rams_lakers Reviews

Welcome Back, Kotter: There Goes Number 5 (1977) Season 2, Episode 19

Didn't like dramatic Horshack

[3/10 · 3 January 2024]

Loved the show back when it first came out. Well, most of the episodes with Travolta as Vinnie. The show was different, funny, and us schoolkids could relate to the situations.

This brings me to There Goes Number 5. They may have well called it There Goes Horshack. Back then a lot of us didn't know that they were trying to give Horshack his own series. He was quite popular on Kotter, but I liked the Sweathogs as a group, not a solo act. Horshack worked very well amongst his peers and teacher in the school setting.

With the previous episode it became obvious that they were trying to make Arnold act more dramatic. I wasn't buying it. I always thought Horshack should stay within the confines of his character and not go bursting with over the top angst unless it was a joke. Some may call it character development, I call it overkill. Keep what works. And don't break up a perfect set and go with a single. The producers found out soon enough that a Horshack spinoff wouldn't work out. I could obviously see why. It just wasn't funny.

Obi-Wan Kenobi (2022)

I got a bad feeling about this

[1/10 · 2 April 2023]

I got a bad feeling about this... from the very first act. The youngling group running around following the jedi sabre-fighter, then seeing his defeat and all running up to him right away. I was like - wait, let me rewind that. Why did they all move as one to his body? The kids would be scattering, or at least a pause to process. Instead they run right up to the area of the danger. Poor direction there. It just didn't flow right, and neither did the rest of the episodes that I bothered to watch before canceling this.

I cringed whenever little Leia opened her mouth to spout out rehearsed lines and look like she doesn't know what she just said. Her eyes just aren't very sincere. She's a little kid with too many lines and they tried too hard to make her headstrong like her older self. Kids have a more different perspective than adults. Should've just made her act like a kid, not some spunky know-it-all as a tike. That should mostly come with experience. The black imperial trooper, Reva...ugh! She yells too much and that got annoying really fast. The woke is strong in this one, as once again Disney obviously flaunts their powerful gender agenda. I'm sure she'd be a fine actress in another genre.

And I'd never thought I would be saying this as a fan who has seen and loved the very first Star Wars when it came out, but too much Darth Vader here... from every camera angle. Let's watch him put on his attire again, piece by piece. It's obvious overkill. I'm surprised they don't show him brushing his teeth... or cooking an omelet. Disney sure laid an egg on this one.

If I directed/wrote this, there'd only be teases of Darth Vader. Maybe one swordfight with Kenobi but that would come near the end. Leia would act like a normal kid. I know she's a princess, but come on, really? Reva would be different, maybe another alien, who did not yell and have tantrums. This all needs to be more convincing. The only thing I am convinced of is that Disney likes to show how woke they are and does not know how to use these characters.

The only actor I like in this series is McGregor, but even he can't overcome the bad directing and writing to save this. This show is not worth the 7 rating currently on this site... it's more like a 3 but I gave it a 1 which means that I cannot watch it anymore because it's so bad. Disney: Do better, or sell the franchise to someone who can.

The Mandalorian: Chapter 19: The Convert (2023) Season 3, Episode 3

Worst episode of the entire series

[1/10 · 17 March 2023]

Ugh This one was terrible. And I have faithfully watched this series as one of my favorites. No I did not want to swatch a whole episode with Dr. Nerding and the Imperial alphabet captain. Stop trying to generate sympathy, they are the evil empire. Never cared for either of these characters and I'm not liking Disney's pushy wokeness. Plus these actors are awful. And the people at the party, I did not believe what they were saying because their acting was so bad.

I get we don't have to see Mando and Grogu having father-son time every episode, but couldn't the writers give us something better than this garbage? Where's Boba, Greef, and If I ever rewatch this season, this episode will be skipped. I hope the rest is better than this filler.

Cannonball Run II (1984)

Ok to skip this one

[1/10 · 15 March 2023]

There have been good movie sequels (Empire Strikes Back, Superman 2, Terminator 2) and there have been bad ones (Jaws the Revenge, Speed 2, Cannonball Run 2), so we know where this one ranks.

The original Cannonball Run is not perfect or award-winning (not that it matters) but it is a classic. Sure it has dumb cheesy moments but it is still a fun ride with some memorable stars and quotes. Cannonball 2 tries to follow up on all of that and fails. It is dumbed down and cheesy+, with blatant overacting, bad writing and awful direction. This sequel enhances all that the 1st one did to an annoying level. It's hard to relax and enjoy this garbage because it is so obviously stupid. There is no funny bone tickling here. More like silent cricketing.

