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The Truth About Size Zero (2007 TV Movie)
Its not really about size zero at all...
24 April 2007
IMDb have this labeled as 'The Truth About Size Zero' however its really called 'The Truth About Size Zero WITH LOUISE REDNAPP', Whats the difference, well let me tell you. If it was only about people wanting to emulate 'Heat Magazine' celebrities or what ever publication that there is that seems to think that men find seeing every bone in a womens body appealing then fine, rant away, in fact let me have a few words to say. However this show is once again an ITV cliché, you know, those shows with topics that are in The Sun Newspaper mixed with celebrity presenter, and I got the feeling that the program was all about the 'singer, presenter, wife, mother, lads-mag favorite' (The Narrators Words Not Mind) Louise Rednapp and not about why (mostly) women seem to want to slim down so much.

As 'Bob The Moo' pointed out (brilliant review by the way) the show starts of with Louise having her picture taken in front of a white backdrop to show her what her starting weight was. When she sees her size 8 figure then acts out shock at seeing herself I kinda got the feeling that she a little more vein then she is making out, and to act like being size 8 is a normal size is some what of a joke as well, OK I know a lot women who are size 8 but they can by no means say they are over or underweight, so why dose this show take someone who is slim to begin with and make them become even slimmer? It would have been a lot more fascinating to have Louise put on weight to show people that you don't have to be catwalk slim to be somewhat of a sex symbol. If its not Louise explaining what its like to be 'Normal Weight' and its hard to say that with my tongue so far in my cheek then we have a cameo from air head Denise Van Outen, explaining her disappointment of a photo in the tabloids some years ago showing Denise on a sun lounge bending over slightly giving her some what of a stomach fold belly, "If my daughter sees that she will think that it wrong to be normal weight". Please give me a break, you have got to be out of you mind. If this isn't bad enough then we also get Van Outen having a dig at easy target Nicole Richie, "I saw her and just wanted to force feed her", yeah well I heard you DVO and just wanted to try and educate ya.

What makes this show worse is how much Louise complains all the time about 'why people would want to do this to their bodies' or 'how hard it is for a mother or singer or presenter or blah, blah, blah'. For someone who is air brushed to hell in every photo shoot she dose then maybe thats why young girls want to do this to themselves, as Bob The Moo said its just as bad to allow photographers to air brush you down to size 0 then it is to slim down the hard way.

The only thing that really came out of this program was the fact that a woman can drop to size zero in about a month... Good Job Guys. What they really should have done was say 'Don't feel the need to drop 5 dress sizes, your beautiful as you are!'
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Question Time (1979– )
A great show, Really a highlight of the BBC.
8 March 2007
***Tip: Have It Read To You, Heres How*** 1) Copy And Paste This To Notepad (NOT WORD) 2) Go To. START>ALL PROGRAMS>ACCESSORIES>ACCESSABILTY>NARRATOR

Question Time does exactly what it says on the tin. Its a current affairs program that features political members that represent each of the three main parties and an independent party member if we are lucky. If we are unlucky we get some comic or singer, but more on those later.

Anyway what is it that makes me tune into a poorly time slotted, hour long program that features questions from the general public? Well firstly its the only real program that get politicians to explain themselves and there parties stance on policies. If anyone has seen Prime Ministers questions then they will know how every question is thought out in a way to not make their own party look stupid, this means you will never get a question on why a certain bill that failed to improve or change anything was passed because the other party(s) would have know doubt backed it, Meaning we are left with endless questions like "Prime Minister, When will you stand down?".

The second reason that I tune in is because it one of the only debate programs on TV that don't hold topics like "Will Britney Spears ever get another no. 1 single?"... What sort of people care? I want questions and debates about what is in the Newspapers. This isn't saying that the show doesn't have topics that feature celebrities as a back drop but normally use the situation the celebrity was in rather then the character themselves. For example one question was "Does TV put ratings before safety" using the then recent death of Steve Erwin and the life threatening accident of Richard Hammond. Another was when Jade Goody was in the news for bulling Bollywood actress Shilpa Shetty in Celebrity Big Brother, it showed the most people (from the audience reaction) don't like this new fad celebrity culture and most of all don't like talentless bullies with no education. It was the only show at the time that didn't make its seem like Chavs rule and Jade was to silly to know what she was doing so she should not face the music therefore.

