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Volcano (1997)
"What's a movie?"
Tommy and Anne face off against some hot magma ("What's Magma?") in the first of two 1997 volcano movies. This one features a lead character who should be fired and never hired for his job, a slew of disaster movie clichés (Dog never dies, anyone?) and Stan, the Man- Chucking Man in possibly the stupidest movie we've ever seen on this show.
Let's start off by declaring how incredibly dumb this movie is. Every single bit of "science" is telegraphed to the audience because "Hey! They're stupid!" such as the definition of tectonic activity, gravity and magma. The volcano has a mind of its own and has Tommy Lee Jones sense meaning if Tommy is coming its sneaky and hides from him. The government officials of LA have no clue how things should work and it seems Tommy's Roark is the mayor as everyone calls him or reports to him daily even before the eruption. The Chief of Police even calls to obligatorily yell at someone, even if its completely unrelated to Emergency Management of which Roark is the director of. I can in no way define how stupid this movie is because in order to define something you must possess some semblance of intelligence. That would be a slap in the face of this movies lack thereof.
Then there's the effects. Too many people over use the "effects that don't stand up to time" but this thing never had a chance to stand up at all. I specifically talk about "the building" (and why there is a character to just set up that a building exists is beyond me). At one point, the cast stands in front of a large photo of the building as if they are there. Usually when someone looks at something fake they are looking at a painting that's supposed to be real but this time it's a photo....that's out of focus. Seriously.
"Hey I went a took a picture of that building you wanted for a backdrop", says the studio photog. "I used my camera phone and also my finger is over the lens a little. Do you want me to do it again?"
"Nope" says the director as he pencils in more exposition about what a volcano is to the masses of morons who never passed the 3rd grade who are watching this.
Then there is Stan. Oh Stan. The brilliance of Stan knows no bounds, just as much as his jumping ability. Stan the Man-Chucking-Man, is the star of the show and is enough to bring anyone to tears during his big heroic moment. No, not because of his heroism and tragic death, but because from start to finish the scene is HILARIOUS! Tears of laughter are to be expected as Stan the construction foreman throws a 200 pound man over his head the distance of any Olympian's shot put throw, all while melting in liquid hot magma. Zounds!
In whole, this movie is tops. It's so bad and so stupid that it manages to make Roland Emmerich looks like Da Vinci. Highly riffable and best served with 2 or 3 friends out to spot the moments of stupidity. Make a drinking came out of when the movie is telling you that you are a dumb-ass and prepare to vomit all night long.
Listen to the podcast at: http://www.stinkermadness.com/episodes/movie- reviews/entry/films/volcano
Dreamcatcher (2003)
Man vs Buttworms in a battle of who can figure this thing out
Four buddies with superpowers given to them by an alien that may or may not be mentally handicapped, have to team up to stop poop monsters from making people get icky tummies. Really, that's the movie. Wow....
Questions abound in this thing. It is more dubious than Wicker Man. How do the aliens work? What's their reproduction cycle? Are the *hit weasels actually the same species? Why is it called Dreamcatcher? Is Duddits mentally handicapped or just has a speech impediment? Who is Duddits? Did his mom screw an alien? Seriously, what's with Morgan Freeman's eyebrows...the list goes on and on. We were able to figure The Wicker Man out but this one defeated us. We just can't come up with theories to answer these....
We all absolutely loved Dreamcatcher. Its got all the qualities fans of bad movies look for. It keeps moving and never loses your interest in what is on screen even when you can't make heads or tails of what you are seeing. The story and key events are so confusing and dubious that you can talk with other viewers about theories and try to answer questions for hours afterwards. There's entire forums dedicated to trying to hypothesize what the hell happens in this train wreck. It's highly recommended you spend the time to view this masterpiece of horrendous film-making.
Read more at: http://www.stinkermadness.com/episodes/movie- reviews/entry/films/dreamcatcher