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Scorpion: Pilot (2014)
Season 1, Episode 1
Many negative things but most of all BORING
13 October 2014
Who are these characters?

Why are they in the positions we're being shown?

What is even in the plane?

What does all of this even mean?

Scorpion doesn't stop to explain these things. It just speeds past the details with nerd jokes, some of which I did smirk at, and flashy action scenes to distract you. I have no interest in the series whatsoever it's a tedious 40 minutes with no redeeming features. But I grant it this one kind of positive comment. I will keep on watching just to see whether it gets better.

Doubt it will though.
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Doctor Who: The Caretaker (2014)
Season 8, Episode 6
Same lazy tone as Robot of Sherwood
1 October 2014
Okay, something isn't right here.

So far series eight has been pretty good and overall I'm enjoying it. However something has changed, Robot of Sherwood and The Caretaker are what have brought it to my attention. Most shows have episodes which are less important and a lot more light-hearted than others and that's fine. If every episode was like Listen or Blink then Doctor Who would only appeal to people who want something dark and brooding. There is a difference between something being light- hearted and something being lazy though. Episodes like The Unicorn and The Wasp, The Lodger and The Power of Three were all episodes which had an upbeat tone and felt quite relaxed but the plot was still the main focus and the plot wasn't altered to make way for jokes.

Robot of Sherwood and The Caretaker are different. They both have instantly forgettable characters (the Scovox Blitzer, The Sheriff of Nottingham and the incredibly annoying Robin Hood) and plots which seem like a back story to the main point of the episode, which is to make you laugh. The villain of The Caretaker wasn't introduced until about fifteen minutes into the episode and was then on screen very little. Why? Well because they had to make space for The Doctor making jokes and Clara's complicated love life. Just to prove my point think back to the opening episode of series eight Deep Breath, not overwhelmingly good I must admit, specifically the scene with Clara and The Doctor in the café. That scene was very funny, The Doctor and Clara were making fun of each other while also moving the plot along. The scene overall was in the episode for a purpose which related to the plot. The Caretaker has moments which feel totally disjointed from the rest of the story and could easily be gotten rid of.

Not all bad though. I laughed a few times, even if the jokes felt forced, mainly due to Peter Capaldi, who is doing a brilliant job so far may I add. I enjoy Danny Pinks scenes very much, much more than Clara's which is slightly worrying. The highlight of the episode was definitely the ending scene in Heaven though. We have slowly been given more and more information each week to build up tension and interest us in the series finale, something Moffat has been undeniably good at for a long time.

The Caretaker is a cringe worthy and weak piece of TV. Not on the same level of bad as Robot of Sherwood, but only just bearable in some scenes. This series had better get its sh*t together.
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Penny Dreadful (2014–2016)
Brilliantly dark
29 September 2014
With the recent explosion of saga like TV shows (Breaking Bad, True Detective, Game of Thrones, Orange Is the New Black, Fargo etc etc) the reasonably low key channel Showtime decided to use it to their advantage, creating a Gothic psychosexual horror series. With the exception of American Horror Story this is a genre which hasn't really been explored by one of these types of shows before. One of the reasons behind this being that it's a tricky genre to pull off, sometimes they can come off as wacky almost laughably bad let downs.

Luckily the writing team behind Penny Dreadful obviously know this and decided to make this a show that didn't take itself too seriously and knew when it was being a bit silly, almost giving knowing winks to the camera. That's not to say that it is without emotional impact and doesn't deserve to be classed as a serious TV series because this is one of the most enjoyable and gleefully grim TV shows or movies I have seen in a long time.

The writing although not mind blowingly original is certainly clever and keeps the viewer hooked with twists, clever narrative techniques and interesting characters. A particular favourite sub plot of mine was the back story for Doctor Frankenstein which I really hope we get to know more about in series two. Although played well by the undeniably voluptuous Reeve Carney the character of Dorian Gray is one of the weak points of the series. His character isn't exactly throwaway but how he affected the story and his purpose in the show isn't clear to me. Maybe that is something else which will be elaborated on in series two, but I doubt it. Occasionally the episodes feel ever so slightly overcrowded, particularly the earlier ones. But I can't deny fitting six different stories into one hour would be a challenge to anyone. Well, except Vince Gilligan I guess.

Penny Dreadful is a highly entertaining show which I think has potential to last a few series at least. Some moments are a bit cheesy but you get the impression the writers know this and use it as a way of being subtly self aware. I recommend it to anyone up for a few shocks who can also sit through a bit of gore and almost disturbing imagery. Brilliantly dark and well executed by the cast, writers and everyone involved.
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It's one of those movies I'm afraid
24 April 2014
Movies nowadays are just a lot better in general than 10 years ago. Maybe it's the advanced CGI or high production values for literally everything. But this is a fine example of how sometimes the standard can drop a bit.