These questions are few though (Which is a good thing for me as it stops it become something that would be more at home on MTV) and the main part of the show are about political events and the government. Many good debates are raised with this, The most recent being the one about the American air force pilots in Iraq and the video that the government had that showed the incident. What happened was that two US air force pilots killed a British tanker in friendly fire and the family of the solider were not given full details of the incident and wanted an inquiry. The British government had the tape but said they didn't (Which can only be seen to protect US army and not the UK troops that serve them). The Sun newspaper got hold of the tape and released details which meant that the tape could now be used as evidence. What the debate was about was why did the British government put the soldiers family through all that distress and not help them in their quest to find out what happened to their son. Its what I like about this show is seeing politicians who make decisions based on money and public relations, faced who thoughts with human emotions and heart which sees them 9 times out of 10 trying to use spin on answers and say things that begin "We are grateful with the job our forces..." or "Firstly let me just say..." and continue on a different path completely.

What lets this show down is that it seems to think that having popular singers or comics on it will appeal to a younger audience, most youngish people I know think that having pop culture icons on ruins the show. In fact, regardless of age everyone I know thinks that the celebrities on the show are its only akillis heel. Why? Well my opinion is that they are the only ones on the show that consistently appeal for the applause of the audience, in an episode with Beverly Knight when asked about an obese teenage and if the government should step in, she said something like "Its a family breakdown" the audience applauded and she then used this again on a completely different question later in the show about hoddies or something. One other was Scottish Sikh comic Hardeep Singh Kohli, in Scotland and the questions about Scottish independence came up, one member of the panel said Scotland and England have had 300 years of union to be proud of only to be interrupted by Hardeep Singh Kohli to say "300 years of union is one word but 300 years of segregation is a better word". Which got a round of applause and then continued to slag off England till a member of the panel (Who was also Scottish) said this could be call xenophobia. I don't really care about the fact that he said these thing as I see my self a both English and British but what really got to me was that he had revealed that he "Lives In London For His Sins". What a jerk! If he don't like England and feels that Scots are being persecuted why live as far south from Scotland as you can get? I have seen Hardeep Singh Kohli stand up act on the Comedy Store and most of it was at the expense of English women and English culture, after seeing him on Question Time I realized that it isn't an act, he really holds a grudge about something.

Anyway great show, just needs to keep away the Heat magazine fodder.
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The X Factor (2004– )
Death Of Music
8 March 2007
What really ticks me off about this show is that its made to look bigger than life, with great songs like 'O Fortuna' used while showing a reject crying and 'Dies Irae' for the judges entrance to the stage. Two great songs rubbished by the crap show yes but the worst use of a great song was with Barber: Adagio For Strings used beautifully in the film Elephant Man. Would this show put the song to great use? Well as you can tell they didn't, It was used with a segment of the show when auditions in Leeds failed to call back one person... I can only imagine what the director was thinking, Maybe "Wow no one got through in Leeds, what piece of music would best reflect this disaster??? What about the song that The Elephant Man died to while thinking of his mother? I can't get over the three judges who seem to believe that they are the greatest thing to hit the music industry since the electric guitar, Simon Cowell who seems to fall for ever teenage trollop that walks into the audition room (Like the porn star from one season that really couldn't sing... She got through). This from the man that brought us Robson and Gerome, Teletubbies and Five with endless covers to boot. Sharon Osbourne, Who was no one till MTVs The Osborne's and has been doing any crappy TV show/Advert since, I mean, Bingo anyone? However the worst judge of them all has to be Smeagol or Louis Walsh as he also likes to be called. He loves anyone who is Irish and loves to use phrases "I'm Not Sure If You Have The X-Factor" or "But They Are Number One" (Referring to Westlife), If by X-factor you mean failing to break the States and covering song after song, lip-syncing while sitting on a stall then Westlife sure have that... in spades. His shifty eyes, the way that he dresses and talks through his nose, he looks like a creep, the kind of guy who runs his business from an office above a taxi rank.

What they should do is call this 'The Three Judges' because its only about them, THEY pick what song THEIR act has to sing... Sorry I mean cover, and when you see the phone number of the person that you wanna 'Vote To Save' who do we see in a picture box next to said number... If you thought that it was the act who was/is singing you are wrong. What you get is a picture of the singer's mentor, WHY? Seeing a picture of one of these three berks is quite bad but no where near as bad as hearing their opinions... Let me get this straight, I HATE BULLIES and I hate these three idiots because thats what they are. In Simon Cowells first outing on reality TV I seen him on Pop Stars, At this time they saw no point in have any fat over weight security guards. After Pete Waterman rubbish one act and made her cry with some unnecessary comments we saw a shot of her talking to a rather muscular contestant who also happened to be a black belt in something or other. He said to the girl that if they said anything like that to him he would 'knock them out'. Anyway when it comes to it the black belt does say after his audition 'If you think your hard Pete then come on'. He said this walking up to the table, Simon Cowell backed away with a look of terror and left it to Nikki Campbell to defuse the situation... Simon Cowell? Simon Coward more like! Now he is in a room with fat morons to protect him he seems to take pleasure in bringing an impressionable young girls to tears with slurs on there singing, weight and looks with the comment "I have to be honest" (This is something that someone brought up on the American Idol reviews). All three are bullies though not just Simon... Walsh kept going on at a 16 year old girl and would not stop till she cried, he attacked everything about her till he hit a nerve. It only stopped when she was lead away. I'm not saying that they shouldn't tell auditionees what they think of their performance, sometimes it can be funny, but its stopped becoming banter between the judges and singers and is now people with the power to make 'Dreams Come True' telling people to 'Give It Up'.