I had purposely tried to skip this movie since it came out knowing it would be bad. I'm glad I didn't pay for it. Recently seeing it free on a cable channel reinforces my early decision. This movie is terrible. Why is it so bad? It just tries too hard to be funny and misses. The dialogue, the jokes, the acting, all of it reeks. I also notice a lot of standing around in this movie, whether it be extras in the scene waiting for the lines to be delivered or the Jackie Chan fights. Standing and waiting for the punchline... or the karate chop. The new "guest star" actors desperately try to be funny and fit in, but they're like a square peg fitting into a round hole. It's like the Gong Show decided to make a film. It all amounts to a cheaply made movie that failed at the box office and now stews with a current and accurate low rating on IMDB and Rotten Tomatoes.

Save yourself the time and hassle and just skip this disaster. It's not as bad as I described. It's worse.

Poker Face: The Orpheus Syndrome (2023) Season 1, Episode 8

worst of the series

[1/10 · 25 February 2023]

I love this show and have watched them all. The best one is ep 1. The worst is ep 8. This episode started off pretty interesting, as I am a monster fan and I love the stop motion Harryhausen throwback elements. I thought it was really made for me.

But as the story began to unravel I noticed many flaws. Lots of guessing, presumptions and overacting, and the episode did not flow. I'm not talking about the flashbacks and repeats, but more like the parts that were rushed and not very well thought out.

Charlie is eating the fake blood thinking it's jelly. But fake blood doesn't smell or taste like jelly so this is way off. It's also unusual that fake blood needs to be in a fridge.

Charlie rolls a wheeled box on a bunch of loose rock concrete. Why is the circular driveway path there made to be so impractical and difficult to use?

Charlie opens the film cannister to see it empty, but wouldn't it feel lighter and empty while she's holding it?

Laura overacts to the point of incriminating herself to Charlie. She needlessly calls out that she's not responsible for the 2 deaths when it wasn't assumed or questioned. Her dialogue was dumbed down to spit out her guilt.

Charlie is walking around in a silly horse costume to sneak in, which is pretty obvious and then discovered by Laura anyway.

The film tribute at the end was all over the place. Doesn't an editor only use certain highlights of film for a tribute? Why include the part of Laura turning the light off and why was a camera filming Laura and that light anyway? It just looked too obvious.

At the end Laura goes mad and loses it, drowning in her own guilt. Stuff just didn't make sense in this one. I hope the next ones are better.

Winning Time: The Rise of the Lakers Dynasty (2022–2023)

Longtime Lakers fan since 1977

[1/10 · 8 March 2022]

I was skeptical after seeing the trailer, so going in I didn't have high expectations that this show would be accurate. And it didn't let me down.

I've cheered through 10 Lakers titles (was too young for 1972) and read stories by Scott Ostler and more recently Jeff Pearlman's book which this show is based on. These were each fascinating to read. I wasn't there in the locker room, but by reading these books I felt that I was. Surprisingly Pearlman glows about the show in a recent interview. But it's nothing like his book, only an enhanced fabrication based on some of it, with a clear emphasis on turning up the contrast to attract viewers.

The first show was more of an over the top look at the beginning of Showtime rather than a simple retelling of the stories that unfolded with the many personalities.

So first of all I don't like the way Jerry Buss is portrayed. Buss was a handsome guy when he first purchased the Lakers. Not some pug-nosed aging fool. Secondly, Buss wasn't vocal in public about "sex and basketball" and his conquests of women. It was more for show, he'd bring a young date (or 2) to functions. Or go to the Playboy mansion with Magic. Also, Buss or West did not pose for pics with Magic during the draft. It was commissioner Larry O'Brien, who was portrayed terribly in this show, and Magic's mom & dad. No, Buss was not there foolishly add-libbing an index finger toward Magic. And West who was a behind the scenes guy wasn't standing there with a smirk. West was lukewarm at best on the pick. There were no Lakers logos and especially the words "the forum" on the wall. That was more a combo of splashing the current into the past and dumbing the scene down for the ignorant.

West had a low key persona in public. The closest thing we saw to his fiery personality was as a head coach in the mid-70s where he'd scowl on the court. But so what, that's what coaches do, right? He was known to bring up some cuss words in private but did he rage and break golf clubs? Doubtful. He had some phobias and demons, sure. But this series pushes them past the limits.

Kareem is about right so far. Aloof, unsocial, and yes they hit it on the Airplane scene. But everyone knew how that went so it was basically a remake. Norm Nixon was another doubtful portrayal. We know about his clashes with Jerry West through news of the time and the books. And he was savoir faire with the ladies before Magic came aboard. But he didn't rage about him before they drafted him. That relationship built up gradually with clashes in practice and competition with women.

Magic's portrayal was all right, though I was cringing during the family scenes and some of his dialogue. They did have the meeting with Jack Kent Cooke and that infamous cheeseburger request pretty close. Those sand daubs looked grosser than I could imagine. But Buss wasn't there. And it was Cooke who said he would sell to Buss only if they drafted Magic.

And women were just not that strong in the 80s. The men ruled the game. Jack Kent Cooke's secretary was a close portrayal as she was instrumental in some of the forum novelties and keeping things together. Jeanie Buss was not demanding to do anything like the show portrays. Her dad brought her in himself and she was fascinated by the whole process. So her scenes were done to show a little more power than she had at the time and bring a little SJW to the show.