Kellan Lutz comes right out of the Twilight series and into yet another bad career choice. He is a pretty bad actor in this, not terrible or at the low level of Tommy Wiseau or anyone similar. Undeniably bad though, just like the whole cast. Scott Adkins is by far the worst as arguably the most clichéd and painful to watch movie villain of all time King Amphitryon. Every single sentence he says is overly dramatic and in a deep raspy voice. You have got to give the cast a tiny bit of credit though, because some of the dialogue they are working with is incredibly cheesy. There are one or two genuinely cool lines dotted about the predictable plot, but not enough to redeem the bad ones. Just by looking at the trailer you could tell this was going to be a wannabe 300, just like Immortals, full of dumb brainless slow motion shots which didn't even work in 300 for gods sake. Every punch thrown or kick kicked is clumsy and gives the fight sequences that movie ruining thing: a crash bang wallop feel. You might be wondering what that means. I'm basically saying the action scenes have no intelligence or talent in them whatsoever. The worst thing about this whole goddamn punch fest of a movie though is undoubtedly the sex scenes. One of the first things you see in the movie is a woman being impregnated by Zeus (who is of course not actually there) and it is executed so badly and performed so terribly you won't even believe your eyes. Or regrettably your ears, if you know what I mean.

The Legend of Hercules is shoddily written and acted, only a fool would enjoy this almost instantly forgettable but not boring money maker. Which, five months in, is the worst movie of the year so far.
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And I thought this was going to be good...
16 March 2014
Kill Your Darlings had a surprisingly low level of hype for a movie which was really the first wide release project (not counting The Woman In Black) starring Daniel Radcliffe after the hugely popular Harry Potter franchise ended. Regrettably Kill Your Darlings is just another clichéd jazzy 1940's movie. So jazzy in fact that the repetitive soundtrack played to almost everything started to get on my nerves. I understand that it is based on a true story and Alan Ginsberg was a very fancy and intelligent poet, but the plot did not interest me one bit. Occasionally Radcliffe will stare at DeHaan (who is just as brilliant as ever) in longing and inspire a slight chuckle from me. Unfortunately these occasional moments of unintentional humour did not make the movie enjoyable in a so bad it's good way, like The Room, The Wicker Man or Troll 2, and Kill Your Darlings was not just clichéd and uninteresting but very very boring. My attention was gone from the movie after about 20 minutes, of course it came back for a few minutes in the blow job scene, then went again and I returned to finding everything around me more interesting. Somebody is killed and someone else is put in jail towards the end and I had no idea who the corpse was. This is coming from the guy who sat through Cloud Atlas attentively for 3 hours, Kill Your Darlings is boring, clichéd, uninteresting, weakly written and in places slightly amusing. You have probably guessed that I didn't enjoy it.
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Toast of London (2012– )
Unique and totally unpredictable
25 November 2013
The humour is so outrageous and insane (similar to an earlier series which Matt Berry was involved with The Mighty Boosh) that you can't help but laugh. Every week you get another 30 minute long helping of Steven Toast's failing acting career which has a minute possibility of working out, but this is the same show that featured a book publisher spontaneously com busting so anything can happen. One of the best and funniest comedy series from the last 5 years, Toast of London is brilliant entertainment. And much better than the hugely overrated BBC series Mrs Browns Boys which seems to be the only comedy show which gets good viewing figures nowadays.
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Justin and the Knights of Valour Review
28 September 2013
Even worse than I expected. Justin and the Knights of Valour is completely unfunny despite it's promising cast, and it's depressing that Mark Strong (Frank D'Amico) is the villain. The story is weak predictable and obviously stolen from How To Train Your Dragon, it has every kids movie cliché you can possibly imagine. Even children who looked about 7 were running around the theater bored out of their minds. And the animation was terrible, better than anything I could do obviously, but still terrible. When I looked at the background, it reminded me of when your watching a play and they have a painted canvas which makes you watch what's going on in the foreground instead. Another annoying thing is that the soundtrack made it feel like a cheesy 80's movie, and not in a good way like Shrek. Finally every joke was juvenile and slapstick, which works for about 5 minutes not 100. I have proof that not even children will enjoy this by the kids running down the aisles next to us and speaking over the movie.

I do not recommend Justin and the Knights of Valour to anyone, thank god the tickets were completely free.
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Reservoir Dogs Review
24 September 2013
The first movie by legendary director Quentin Tarantino. Reservoir Dogs tells the story of a group of gangsters trying to work out who betrayed them to the police. Set mainly in a warehouse in the aftermath of a failed bank robbery.