Deep down inside I know that soon or later it will all come to an end... It has to, surely... we have to return to singer-song writers gracing the charts. As Robin Gibb (BeeGees) said "We are at a the stage where what we have now is covers, covers equal success, however it can only go so long before we have covers of the covers". Think of it, since the boy band phenomenon where someone like Walsh finds 5 good looking guys/girls, only after looks, do you think he says "Ok, who is the songwriter?" no, more like "Can one of you hand me that Abba album". This is what X-Factor does but on a bigger, faster scale.

In conclusion whats really wrong with this program is the promise of 'The Greatest Singer In The World' and then leaving us with a good looking cover merchant. To me someone who sings while raising their hands up and down with their eyes close, stretching out every vowel in a song doesn't necessarily constitute to a great singer. My music idols are Bob Dylan, Keith Richards, Mick Jagger, Dolly Parton and countless others. These to me are people with something that couldn't be bottled but Simon Cowell seems to believe that he has not only bottled it, but is now selling it like golden eggs of which he is laying himself.
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Cult Classic
2 October 2006
So many games are given this title of being a classic but how many of them manage to keep a your interest 6 years after the release? No One Lives Forever of NOLF is one of these games, when I first started playing I was skeptical and with the many FPS on the PC I didn't this would be any different to the rest, likes of Duke Nukem or Doom both good but I don't play then anymore and they also lack NOLFs style and wit.

About the story, in this game a player takes controls of a former thief with rough childhood who becomes a spy down to her sneaking skill. She works for a group called UNITY and her break comes when all other UNITY agents are killed off by a evil group H.A.R.M.

So what makes this game better that the rest? Well for one you get to access a great range of guns and gadgets as well as stealth, while in stealth you can over hear harm henchman me talk about there weekends or how the can't stand the singing of the fellow henchman they are on patrol with, this gives each henchman man a personality which few, if any games do (The one other I can think of is Max Payne).

I'd give this game a 9.5 now, 9.9 on release for the P.C. from what I've heard the PS2 version is best left alone as you can't save during missions.
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The TV Bulling Is Over.
27 June 2006
Its no wonder that ITV has dropped both David and Frank, I for one am glad about this. This show, when first seen was bright, fresh and most importantly funny. One thing that I notice to make me go off the two is how much they relish their title as celebrity and will bully anyone in the audience if the say something to know them. When some does knock them they really take it to heart that 'A mere mortal has stood up to them' and will quickly ask about their fashion or take a dig at their looks (If they are not very attractive).

Take in to fact the both Frank and David look like tramps and are the ugliest people in to studio I find this ironic. The bulling become more harsh as the gags got weak, which was about half was thought the second series. David I found was the worst for pointing out peoples problems and I found it funny when someone asked him if he thought that he was nothing with Frank. To see this guy who thought that he was a God brought down to his knees by a *Nobody* was kind of nice.

The show is over now and so is David and Franks bulling, The BBC don't want them back, ITV told them to go and now frank is trying to start his stand-up career again where he left off.
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Coronation Street (1960– )
What a horrible show.
25 June 2006
***Tip: Have It Read To You, Heres How*** 1) Copy And Paste This To Notepad (NOT WORD) 2) Go To. START>ALL PROGRAMS>ACCESSORIES>ACCESSABILTY>NARRATOR

Normally when I review something that I don't like then I try to just point out what I think bogs the film/program down, however with Coronation Street how can I point out the many horrible points of a program that shows nothing but misery and despair 4 to 5 times a week. Its sad to think that in order to win the ratings war against the even worse Eastenders, you have to show people giving little to no respect to each other, people getting away with murder (normally by framing someone else) or some other kind of human misery.

It wouldn't be so bad if every now and then there was a little bit of humor, but there isn't any what so ever. The Batasby family are not the Comic-relief that the show says they are, in fact they are the most depressing of the entire street. When the step mother tells her youngest child that he has to have his dog put down to save money, goes on holiday without him, leaving him to be looked after by 'Roy' (sorry if thats not the correct person, I'm not up on the names) and then cheats on her fiancé on their wedding night to what was very poor and distasteful comedy.

