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ECW One Night Stand (2005 TV Special)
7/10
Watered down ECW
5 August 2005
As a huge fan of ECW back in the day, this ppv was somewhat disappointing. ECW comes back for only one pay-per-view, for one night only(I really doubt it though, they probably will be back), and this is the best they could come up with? Don't get me wrong, it was a great ppv, but it really wasn't very extreme. The most extreme aspect of the show, was the historical montages of ECWs past great matches and character highlights. It wasn't really until the final match, that we actually got to see what ECW is all about. I thought that the ppv wasted way too much time on the whole idea of the WWE being there. It was a stupid storyline, and the ppv should have just focused on main reason for the event; EC F'N W!!!! I really don't think I could pick one match from the event that will ever be remembered as memorable. ECW has had better ppv events in the past, but its probably not really their fault for being watered down, because it was ran and supervised by WWE. Overall it was some great wrestling action, but not great when in terms with what ECW used to be in the past. For any wrestling fan, its def. worth a rent, but hardcore ECW fans may be disappointed.
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Total Recall (1990)
6/10
Death by gunfire
3 August 2005
Warning: Spoilers
This is probably one of the best movies Schwazenegger has ever been in. But I really don't think that is saying much. The action in this movie picks up very fast, and doesn't stop. If you like a lot of mindless action, guns, and gory death sequences then you are in for a treat. The amount of people in this movie who are killed is about....well a lot of people die in this movie. So many people were killed in the original cut of this movie, that the MPAA issued the movie a X-rating for its extreme violence. The story is simple, but some people may argue that statement. Was he dreaming, or was it reality? In the end it really doesn't matter, because its not meant to be known. Overall the movie was an enjoyable action experience, but for my taste of movies, just too mindless. Did anybody else laugh really hard at that cornflakes line at the end of the movie? I really liked what IMDb member James Hitchcock had to say about Total Recall, "Poor Man's Blade Runner". I couldn't say it any better myself.
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Mystery Men (1999)
7/10
Some very funny writing
1 August 2005
Warning: Spoilers
I really didn't expect much from this movie, but it wasn't bad; actually it was quite good. This movie contained a couple of the funniest bits of writing I have ever seen from a motion picture. Now am not saying this is one of the funniest movies of all time, but I laughed pretty hard at some parts. "The police ruled my father's death a suicide. They said he fell down an elevator shaft. Onto some bullets". Now this movie is not for everybody, its mostly stupid humor like Zoolander or Dodgeball; so if you hated these movies I would probably recommend you to steer clear. Overall it was an enjoyable movie, about a group of superhero wannabes, who end up becoming real heroes in the end. It's a vastly overrated comedy that many people probably haven't seen yet, because like me before viewing it expected it to be utter garbage. After viewing this film, I finally understand why this movie was able to assemble such a superstar cast which includes Ben Stiller, William H. Macy, Hank Azaria, and even that kid from Good Burger. It's because Mystery Man is full of excellent comedic writing period 7 out of 10. A very big surprise.
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4/10
Jurassic Porn
26 July 2005
This movie reminded me a lot like a basic porn movie. It was short when compared to the first two Jurassic Park movies; only 90 minutes long like most sex flicks. There was basically no plot, no character development, and no Jeff Goldblum. It really reminded me of a porno, because the characters would talk alittle bit, and then get chased by dinosaurs for a long extended period of time. Now, if you just replace the aspect of getting chased by dinosaurs with some hot guy/girl, girl/girl, guy/guy, guy/gerbil, or dino/dino sex action; then you basically have the same movie. This movie is terrible compared to the first JP, and bad when measured up to the sequel. Now JP2 was no masterpiece either, but I will take very cheesy T-Rex smashing through San Diego any day, before hearing that damn cell phone go off again. Am so glad that JP4 is currently titled "The Extinction", because after this installment this franchise needs a nice big fat Hailey's comet to smash right into it leaving every dinosaur/character dead expect Jeff Goldblum. Goldblum is the man!!!! Anyway, you will get some entertainment value from the dinosaurs, but don't except much. Just turn off your brain, and enjoy a semi fun ride which includes getting chase by dinosaurs, getting chased by flying dinosaurs, getting chased by more dinosaurs, and yea thats about it. I should have probably have given this movie at least a five, for its effort; but the ending was so stupid and abrupt that I had to dock it a point. Its worth one viewing, and one viewing only.
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100% Jenna Haze (2003 Video)
7/10
There's a new Jenna in town
28 June 2005
This movie is all girl/girl sex scenes with each of them staring Jenna Haze; one of the biggest porn stars of the last couple years. This is box eating at its finest, but I have a Jenna Haze biased. I wish there would have been a storyline though, the movie just went from one random scene to the next with Jenna Haze licking her way through them. An important note, this movie stars Mary Carey, who was an candidate for the governorship of California in the recall election of 2003. Now if only Gary Coleman could have got a piece of action in this movie, it definitely would have garnered a perfect 10 out of 10. Keep up the good work Jenna, soon one day hopefully you won't have have to lick carpet for a living, so we can get married and make our own porn together.
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Instinct (1999)
4/10
No Ishmael
23 May 2005
I was so pumped when I heard that a movie was going to be created based on ideas of the book Ishmael. As an avid reader of Daniel Quinn novels, I though this movie sucked. It probably doesn't deserved a four rating, but am giving it that because it did a terrible job of exploring Quinn's ideas. It really did no exploring at all, and just put a fingernail scratch on the surface of the ideas discovered in Ishmael. It took about 45 minutes for the movie to even start to talk about some of the little aspects of Quinn's new world vision. The movie talks alittle about the idea of takers and givers from the novel; and thats about it. Read the book Ishmael and other novels by Quinn to have a life changing experience. Skip the movie. Or read the book first and watch this movie after; then you will realize how bad Instinct really is.
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