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White Man's Burden (1995)
in an alternate universe, and even in this one, there exists a white mans burden
White Man's Burden fearlessly copes with the fact that, sometimes, more then often, a burden just cannot be lifted. Life comes down on you sometimes, as it does for Louis Pinnock ( played by Travolta). After being brutally terminated just for simply looking up at a window, and seeing something that he shouldn't have, Louis is let go from the company he is working for. From here, it all takes a toll on Louis. He's trying to find work, only offered minimum wage jobs that won't pay his ways of survival. He ends up getting behind on payments, and his family quickly cascades into financial crisis. Desperate for recovery, and finding no means of help or solutions, drives him to an ultimate revenge on his employer....which involves kidnapping the man who fired him. White Mans Burden is far from perfect, I can't see this type of film being made for todays audience, however, it is worth a look to see what a nightmare you can be plunged into if this happens to you, on either side of the scope. Race does not matter.
Made in Heaven (1987)
Your greatest love on earth...was made in Heaven
If you asked me what was the most unique romance film ever made, this is it! What I love about this movie, is despite the title, its not afraid to get a little dark. Heaven may not exactly be the place you imagine. Angels chomping on cigars. Kids attend school. And you can change the color of paint on your dream home just by imagining it. But, I'm getting a little ahead of myself. A man drowns after trying to save a family from a vehicle accident. His good bigheartedness has earned him a place in Heaven, but things are not going as planned. He's fallen in love, you see. He's developed special feelings for a very special girl, she's so special, she's a brand new soul in Heaven, and has never been to Earth before. So we tackle reincarnation in this film? Tell me more! Well, here lies the problem....her soul is soon getting prepared to descend down to Earth, she's getting ready to be a baby to a lucky family. Will he stay in Heaven? Nonsense. He wants to go down to Earth too, to find her, but here's the incredible twist to the story: He only has 30 years to find her. After 30 years, well, time is up, and sorry, you're on Gods watch here, not Big Bens. Rules in Heaven. Heh. Who would have thunk. Anyway, this massive 80's treat is bound to bring smiles, warm hearts, and slight giggles, but don't be surprised by a few wtf moments, as this is definitely an unpredictable film. In my opinion, I thought the movie got a little too complex, as it tries to take on too much substance, and fails to give us a smooth ride to the finish line. I strongly recommend this film as an evening film for the whole family, and I hope it delights you just as it delighted me when I first watched it back in 1988.
Heavenly Bodies (1984)
Great movie to uplift your spirits when you're feeling down
Here's a treat for all you dance lovers out there. No. It's not Dirty Dancing, but it is a great movie to uplift your spirits when you're feeling down, blue, or even out of shape. Heavenly Bodies is a fun and entertaining ride that takes us all to the dance floor. There's great moves, great music, and a whole lot of fun for everyone. Even the kids, you ask? WHY NOT! Why is this movie rated R? There's virtually no profanity, and no violence. The film is a slice of 80's cheese, don't get me wrong, but this is a film that they don't make anymore. It's filled with aerobics, women doing dance moves in tight, TIGHT clothing, and it's altogether just a dynamite feature. I think there's one scene where a woman bares her chest, but seriously people, its blink and you miss it. ( Not to mention there was a purpose for it, it wasn't just to be sleazy, trust me, or my review would be going another direction.) If that's what stripped this down to an R rating, get over it, get your groove on, and get in there and dance and join the fun! You will walk away from this feeling lively and energized and that's a guarantee!
Slaughtered Vomit Dolls (2006)
Shocked me, for the wrong reason
The only thing I thought was shocking about this film, is why it needed a director. All they needed was an editor, in my opinion. This isn't even really a movie, or a film, or even a documentary. To be honest, I can't even tell you what the hell it is. What you're going to be watching, if you even want to bother, is just over an hour of poorly constructed snuff film bits strung together. Almost feels like a torture porn version of The Exorcist. Wait. Let's make that Exorcist II. I have too much respect for The Exorcist, to compare this to that. Essentially, this is pathetic and useless trash that needs to be thrown straight into a grinder. I obviously have nothing against films with bad taste or even logic from time to time, but when I am questioning why your movie even needs a director, its safe to assume something is terribly wrong. There are things worse then bad movies being made. There comes, sometimes, and I can thankfully say that it doesn't happen often, because this is the first time I've encountered this problem, but there comes a time when a movie is so bad, that it not only has no plot, no soul, no point, just virtually a feel of emptiness, that you have to wonder why it needed a director or a writer. Was there writing done here? So. Let's get right down to it. Slaughtered Vomit Dolls. It's going to be narrated by a little girl who seems to act like she's possessed by the devil. Let's talk about this child for a minute, shall we. What parent, in the right frame of mind, would allow their child to star in this twisted filth of a film? Then again, who said they were in the right frame of mind? The movie just seems to scream and shout high abundance levels of mental illness, in fact, the images are just so sick and repulsive, that you have to wonder about director Lucifer Valentines mental health himself. Why would you want this on your credentials, Lucifer. I can't believe your name is really Lucifer. Grisly, gory, and yes, there is plenty of vomit. Plenty of nudity. A girl falls off the toilet, asks for help up, she doesn't seem to mind that she's being filmed naked from the waist down. ( Shakes head, reaches for the bottle of vodka) I don't even drink anymore, mind you, but something has just got to get this wretched freak of a film out of my mind. Did I watch the whole thing. 23 minutes. It seemed like 23 hours. Think I'm joking? Then dismiss my warning, and watch it for yourself. I'm giving this negative 7 million. 349 thousand, 991 stars. Let's just round it off to 8 million stars below zero. I usually don't like using big numbers like that, but in this case...yes...it's needed.
