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5/10
Hop along...
29 July 2017
This hopping-Chinese-vampire-comedy felt very shallow. It tries to be hip and modern but feels as hip as Babyjohns granny in her hibbedy-hob-garments - it's a joke. Babyjohn himself made me want to grab the TV and shake it, although cruelty against minors is not my thing at all. The romance was completely artificial and the story itself tries to be too many things at once while failing to deliver any of the real goods like horror, comedy or action. "Vampire Cleanup Department" feels more like a failed TV-Show and tries to update the Jiang-Shi-Lore with elements from Blade and Buffy without providing any original life energy for us to suck up.

+ classic ("Mr. Vampire") veterans on board! It's great to see Richard Ng and Chin Siu-Ho again and there's even a cameo from Eric Tsang. That's nice! - Lead actors are not at all interesting - script is all over the place - Makup effects are not very frightening - Digital fx are very bad. The vampire kills are very much doing the same as "Blade" did, but that movie is 20 years old soon and looks a million times better. - romance: Maybe this works for Youtube junkies. I don't know. I hope not otherwise mankind might be doomed. What happens at the end?Does it make sense at all? - Babyjohn? Is he a kid, is he an adult? Watch this movie and see for yourselves!

verdict: hop along, hop along, there's nothing to see here.
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7/10
Slapstick Gangsters Shoot Sharp!
4 July 2017
"All the wrong clues" is Tsui Harks departure from his gritty new wave roots into a more mainstream body of work. I never really got why genre comedies in Hong Kong are usually marketed with pretty kitschy posters and overly long and quirky trailers for this is basically a pretty straight noir gangster spoof featuring George Lam as private detective and Teddy Robin Kwan as chief inspector. The story revolves about triad super bosses trying to outsmart each other with Lam and Kwan constantly sabotaging their schemes and themselves being played by mastermind Ah Capone. As you might have guessed, the story isn't all that important in a slapstick inferno like this. Tsui Hark delivers a million punches, some of them miss gloriously but you're never left hanging, the next joking is already homing in on you. If you do despise slapstick, please avoid this movie at all costs. Although the script and ideas are pretty strong in the first and last quarter of the movie, it really indulges in seemingly improvised mass brawls and chase scenes that try the viewers patience quite a bit, especially if you're not in the mood.

I have to say, I really really like the lead actors, especially Teddy Robin Kwan. That man is a comedy genius! I have a soft spot for his larger than life antics (I mean, the guy is 1.47 m).

The film is shot in wonderful Panavision (it must be, it's written pretty big in the opening credits) and pushes even this slapstick gangster romp into Hollywood standards. That's what Tsui Hark does best! It's nicely shot and he really knows how to make movies that people all over the world can enjoy although I don't think it was ever released anywhere outside HK or Japan.

PROS: - Great Slapstick in the vein of "Lupin the 3rd" (it really feels like old school cartoon comedy) - Great actors - Solid music - Mo lei tau 101: I guess Stephen Chow really liked this movie.

CONS: - Wow, so much slapstick. - Could have been a bit shorter. - It's a gangster spoof. It's supposed to have cons in it!
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10/10
Great movie!
18 December 2015
In a world... where Mad Max returns with a masterpiece like Fury Road. In a world... in which Ash vs The Evil Dead and Jessica Jones are really a thing. In a world in which Star Wars has been dead to me since watching Episode 1 in cinema... there now comes a new movie and although I never thought it was possible it was even better than all those other impossible great movies, because it was even more unlikely to be just that great a film. Something clicked. Was it perfect? No! Was it the perfect movie experience? Yes! It just went with all my disbelief and replaced it with excitement and wonder. It was about heroes, villains and aliens from a thousand worlds. I was able to love that movie. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is a miracle.
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Showgirls: Exposed (2010 Video)
1/10
bullshit impostor fanfilm that wants to be artsy but fails utterly at everything
28 August 2013
This is, simply put, utter crap. It's an inept try at making a "movie" but in a time where everyone can pick up a camera and shoot away it's just not excusable to sell crap like this. If the director likes to be around cheap girls for the time of the shooting, just switch of the camera next time. just not interesting for the rest of the world. please... damn is this stupid. I guess this guy even makes his own razzies to post on camera to prove he's part of the "system". man, just so sad. and stop posting reviews for your own movies. thanks. I'm not quite sure why stuff like this even got attention from newspapers three years ago. It must be because the guy who made this sent out "press releases" and started throwing big names around. It is pretty obvious that this backfired pretty soon... next time round he'll be marketing some other crap. Maybe the official prequel for Wild Things or something. Just pick a title and go for it. No problem!
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