If they could've just told it how it was in the books this series would be a little better. Can't make up with some of the actors likenesses, but at least it would be more truthful and less false hype. Real Life always trumps gossip column hype in this show's case. And if I'm tuning again in it's to see what they got right, but unfortunately along with that comes the suspension of disbelief and the scoffing at the guesswork of adding more than needed.

Westworld (2016–2022)

Season 1 and that's it for me

[5/10 · 19 July 2021]

Season 1 was very good. It kept me in suspense and wanting to tune in to each episode. There were a few cringe parts, first being the man in black dragging a screaming Wood into a barn. Very rapey scene. Next is when a robot is tortured in the mountains by peeling his face off with a knife. Other than that the cast, acting, story. Action and effects were top notch. The nudity was great, some beautiful female bodies to admire as the robots are taken into the shop for upgrades. The final chapter wrapped up much of the story as the park was slowly malfunctioning and setting itself up for season 2. Which was pretty bad. I could only get to the first 3 episodes before I called it quits. The story was getting really stupid and I could see an obvious gender revenge agenda with the robot women. Wood had totally flipped her script, becoming an evil vengeful robot. The robot barmaid is seen dragging one of the park staff guys around. As in bent over dragging him on the ground like a caveman. This is a good way to humiliate a man, and I felt it was done for that specific purpose. Especially when they kept going back to her dragging him around in another scene. That and several other negatives totally turned me off, but that part stood out. Season 2 just made no sense.

I would rewatch season 1 again, but that's as far as I go.

8 stars for season 1, and1 star for season 2.

Birds of Prey (2020)

Worse than expected

[1/10 · 20 June 2021]

Saw it on a flight, was a decent time waster but a horrible film. Other than Margo Robbie, who shines in her role, the other actors were miscast. This film was obviously a Robbie vehicle, as the director/editor loved to include many many various shots of her mugging for the camera. Robbie is great in smaller doses, like in One Upon a Time in Hollywood where she was the 3rd star. You want more of her, but when the film gives you too much you want less.

Evan McGregor: love the actor, but in this film he overacts. Not as bad as Pablo Pascal in WW 84, but it's clearly obvious here that comic book villains must overact for some reason. Rosie Perez, the world's most annoying actress in White Men Can't Jump with her loud accent, was surprisingly more subdued here. Didn't care for her or her character though. The girl who played Huntress reminded me of Richie's date the Statue of Liberty chick in the 70's Happy Days Halloween episode. Tall, clumsy, and not really there. The Wallmart toy crossbow they gave her was laughably small. A better actress with a "Darryl from Walking Dead-sized" Xbow would've worked better. The girl with the booger nose ring, please ladies, stop with this nonsense. It makes you look much much worse and it's very distracting. And lastly the worst casting of them all, the fat asian who played Cassandra was unbelievably bad. Running away through most of the film, not only did she not represent the comic character in looks but she was a wimp with zero abilities.

Most of the acting, directing and editing gets a zero. Do yourself a favor and skip this. No one's giving you the 2 hours back. I like superhero movies but this one falls flat.

Wonder Woman 1984 (2020)

The costumes - great! The acting - bad!

[2/10 · 5 June 2021]

The Good: Wonder Woman's classic costume. Keep that for the next appearance. Cheetah's transformation to a CGI animal. A movie set in the 80's even though it didn't feel like it much.

The Bad: The race at the beginning was silly. Mohawk haicuts weren't everywhere back then and it felt more like 2020 trying too hard to be be the 80's. The effects of Wonder Woman jumping and floating in the air like Jordan wasn't very special, or convincing.

The Ugly: The Acting, the editing, the directing. Pedro Pascal and his grand overacting, especially at the end. Was he directed to open his mouth and cackle convulsively for that long, or was he improvising to show his acting range? Failed horribly either way. Chis Pine and his open-mouthed gawking at everything. Yeah I get it he was brought back to life in a different time but ease up on the jaw-dropping look of wonder. Seemed like every actor overacted in the presence of Gadot. I got the same vibe when I saw parts of the Spice Girls movie back in the 90s.

Would I watch this again? No.

The Mandalorian (2019– )

Excellent series

[10/10 · 19 December 2019]

It's the only series that I care enough to keep up with. I'm not a Breaking Bad or a Game of Thrones guy at all. Watched some Flash, Gotham, and Walking Dead more recently but stopped.

As for Star Wars, this is better than all the new stuff. I love the shout outs to the many things from the classic Star Wars too. This is Bounty Hunting excellence! Those giving it a bad review, call it meh (I hate that stupid word), or say it's for kids are complete morons. This show is awesome.

Midnight, Texas (2017–2018)

I love monsters and fantasy, but...