Ghostbusters II (1989)
this time, they'e saving New York from pink slime
Oh, and that weird guy in the painting, too. Ghostbusters II is nothing special, but nothing inferior, either. It's weak compared to the original, but nevertheless fun and entertaining. The ending was a bit anti climatic, that's my only complaint. It also lacks the magic that the original Ghostbusters had. How do you compete against near perfection, though? There's a few funny scenes, particularly the statue of liberty scene and the scene when they get the pink slime to dance. Other then that, it is what it is. I'm giving it 6 out of 10
Cease Fire (1985)
emotional but stressful film
I remember watching Cease Fire with my big sister and her friend back in 1985, I was only ten years old back then. I did not walk out of the theater with dry eyes. Thirty four years later, and it still provides a pretty good punch. The film examines the lives of two Vietnam Vets, and their coping of the trauma that the war has conflicted into their lives. The war was long over, but the war inside their heads was just beginning. Would this be a war they lose, too? After losing his job, and a little scuffle at the unemployment office, Tim Murphy befriends Luke, a vet just like him, but with a different personality. They quickly bond, and they establish their friendship over a few beers. Tim eventually invites him to meet his family, his wife Paula and their two children, one boy and one girl. Luke takes a liking to his family, and is great to his kids, he shows his playful side. The two seem like normal, average guys, but they are not. Hidden deep inside, there lies the excruciating thoughts of the war. It seems like just yesterday. And the thoughts are lushly detailed. Tim is hit very hard by the curse of the war. He wakes up often in night sweats, dogged by nightmares, seeing a man screaming his name, and reaching out to him for help. His wife, Paula, a waitress, wants to help, but unaware of how to go about in doing so. Tim cannot hide the damage that was done to him. Often, Luke wants to talk about the war, but you can tell Tim does not. It seems to make him very uncomfortable, and he'll try to change the subject. It seems this is one of his triggers. Matters just keep getting worse. More and more, as much as he is struggling to be a good father and husband to his wife, it cannot be denied that things are just coming apart at the seams of his life. It's almost as if losing his job sucked him into such a deep depression, and it has relived the horrors of an ungodly war that he survived. The film never asks us to feel sorry for these soldiers, it only wants us to understand the damage that it has inflicted upon their lives. They cannot think in a linear way, as much as they would like to. It's not until the very end of the film that we find out what happened to Tim in the war, why he is having those bad nightmares. It seems he was put in a situation where he had to perform a mercy kill. Altogether, Cease Fire has problems, its nowhere near a perfect film, but it is an outstanding one for what it does. I remember when I first watched this on the big screen, I was crying, seeing one of the injured soldiers with a clear compound fracture somewhere on the arm. It was all in grisly and graphic detail. Directed by David Nutter, who directed all episodes of Game Of Thrones, did a great job directing, despite some of the clunky editing that can easily be overlooked. I'm giving this 8 stars, and why not have a look at the film for yourself so you can see how great it is! After having no luck getting a hold of the DVD ( its very rare, needless to say), I managed to find a site where you can safely view this online. By safely, I mean there's no malware, no viruses, its a legitimate site, you just have to deal with some ads, but its well worth it for this title.and I hope you enjoyed this as much as I did, its clearly a VHS rip so please overlook the quality, they did the best they could with what they have. It's an old movie, but it's a great one. Don Johnson nailing the role as the vet has to be seen to be believed.