I was with a girlfriend who loved this program and I used to watch it from start to end, normally I could turn off if I didn't like one of her programs and just sit there and admire the view (as most dramas would have good looking characters and production sets) but this program is very cruel it that, as it boasts on its behind the scenes documentary 'The People In Corrie Are Like People You Know' meaning that, the person behind the bar in the pub is meant to be like your barmaid in real life or the person that owns the shop is meant to be like the person that owns your local corner shop. So what makes them think that I would like to see people who I know and like put in such horrible and ark ward situations, to me its kind of like a nightmare where you can't save you family from a monster. OK maybe not, as I know they are actors/actresses and have no kind of relation to me but hard to watch anyway, however after hearing that some of the actors who play villains get hate letters sent to them I realize some viewers take the show more to heart than most, probably because of this mixture of the surreal and life.

I don't like how after all this, this junk has the nerve to call it-self the best program on British TV, There is even an award show just for these kinds of SOAPS to get an even more clearer shot at winning some kind of accolade (The British Soap Awards). Although I think British programs can be very well done, even the best in the world, these are mostly dramas from the BBC like the awesome LIFE ON MARS or SPOOKS to name only two, but there are tons. This isn't the greatest program in the UK, its the worst program in the world.

I don't mind all soaps though, I think that Australian soap Neighbours is fun and at a nice pace with people who are good looking, its something I can watch, leave on, then do something around the house. Every time I turn on a UK soap, around dinner time, I am faced with some of the ugliest people I have ever seen in my life, they are either old and decaying or young greasy faced teens who then go on to the cover of some kind of gossip mag with the title 'The Sexy (Insert Name) Tells All To (Insert Name)'. All the teens in these programs seem to be in 2 inch thick make-up and bright blue eye liner, at least the Aussie soaps give us well presented beauties. For Corrie to then give these clowns the personalities to match, makes it worse.

To end, all that I am going to say is what a sad state of affairs. Anyone from outside the UK shouldn't watch this as Britain isn't like Coronation Street in anyway.
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Film 2017 (1971– )
Need Barry Norman Back NOW!!!
24 June 2006
Film used to be the best program on TV if you wanted to find out about what movies were at the pictures, It didn't even matter if you didn't want to go to seem them because it was presented in such a nice relaxed way with host Barry Norman sitting in his chair, realizing that the show was going to be on about 11:30, Monday night, he made sure the pace of the show resembled this. Since he left/got fired in 1999 and Jonathan Ross took over, the show has sadly gone downhill and has become more like a chat show rather than a movie review program. It seems that each week he has someone on there trying to plug their God awful film and it works, if you do give an interview to Mr. Ross he will then, with out fail give the film that his interviewee was in a glowing review and recommend it to the viewers.

Because of this he has often flogged a few turkeys, like when he said 50 cents movie 'Get Rich or Die Trying' was a good movie and should be seen, while only 2 minutes earlier he was criticizing the other well-worth seeing movies. This was no coincidence that he had 50 Cent on his chat show that week, anyone who has seen Friday Night With knows that he will never EVER say a bad thing about an actor or their movie, even if the actor/actress admits that they was in a box office bomb. He will often boost their ego with the phrase "Ok, the movie wasn't that good but I thought that you was great in it." I don't have any problem with his sucking up as I don't watch his dreadful chat show anyway, but I do watch Film because of how much of a good job Barry Norman did with the show, like visiting a grave yard so to speak just to show my respects.

Another thing that I liked about Barry Norman was how he wasn't afraid to review the lesser known film of that week, even if you didn't agree with what he said he did at least show you something different, and then let you make the choice not to watch it. Ross only seems to go with films that have won awards, been nominated or got good/bad reviews from other critics. I remember seeing him review an African made film (The Title Slips My Mind Sorry) about a boy who steals a woman's car and then finds that her baby is in the back, leaving him to look after it. The movie has subtitles and didn't really fit in with the films that he reviewed normally, i.e. The Romantic Comedy or The Action Blockbusters. That is probably why it still sticks in my mind that he reviewed it, until about three days later, when I found out that it have won or been nominated for countless awards, including a BAFTA.

The last point I want to make was how much in this show Jonathan Ross complains about the state of British movies and their lack of funding, which is kind of a slap in the face when it was leaked to the press about how much his three year contract with the BBC (One of Britons film makers) is costing the licence payer. I can't remember how much it was but it was so high that they didn't want anyone to find out as they were worried that they (The BBC) would be accused of wasting money on one person who does about 5 jobs, when it would be cheaper to hire 5 individual people and have more that enough to make a good British movie. Since this information came public he has stopped moaning about the state of the British film industries funding and started about the amateur way they are made.

The strangest thing about Ross is that it was found out that he doesn't see all the films that he reviews??? Why do they have someone who hasn't got the passion about films to go and see them?
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Home Again (2006– )
England Expects...
23 June 2006
Better then this.