[5/10 · 16 September 2017]

It's gotta have have good acting and dialogue, which this sometimes does not. The dialogue can be cringe-worthy. I was thinking "Who talks like that?" on some of the scenes. The dead Grandmother can't act, has no feeling in her lines. Maybe because she's really dead?

The 1st episode was so rushed. People were constantly spitting out quick replies almost before the original person finished speaking. And the editing was chopped up at such a fast pace that it was hard to establish the correct atmosphere. As soon as you were taking in a scene - bam! Hard cut to another.

And why do several shows have people introducing themselves by 1st and last name? Nobody does that!

Other than my legitimate gripes, the makeup and special effects are pretty good, and the subject and premise looks promising like they can actually get somewhere with it if they clean up the acting, slow it down to resemble normal conversations, and edit everything at an even pace. People sometimes think for a few seconds before spitting out a reply. Especially in Texas, where they're even slower!

Dream a Little Dream 2 (1995 Video)

Embarrassed to say I saw some of this

[1/10 · 31 March 2013]

No I am not a fan of the Coreys, though I did like Lost Boyz and Goonies. No I do not usually watch movies with Feldman in them. Not a big fan. No I didn't sit down and plan to watch this movie. I'd rather stick 2 giant metal poles into my eyes and run outside during a lightning storm. There was nothing else on, and I have limited channels to choose from. This was "background noise." You know when you're on the computer and the TV is on.

Well, I heard enough, and looked up and saw enough to warrant this movie as garbage. The Corey's aren't bad as actors, but they sure make poor choices. This film had everything going against it. The writing is stupid, the editing is horrible, the directing is dismal, the acting is pretty god awful, especially the supporting cast. Just a low budget piece of trash, I'm embarrassed for everyone who took part in this. A total yuck fest! 1 out of 10 and one of the worst films of all time. Everyone should've just thrown their money away to their favorite charities instead of producing this stale cheese.

Empire Records (1995)

Tries too hard to be cool...and fails

[3/10 · 26 January 2013]

Just saw this on a cable channel today and it's one of the worst out there. It's a 90's movie that tries too hard to be cool. It tries to tell the viewer that what these kids are doing and saying are cool - but it's not. It's datedly uncool - the girl that shaved her head to be like Sinead O'Connor - really??? Was this an attempt to be the 90's version of Fast Times at Ridgemont High? I see some similar characters, but these actors can't act, and they don't have much to do in the movie except behave like dumb shallow teenagers. Obviously before CDs became the norm, there's a few nostalgic scenes with a TDK product placement sign and shelves of cassette tapes. It reminds me of Tower Records when idiots take over. Pass on this garbage if you haven't seen it.

Rookie of the Year (1993)

Worst baseball movie ever

[1/10 · 21 February 2010]

This movie is for kids, but it lacks intelligence. Therefore it hovers down at a kid's level. Good family movies go above a kid's level so that the younger viewer may actually learn something, and the older viewer might possibly say "Hmmm, this is an intelligent kid's movie." Watching this kids learn how to cheat, show off, scream like an escaped retard, and be poor sports. Yeah it's a comedy, so the rules may be broken, but that doesn't account for the terrible acting and asinine writing.

I have enjoyed several kid's movies, so the excuse that "you didn't like it because you're an adult and this movie is made for kids" doesn't hold any water and therefore is eliminated as a legitimate reason. This movie is insulting to viewers with a functioning brain and an IQ over 50.

There are a lot of cameo appearances by some good actors in this in a failed attempt to "legitimize" the film. Even John Candy can't save it, and he hams it up as the home announcer with incredible mediocrity.

The worst performance in this mess is Daniel Stern's character, who overacts with such a vengeance (even worse than in Home Alone) that he makes Will Ferrell seem like a shy introvert. Screaming out some of the most unfunny lines in cinematic history, Stern brings the film down several notches. For those of you who actually liked Stern's character in this - you are a supreme bunch of ignorant idiots. Small wonder that he hasn't been called on to direct anything else after this garbage.

If you want to see a good baseball movie then try Major League, Bad News Bears (the original - NOT the stupid remake), Field of Dreams, A League of Their Own, or Bull Durham if you haven't already seen them. Rookie of the Year gets a 1 out of 10 from me. Without Stern I'd probably have given it a 4.

St. Elmo's Fire (1985)

St. Elmos Garbage

[1/10 · 29 December 2009]

There were many 80's movies that I loved when I took the time to go see them at local theaters and drive-ins. Fast Times at Ridgemont High, Blues Brothers, Road Warrior, Breakfast Club, and Stripes among many others.

Then there were those that I missed but later saw on video or cable that I loved just as much. Risky Business, Just One of the Guys, Better off Dead, Woman in Red, Sixteen Candles, National Lampoon's Vacation, Fletch, Valley Girl, Revenge of the Nerds, Back to the Future, 3 O'Clock High, Weird Science and countless more.

Many of these movies (and others unlisted) defined the 80's for me. I can watch them again and be taken back to a century that I truly loved.