The Dentist (1996)
Brace yourself for some fear, gore, and fun
Down and to the point, this was just a weird and off beat film. Very odd horror movie. Cinematography is not bad, I give that a 7/10. Corbin is the cleanliness obsessed dentist who is about to bring a tiny little drill to your nightmares tonight. After catching his wife messing around with the pool guy, he goes off the deep end....QUICKLY! A fuse blows in his mind, and he's taking it out on his patients, one by one. He thinks he sees the decay in people, not just in teeth. I talked to a few people to try to figure out if they like Corbin or not. Surprisingly, people do, but a lot have confirmed they think this man is a spoiled, rotten little brat. Maybe true, however, his roles usually nail him down as the mean spirited type. Add "The Stepfather" portfolio, and PRESTO: You have The Dentist! He plays it quite well, and as banged up as this movie is, and I don't know why, but I do like it, even though it tends to be a little dark and weird. Playing on the fantasy and reality card, we sometimes see through his eyes, which can be quite creepy, seeming that his mind is playing tricks on him, and sometimes things he hears just don't make sense. The more you watch, the worse it gets, and it just gets more and more twisted, and unpredictable the ending is! ( I just wish a child wasn't injured. Spoiler.) I'm giving the Dentist 5 out of 10 stars. Next time you go to your check up, make sure you floss....these doctors can actually tell what you've been eating. That's SCARY!
BEST DISNEY MOVIE EVER!!!!
This was the best Disney movie ever! No plot! No story! No plot and no story, doesn't this already sound like the best Disney movie ever? There's no character depth, there's no heart and soul, there's nothing but...sight and sound? Music. There's music. And there's animation. Plenty of animation. So much animation, I actually got sick of animation. Don't worry, every once in awhile, a live actor is thrown in there. Well. He's not live anymore, I mean, after all, this is an old movie. No plot, no story, no direction, just a bunch of animated shorts moving along to the music. Are you interested? ARE YOU KIDDING? Who are you people trying to clown? You put this film so high on the pedestal, and for what reason? Oh, its because its a classic, I get it. It's a classic older then most of your parents, yup yup yup. So we can't knock what's old, because its gold, I get it. I get it. Backed by The Philadelphia Orchestra? No, wait, stop right there. I actually took the time to look up Philadelphia Orchestra. They do not mention, NOT ONE TIME, about Fantasia. Which, I don't know, forgive me if I drop a little intelligence into the light, but it tells me that the film actually lied, and its not Philadelphia Orchestra after all. They lied. SO WHO ARE THEY!? A bunch of Hollywood knuckleheads trying to impersonate an organization that was founded before your film was even cranked out? Don't expect me to show any respect for your film if your lying to us right off the bat with the narration. I wish there was an uncensored version of imdb I could use to tell you how I really feel. Anyway, this pointless rubbish runs over 2 hours, and.....let's talk about that a bit, okay!? This is the only Walt Disney movie confirmed that runs over 2 hours, and yet it has no story , no plot, and almost zero direction. I smell bull around here. And you guys and gals who want to praise this 2 hour nothing of a film on how great it is, blind leading the blind leading the blind, well, I'll just spell it out for you if you want to know the truth. It's a 1940 film about nothing. Want to watch nothing? That's what Fantasia is. Classical familiar music is the highlight of this film. You can literally use Fantasia as background noise while your cleaning the kitchen, and not miss a beat. Music without words. Classical music! Oh, and Mickey Mouse? Heh. Not even he's the highlight of Fantasia. That's sad. One out of 10 stars. 10 star reviews? Don't believe it. The only ten stars I want to see are the stars the writers of this would see if you punched them in the head. They're not around to see that.
Child's Play (2019)
A great horror flick!
I was neither amazed nor impressed with Childs Play 2019! However, I will say this, it was quite good. And it exceeded my expectations for a horror franchise reboot, considering the abundance of raw sewage that passes for film that has been handed to us over the years. Horror fans of this franchise should be pleased, and if not, why so? What were you expecting? I will admit, I rolled my eyes and gritted my teeth at the talk of a new entry in the Childs Play series, considering the long drawn out titles that have descended as the years went on. Some were hits, but most were misses, and that's my opinion. I was curious what they put together, so I gave this film a fair shake. Glad I did. Simply put, this was a breathe of fresh air for Childs Play. I only have a few complaints about this film, which I would love to get out of the way as of right now. First complaint: The ET influence. Don't tell me you didn't notice the Elliot look alike Andy was dressed up as, he even had the same red sweatshirt from the film! He looked just like him, too. The ET finger Chucky holds up, and actually glows red. Riding the coat tails of previous Chucky films, this does NOT, however, riding the coat tails of other films, and its of no forgiveness from me. Second complaint: Could they have pulled back on the gore just a little? The violence was fine for the most part, but the blood just flies over the top these days! If they would have pulled back just a little, probably would have been perfect, but it just causes a little problematic for the film as a whole. Third complaint: Okay, we get it, you're back ORION! You could have done without the references here and there. Particularly, towards the end, you hear "Dead or alive, you're coming with me", which is from Orions 1987 hit Robocop. Any other complaints from here are fairly minor, on to the story! Andy is 13 years old, and gets a doll for his birthday. This doll just conveniently gets all its original programming disabled, giving him the full capacity to unlimited access to AI life once connected to the cloud. For the most part, Chucky is designed to be a real life doll that you can actually communicate with. Seems Chucky has actual feelings, raw emotions, and a personality that he automatically connects with you, no matter what your age. So, from here, were drawn into the world of Andy, who constantly finds Chucky at his bedroom door, wanting to play at odd hours of the morning when he's trying to sleep. One thing is for sure, Chucky is in tune with everything that Andy says, and is in tune with what is making him unhappy. Simply put: Don't get on Andys bad side, Chucky is there to defend him any means necessary, including ( and especially) murder. Chucky doesn't even let the cat torque with this kid! Unleashing a sadistic and and violent rave, Chucky is anything but cold hearted in this film. He only wants to protect and be Andys friend. The emotional element existing here excels and works in tremendous ways I would have never believed possible. This isn't a typical horror film, either, where you just watch it, and you're done with it. This one may leave you just thinking about it for hours, maybe even days on end. This is a sign that your film has worked. If its something you can't forget, how did it fail? And the 15 minute climax was suspenseful, unruly, and well crafted. Thank you boys and girls for doing this film the way a reboot should be handled. And I wish you well for all the profits you reap in from this film, it is well deserved.