To be fair Home Again was always going to be compared to the brilliant My Family, and should have had everything done to try and prevent this, for example not putting it on the same time slot a week after My Familys end, not filming it in the same kitchen as the My Family set and not using the same characters as My Family. In My Family Ben was a miserable aging man with a son (Nick) who he didn't like to be around, Home Again has the same except it is his step son.

An acting teacher once told me (Note: I am not or never was an actor), to act, and actor must read, remember then forget the script, meaning don't anticipate the other actors lines and try not to look like you know whats coming. This program doesn't do this, in transcript it looks like.

Actor A: "Mom" Pause. Actor B: Turns round "Yes Dear" Pause. Actor A: "Do you and dad still have sex" Pause while actor b does a series of facial expressions.

The whole experience is topped of by the outrageous canned laughter, which will ofter put humor in places where there isn't any and make me a viewer think "Am I supposed to break down in hysterics at every mention of the word 'sex'".

On top of this the main characters are just all stereotypes, in that all men and docile and useless while women are materialistic and love over buying shoes. This was good in My Family as Ben was always to act out the view outrage and then make you feel sorry for him.

One thing I have always admired about Britain is its ability to make great programs with little funds and only about two script writers. I liked that the programs are short and normally always finish where they started off, coming from a place where a good idea is done to death (Like Friends and later Friends 2 (called Will and Grace)). Its nice to see some many unique ideas at the same time like My Family and then over on C4 Garth Marangies Darkplace. God knows why Home Again should be called nothing more than Will and Grace to My Familys Friends.

P.S. I can't stand Friends or Will and Grace.
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Manhunt (2003 Video Game)
A Pair Of Socks...
23 June 2006
***Tip: Have It Read To You, Heres How***


Have you ever woke up on Christmas day when you was young and seen a present that was so nicely wrapped, with the best looking paper that you just couldn't wait to open it, then when you do you find that all you got was socks? This was what Manhunt was like for me. I seen it in the shop and thought "Wow, that looks like a game aimed a cult movie fans, with a feel of films like 'Man Hunter' or 'The Warriors'" and to be fair I don't think I was TO stupid for thinking this, mainly down to the fact Man Hunter star Brian Cox was providing the voice of a sadistic director.

I didn't buy the game from day one for some reason, but I did intend to play it at some point. It was actually when I watch The Warriors on DVD with some mates that I decided to exchange an old game for this which was about £15 at the time, and in true cult style surrounded in controversy. Everything about this game looked so cool, from when it told me to set the screen to get the "BEST EXPERIENCE" and that it was set in a city at night. However once I got into the game I had in theory finish unwrapping the paper only to find that I had got some socks and underwear, and seeing as I exchanged for it I couldn't take it back. So it was a case of *Fake Smile* and "Thanks For This Wonderful Present, Its What I Always Wanted".

To me it feels like Rockstar realized that the game play was sluggish and rather than scrap the whole thing decided to do was singers do when they have a terrible song, make it so it gets band (Well Almost).

I could just see them in the offices now...

"Sir its about the game Manhunt" "Whats wrong with it" "Well, theenemies AI..." "Is that all" "No there's also the sluggish combat, poor graphics, repetitive game play, its boring and when you get into a fight you just end up taking turns hitting one another till someone drops, should we scrap it?" "No, I've got a better idea..."

Then after adding about 100 swear words and tons of gore we got Rockstars Manhunt.

To be honest I thought that the story was ace, the idea that you are being hunted by an entire city was awesome, it felt like I was going to play a video game based on 'The Running Man' but the game play just plain sucks. For one each level is just the same in that you kill everyone in an area and then move on to another, like all video games the enemies start of weak and then end up being Hard Ass's. This gets very boring when you realize there its a trick to killing everyone which is, hide in the shade, tap the wall and make the enemy come to you and then wait for him to turn away so you can make your move. Another thing that ticks me off about the game is how little verity there is, its feel like it is one plate of peas trying to feed 100 people.

The enemies AI is like that of a SNES game, but maybe even a little worse. For example if you get seen and then subsequently chased all you need to do is hide in the shade, you don't even need to worry about them if they see you go in there as they will just wait for a few seconds and then say "Well, I guess that it was nothing" HOW CAN IT BE NOTHING, I WAS JUST 5 SECONDS BEFORE PUNCHING YOU IN THE FACE!!! At least in Super Mario the enemy knew to walk back and forward, they even frightened me more.

I did like that the game have great voice acting from Brian Cox, who was not only menacing but also side-splitting funny in parts. Like when a member of Cash's (the guy you play as) family gets shot in the head, you hear

"Ow no, thats just to bad"

OK when read it might seem lame, but its not so much what he says its how he says it.