Then there were the 80's movies that I missed, purposefully or otherwise. Some of these I still haven't seen because they look totally uninteresting. Pretty in Pink, Footloose, and St. Elmo's Fire are some that I chose not to experience. They all appeared very unappealing to me for the actors and themes. Kevin Bacon as a dancer? Pretty boy Rob Lowe? Pass.

I've seen bits and pieces of Elmo's Fire on cable, not enough to have stored in memory, but enough to know that I did the right thing by skipping it when it came out. I'm not interested at all in the conquests of Rob Lowe, nor do I care about the slutty adventures of Demi Moore. Andrew McCarthy is a bore, and Judd Nelson will always be "John Bender" to me. I can't see him getting into politics!

In my opinion this movie does not define the 80's at all. I didn't know any rich fantasy people who dressed in high fashion like this, and didn't care to. These characters were self absorbed and unlikeable. The dialogue is bad and the acting is average at best. If you want to experience the real 80's then see some of the films at the top of my list. Try Streets of Fire with Michael Pare - NOT St. Elmo's Fire with Rob Lowe.

Forget the soundtrack. Nothing memorable here either. Music in the 80's was much better than that. Instead of his mediocre St. Elmo's Fire song try listening to John Parr's "Naughty Naughty" which is much more powerful. Take it from someone who lived through the 80's. Experience the greats... skip the garbage.

War of the Worlds (2005)

The bratty kids bring this movie down

[3/10 · 26 December 2009]

I hate remakes. Despise them. Loathe them. 99% of them belong in the trash, because they are garbage. They're useful only to the greedy money grubbers who produce them. We don't need a retelling, especially when the original was (and still is) fantastic. This is a film that shouldn't have been remade, especially for a 3rd time. Why can't people just enjoy the originals as time pieces, rather than simply having to update them to today's standards? It's completely asinine.

Okay, remake rant over. Movie rant on.

A friend at work had seen this and said he liked it. In his words it felt like he "was part of the film," like he shared the main character's experience. Maybe not the most intellectual review, but it worked to draw me in. I'm ashamed, based on my intense hatred for remakes, that I actually went out and paid to see this.

That being said, it did feel like I was experiencing an alien attack as I sat there and watched it unfold. I am not a cgi enthusiast but the effects were stunning. I thought Cruise was okay in this but Robbin's character almost stole the show. Then there were those....kids.

Maybe films aren't made to be re-watched more than once, but I find myself able to do this for movies I like. Star Wars, Animal House, Road Warrior, Planet of the Apes, etc, etc...you get my drift. This movie however...I cannot watch ever again. Those kids are so unlikeable, especially the son, that I can't sit through their tirades anymore. Making this movie with a dysfunctional family was Spielberg's stab at life in the 2000's. Some other current movies also like to show angry pi$$ed off teens in the attempt to reflect the times. Well, it doesn't work for me. It would've been better if the bitter resentful son was killed off by aliens early and the daughter's mouth was duct-taped to drown out all the screaming. These factors alone brought down my rating to 3 stars of entertainment value.

Also, was it explained the the aliens died from a virus at the end? A few friends who had also seen it said they didn't understand how the aliens died. I knew why because I saw the original many times.

Way to screw up a great movie, Spielberg.

Superhero Movie (2008)

Better than Spider-Man 1, 2, 3

[7/10 · 12 December 2009]

Really - I'd take this movie over any of the serious superhero films. Why? Because I'd rather laugh at them in a spoof than critique everything wrong with the serious ones.

This film will appeal to "stupid-funny movie" lovers. If you can't handle the ridiculousness of "stupid-funny movies" then don't watch because it will only annoy you. For those like me who love stupid-funny movies (Airplane, Naked Gun, Billy Madison) - don't pass on this thinking that it's as bad as Date Movie, Epic Movie, or Meet the Spartans because those failed since they just weren't very funny. Those are examples of "stupid-trying to be funny but-unfunny movies."

Superhero Movie takes a jab at the comic-book-hero-to-movie genre. It basically uses the Spider-man 1 script and tosses in references from X-Men, Fantastic Four and Batman Begins. The dinner table scene, where our hero is trading injury discoveries with the villain, is a high point. Leslie Nielsen deadpans his jokes in his usual style as Uncle Albert and Tracy Morgan is a silly Professor X. There are obvious product placements throughout but they're done in a humorous way.

Don't miss the outtakes during the end credits, they're every bit as funny as the movie itself. Especially the Tom Cruise impersonator who is excitedly berating his interviewer. "Just Stop. Stop. Shut...up!" I also liked the catchy Superhero song "we're almost outta time" which plays during the credit rolls.

A Christmas Carol (2009)

Did we really need another Christmas Carol?