Harvey Keitel and Tim Roth lead the fantastic ensemble, despite one of them having a bullet in there gut for all of the movie. Michael Madsen and Steve Buscemi co-star as the psychotic maniac and the weaselly coward who doesn't believe in tipping. Chris Penn (who looks and sounds exactly like Jonah Hill) and Lawrence Tierney are the two minor members of the gang but make there mark on the movie and still have memorable performances. All of the actors, especially Buscemi, do a brilliant job and are one of my favourite movie line ups ever.

Although it sounds quite simple at first the plot of Reservoir Dogs stems out into flashbacks and each gangsters account of what happened. Much like Tarantino's next (and best) movie Pulp Fiction, the dialogue and script is what really makes the movie a classic.

Reservoir Dogs has two famous musical scenes which you will have definitely seen many parodies of even if you didn't know it. Both have retro 70's soundtracks because while all the chaos and double crossing is going on, the radio is having a Super Sounds of the 70's Weekend. Without the jazzy backing tracks neither of the most memorable scenes in the movie would be as - well - memorable.

Finally the ending of the movie, which is perfect. Tarantino does the impossible and gets us to feel sorry for the evil murdering Reservoir Dogs.

I give Reservoir Dogs an excellent rating of 8.9/10. Definitely in my Top 50 Movies of All Time.
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Scary Movie 5 (2013)
Scary MoVie = Scary Movie 5
17 September 2013
The first Scary Movie was decent. It didn't deserve a sequel let alone 4! Scary Movie 3 was alright, mainly because they had replaced the foul juvenile Wayans brothers with the writer of Airplane! and The Naked Gun. Getting rid of the scatological crude humor and bringing in the cleverer intelligent laughs worked. But Scary MoVie is just as bad possibly even worse than the sickening antics of Scary Movie 2.

Usually in a review I would do a summary of the plot. But the writers of Scary MoVie haven't got time for plots! Ashley Tisdale and Simon Rex adopt some weird kids, movie into a new house and vulgar toilet jokes ensue. The weird kids are obviously meant to be like the weird kids from Mama. (SPOOF NUMBER ONE). And Simon Rex works at an ape training lab, which is meant to be like Rise of the Planet of the Apes. (SPOOF NUMBER TWO). His girlfriend Ashley Tisdale is a ballet dancer who is trying to keep the lead role of The Dying Swan which is meant to be like Black Swan. (SPOOF NUMBER THREE).When their asleep loads of jump scares and loud noises are happening, all while being filmed with surveillance cameras. That's meant to be like the Paranormal Activity franchise. (SPOOF NUMBER FOUR). At the beginning of the movie Snoop Dog and some other guy (who looks like Macklemore but isn't Macklemore) are going through a forest and find an old cabin in the woods, that's meant to be like you guessed it The Cabin In The Woods. (SPOOF NUMBER FIVE). Later on Ashley Tisdale goes to the cabin in the woods and a bunch of teenagers are there. There all praising religion and singing cheerful songs, which is the exact opposite of what they do in The Evil Dead. (SPOOF NUMBER SIX). A Morgan Freeman soundalike is narrating the movie, which is meant to be like all those movies which Morgan Freeman has narrated. (SPOOF NUMBER SEVEN). When Ashley Tisdale starts having messed up dreams she gets a dream specialist to help her out. The dream specialist looks exactly like Leonardo Di Caprio from Inception, they even have the bit where he's explaining everything at a cafe. (SPOOF NUMBER EIGHT). And finally for one reason or another Ashley Tisdale ends up in a bedroom about to bang with Christian Grey. That's meant to be like the book 50 Shades of Grey. (SPOOF NUMBER NINE).

So there are 9 different spoofs in an 86 minute movie. That's something like 1 spoof every 8 minutes. When a movie copies a scene or a concept from another movie but adds in some sh*t jokes, it doesn't make a parody it makes a sh*tty mess!

To makes matters worse all of the characters in the movie are annoying and deserve to die. I was trying to think of someone who was likable and appeared in Scary MoVie. But they don't exist! Simon Rex's character wasn't too bad at the start, but he got so stupid it was unbearable. This is just another 21st century spoof movie - not funny at all! There hasn't been an above average spoof movie since 1994 when the third Naked Gun movie came out. It seems to be no longer possible!