In conclusion I can't think why any cult fan would what to buy this when the awesome Warriors video game is out there, maybe for about £5 its worth it to hear the genius of Mr. Cox, the saving grace in this pair of socks.
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The Jeremy Kyle Show (2005–2019)
Day Time TV - Nightmare
22 June 2006
***Tip: Have It Read To You, Heres How*** 1) Copy And Paste This To Notepad (NOT WORD) 2) Go To. START>ALL PROGRAMS>ACCESSORIES>ACCESSABILTY>NARRATOR

There have been many phrases that people have used to describe The Jeremy Kyle Show, "To The Point""No Nonsense" and "Blunt" to name but a few. None of these how ever describe how mind numbingly bad this program is so I thought that I would give it a shot.

Have you ever been at a family get-together were someone has to many drinks and starts making a scene, bringing up their families past and generally making everyone feel very uncomfortable, even those who are not related to them, well that is what this program is like. It could even be said that this is worse, seeing as the people on the show are being paid.

I find Jeremy Kyle to be very obnoxious and thought this when he did a radio show near where I live, he cuts people off, talks louder then his guests just to get his point across and humiliates them (this isn't to bad thought as most of them look and are criminals). A prime example of his rude-ness is when he brought a guest on as said "How are you mate, Don't worry no-one knows about your past" which is worse seeing as this lets our imagination run wild with what sort of thing this person might have done, it was later found out from the guest who must have wanted people to know he wasn't some kind of sexual predator the he used to be an alcoholic.

Another thing about Kyle is how much he must love the sound of his own voice, you will hear him say "Now I'm gonna let you two have your say" and then proceeds to interrupt when they do. With pointless one liners like "How did that make you feel" or "What did you do at this point". The worst example of Kyle was when he had an anorexic girl on the show and her mother (Who was living in Spain) and asked "Why didn't you leave Spain when you saw your daughter, Your ONLY daughter like this". It felt like he was trying to get the point across that the woman was a bad mother for not selling everything and joining her child in the UK, which is OK but for the fact that her ONLY daughter is about 35 and has a fiancé.

This line of questioning makes the mother up-set and later tries to explain that for financial reasons see can't leave Spain every time see wants, Kyle then interrupts and says "Look, all I'm saying is that if it was my daughter I would have walked back from Spain if I had to". When the mother tries to explain why she didn't do this (probably down to the fact that its a pretty long walk and swim.) Jeremy comes out with his favorite phrase "Its not about me or you, its about her" which is another way of saying 'How can you think about yourself when your ONLY daughter is here with this illness'.

This whole experience is made that little bit worse with the typical chat show audience that must all come from a pagan village where they burn people for being witches and run round in a mob with torches singing Christian songs. I mean someone will be sitting in the chair explaining about how they THINK their boyfriend has been seeing someone else, and while the girl who looks like she spends her free time (which there is a lot of seeing as she don't have a job) stealing BMW car badges explains, you will get a close up of an audience member biting a nail and shaking their head in disgust. When the boyfriend comes on to the stage, before even getting a chance to defend himself you will here "BOOOOO!!!". I mean lets face it if you have time during the day to sit in a TV studio then you ain't going to be societies lords and ladies, to be honest most of them look like they could be guests on the show in that EVERYONE but Kyle has some kind of florescent tracksuit on, making the show look as colorful as a samba festival except no-one smiles, although thats a good thing when you see the state of some of their teeth. They look like they haven't seen a toothbrush since they were born.

To make the thing as bad as possible all the show needs it guests that have a three word vocabulary and looks that even their own mother can't love, which is what this show has. Every time a guest comes on to defend them self they will run full speed up to there partner/mother or both and then stop about 3 centimeters from the face screaming "How dare you lie about me" or "Who do you think you are" with Kyle saying something like "Hey you two your on national television is that anyway to react" while the audience applauds because Kyle a celebrity *as he is on T.V.* and their God has said something to belittle the big-headed guests.

The show, or side-show has a comedy aspect to it though, like when an 'a.s.b.o. drug addict, 16 year old mother of three' says "Your just trying to ruin my reputation". This would be hilarious if not for the fact the when I want to find out about history or aviation I have to subscribe to the History Channal or Discovery. Please people of Britain someone tell me I'm not alone in this Nightmare!
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Just Play The Demo and Leave This In The Shops.
21 June 2006
***Tip: Have It Read To You, Heres How***


When I played the demo to MGS2: Sons Of Liberty I was really looking forward to playing the full game. I thought that the graphics were perfect, the way the rain would distort the lights on the oil tanker, the voice acting was just as good as MSG1 with both Snake and Otacons friendly banter and the character movements looks awesome.

