ripetomato Reviews

Pacific Rim (2013)

Got to be a fan-boy to enjoy this.

[3/10 · 20 July 2013]

Where to start.

If you are an extreme fan-boy of del Toro or if this movie was a graphic novel, then you could enjoy this film. I started to walk out, but stopped and returned to my seat just so I can see if it got any better. I started to walk out as I thought to myself, here comes the girl/love interest, and poof there she was.

1: The script felt like it was written for some action cartoon on the Cartoon Network. Cheesy, annoyingly simple and utterly uninvolved. 2:

2: Yet it fit the characters who were, cheesy, annoyingly simple minded and utterly void of any concern for any of them.

3: In this world where every nation bonded together to use some seriously advanced tech to build these huge highly sophisticated jaeger (pronounced jagoff)fighting machines and the incredible tech needed to support,power, and operate them...everything else, and I do mean everything, is circa 1995. If you had an iPhone, people would bow to you as a tech god.

4: Did I mention how annoying and cliché the characters are? Very, and I was thinking throughout the movie, "why aren't they dying faster".

5: The various cause and effect used in this movie to "move it along" was some of the most dumbest I have ever witnessed on the big screen. The Government's conclusion and decision on the jaeger program, to set the stage of the movie, was beyond full retard, borderline obscene. I can't express how poorly the script, acting, directing and performance was. It was on the level of some action cartoon like pokemon or thundercats. GI Joe was a far better in every aspect.

6: Instead of the world treating this as the apocalypse, just guessing since "monsters from the sea" are destroying cities and killing thousands and thousands...and it is just getting worse. The world treats it more of a WWE/MMA road to world championship. No, really...they do. Just ask the fishing industry.

7: And seriously when you get down to it. Really big nasty monsters coming from the ocean to destroy mankind, and all we have is big bipedal robots that can't even swim or move, maneuver in the water?? Really? Not even an aquatic version to...you know...go out there in the deep ocean...where the monsters are coming from?

Pulse 3 (2008)

Oh My God This Is Like Soooo Funny

[8/10 · 10 December 2008]

Like I would guess that "Fred" is like, you know, and old guy, like prolly thirty sumthin, and like Diana just didn't' like get it, u know. Like I totally got it, like OMG, when the lights went out...like I was all whoaaa this is freaky.

Like I enjoyed reading "Fred's" comment more than the movie...you know. And like I think he summed up the movie like exactly the way I remembered it...like totally.

But like the movie is you know, like about a girl, who like leaves the camp she lives in, in search of a new boyfriend she met on like myspace or something. Then like, really really scary stuff happens to her along the way.

The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen (2003)

Lost me 10 minutes into it.

[2/10 · 7 December 2005]

Boy was this a stinker, from 10 minutes after it started to the end credits. What a great concept gone bad, horribly bad. Connery what were you thinking? I cannot give a breakdown as why this film failed simply because I don't know where to start. The Idea was good, but the screenplay that fleshed it out was stupid. The CGI was painfully obvious and stupid that it seemed as if it was a bunch of high school kids did this during spring break which also goes hand in hand with the plausibility of almost every single sequence (i.e. Jekyll/Hyde, car chase, Nemo's sub making right angle turns down the narrow water ways of Venice etc. etc.)The lines were bad, the acting was just enough to cash in the paycheck. Simply put, this movie will make you nauseous with it's sheer unadulterated stupidity. Only reason it doesn't get a 1 out of 10 is because the Idea was good, and it's cast.

A Warning to the Curious (1972 TV Movie)

The title says it all.

[1/10 · 14 July 2005]

If you are curious about watching this movie, be warned. It's a stinker and it is so obvious that even my wife could guess what happens next. I'm always looking for a solid ghost story, I happened upon this one from the IMDb and it sounded like a good chiller. I hunted this movie down, finally got a copy and told the wife it was a good one. I had to apologize to her after making her watch this. This movie offers nothing that would be even remotely considered scary, not even to little ones and it has nothing to do with gore or slasher shock value. I've watched countless no budget b movies and have found many gems, this is a stinker even for early 70's.

There is no real sense of danger or fear because the lackey who plays the "ghost" is ridiculous. Not to mention a bumbling, incompetent misfit even for a ghost. I didn't know if this movie was directed by Benny Hill or Monty Python by some of the chase scenes bordering on the absurd. Can't forget about the complete lack of any time/space relationship between point a and point b. A classic ghost story this is far from, but if you have 35 minutes to waste and want to get a chuckle at something really sad this could be your movie. However, I warn you...it might say 35 minutes running time, but it feels like 200. Maybe that is the scary part.