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Reviews
Imaginary (2024)
Jontys behind you
Just returned from watching this film, so it's very fresh in my mind (unfortunately).
Never have I been in such a packed cinema watching a so called 'horror' film, where there has been absolutely no atmosphere whatsoever. It's like the film sucked the Life out of every single person. Even during the so called jump scares no one moved an inch. Such a bizarre experience.
The problem was always going to be 'can you make a cuddly toy scary' and the answer is a resounding NO. Combine that with a paper thin back story, throw in a whinging brat and some terrible older actors and you end up with this mess of a film.
The dialogue was really weak and unclear. For the whole first half of the film I thought they were calling the bear 'Jonty', but it turns out to be 'chauncy' or something along those lines. Ironically, it's not until the Spanish actress playing the psychiatrist says his name halfway in that I actually realised what they were saying.
BTW, Special mention goes to the old woman in the film, who's hammy acting made me laugh like I've not done for years. She gets the full 1 star from me.
After the Flood (2024)
2 become 1
Started okay, then went rapidly downhill.
The mix of environmental issues and murder detective is like a match made in hell, there's not one point that it felt like it married together.
The characters didn't help. The main copper manages to be both very selfish and wet drippish all at the same time, still not quite sure how she did that but it was very annoying. Urgh and the sister tasha has to be one of the most unlikable people I've seen in a tv drama! Talk about resting b*tch face, There was just no redeeming arc to her. No wonder the brother made out he was dead for 3 years!
Everytime it felt like it was getting going a bit, it would cut to Lorraine ashbournes 'busy body' type character running around with some uni dropout trying to run for councillor, which just killed any sort of suspense. It feels like this needs to be 2 separate dramas and the scripts need a major overhaul for either to ever work.
Blindspot (2023)
Dire
I've watched a few of these channel 5 dramas now (some admittedly better than others), but this has to be the worst I've seen.
The main character in the wheelchair isn't likeable at all, in fact, I was rooting for the guy in the mask to shut her up the whole time. I can't put my finger on if it's the bad script, or her terrible delivery of lines, but she comes across as obnoxious/sarcastic/selfish/rude, all the traits 99% of people cannot stand, therefore you cannot root for her at any stage. If she was going around speaking to people like that in reality, she would be slapped down pretty quickly I can promise you that. The way she speaks to the so called best friend, the best friends mother, the copper, the cleaner (as if!), her co-worker, made my blood boil the whole time.
Also, the woman needs a call from Paralympics uk immediately, as she is bound to win umpteen gold medals on the track the way she's able to wizz around that estate in that chair, out pacing grown men running at full speed is very impressive and VERY unrealistic.
I haven't even really managed to touch on the lack of story line as I can't be bothered now, but please avoid this, it's really not worth your time unless you enjoy rooting for narcissistic, highly strung, loud mouth know it alls.
Maryland (2023)
Dreamland
I was looking forward to watching this, but it was honestly so boring and the story never goes anywhere or has any sort of ooomf...
Suranne Jones comes across very 'try-hard' the whole time, whether that's to do with the fact she co wrote it and felt the need to perform out her skin, or whether she just brought her own hype, im not sure, but it made it feel very forced and most of the time she was over-acting. The other actress, I'm not familiar with, but did a much better job, and carried what little of a story there was. Stockard Channing has been horribly mis-cast, I can only think she knows one of the producers and was purely in this as a favour. Other than that there's really not much to say, apart from informing you that in the future, I will no longer see watching paint dry as being quite so dull and it's all thanks to this series. Thanks Suranne!
Desperate Measures (2022)
Not bad
For channel 5, not too bad actually. Don't get me wrong, you need to leave any sense of reality firmly at the door, but once you do and accept it for what it is, it's actually quite enjoyable so far.
A few things could have been done differently, such as the bad guy (too dog drug dealer), who is horribly miscast here. Also the storyline of sunetra sarkers character, whos mum drops a hot boiling pan and then all of a sudden she decides to help rob a bank; didnt really sit well with me. Plus, it has clearly been filmed in a European country on the cheap (not in the uk, despite it being set here), so all road signs and price tags in shops are blurred out or quickly rushed over, but it's done in quite a sloppy and amateurish way. All this being said, I'm looking forward to seeing how the next 2 episodes play out.
The Catch (2023)
Channel 5
Horrible acting, dodgy accents, unlikable characters, unrealistic conversations, bad directing... I could go on.
The daughter seems intent on wandering around the docks day in day out in a white shirt, which never seems to get a spec of dirt on it. The wife needs a slap, the mothers storyline isn't needed and just there for comic effect, which comes across as disrespectful.