The demo would allow for me to play up to the first boss fight and then would end, little did I know that thats about all I get to play as with snake, thinking that when I got the full game that I would be able to explore more into the tanker, maybe get off the tanker and look around a new destination with Snake. When I looked at the box, all that I could see was Snake, it was him on the front, screen shots of him on the back in the rain and information about how SNAKE IS BACK. This was really only bait, you don't play as Snake but as a different character called Jack (Code Name Raiden).

It would not have been as bad if I knew that I was going to be Raiden but the developers decided not to let on to this until I owned the game.

About the full game; well once you get past the tanker everything changes, the graphics become dull and lifeless with horrible orange walls in every part of the oil rig and then there is the storyline.

What i liked about the Tanker was that the cut scenes and radio comms were short and sweet, not anymore they ain't. Every time I entered a new part of the oil rig there would be a cut scene showing me where all the enemies were, followed by a 15 minute lecture about how to tackle them, this don't just happen once but every time for the first 15 minutes of the game and every time a new enemy comes into the game.

This game is also heavily bogged down with unnecessary radio comms, for example when you first open the door on the oil rig you see a lone guard recovering from some kind of an attack, this frightens our hero who then runs into the corner (The Computer Will Take Control Of The Character) and rings the commander;

"Colonel, I've spotted an enemy, what should I do" "Raiden, Engage the enemy" This will always be repeated with a questioning tone "Engage the enemy?" "Yes, Engage the enemy" "How should I best do this?" "Well..." and about 20 minutes later you get back to the game.

Bad, but not half as bad as when his girlfriend pops up with more ear bending.

"Jack, Do you remember when we first met" "Jack, Do you know what to day is" or "Why don't we talk anymore"

Jezz, Its seems to me they do nothing but talk. During major operations do elite soldiers have to put up with this sort of thing I mean;

"Sir, I've found the bomb" "Jack, did you take the bins out" or "Your always to busy to talk to me"

This is bad but Raiden complains more to his girlfriend like when he asks about seeing him kill someone.

"Rose, I've just killed someone, ain't you gonna say something" "No" "Taking a human life is....Blah Blah Blah"

And this sort of thing goes on. I thought this game would be worth buying just for the storyline but it is not, mainly down to the fact that the story is to hard to follow after the many U-turns the game makes. I've clocked it about three times and I still can't make head nor tail of it.

Your better off playing Pac-Man, at least that games story line was easier to follow, and Ms. Pac-Man didn't keep popping up asking Mr. Pac-Man about if he knew when their wedding anniversary is.
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They Think It's All Over (1995–2006)
I Think Its All Over...
20 June 2006
***Tip: Have It Read To You, Heres How*** 1) Copy And Paste This To Notepad (NOT WORD) 2) Go To. START>ALL PROGRAMS>ACCESSORIES>ACCESSABILTY>NARRATOR Its hard to believe that this used to be up there with 'Have I Got News For You' and 'Never Mind The Buzzcocks', its also hard to remember when it was for that matter. The first line of Nick Hancock, David Gower, Lee Hurst, Gary Linker and Rory McGraph was great, it had a real feeling of camaraderie amongst them, each we you would see then rip into Lee for being bold, David for his age, Nick for being fat, Rory's sex life and Gary's walkers adverts. When you heard the audience laughter it sounded and was so real, even the panel would be in hysterics. So successful was the show it went on to release Video Specials which were (and still are) very funny.

What I liked was how pointless the quiz was and how effortless the humor came from the guys, for example when Lee (Hurst not Mack) was telling a story about how he was abducted by aliens for his hair.

Lee: "Back then I had a full head of hair, you see???" David Gower interrupts "Up on till then it was believable" and everyone even Lee laughed. Sadly those days are gone and are not going to be seen again outside of UK:Golds repeats of the classics.

It really all started to go bad after Hurst left, when this happened Gower (a man short) would have two guests rather that the usual one. This was still funny and you could see the show surviving. However after one series of this they decided to pick a new regular in the form of 'BBC Break Glass In Case A Carmera Is On And No-Ones Talking B.S. At It Stooge' Jonathan Ross, who every week would take 5 minutes to do a scripted gag, hog the show, interrupt the other teams questions and therefore interrupt the flow of the game, the others would struggle to get in a word or gag.

At this point the show was still watchable, mainly to a lot of editing of Ross I'd imagine, and you could see that the remaining four still have there silly school by charm.

The final blow was when Gower and Liniker left and were replaced with two dull characters Phil Tuffnal (nice guy but not funny) and David Seaman (boring and seemed to think that the quiz was serious).