Overall I give Scary MoVie 4/10 for 7 laughs throughout the whole 86 minute movie, mainly because of the mildly amusing narrator.
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The intelligent action and awesome fights of the first 2 movies are replaced by explosions.
15 September 2013
Even worse than Terminator 3 Rise of the Machines. Terminator Salvation is a stupid science fiction action movie. The first 2 movies were clever science fiction movies. Explosions go off and the directors want you to be excited, but your not because it's just Bruce Wayne meets the guy from Avatar and sh*t hits the fan. There are some scenes which will please old school Terminator fans and people just looking for mindless action. But there all about 30 minutes apart and are too infrequent to redeem the rest of the film. Terminator Salvation is a stupid science fiction movie with NO MEMORABLE LINES WHATSOEVER which is the exact opposite to the first two movies and overall it reminded me of Transformers Revenge of the Fallen drunk.
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Extremely entertaining
15 September 2013
John Hughes (The Breakfast Club) writes and directs this 80's cult comedy with Matthew Broderick in the title role of Ferris Bueller.

One of the most energetic, fun and entertaining movies I have ever seen. Matthew Broderick is perfect as cheeky Ferris Bueller, Alan Ruck is brilliant in the role of Cameron Frye who is always ill and worried. Even Charlie Sheen pops up as a teenager on drugs (he likes to stay in character long after filming is done). Ferris Buellers Day Off is one of the funniest most entertaining films I have ever seen and never at any point while watching was I bored. This is one of my favourite movies and definitely in my Top 50. I recommend Ferris Buellers Day Off to everyone. The highlight of the film is the parade scene where Ferris creates the first flash mob.

Ferris Buellers Day Off - 8.9/10 and ****.
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Brazil (1985)
A funny version of George Orwell's 1984
5 August 2013
Terry Gilliam, the only American member of Monty Python, writes and directs this comedic take on George Orwell's 1984. This is basically 1984 but much less boring and with jokes.

I'll cut to the chase - Brazil is a masterpiece, reasons for this are about to be pointed out. But just if your wondering the only reason this is called Brazil is because of the song (by Geoff Muldaur) which plays every now and again in random places. The acting in Brazil is very good all round, personally I class the cast as an ensemble but some may disagree. Jonathan Pryce is the main character Sam Lowry who I have always thought is a lot like Arthur Dent from The Hitchhikers Guide To The Galaxy. Robert De Niro is the rebel against society Harry Tuttle and is the most likable character in the movie. Bob Hoskins and Derrick O'Connor are 2 comedic ventilation repair men who come to a very amusing sticky end. Michael Palin (also a member of Monty Python) is Sam's old friend in a surprisingly serious, but very well performed, role. Ian Holm (was he never young) is Sam's boss and friend, Jim Broadbent a creep plastic surgeon nicknamed "the acid man". And finally Kim Greist as Sam's one true love and alleged terrorist. All of these roles are brilliant, funny, well acted and memorable.

Brazil possibly has the best plot and story of any movie I have ever seen, even if most of the source material is taken from (the extremely depressing) George Orwell's 1984. Everything is unexpected and definitely not predictable, even the love scenes are unique. terry Gilliam (the director) is of course in the hilarious Monty Python team, who are in my opinion the funniest comedy group ever, so you would expect Brazil to be extremely funny. Unfortunately it's not EXTREMELY funny, I laughed on many occasions but not as much as I would have liked to. But then again how can a movie based on 1984 be that hilarious? Finally the ending - in my opinion Brazil has the best and most effective ending of any movie ever. This is a spoiler free review so I won't reveal what happens, but I will say that it's a surprise and certainly not expected.

Overall I will give Brazil 9.0/10 and 4.5 stars, because the humour is not as strong as I expected it to be.
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Kick-Ass (2010)
Were gonna need a bigger review
4 August 2013
People say that superhero movies are only super if the heroes have powers, well this has an 11 year old saying the C word so screw you. Violent superhero movies usually work Watchmen was awesome, Super was pretty good, Defendor was decent, Kick-Ass is possibly the most bad ass movie ever to be made. Every single comic reader ever has considered donning a mask a cape and becoming a superhero. Kick-Ass addresses that and it's exactly what the main character Dave Lizewski does. He becomes an amateur superhero named KICK-ASS! So he goes out a couple of nights a week and fights crime. The movies average at this point and not really exciting, but certainly not boring. Then just before Kick-Ass is about to get beaten up Hit Girl arrives and massacres a load of guys, to the banana splits theme, with 2 samurai swords, whilst dressed as a superhero, at the age of 11! Before I saw this movie I thought that the most awesome movie character ever was The Comedian from Watchmen. Hit Girl makes The Comedian look like Scooby Doo, she's vulgar, she's deadly, she's totally bad ass and she's an 11 year old girl! But she's not on her own, Nicholas Cage himself plays her Batman like father who's secret superhero identity is Big Daddy. Big Daddy is obviously based on Batman, but he's a thousand times better.