Boobs: An American Obsession (2010)
Cram it haters!
Apparently I got some hate from my last review about how I really feel about this film. You want to love it, love it. You want to like it, like it. But don't go "zero out of three thought this review was helpful" on me just because you don't like what I have to say about the stupid movie. I honestly thought the film was going to be an in depth examination on WHY we like them so much, and instead, the film wants to bare all, and go in detail on irrelevant material. I was misled. You, on the other hand, may just want to see some bare female nudity. HAVE AT IT! That's not what I stay tuned for! An American Obsession...why!??? Give me the grisly, gory details. Why do we love them so much, why do we like them so much, and there is absolutely nothing here to see but....that. Is that a problem with the movie. I certainly believe so, but you may not. So what's the point to the documentary? I can't say there is one. It's fun and entertaining to watch, however, so I'm giving it 5 out of 10. Haters? Cram it. Work on your mental and low brow issues on your own watch, keep them off the hands of mine.
The Babysitter (2017)
R rated Home Alone?
If it's not that, I missed it. Campy, fun, but I can't even call it entertaining, because I only made it to the half hour mark. I got some tips on how the rest of the story goes, and I was right, I wasn't missing anything special. The film is what it is: it's an over the top bloody comedy. Well, it's at the least bloody. Perfect film for the 12 to 20 age bracket, but I turn 44 here soon, so this one is out of my league. Maybe a little too perverted for a young teen, so let's say 15 to 20. Actually, if you're all done with school, you shouldn't be watching this anyways, so most of us graduate around the age 18, so let's just say this is the 15 to 18 age bracket. So we made a movie for the 15-18 age bracket. In a sense, yes. Netflix should be ashamed of himself and MCG, our director here, has some explaining to do. Apparently he was convinced that he didn't have enough bad projects under his belt. I beg to differ. I'm giving this volcanic spurt of rectal juice 3 out of 10 stars.
Without a Trace (1983)
realistic examination of a childs abduction
Without a Trace tells the story about a young mother who wakes up one morning with her young son, Alex. It starts out just like a day like any other. It's not. This is the day Alex goes missing. From here, the film may seem slow, however, this is the wrong word to be using here. The film is patient. It's not slow at all, given the fact that the film is actually working with a lot of substance here. This is a realistic examination of a childs abduction, even for todays audience ( especially for todays audience.) The film seems to plead us, walk your child to school, don't let them go by themselves. Young Alex only had to walk a few blocks from the window mom was watching him from to get to school. Don't think it can happen? Think again. Don't think it can happen to YOUR child? Think again. Without a Trace does an exceptional job of going through the realistic behavior that any parent would go through if this happened to their child, also going through the realistic investigation that any form of police would go through in recovering the child. The police are not exactly useless in the film, however, it does correctly illustrate for us their superficial minds and tactics, in recovering a missing child. Looking at smoking mirrors will NOT get a child back home, looking through them may. The film is very carefully crafted, never spending too much time on one element. As I said earlier, this film works with a lot of substance. For its 2 hour duration, the film works together as a smooth sail, building up to the climax where we finally find out if Alex is still alive, and if he will be reunited once again with his mother. While I won't spoil the ending, I will warn you, do not be surprised if you go through an entire box of Kleenex with this one. Without a Trace may even shock you to find out how many children are missing, may still be alive, and will never see their parents again, because the police may have closed a lot of these cases, assuming the child is dead on circumstantial evidence. It also teaches us that the police are not the answer, YOU are. If you have any tips or leads that can help bring a child back home, contact Missing And Exploited Children by calling 1-800-THE-LOST.
Cool World (1992)
You let us down Baskshi!
