However, when the winsome lass breaks it off with the leader of his pack, Rover quickly realizes that Operation Baby has been set back at least a decade. The perceptive canine then bites the bullet--or parsley--and acts swiftly to arrange a reconciliation of his humans. A year or two later he's inundated with the fruits of his labor, in the form of a toddler in a highchair flinging meatballs and all manner of teething food across the kitchen floor.
Test Pilot Donald (1951)
It's hard to say much about this controversial film . . .
. . . that will pass muster at a family web site. Since my cinema class began a retrospective look at the output from this particular movie studio, talking about one title after another has proven nearly impossible. The actual names of these things on 1900's movie posters frequently is enough to get a comment deleted, censored, suppressed and totally squelched Today. Many character names are equally problematic, as is any accurate description of the questionable plots and injudicious action shown on the screen. However, it appears that some ancient evaluations remain posted, inconsistently grandfathered in under the laxer standards of yesteryear. There also are signs that lifetime pass holders of certain affiliated amusement parks can get away with loads totally beyond the pale, by simply lading their comments with a plethora of sycophantic adjectives. What's Free Thought coming to these days?
Hawaiian Holiday (1937)
A version of this film is included upon . . .
. . . Disc One of "The Complete Pluto, Volume Two" under the "Bonus Features" section; this set was released Dec. 19, 2006. This alternate variation of HAWAIIAN HOLIDAY is narrated by Disney Modern-Day animator A-n-d-r-e-a-s D-e-j-a as part of something called "Pluto's Master Class." Andy mainly focuses on his perception that Pluto is very "rubbery." He also notes that the effects animators fleshed out the water in the Goofy surfing scene, and he shares a few bits of trivia that only a studio insider would know about.
Pluto's Judgement Day (1935)
There are TWO more versions of this film . . .
. . . on Disc One of "The Complete Pluto, Volume 2" DVD set released on Dec. 19, 2006, under the "Bonus Features" menu as part of "Pluto's Master Class." One of these is called A DECONSTRUCTION OF PLUTO'S JUDGEMENT DAY, and includes many side-by-side split screens of both the black-and-white "Pencil Test" and the finished cartoon in color, as well as some storyboard art. The other is titled PENCIL TEST: PLUTO'S JUDGEMENT DAY, and is simply the complete B&W test version, except for the color opening credits.