[5/10 · 6 December 2009]

There have been 10 versions, with Captain Picard (no less) being the recent one to be overtaken. So why another? Oh yeah - we needed a 3d one. *cough*

In the world of bad remakes that didn't need to be made, this one joins the list - but perhaps near the bottom. The top (dis)honors go to The Day the Earth Stood Still, The Longest Yard, and The Omen - but that's another rant.

I just saw the new 3D Christmas Carol in the theater and as we were walking out I commented that it reminded me of a scary Disney ride on steroids. Don't get me wrong, I loved the original Haunted House at Disneyland - BEFORE all the makeovers to dumb it down because some people were supposedly fainting. (wimps!) And don't even get me started on the Nightmare Before Christmas theme. "Yeah let's just make the Haunted House ride fun and happy rather than scary!" Sheesh.

Anyway back to the review. I thought the animation was so-so. As in so so bad. Were people really that ugly back in those days? They all looked like creepy cabbage patch dolls. I wanted to reach out and poke them to see if they had any feeling. And what's with Gary Oldman's huge head? He looked the worst of them all.

Being my first "new 3d without the blue/red cardboard glasses", I thought the 3d effects were pretty cool - especially the flying scene with Scrooge and the candle head ghost.

Jim Carrey and Johnny Dep appear to be in a race for who can play the most characters out of our childhood stories. Carrey is a bitterly sour - yet effective - Scrooge. So much that when he turns nice at the end I'm really not 100% convinced. Couldn't he still just snap at any moment and start choking a caroler? Carrey's annoying "fake laugh" was incorporated into the ghost of Christmas Present, and after the third round of "HO-HO-HO-HO-HO-HO" I was already sick of hearing it. Alas, more rounds followed.

I gave this a generous 5 out of 10 stars because despite the average production I thought the 3d was pretty cool and that Jacob Marley's ghost was portrayed frighteningly well.

This film will scare young kids, which again brings me to the question of why they toned down the theme park Haunted House so much and then presented this Marley ghost in all his howling jawbone-dropping glory.

I don't think I'd see this again because it really didn't get me in a happy mood, but more of a creeped out feeling. I expected that from the ghosts - but not from those hideous animatronic vacant eyed cabbage patch townsfolk. I kept waiting for this to end so I could get back into the world of real people.

Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome (1985)

We don't need another Mad Max

[4/10 · 3 October 2009]

Mad Max rode off into the sunset at the end of The Road Warrior (a timeless classic), but someone wanted to make more money by putting forth little effort, so alas, Beyond Thunderdumb was born.

I did not rush out to see this when it first came out in 1985. I had loved the Road Warrior and was curious about the 3rd installment. I looked at some movie magazine photos of it and wasn't the least bit impressed. My thoughts were' "Who's this bald goof with the kabuki head sticking out of his skull? Is this the style in the future?" and "Tina Turner? What's love got to do with it?" Wez and the Lord Humongous were killed off in the 2nd movie, and this was the best they could do?

If I were to make a quick assessment of this whole mess, I'd call it a cross between Peter Pan and Lord of the Flies. Adding children into the mix and toning down the violence was a bad idea. The gyro kid's scenes looked terribly rehearsed, with disastrous results. I liked the premise of one feral child with a blade-boomerang, not 50 dirty-faced young punks with mushroom heads.

On the filming/editing itself, the first two Mad Max films featured a few rolling closeup scenes, placed strategically to add suspense as they zoom into a character's expression. The character then says an important line as he is looking straight into the camera. In Beyond Thunderdumb, we get a very noticeable overuse of these zooming closeups - which degrade any attempt for a suspenseful shot. Since there are so many of these zooms happening it loses the shock value and becomes comical. The line that the actor spits out as the camera stops zooming and the music comes to a halt really isn't so important, either.

I finally got around to watching this in it's entirety (the other day)and I gave it 4 stars for the Master Blaster/Bartertown scenes at the beginning, which was bearable to watch and had an interesting post-apocalyptic theme like the first two Mad Max films. It goes downhill in the second half of the film, after Max is sent riding away wearing a giant clown head.

The mandatory (and refurbished) chase scene is also comical. Max boards a train and goes churning across a track with the enemy following. The kabuki head guy keeps up with him by savagely pumping one of those push-pull levered contraptions. At the end, after furiously chasing him for miles, Tina looks at Max and laughs. Her kabuki head cohort had just been killed after crashing the car he jumped in (hmmm...a retread ending here), and she blows it off with no explanation and drives away. Why the sudden change of heart from Tina? Max is left standing alone again. Bad writing, bad acting, and one Mad Max too many.

America's Got Talent (2006– )

Sad, Ignorant, Moronic Remake of The Gong Show

[1/10 · 7 July 2009]

I've never seen a more obviously stupid TV show that insults the viewers intelligence more than this one. (But there are probably a lot of contenders out there.) The judges are hams, led by Mr. Cheese Fest himself David Hasselhoff, and rounded out by everyone's favorite biyach - Sharon Osborne. The British judge is another nobody, and the black stage hand gives out the oldest and worst reused one liners in comedic lore. "This is crazytown and that guy's the mayor." AAAAARRRRRRRRRRGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! Obviously the really bad contestants are placements or fillers. Nobody is that stupid to believe these lame acts are serious. (Or are there wrestling fans out there?) There is some talent in the mix of stupid acts and serious acts no doubt, but wading through the imbeciles is not my idea of entertainment. It's insulting to think that the producers actually believe that the audience falls for this.