Aaron Johnson is Kick-Ass and he's brilliant never did he stop being believable, Lyndsy Fonseca is his girlfriend and isn't as good as everyone else, but good enough. Nicholas Cage who hasn't had a good role since Con Air is back and he's bad! Well actually he's good, but he's bad as in so awesome. But really this is Nicholas cage's best role of all time, and he was very good as the lead in Con Air, which is not surprising because the last really good film he was in before Kick-Ass was also Con Air. Christopher Mintz Plasse (aka Mclovin from Superbad) has a new best role of all time, not only is he funniest actor in the movie. But he's believable as a comic book nerd, because he always plays nerds, because he's so good at it! Mark Strong is his dad (in the movie) Frank D'Amico and he's just one of the best movie villains ever, that's a fact. Now onto the star of the show! Chloe Grace Moretz as Hit Girl, as far as I know Chloe Grace Moretz's career is going well.... very well. She's going to be Carrie, she was in a Johnny Depp film when she was 14 and has plans to star in a movie coming out in 2015. We can safely assume that her career is going well, and that her careers success is mainly down to Kick-Ass. Before Kick-Ass she had been in a few minor horror movies and Big Momma's House 2. Yes you read that right, Hit Girl was in Big Momma's House 2. If you looked at all the movies she's ever been in and charted it, the popularity would go up very quickly after Kick-Ass, the reason for this is that Hit Girl suits her. I'm not saying that Chloe Grace Moretz is a murdering superhero who's dad is Nicholas Cage, but her age and appearance is the same as the character. If they had got a 16 year old to play 11 year old Hit Girl so there wouldn't be too much controversy about all of the cussing. That would have taken the adventurousness out of the movie, and would have looked stupid! So overall the acting in Kick-Ass is more than Oscar worthy - it's awesomeness award worthy. Now onto the plot, it's awesome. Now onto the special effects, a movie with so much violence and gore as Kick-Ass has to have a lot of CGI in it, because most of the fights are impossible in real life. But they did a brilliant job and I'm going to have to give them an awesomeness award for that too. But come on, that scene in the burning warehouse was so realistic that I was cooking bacon on my TV screen. Music is always an important part of a film, in Watchmen the music is the main reason I love it. And Kick-Ass did not fail at this either, it has one of the best soundtracks of all time, and if you took the epic song in the background out of that scene where the person dies *NO SPOILERS* it would be much less emotional. (Clue to the people who have the seen the movie but still have no idea what I'm talking about - it's the bit with the slow motion the fire and the flashing light).

Now I think I've covered most of the positive things I want to say about the movie - onto the negative points (point). I can only think of one negative comment on Kick-Ass and it's not even that bad. In my opinion the humour in Kick-Ass does not match the rest of the movie by way of awesomeness. That must be a bit hard to interpret if your not me. With Kick-Ass the stories awesome, the characters are awesome, the musics awesome, the special effects are awesome but the jokes are just pretty funny. I laughed more at Superbad than I did at Kick-Ass, but Kick-Ass is a better movie for different reasons. That is my only bad point about Kick-Ass, the jokes aren't as good as the rest of the film.

So I give Kick-Ass a 9.5/10. it is the best superhero movie of all time (in my opinion). This is my 5th favourite movie of all time and I recommend it to everyone on the planet.
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Man of Steel (2013)
30 Minutes of flying through buildings
2 August 2013
Warning: Spoilers
Superman! But this time he looks less like he got dressed drunk and more like a ballerina. The director of Watchmen (which was awesome) and 300 (which I didn't like) attempts to make a serious superman movie. He definitely succeeds at people taking it seriously, but not at it living up to my expectations. Personally I am not a superman fan, as a kid I was obsessed with Batman (just like everyone else). And I have only watched the first two old superman movies because of 5 USA.

The movie starts off really well on Krypton, this time Russell Crowe is his dad instead of Marlon Brando and (eve if it does feel like I'm betraying all my fellow movie nerds) I can't lie. Russell Crowe does a better job at being superman senior than the cinematic legend Marlon Brando. Then General Zod who I will write more about later starts stirring everything up and because of the impending doom on Krypton - Russell Crowe sends baby superman to earth. I won't explain the rest of the plot because it gets quite complicated about an hour in, but lets just say it's very different to the old superman comics. For example in the comics the S on superman's chest obviously stands for "superman". But here Zack Snyder (or Christopher Nolan) has taken a risk, and the S now stands for hope. Which I liked whoever decided to tinker with the origins of superman is quite brave because it was a bit risky. but it worked, they also changed other stuff like Clarke isn't a journalist until the end of the movie and when he first flies it goes wrong and he smashes into the ground. Next good point Kevin Costner steals the show. He probably only has about 15 minutes screen time, but in that 15 minutes he's pretty darn good. Shame about his stupid death scene which was unbelievable. The special effects are top notch and what some call eye candy. The plot is clever and more intellectual than I expected it to be. It's reasonably believable and there's no pointless scenes with nos significance whatsoever. Acting is mediocre the 2 daddies of the film Russell Crowe and Kevin Costner are Oscar worthy. Henry Cavill and Amy Adams got a bit wooden in places, Michael Shannon was terrible.