You let us down, Baskshi. You let us all down on Cool World. You're better then this, and everyone who is familiar with your name cannot deny it. Are you forgiven? My answer, yes. It seems there were a few problems here and there, on set, off set, political horseplay (got another word for it, but can't use it here), not to mention trying to dodge that pesky R rating! I get it. I got it. You're still good. I JUST WISH I COULD SAY THE SAME ABOUT YOUR MOVIE! Cool World is problematic. Paper thin story, paper thin characters, and lots and lots and lots of unnecessary, unfunny, uncool ( yeah, I said it) animation. May have been a great movie if...if...there's too many ifs here. I don't want to say it sucked, it's at least entertaining. I'll give them that. It's the only good thing I can say. Not even a hot character like Holly Wood can save your film, Ralph. The main focus here, is a cartoonist character comes to life animated, and wants to be real. From here, the lines between animation and reality are blurred, crossed, and ultimately screwed with. ( Pun intended.) So. What you need for Cool World , is maybe just a soft drink of your choice, and a bag of Dorittos. You won't be bored watching this, but I can't say its good. And whatever you do, don't bring your brain to this party, leave it at the doorstep. You can have it back after you've watched this film.
Doctor Wolffenstein is your worst nightmare ( No, I'm DEAD serious!)
The Curse Of Doctor Wolffenstein opens up, almost promising to be something good. The opening scene is set in 1930 something....it might even just be 1930. Oh, well....it's the 30's, how about that? Anyway, this Wolffenstein guy is buried alive, since he's pursuing immortality, at the cost of raiding other peoples graves, using body parts as experiment pieces. With me so far? Good, because it gets so much more complex, and by that, I mean you've almost got the whole movie ( which is 2 hours long, and will feel like 3 and a half.) So, he's buried alive, and then we see a hand rise from the grave...uh oh, Wolffenstein is NOT dead....and he's continuing his quest in searching for immortality. Now, it's 80 something years in the future, ah, its NOW, how about that? Anyway, this Wolffenstein guy is continuing to try to figure out the method of immortality, at least, that's what were led to believe. You would THINK, that if you were buried alive, and then you rose from the dead, that you figured out how to live forever, hence, immortality, am I wrong? So what about the victims in the movie? Ah, kill them anyways, right? Let's experiment on their parts, and see if we can figure out immortality beyond immortality, or something. I mean, WHO CARES! You guys came to see some blood and gore, am I wrong? Who cares about the plot, and who cares about this stupid party some young teens are going to, you came to see the blood fly, didn't you? Well. Now. You will not be disappointed. The film is about 2 hours long, uncut, and I'd say about an hour is pure bloodshed. Satisfied? No? What if I told you there was a scene when at least 50 people get the machete, back to back to back to back to back to back to back....etc, etc, etc? Slash, slash, slash, slash, interested now? Somebody is trying to make Jason Vorhees look like a kitten, and succeeding, too! Unfortunately, the victims get a bit tiresome, since almost half the kills is just a machete to the head. It gets old real quick. And there's no explanation for that monster thing, oh, you'll see, he's kind of cute in the light. Anyway, the film is a solid performer in the gorehound department, if that's what you came for, feast your eyes on this gem. All others, back away....and this is NOT for the squeamish, trust me. I'm giving this German film 4 out of 10 stars. ( It would have gotten 5 with a better story.) PS: THE MUSIC WAS EXCELLENT IN THIS FILM!
Your kids are NOT safe this halloween!
Halloween III picks up where Halloween II left off. HA! Just joking. In fact, we've abandoned Meyers altogether. This time, its up to a detective to figure out what's going on with all those Silver Shamrock advertisements....they seem to really want your kids to go out and get their masks this year, and sit in front of the TV set this halloween, instead of going out trick or treating. Wait, what? Apparently there's some sort of mechanism on the back of the masks, that activates during the TV show they want your kids to watch, and when activated....oh, I DON'T KNOW! All I know is Silver Shamrock cannot be trusted, and neither can that Cochrane guy, he's the man behind the whole scheme. Bodies turn up, I mean, hell, let's cut the corn here, people, the film is a mess. Its the least violent, least thrilling, and has the least appealing story in the entire Halloween franchise. They learned their lesson. If you're going to have a Halloween movie, YOU NEED MICHAEL!!!! It's not an option, people. Although this was a successful film, the feedback and backlash from critics was negative. And I'm not jumping on any bandwagon here, I'm telling you the movie sucks a golf ball through 3 feet of garden hose. Don't believe me? Watch it. And hear my deep voice telling you I TOLD YOU SO!