This change also made Ross feel more superior as he was no longer the new boy and started going on with longer more point less scripted gags and 1970's sexual innuendos. Rory didn't come out to well either as it show that he really wasn't funny after all!!! Some how he managed to fool me but after the others left and people stopped taking the mickey out of him, you realized that he only has about three jokes. If when blindfolded he feels a slim pole i.e. A Microphone, well then you'd hear "Ahh, its Victoria Beckham" or when he gets a golfer you'd hear the Ironing Joke. Funny the 1st time but after about the 10th you kind of know whats coming.

Because of the poor rating the show was getting TTIAO changed the captains once again with Boris Johnson and Ian Wright, which was about as bad as the first change as Boris is nice but boring and Ian Wright thinks the quiz is for real and will stop any comedy if he feels it will cost his team a point, particularly at the end with the Guess Who round, All I seem to hear is "Come On, Come On".

Nick Hancock Left too and was replaced with Lee Mack as host, Which is the only person who can still raise a laugh from the audience with his auto-cue read comments, even if they seem to be humoring the panels which is a lot more that I at home am prepared to do. Also, not one to stay were the T.V. ratings ain't J. Ross also left after he was one of the panelist who turned the ship to the ice burg, and was replace with Sean Lock who is funny, but just not on this show.

Which is were we are now, a show that once manages to raise real rib crackers even to a non-sport fan like me to a show that is less funny that Question Of Sport, and i'm not kidding. At least when you watch QOS you can see the audience laughter and know that its not over dubbed.

In conclusion They Think Its All Over has already earned its place in T.V. Gold land and really was without doubt a program that you could and would stay in and watch rather that go down the bar and drink. Its a shame that I can't watch it now even if i'm home with no plans and nothing else is on.
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Friday Night With Jonathan Ross is the equivalent to...
14 June 2006
***Tip: Have It Read To You, Heres How***


having your testicles ironed.

When Jonathan Ross started his career he was on a show call "The Last Resort" now a days he is the first resort to host anything and anything. TV Award Shows that half the time he is up for nominations in, Comic relief, chat shows, quiz shows, game shows, charity shows, Brighton. Just when you at you wits end and think you can find salvation in the wireless the lisping twang of good old J.R. Hits you like a freight train going none stop from Texas to downtown N.Y. That has lost a hour and is trying to make it up.

About this show (FNWJR).

Its a normal chat show format with J.R. As host and a house band that concisest of four gay men (ha ha ha, ow my aching sides.) and season one had Andy Davis, but he left or was fired to give way to Ross's Ego.

Ross will more less use his guests as props and you really don't hear them speak because of his "Its my ball and I'll take it home" attitude, you also see that the bigger the guest the more he is willing to lie and suck up to them, to get in with the big boys (Like the weak kid at school who hangs round with the bully).

However when a small reality T.V. Star comes on he'll happily humiliate them, asking personal questions about the past and telling them about their lack of talent to get the laughs. Sometimes he will under estimate the popularity of a guest, say something to belittle them and then when the audience act shocked, he will quickly turn and start making himself the fall guy, the best example of this was when "Life On Mars" star John Simm came on and he said how does someone like you get work, your OK looking but not Hollywood good-looking (Bare in mind the Hugh Jackman and Halle Berry was in the green room, he was really only trying to suck up to them before they were even on the couch). When the audience acted shock Ross quickly said "What, I'm bit light headed from wearing that corset, I don't know what I'm saying". If he don't have any low forms of TV life on he'll just dig at the four gay men on the piano with jokes more out of date than his fashion.

Its very much a different story when a Hollywood A-lister or big TV star comes on the show in that he'll tell them stories to humor them. When some actor explains that he was in a support band then Jonathon Ross will say something like "Wow, well he ever I go to see a band i was try to look interested for the support band, to make them feel as though they are wanted" with an underline message being "please like me, I was probably one of the people that cheered you when you was in your band". Top this off with an audience of Ross fans so hooked on every bad old joke and bulling, it really makes for a poor show.

Your better off watching US chat shows instead, they are more scripted but not anywhere near as hard to watch.
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Prisoner of War (2002 Video Game)
War game without any weapons???
28 May 2004
You are Capt. Lewis Stone of the US Air Force, Your plane is shot down over wartime Nazi Germany where you are capture and put in a POW camp.

The gist of the game is that is that as a prisoner you are set boundaries and if you cross then you will be punished (but only if seen). However in order to escape you will need certain tools or items which are in the illegal areas more then often. To help you get around other POWs will offer you helpful information, create diversions while you jump the fences/walls or sell you items. You will need to sneak past guards with stealth or disguise while making sure you keep an eye on the in-game-clock.

There are 5 camps in total each one more challenging then the last and although this game would be easy to rubbish with so much off it being rough around the edges, but I found it to be really fun and addictive.
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