First bad point of the review - the villain played quite badly in my opinion by Michael Shannon, who was not threatening at all. Although his evil plan and dialogue was good, he didn't have the look or voice of a good villain. I'm not saying that all villains have to have long black capes, be 8 foot tall and force strangle people (remind you of anyone)? But Zod seemed to act like a secondary villain. (The guy who tried to negotiate with terrorists in Die Hard, Snape in Harry Potter, Budd in Kill Bill). His voice was also unintentionally amusing (this is the second Zack Snyder film to do this - Rorschach in Watchmen) and rivals bane as the silliest movie villain ever. I don't think I've ever actually seen Michael Shannon in anything else, so for all I know he talks like that in real life. If he does - I pity him. Now onto the second thing which I cannot stand about Man of Steel. The huge fight at the end, first superman and General Zod are smashing things up in superman's home town. Then 10 minutes later they fly through a load of buildings - FOR AGES!!! I thought the movie had finished but it hadn't, so there was even more destroying of buildings! Then they went up into space and smashed a satellite or two. Then they flew back down to earth and and landed in a museum where Zod had a terrible death! Zack Snyder must really like the same thing over and over again because this is the same thing he did in 300. Repeating something awesome subtracts the awesomeness from it each time For example in Kick Ass (the best superhero movie ever) there's this awesome scene where Hit Girl kills every single person in a room to the banana splits theme using her samurai swords. She massacres something like 8 people in just over a minute, loads of little different awesome things put together to make a scene more awesome than the huge fight in Man of Steel. If Hit Girl just chopped off a guys head, chopped off another guys head, chopped off a third guys head, chopped off yet another guys head, chopped off a guys head, chopped off a final guys head. It wouldn't be awesome! So flying through buildings over and over again decreases awesomeness each time.

I'll start off at 10 (obviously) and deduct one whole point for General Zod being a bad villain. Minus 1.5 points for a repetitive fight scene and minus another 0.5 points for Henry Cavill and Amy Adams getting a bit wooden in places. But plus 0.2 points (0.1 for each daddy) because of Kevin Costner and Russell Crowe being superb actors. So I give Man of Steel a good, but disappointing, 7.2/10 and 3.5 stars.
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Ewan McGregor's hair is invincible!
1 August 2013
Warning: Spoilers
Everybody's favourite love struck zombie Nicholas Hoult plays Jack, in this retelling of the classic bedtime story Lord of the Rings........ I mean Jack and the Beanstalk. Don't worry this is not just another lame CGI filled adaptation, there have been a lot of those recently. As far as I know this does not have a fancy well known director, Gore Verbinksi is not the producer (even though that's all he does nowadays)and the cast does have one of two big names, but it's far from an ensemble. Nicholas Hoult is the titular character Jack, who is starting to become pretty well known since Warm Bodies. Some thin girl plays the princess, moving on. Stanley Tucci is the secondary villain Roderick or Hector or something. Ewan McGregor is Elmont who is a General of an army (and has a very Lord of the Rings like name), he also has perfect hair throughout the whole movie even after he has a fight in a waterfall. And Ian McShane is THE KING! All of the parts are played well and most of the characters are believable, Stanley Tucci's partner in crime Ewen Bremner is a bit cartoony which was annoying but bearable. The first half of the plot is clever and original, the second half is just Lord of the Rings with weaker CGI. That's another thing the special effects aren't great which is a bit irritating considering that the giants are 100% CGI, but it's also bearable. Dialogue = very cheesy got cringingly bad in the Helms Deep rip off scene. SPOILERS AHEAD! Basically the giants get down to Earth and start attacking Ian McShane's house (the castle), so Ewan McGregor and all his soldier buddies try to hold them off. It may not sound much like it, but if you turned the giants into orcs and Ian McShane into Bernard Hill - there's a lot of resemblance. However only movie nerds like me will notice this, so it will probably pass most people by.