Mr. Holland's Opus (1995)
an influential story
An influential story that takes place over the years. It's about a teacher who forces his love for music straight down the throats of his students. And then they become influenced. One teacher doesn't agree with his ways, and tries to interfere . Kind of like in Dead Poets Society, oh wait, is there similarity here? Same movie, just a different title. Except in Dead Poets Society, it was literature lover, not music lover. His son cannot hear, he's deaf. His time is invested with his students, instead of with his family. Great leader, huh? Mr. Hollands Opus has great potential, great story, great music, and great memories. You will smile, cry hard, and love this film as a whole. I give this masterpiece 7 out of possible 10 stars!
For the most part, its just a dumb, short movie
Four players compete for 10 million dollars...sorry, that's not dollars, 10 million yen....yes, 10 million yen, on a sadistic game show called Red Room. At least, that's what I think the game show was called, did they even give a title for the game show itself?? Seeing a lot of sick films in my past, I was neither shocked nor disgusted by this piss poor production of a film. The movie has a few problems. One, being that its trying to be too organized. We end a conversation, to a cut scene back to the game, and then we continue back to the conversation with a 10 second rewind of what we've just saw, just to confirm that the conversation is continuing. Why, I may ask, the unique editing, which doesn't work in my opinion. I've seen many Chinese films, and they don't always do this, so this is not their custom, don't go thinking that. In fact, a lot of times, their films are better then American films, which is why I gave this title a whirl. ( Shakes head) What have I just embedded in my brain forever? I mean, the rules of this game were never really explained thoroughly, so it leaves the viewer in awe. In general, the only thing that kept my attention, was the fact that I wanted to see who would win. There is a winner. They don't all die. It's not one of those, I'm sure you've seen at least one movie like that, if you're into this kind of thing. It's pretty much just torture porn. And it's executed poorly. The choreography is over the top, and comically cartoonish. When there are blood spurts, its over the top and unbelievably unrealistic. Not much of a story here, except the fact that all four players are desperate for the money, and are wanting it for different reasons. The way the game is played is pretty simple. They play a card game, four cards are drawn, and then shown. Three cards are numbered 1 through 3, and then there is a king card. If you hold the king card, you are exempt from being tortured, and you call the shots as to what kind of pain should be inflicted upon your victims. This is where I had a problem with Red Room. Half the time, it seemed like it was just sex instead of the players actually enduring any kind of excruciating pain. I'm not about seeing people get hurt, but let's face it, that's what most of you probably came here for, right? To see people get brutally hurt and tortured. If half the game requests sex acts, you would probably be let down, am I wrong? Maybe this was an excuse to trim down the violence, but the violence that does exists, I have to give them credit, they disturbed me! A hairdryer down a mans throat? Brilliant! A light bulb inserted....where a light bulb shouldn't be inserted. Brutal. Sadistic and brutal. For the most part, this is a freaks only film, its out for shock factor, and nothing more. Entertainment values are out the window on this one, so don't bother. Come to see the pain inflicted on others. Come one, come all, and see who walks away with a million dollars. Yen. Sorry. Not a million dollars. A million yen. 10 MILLION YEN! Wow...I'm so disturbed by the film, I forgot how much yen they won.
Takin' It Off (1985)
I made it to the 30 minute mark. I couldn't take it anymore!
Ed Hansen wrote and directed this, who has passed away. I think that's a blessing in disguise, as for the fact that he can't make terrible trash like this anymore. Ed seems to think its funny and amusing for women to have to exploit themselves just to make ends meet from side to side. I, myself, did not laugh once at this atrocious mountain of a fly meal. And I laugh a lot, trust me, it doesn't take much to get me going. Kitten Nativdad, a Hispanic actress and porn star, stars in this. The only thing that brought my attention over to this freak show, was the fact that I was looking for the film "Takin It All Off", which is actually a very funny, very amusing film. I had no idea it was a sequel to...this? This movie lacks a plot, completely. It's just about a woman who is trying to lose three inches off the chest, so that she can have a career in television. That's it! So how do we make an hour and half film about this? Half the movie is on an exotic dance stage, once in awhile you get a glimpse of the back stage, and it's just pretty much just a bunch of guys gawking and whistling and yowling as they watch strippers perform. Much skin is shown. That's your movie. That's, at least, all I watched up to. The last hour I missed, well, I'll just use my imagination, and tell myself that the rest of the movie sucks just like the first half hour, and go do some cleaning instead. Why waste my time? And for those of you perverted cheese balls who watched the movie, liked it, and wanted to see what others had to say about it, and DON'T LIKE WHAT I HAVE TO SAY ABOUT IT....and you think you're going to make it up to me with the 0 out of 1 say they did not find this review helpful??? Just understand one thing: Some people are just too intelligent to watch crap like this. I just want to warn them. Of course, with a title to a film like this, that's your warning altogether.
