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Joolz40
Reviews
About Time (2013)
Just awful and boring
I simply can't believe the ratings on this movie. I can't remember the last time I was so bored. How can someone with time travel powers still remain such a pathetic loser ?. I could not find any redeeming features about this movie, you don't really care for any of the characters, and there is hardly anything in the way of any special effects for the time travel sequences which may take your mind off an otherwise drab experience and lifeless script.
There is nothing the main character does in this movie that any ordinary person doesn't do, namely he has lots of kids and goes back and forward in time to accomplish this. Bravo, great achievement mate, jolly well done !! Either watch paint dry or watch this movie, all the same.
White House Down (2013)
What a load of trash
This is one of the worst movies I've ever seen. Man it sucked. Awful acting, Jamie Foxx sounded more like a drug dealer than a US president, James Woods is supposed to be quite intelligent with a supposed IQ of 160, so why did he join the cast of this farce ?
Its like Die Hard from the 80's except much worse acted - as if time had stood still since then. Save your time and skip this one, or you'll be so appalled by it you will actually bother to write an IMDb review as Im doing here.
Im supposed to write 10 lines, but I've said what I want to say without extra filling. Hope this make the 10 lines ....
After Earth (2013)
Sci Fi B-movie with atrocious acting
This really was an awfully movie, no doubt about it. The pace is slow, the props looks amateurish, the special effects look about 2 decades old. Some of the gadgets look so cheap and plasticky, they resemble the kind of cheap toys you can pick up at the local dollar store. With a budget of $130 million, one has to ask the question; what did they spend the money on ?
Jaden is a terrible actor, the chemistry between father and son was not credible, there is no tension, or suspense in the film, it just meanders about aimlessly.
Please Mr Will Smith, let Jaden do his own stuff like Karate Kid 3 or whatever instead of tying to launch his career as an action hero - because it failed miserably. This is one vanity project we could have done without.
On a final note seems like director M Night Shyamalan can chalk up another flop to add to his long list.
The Wild Blue Yonder (2005)
Impossible to make a worse movie than this
If you can recall the worst movie you've ever seen and multiply that by a large number, you will a get a sense of how bad this is. What made this movie tolerable was reading the comments by the people, who like myself hated it. Some of them were so funny and entertaining I ended up reading all the negative reviews while the "movie" was playing in the background as a split screen window.
I could feel my brain cells dying about 10 mins into this movie, before I realised that I HAD to do something else while watching this movie to avoid possible long term brain damage.
So dear friends and critics, I thought Id make this review a little different and compile a list of my favourite negative reviews for this movie, which are certainly far more entertaining than the movie itself.
Enjoy !
"the story had no consistency, plausibility, character, insight, or intelligence of any sort. It was like someone farting in your face and expecting you to think it was life-enhancing." LOL
"Add to that, an utterly annoying soundtrack of Nazi-era German soprano/opera, and some tribal folk music - all mixed at levels that make you cringe - and you have a recipe for agony." OUCH
"So to summarize; Take about bunch of stock footage off the internet, edit it together in no particular order, add some exerts of interviews with some NASA eggheads that you found on Discovery, slap on the most annoying music you can find, and then hire an actor to narrate a "space story", which has nothing to do with the images or footage that you are seeing - and then you'll have this movie." SPOT ON !
"I struggled to restrain myself from laughing at how absurdly bad it was. My companion and I then joined the steady stream of escapees about 40minutes in." LOL
" But I'm sorry to say I don't do drugs of drink copious amounts of alcohol. So I must obviously be unable to hallucinate in seeing any merit in this film " HEAR HEAR
" I technically wouldn't even call it a movie. It also isn't a documentary. It is one of a kind, a very very bad kind." LOL , YES INDEED A VERY VERY VERY BAD KIND
Why should we be required to exert effort in critiquing that which involved NO EFFORT? GOOD POINT
his is a desperately poor, indulgent, cheap, empty, irritating, unwatchable concoction of clips tied together with an infantile plot and dressed up with some ethnic chanting intended to make it seem meaningful and spiritual or something. APT and TO THE POINT
These entertaining reviews helped preserved my sanity while watching. ( sorry I meant enduring) this movie and I hope they will help preserve yours too.
Life of Pi (2012)
Disappointing, shallow nonsense of a movie
Most of this movie is centred around a shipwrecked boy on a boat with a bengal tiger (yeah right ) and the struggle for survival. People are saying it was visually stunning - I must have missed those bits. I thought Titanic was stunning back in the day, there was nothing in this movie that could compare to the stunning imagery of Titanic. So I must have missed something somewhere.
I tried to root for the main character but just couldn't find the emotional attachment as I found him as shallow as the main thesis of the movie. Which was a simple and fairly pointless "philosophical" question at the end: Which version of the story dd you prefer. He could have just as well said do you like your tea with or without sugar ?. I can't recall the last time I saw such an anti-climax to a major motion picture.
The premise of the film was shallow, and perhaps if they cut out 2 hours of the movie, it may have made a good short film. Maybe ..
Killing Them Softly (2012)
Just plain awful
I actually created an IMDb account just to review this movie, it was so awful and pointless. If you've never seen Brad Pitt in a bad movie, well this is the one. The film is peppered with pointless dialogue that leads nowhere and you are left asking the question what was that all about ?.
Ray Liotta's character held up the movie up to a point but even that couldn't save this picture from the confusing screenplay and directing. Its as if this movie was directed by a committee.
Pointless political dialogues in the background with Bush and Obama that have absolutely no bearing to the storyline whatsoever and quite frankly irritating - not only is it pointless, its overused throughout the film.
Im not really sure why this movie was made in the first place. Its like some art house project that didn't work out.