I saw all of this in the 70's with The Gong Show which was fresher and funnier. This remake gets a 1 out of 10. I got up to write this review after the first 10 minutes of the July 7th show and I'll never watch this show again. Skip this if you have a higher IQ than a fern. Fans - you're a bunch of morons.

Dancin' to the Hits (1986– )

80's cheese fest

[5/10 · 17 May 2008]

Airing on local TV in 1986, this show featured a group of performers called "The Summer Action Dancers" with host Lorenzo Lamas introducing each dance number. They danced to many current hits and some classic ones like Born to be Wild. We didn't have cable at our house yet and this was the only thing worth watching at the time along with G.L.O.W. Wrestling.

My favorite dancer was Cheryl Yamaguchi who had graduated from Pearl City High School in 1982. Back then she came into our store with a see-through boob tube and we could see everything. She just smiled because she knew she was hot. With her solid voluptuous body Cheryl was fun to watch on the show as she pranced around slowly in her colorful lingerie.

I remember a male dancer with white/blonde hair that was trying to emulate Billy Idol (without the spikes). This guy never smiled and always wore a sneer while he danced.

One song I remember them all dancing to was Werewolves of London. The set was smoke filled and there were tombstones all around. It was almost like a ballet as each guy and girl dancer would hold each other, spin, and then branch out their arms or legs in sappy dramatic poses.

The series was really really cheesy and I only watched it for the cheap thrills. My friend and I would record the shows and then check it out in slo-mo to see some slippage when the ladies bent over. Hey - they were wearing loose lingerie and it happened! This show was awful fluff now that I think about it. I give it a 5 out of 10 only because Cheryl was fine!

Casino Royale (2006)

Royally disappointing!

[1/10 · 26 April 2008]

I decided to skip this new Bond movie at the box office because I did not like the way Bond movies have become. Any Bond movie after 1983 is total crap, and this series should have died a long time ago to save face.

In the early part of Casino Royale there is an unbelievable chase scene. The black terrorist runs and jumps up and over, through and around, and vaulting through holes in the wall like he's Spider-man. What's even sillier is that Daniel Craig, the new Bond remake flavor of the present, follows him step for step. 20 minutes of this chase is ridiculous as this terrorist should have given Bond the slip 17 minutes ago.

Judi Dench makes another dreadful appearance as M. Why was there no male M during this time? It's like the producers chose to totally ignore the fact that there was an original M at one point. Dench, who I've always hated as M, resorts to what she does best - chastising Bond throughout the movie. They first brought her in to berate Brosnan for sleeping around in a sorry attempt to bring political correctness into the franchise. "Bond shouldn't be having limitless sex – GASP!!!" Most idiots ignore the intent – but I see through the guise and refuse to give in to the new films that support this lame idea. Dench and the lines she is given completely ruined the franchise.

Back in the day there was less fuss about being a Bond Girl and more talent involved in actually being one. The newer actresses are all tickled to be considered bona fide Bond Girls, a fact that dilutes the integrity of the honor. You shut up and play a bimbo – you don't talk about what an honor it is. The honor goes to the pioneers – not the wannabe's! Hale Berry is sexy, but she is no more a Bond Girl to me than Phyllis Diller – because she takes away the mystery of the role by blabbing about how she always wanted to be one in an interview. Being a Bond Girl is better left unsaid. Let the Bond geeks decide who is worthy.

The boring poker game nearly put me to sleep as the producers decided to take advantage of the newest fad that is being shown every hour of the day by ESPN. Sitting on your ass while playing cards is NOT a sport! I kept waiting for this movie to end, and it almost ended 3 times but we were given even more crap to wade through. Bond gets tortured Japanese World War II style – right in the nuts with a hard swinging rope. I'm surprised he could even bed a Bond Girl after these brutal scenes. Is that why he never had kids? And who is that stupid silent bald guy with the big pointy ears? Is he supposed to be intimidating or menacing as he stares at everyone in the villain's lair? Lame sidekicks anyone? This goon was just a nothing.

I can't leave out Daniel Craig's looks – it was extremely hard for me to get around those enormous batwings he has for ears. He looks more like Charlie from the Chocolate Factory's Dad with those ears than any Bond. And those two ladies that "check him out" as he drops off the car - PUH-lease! Why is there no Q and gadgets? Bond the text messager - wow I'm impressed. NOT! Looks like cell phones sell brand names better. Can't get that big money contract for something unproduced like an underwater car. I give this movie a 1 out of 10. While I can watch the pre-1985 Bond movies several times - this one does not warrant another viewing.