Bachelor Party (1984)
the grandfather of all insane party comedies
Say hi to Rick Gassko! He's an amateur and irresponsible man who just doesn't seem to take life too seriously. Morales? HA! Who, this guy? Watch as he lets the kids do whatever they want on the bus he rides out of town. So, is he going to take a commitment or marriage seriously? The brides parents don't seem to think so. At the very least, dad hates his steaming guts. He would like for his daughter to marry a much better guy, at least to his standards. So, there's only one thing to do. They catch wind that a party is being held for the groom at an expensive hotel. SABOTAGE THE PARTY! Unfortunately, the party doesn't need any help in being sabotaged. Seriously. Things get totally out of control, and when I say out of control, I'm talking off the grids OUT OF CONTROL! You'll be in for more surprises then Rick in Bachelor Party, a night of laughs, fun, and endless quotable quotes one right after the other. Watch as a guy is tricked suspended out the window naked dangling by tied up sheets, watch as an unintended donkey snorts up lines of cocaine, and watch as ( can't spoil who) gets tied up to a bed by ( if you really want to know, you have to watch!) Directed and written by Neal Isreal, Bachelor Party will split your lungs in four pieces laughing!
Hellraiser III has one major problem....it exists!
Hellraiser II boasted a ton of problems, and yet it was justified with its creativity. I'm down with that! Hellraiser III is down with stupidity, and I just don't gel well with that. From the dumb characters ( we can talk later about that CD man) to the dumb script, Hellraiser III answered the question that I asked in Hellraiser II, and that is "Do they know what they're doing?" This film removed all doubt. Whereas before, the Cenobites were not allowed to interfere with the lives of humans unless summoned upon, in this one, ah, we'll let them wreak havoc anyway. Where? How about the dance floor? Sounds good! Wait, what!? And we got no bloody mattresses this time, nobody to kill for, so how will we do the continuity? Oh, I know! Let's get some jerk guy to woo the young women, take them home, and then skin them alive! WAIT! WHAT!? Continuity, the film sucks. Film sucks altogether. And then we have new entry characters added, such as a not so scary guy who wields CDs at you. Think I'm joking? Pinhead comes along, defying the mellow behavior he boasted in the first two films, to here, he's just a diehard fan of violence for some odd reason. WHAT!? Bottom line, I do not recommend Hellraiser III. If I had it my way, I'd have every person who was involved in the filming of this atrocity torn apart by hooks myself.
Perfect offbeat Christmas film!
Scrooged (1988) ranks number 3 on my favorite Christmas films ever. ( Number 2 is Christmas Vacation, and number 1? I have to give that to It's A Wonderful Life. God of all Christmas film) With a perfectly wild cast of characters, and the perfect balance of fun, comedy, and just great family entertainment all around, I have to give credit where credit is due, and Scrooged takes the cake! The Ghost of Christmas Past, Present, and Future are all here to guide our beloved lead character ( take a guess! you're right!) in a similar but much different path to It's A Wonderful Life. You'll laugh, you'll cry, and you'll just have a great time altogether watching this obnoxiously offbeat and very emotionally surcharged adventure! With Bill Murray and his son John Murray, along with Bobcat Goldweitt, and Jamie Farr, this star studded cast is bound to bring your whole family love, laughs, fun and joy this Christmas. Lessons are going to be taught, but will they be learned? A great film that teaches you to treat the present like its a gift ( a present), and to enjoy life better. Miracle director Richard Donner did a great job on this one. Classic! 8 out 10 stars!
Spontaneous Combustion (1990)
I see many lousy reviews for this film. There's really only two downfalls to Spontaneous Combustion. Number one, the special effects. And for 5 million dollars in the budget, I see no excuse why it couldn't have been executed better, but I'm perfectly fine with the way it was handled. Number two, the comparison everyone makes to Firestarter. Now, this is where I get heated! The only thing that's the same in both films, is that the parents had both under gone an experiment that went wrong. Boo hoo, pal! That is the only attribute that is similar to Firestarter. The film does NOT, I repeat, does NOT try to ride the coattails of Firestarter. ( Besides, Firestarter wasn't as successful of a film as everyone thinks, but that's another topic.) It has its own story line, and a great story with that. I found the film falling no short of excellence in many areas. Notably, Brad Douriffs lead role as Sam. At first, I have to admit, I thought he was playing a cheesy dork character, but as the film progresses, his acting abilities come to life, as so does the character. For those of you who don't know, and I can't see anyone not knowing this, but...Brad Douriff helms the voice of Chucky in all of the Childs Play films up until 2018. When he gets angry or wound up in this film, he sounds exactly like Chucky. I found Spontaneous Combustion surprisingly emotional and actually quite touching in many places, notably in the beginning when both parents are engaging with their child when he was just a baby. And the story? Give credit to Tobe Hooper, he wrote and directed this piece here. I really don't have any complaints on this movie, I thought the climax was a bit rushed, and a bit chaotic, but I'm okay with that. The rest of the movie does a decent job of building character depth, and the films strengths lie on Doriffs talents here, which he did with amazing results in my opinion. I can honestly see why reviewers may give this a rating below 5 stars, in a sense, this movie can go either way depending on what you can and cannot overlook, that's all I can say without giving too much away. The film appears to be on a 50 cent budget, which was not the case, and some may not be able to overlook many of the cheesy overtones displayed here and there. I am okay with it, most of it ( if not all of it) was made in the late 80's, and it was a cheesy decade. Get over it. The rest of you? Saddle in for the night, and turn your furnace off....Spontaneous Combustion will keep you warm all the way to the ending!