I'll start off at 10 (obviously), and deduct 1 whole point for the final act being a lot like Lord of the Rings. Then minus another whole point for bad CGI throughout the whole movie. Minus 0.5 points for Ewen Bremner being silly and unbelievable. Finally take off 0.1 point for Ewan McGregor's hair being invincible.

So I give JACK THE GIANT SLAYER a 7.4/10 and 3.5 stars.

Luke Dobson
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Movie 43 (2013)
Should have watched Jack and Jill instead
30 July 2013
Movie 43 is a load of 5 minute sketches. (There not all 5 minutes, could be 6 minutes could be 7. It doesn't matter. Why? Because it's a sh*t film that's why)! Movie 43 is a load of 5 minute sketches in a random order thrown together to make what some people call a movie. I don't call it a movie I call it an abomination. Someone obviously thought this up while drunk or on drugs... (It doesn't matter. Why? because it's a s**t film that's why)! ... and had good enough celebrities in there contacts list to make a film. There are worse movies than this which I have had the misfortune of seeing. But this is the most painful movie I have ever had to watch, i didn't have to watch it I just heard that some people who can be quite funny sometimes were in it. disregarded the extremely bad reviews ( for example this has a 4% on Rotten Tomatoes) and searched Movie 43 Full Movie Online. About 90 minutes later I wished I had watched Jack and Jill instead. Out of the-something like 12 sketches, I don't know how many there are. (Why? Because it's a s**t film that's why)! Out of the 12 sketches i properly laughed at 1! And only because Christopher Mintz Plasse who's Red Mist from Kick Ass was in it. I mean he is a seriously funny guy. And in this one sketch Chloe Grace Moretz is there too, who is Hit Girl in Kick Ass! I'm a huge Kick Ass fan so I hated how they were only in a sketch together to cash in on Kick Ass's success. Another reason why this is a bad film is because it's not funny, all of the jokes are about feces, farts, vomit, urine, sex and even more farts. Well not all of them, there's probably about 5 which are proper non Adam Sandler jokes and aren't totally disgusting. (When I say 5 that's not a definite I didn't stop to count. Why? Because it's a s**t film that's why)! When you use a scatological joke in a movie it's alright if there are other actual jokes to back them up. Like in Superbad they balance toilet humour and clever jokes perfectly so it remains funny. But in this, there are so many stupid (written by 5 year olds) jokes that it's not even the slightest bit amusing. Maybe if you live in a mental asylum and you find stupid jokes absolutely hilarious. Then I strongly recommend this to you, but if you live in the real world with me and the 96% of critics who didn't like this on Rotten Tomatoes then you will hate it.

I'll start off at 10 and minus 5 points for all the jokes being stupid and unfunny. Then minus 3 points for Hugh Jackman having balls on his chin. But plus 1 point for Chris Mintz Plasse and Chloe Grace Moretz appearing in the movie. So I give MOVIE 43 (lets just nickname it pile of crap) I give this pile of crap 3/10 and 1.5 stars. Do not watch this unless you enjoyed Jack and Jill and (not or) was hit round the head very hard as a baby. Luke Dobson
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Carrie (1976)
Possibly the best horror movie of all time
29 July 2013
Warning: Spoilers
Let me start by saying that I had not read the book before the film and I was only watching because I had seen the trailer for the upcoming remake. So I started it with no expectations at all and just had nothing better to do. Now down to the review. Right from the beginning this movie entices you in with a lovely period scene in a shower. I had no idea that this was going to happen and was quite surprised because it was handled very well and the actresses were not sexualised by Brian De Palma at all. Next was the entrance of Carrie's not so terrifying mother played by Piper Laurie. Maybe when this came out in 1974 she was scary, but now she's more....really really funny. This is really the only bad thing I can think of about the movie, with the exception of a pointless sex scene later. The next 40 minutes of the movie run pretty smoothly containing simple camera work and medium acting, with the occasional completely pointless sex scene. To make it even worse it has John Travolta in it! But then about 50 minutes in the prom scene arrives which I have already read about on Rotten Tomatoes and is in my opinion....actually not in my opinion IT'S A FACT! One of the most awesome movie scenes ever! Which is surprising because the special effects are a bit dodgy, but I won't deduct points for that because it was the best for the time. After Carrie has awesomely killed a gazabillion people at the prom she decides to go home and change into her pyjamas, which was bit weird considering she had just murdered loads of her classmates. But I won't deduct points for that because it's probably something to do with her telekinesis/puberty experience. Then her mum (who is one of my favourite unintentionally funny characters of all time) stabs her in the back LITERALLY! while they are praying, another reason why I'm atheist folks. Overall CARRIE is one of my favourite movies of all time. Possibly the best horror movie I have ever seen. Starting off at 10 (obviously) I minus 1 point for Piper Laurie being unintentionally hilarious. Then minus 0.3 points for a pointless sex scene. And finally minus 0.2 points for Carrie killing loads of people then going home as if nothing has happened. So I give Carrie- 8.5 out of 10 and 4 stars.
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Sin City (2005)
Very interesting, but sometimes boring movie
17 July 2013
Warning: Spoilers
Sin City is a bit like Pulp Fiction in the way that both films are about lots of different people's lives and how there intertwined. Pulp Fiction definitely does this more successfully, but that doesn't mean that this is a bad film. Actually it's the exact opposite this is a masterpiece of a movie, and high up on my Top 100 Movies List. What makes this such a clever, awesome, intellectual movie is not just the thick plot, amazing CGI and cool action sequences. It's the characters. One hour in and we already know how most of them behave and their intricate back stories. Just for the people who haven't seen this movie (YET) their are a lot of characters, so many that Michael Madsen isn't even in the main character list! Although most people say that their isn't a main character in sin City, I would disagree and say that Bruce Willis is the centre of the story NO SPOILERS to what he does and what happens to him. But it's very unexpected and the most interesting scene in the film the way it's filmed is Oscar worthy. Overall I would say that Sin City is one of the best movies of all time, mainly because of the intricate cast and brilliant special effects. 8.8/10 4 and a half stars
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Up the Women (2013– )
Not Absolutely Hilarious But Quite Amusing
1 June 2013
Up The Women This is written by Jessica Hynes, who wrote Spaced!!! But didn't get as much credit for it as the now extremely popular Simon Pegg.