The copper who comes into it to investigate the lifeguards murder is about as vacant as they come.
The main character is a drip and the boyfriend is about as menacing as Donald duck.
Channel 5 through and through... do yourself a favour and run a mile.
In the Footsteps of Killers (2021)
Remember these are real victims
I started watching this show with a good amount of optimism that they may actually thoroughly re look at all the old evidence of these cases, uncover brand new suspects and evidence, then be able to pass this onto the police/family members, (that they have somehow managed to drag into this sorry mess) in order to help towards a new conviction . Boy, how wrong I was!
This is nothing more than two egos, running around certain streets, col de sacs, estates that are linked to past cold case crimes, raking up and running with pointless leads that were already discounted about 20years ago, and then proceeding to show their cringeworthy encounters with old witnesses, family friends, basically anyone they could get on camera.
It has everything to make you want to put your fist straight through the tv screen within at least the first 15mins.
The set up conversations and phone calls between actress Emilia fox and wannabe DCI prof David someone, will have you running towards any near open window, door, hatch, hole, grate.... just to escape the pure embarrassment and grubbiness you will instantly feel, as you come to the realisation that this is indeed a vehicle purely to push careers and absolutely nothing to do with having any intention whatsoever to find or uncover any new/meaningful/related information that may come anywhere close to helping with these awful cases.
As an example, in the first episode, a case of two young boys gone missing in 96. Emilia fox tracks down a woman (yeah right)who worked in a petrol station and was the last person to see the boys the night they went missing. However, instead of hearing her story, we are treated to Ms Fox prancing down the high street, looking over her shoulder, then all around her, like she's about to get jumped or as if she's expecting to spot a brand new clue somewhere on the street nearly 30
years on from the event. All this happens against the backdrop of naff scooby doo type music... appalling! Then after Ms Fox has had her moment, she finally gets around to speaking to the worker, only to ask how she used to communicate with customers through the window hatch of the petrol station... after picking my jaw up off the floor, I finally managed to get hold of the remote, and switch it off, then went for a very long hot shower to attempt to wash away the sheer disgust for what I had just seen.
Please do yourself a favour and look up these crimes, as they are absolutely awful, mainly forgotten over the years and clearly need to be solved, but please do not look to this program to help you do this in any way shape or form. Forget it ever existed and spare a thought for the individuals and family members still going through the hell of not knowing, many many years down the line.
The House Across the Street (2022)
Naff
Bizarre first 2 episodes.
The main character doesn't seem to have a grip on reality, which is v hard to believe when she is an active school nurse. Then a girl from the school goes missing and she makes it all about her. When the body is found, no one seems to react.
The wife of the Dead girl is back at work in a travel agents within days.
There's some strange neighbour who keeps dolls
In a shed, along with what appears to be young girls clothing on the washing line, but the police don't seem interested.
The main character then goes to the parents with all this information about her seeing the school teacher bringing the bike back, but then just walks out, as if the police won't want to interview or speak with her.
Time to switch off I think.
I Came By (2022)
amateurish
Just avoid it at all costs, that's my only advice.
George mackays character is so unlikeable, that when he gets a bat to the face (only about 15 mins in), you almost breathe a sigh of relief.
Kelly Mac Donald then takes over the reigns for an hour or so, but her character is so bland and wishy washy that you end up rolling your eyes at basically every scene she's in. She sits outside the villains house all hours of the day and night, witnesses someone clambering out the window to get away, doesn't say anything to the police (despite the fact she suspects her son has been done away by this judge), and then proceeds to break into the house herself, no weapon or plan, goes upstairs, comes downstairs and then basically gets tied up and put through a kiln, unfortunately we don't get to witness any of this.
The other Friend, who pops up every now and again to constantly remind us he is having a kid, is as paper thin a character as you could write. On top of this, odd pacing sees the kid born, then sat up playing on its own in the space of about 10 minutes. The girlfriend brings absolutely nothing to the story, and spends the whole time she is on screen whining that he's hiding something from her, only to then reveal she knew everything anyway.
Hugh Bonuville isn't awful, but again, any actor really could have taken on this villain, and still couldn't have brought any Life to it due to the terrible script.
What was with that odd scene when he shuts the door and whispers to the cop, which basically implicates himself in everything, all over the fact she found the peep hole round the wrong way on the basement door. It wasn't as if she was going to nail him over that. A bizarre scene thrown in for shock effect which falls flat on its face.
End is laughable, who are these people he's holding in the rooms, it's never explained, motive never explained apart from some naff story of his father going off with an immigrant.
If you enjoy grad school type directing, acting and scriptwriting, this will be right up your street. If you want something that is at best passable, this isn't for you.