Employee of the Month (2006)

Movie of the month

[7/10 · 24 February 2008]

This movie finally came out on cable in February 2008. I was waiting to see it for free, and it did not disappoint. For the most part.

Employee of the Month pokes fun at the big store outlets known as Costco or Sam's Club. If you've worked at either of these places, or other retail store outlets, you will enjoy this movie.

I found the acting to be tolerable, unlike many wannabe critics out there who pretend they know what they are talking about. Dane Cook played the perfect slacker, and Jessica Simpson played the perfect air-headed blonde. It wasn't a stretch for either of them. Dax Shepard steals the show as Cook's offbeat antagonist, as he gets some of the best lines. Cook's sidekicks played along like they have worked with him for years. Andy Dick's character was somewhat disappointing and erratic. Could he see or not? Some of his scenes are contradictory to each other in that respect. Dax's sidekick was rather bland in comparison.

The main problem I had was with the big, fat, stupid black security guard. This character was totally unbelievable with his idiotic behavior. To think that this moron even knows how to run video surveillance equipment requires a good suspension of disbelief. The ending was rushed, as the big oaf runs out and stops the award proceedings and just happens to have the evidence tape all set up. But the worst thing about the security guard character was that he was actually in charge of giving stars to the Superstore employees! Security guards DO NOT mix with store employees in this manner. They are TOTALLY SEPARATE entities! Security never crosses over like that, the "star" job should have been given to Dirk who was second in command of the store. Even the personnel lady would have made more sense doing that job than the guard.

Also, companies like this do not segregate their employees to only allow certain castes in the employee lounge. These lounges are for everyone. Other than my complaints, I found the rest of it fun and entertaining.

I recommend this movie to anyone who has ever worked in a store chain/retail industry. Those who completely dis this movie just do not get it. 7 out of 10 stars.

Clerks II (2006)

Clerks II is both funny and unfunny

[6/10 · 24 February 2008]

I only had a few problems with the original. A few of the lines were spit out too fast. The worst one came from the hockey player who wanted the Gatorade. Other than that it was groundbreaking and funny.

In Clerks II O'Halloran has regressed as an actor - or is it that Smith regressed as a director? That long stare as Dante watches the fire department crew was terrible. Some of the reactions to Randal's comments in Moobies were way overblown. The constant looking over to Randal in the car got repetitively annoying.

Emma looks like a man. What the hell happened to her looks? Her head is shaped like a knee bone, and that make out scene with Dante made me want to throw up.

Elias acts like a retard and is too much of a dork to be believable.

Chicks who use the word pooter and cooch disgust me. Those are terms guys use more, and are funnier when guys say them. Pus sy sounds better coming from a girl.

Randal's crying to Dante in the jail cell totally took away from his character. We don't need drama to balance the comedy. Plus he contradicts himself when he suggests laser bars, then when Jay says plastic like in X-men Randal tells him to keep it in the real world. The funniest part of his tirade was when he talks about taking a criminology class. "What were we trying to become - Batman?" I'm not totally dissing this movie and still watch it when it comes on cable, but I turn the channel before the jail scene. It's just too unbelievable - the way Dante pined away at working at the Quick Stop and now he wants to buy it and work there forever. Clerks was a classic - Clerks 2 is more of a wannabe, even though it is still entertaining.

Accepted (2006)

They keep "trying" to emulate Animal House

[4/10 · 26 June 2007]

And they keep failing. This film tries to disguise its intentions behind a supposedly new concept - making up a new college for those who fail to be accepted at real colleges.

Those who watched both Animal House and this wannabe could spot the similarities. At least I could. Bartleby is another smooth talking, quick thinking Otter. Sherman is another fat, pathetic Flounder. Maurice the Pizza Guy resembles D-Day, and Glen looks somewhat like Belushi but acts like he's had a lobotomy. They steal the concept of Otter getting beat up by the frat boys and give the honor to the fat guy. The trial towards the end took the cake, and it was the snobby squeaky clean frat boys against the misfits again. The misfit audience breaks out into applause for their smooth talking representative, who stands up and tries to calm them down. With these Animal House scenes shamelessly stolen one can't help but wonder - can't the producers of these wannabe movies keep it all ORIGINAL?

I find teens who act "over the top crazy" lame and unbelievable. There's just phony written all over it. Are all these new kids who ride their motorcycles into pools, break open walls with mallets and do skateboard stunts taken straight out of Jackass tryouts? And they are made to do these idiot stunts all at the same time at one point to try to jolt audiences into laughter. Teenagers who try to do slapstick just aren't funny, especially when an entire school is full of these pranksters.

But through all the ridiculousness, there are some funny lines in here. And the A.D.D. kid was a clever original idea with balls in this PC world. I give this movie an extremely generous 4 out of 10. At least it isn't as shitty as Van Wilder, which is a much worse Animal House wannabe.