BBC Four has started many good sitcoms over the last few years Lead Balloon, The Thick of It and to be honest I don't think that this has much potential. Yes it was funny and overall a pretty promising comedy, but it's not a very relatable and popular topic. Unlike ITV's new sitcom Vicious about 2 elderly gay men which is set in modern day and everyone can imagine happening. Also (although this may sound ironic considering that Up The Women is about suffragettes and women's rights)this is almost certainly going to be more popular with the female audience than the male audience like me. Overall UP THE WOMEN is an average sitcom which will definitely make you chuckle but I really doubt will advance to BBC Two or One 7/10
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One of The Worst Films I Have Ever Seen
22 April 2013
I am British and enjoyed the Inbetweeners TV series when it was first on and then they made a movie..... But seriously this was terrible i usually let people have there own personal opinions like one of my best friends hates Scott Pilgrim VS The World and i love it, but I do let him have his own personal opinion. But sometimes I have to draw the line. The only proper JOKES in this movie are by one of my favourite comedians Greg Davies and he isn't even in it for more than 5 minutes. The most annoying thing is that all of my friends in 2012 thought it was the greatest movie ever made! I didn't say anything but it was pretty obvious that they wouldn't recognise a good comedy if it came up behind them and shouted ya mums d*** is bigger than mine, no seriously they think that the Inbetweeners are funnier than Monty Python. 2/10
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Absolute Rubbish
1 February 2013
What is this s***? This show came out when I was very young and even then I didn't like it, now that I am decade older and it is ridiculously repeated on the channel (which I do not watch because of this) CBBC. originally Dick and Dom in DA Bungalow was extremely successful and even won a BAFTA. Why? It consists of two juvenile grown men doing juvenile things like shouting Bogies in public and showering each other in slime also known as Creamy Muck Muck. The only good bit of the show is the brief appearance of DI Harry Batt who almost got his own spin of series. If this is what good children's TV is then the future is bleak, juvenile and covered in Creamy Muck Muck.
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The Big Fat Quiz of the Year (2012 TV Special)
Disgusting Behaviour but funny on occasion
31 January 2013
By far the worst big fat quiz, not because the jokes were weak but because they were disgusting and juvenile. It may have been better if JAMES CORDEN and JACK WHITEHALL didn't get drunk on air, (they said a few controversial things). It started off well Richard Ayoade being his usual ridiculous self and Jimmy Carr doing a trademark offensive gag. But about half an hour in it all started to go pear shaped. Well actually it was more melon shaped. A rotten melon with big chunks torn out of it and it s filled with rude humour like mocking the queen which will never go down well. Towards the end it got a little better with Richard Ayoades hilarious answer WASPS which was quickly dismissed as wrong. The following night the papers went crazy with articles about complaints on the shows rudeness and many people said that CORDEN and WHIEHALL should be banned from TV appearances for a very long time. But they both saw what they had done wrong and WHITEHALL even quit drinking. Although this wasn't a very acceptable piece of television it had some good jokes mainly from Ayoade and is still worth a watch.
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