No parent would rightfully do this to their child. No parent in the right frame of mind. If your child is being held for ransom money, you pay the ransom reluctantly, and hopefully you get your child back. You don't toy with the kidnappers by trying to turn the tables, offering the money as a reward for their head on a silver platter. Good thing to do if you want your child dead! I found the film implausible, not to mention very difficult to watch, considering the treatment the child gets on camera. Film is ruthlessly violent for a Ron Howard film, I was quite shocked he helmed such material, and yet, he did an outstanding and fantastic job doing so. He's never failed as a director in my eyes, I just felt this material was little....touchy at times. Film drags and lags at several periods, but then picks up momentum again, it seems to deliberately know what its doing to push the suspense envelope in your face. Ransom is a good movie, its just not a great movie, and its certainly not Howards best. In fact, if you ask me, he's much better then this. As long as you don't mind seeing children in peril ( I, personally, have a problem with it) you should bode well with this unfriendly family film here. I give Ransom six stars, but Ron, if you EVER direct or are even closely associated with anything close to this again, I will never buy another ticket going toward your sales. Signed, sealed, and delivered, buddy!
a story about a strong friendship that passes the torch
There's very few films that provide the trinity of great music, great character depth, and emotional depth. Beaches knocks a home run on all three marks. The film is an examination of a strong friendship going back to when they were kids, clear into adulthood. CC is a red haired firecracker, always craving attention, and loves to be recognized through her talents, mainly through singing. Hillary is a little withdrawn, but around the right people, she brings out her sunny side of her personality. The two quickly bond, but drift apart, and eventually come to meet each other once again. Hillary has walked out on her entire life, feeling as if she's finally free of everything. CC welcomes her to her apartment in New York City, which isn't exactly The Ritz, but its enough CC calls a home. CC is striving to ignite a career, somewhere, anywhere, but failed attempts at getting her career starting way past her prime are starting to look grim. Then she meets a guy who welcomes her to an audition. Impressed by her work, he books her for local concerts, and soon enough, she's become a national hit through a play called Sizzle, which has taken the country by storm. From rags to riches, CC enjoys the high life, along with her friend Hillary. The problem is, some of the fame has gone to CCs head, and it begins to tamper with their friendship. So how strong are these two, really? And how bad do they want to stay friends? The challenges against the two are quickly stacking up, one against the grain on a tragic event that has happened to them, which will change the direction forever on how they will continue to live as friends. And live altogether. The closing scene to the film has a very strong message to it. Beaches is guaranteed to find its way into your heart, and it is guaranteed to be something that you will never, ever forget.
Invaders from Mars (1986)
Just all right science fiction film
Tobe Hooper as director? Texas Chainsaw Massacre director? Dan O Bannon the writer? Director of Return Of The Living Dead? WHAT HAVE YOU GOT IN STORE FOR A PG FILM, BOYS??? This film cannot have aged well. I doubt it. Very long time since I've seen this, so, let's review Invaders From Mars. The film opens up with a boy having a bad nightmare, he dreams a spaceship has landed nearby. Was it really a nightmare? Because nearby, it looks like there may be evidence of something strange going on. He tells his dad, and he confirms that there is something there, that he needs to come with him to the spot. Uncomfortable, he declines. The kid isn't stupid, he knows something wrong is going on. Then, terrible things start going down at his school. He catches his teacher red handed eating a frog. A little girl at school has band aids on the back of her neck, a very bad sign that someone has been....how shall I put it? Invaded. A little thing comes out of the back of the neck, almost like an antenna, during the....how shall I put it? Invasion. There may be more kids in danger of being invaded, as the teacher wants to lead the rest of the kids on a field trip to ...guess where? Kid needs to team up with someone he can trust, and the only one he can trust is another teacher from the school, who starts to believe that what he says is true. However, can they be enough to stop the....how shall I put it? Invaders from Mars? For a PG film and considering who was in the directors chair, I found this title a bit scary for its time. Probably still is, although I'm sure the special effects are to be laughed at out loud by now. All in all, this isn't a solid piece, but its not a weak one either. Cliche, silly, but certainly not boring, Invaders From Mars can be a pick of the afternoon.