Change Your Image
Upload An Image
Crop And Save
Avid (or is it rabid...) birding photographer and hiking enthusiast.
Troy: Fall of a City (2018)
What in the world is this???
Did the writers and producers ever read the Iliad? One of the most iconic and important stories of love and war in ALL written history? Terrible terrible writing, wooden acting, historical facts all wrong, inventions being portrayed that were CENTURIES away from being invented... Horrible!
The Redwood Massacre (2014)
Wow this is bad!
This movie was truly awful. It's a try by the creators to make a Friday the 13th style slasher, but it fails miserably.
The makeup effects for the killing scenes were actually quite good, but if that is the only good thing out of this movie, then it falls completely flat on its face. IF the creators had spent a bit more time on this, planning out the script, more rehearsals for the actors, it might have been better.
The acting... well, honestly there wasn't any. TRULY stupid decisions were made by the actors in this movie, making it almost a joy to see them done in lol. Do yourself a favor and give this one a pass. All the "great" reviews I've seen on this one obviously came from friends/family of the crew/actors.
This was bad, very bad
The only reason I watched this to begin with was because of some of the actors in it.
Christopher Lloyd; Joel Gretsch - The 4400; Aaron Douglas - BSG; Ben Cotton - BSG: Blood & Chrome
I'm sorry I did now. This film had plot holes completely out of control! Many so glaring that they make this film hard to even watch. For instance, one in which they are going to retrieve some parts of the Iraqi tablets that had been sold to Christopher Lloyd which the female scientist found the address online as being "only about 90 miles away. So they hop in Ben Cotton's vehicle, drive for a matter of minutes, yet ANOTHER catastrophe hits in the form of a gigantic (and very fake looking) tornado in which they crash the vehicle. The female scientist is swept away and the survivors walk for a short period of time and bam! They made it most of the 90 miles on FOOT! Wow! They must have been speed-walking!
Another ridiculous part of the movie is the el-cheapo rental helicopter that the evil DOD agent played by Aaron Douglas chases them around with... It looked like a Robinson R22, which is DEFINITELY not what the government would be using. They would have swamped the area looking for the "fugitives" with blackhawks and the like.
All in all, it's a terrible movie, with terrible writing that not even veteran actors could make any better. My advice... stay away from this one!
I, Frankenstein (2014)
I don't think this title deserves a 1 or 2 star review, but that is based on the special-effects content alone. The effects were fantastic, no doubt, but the movie itself... it was pretty bad. I was majorly disappointed to have spent the money to see this in the theater.
It seems there are a plethora of bad box-office flops coming out of Hollywood lately, and this is definitely one of them I must say. The story itself lacked a lot of character, it seemed forced - like a stretch of the writers imagination after some not-so-good drugs lol. The acting was mediocre overall, in my honest opinion, even though I know that both Aaron Eckhart & Bill Nighy can do far better... it just seems that they were limited with the roles and the lines they were given. Garbage in equals garbage out, no matter how good you are...
The Taking (2013)
Avoid this movie like a plague!
I've seen a lot of movies in my time - a lot of fantastic movies and a lot of 'B' movies, and a lot of 'Cult Classics'... this is not one of those, by ANY stretch of the imagination! In fact, I think this may be the worlds first 'Z' rated movie, it's that bad! I only managed to sit through the first 15 minutes, and that was a struggle! All the time being very thankful that this was a very cheap rental, so I didn't have to worry about a lot of money wasted on this trash! TERRIBLE cinematography, TERRIBLE acting (what there was of it during those 15 minutes), TERRIBLE sound quality. In fact, the sound was pretty much over-driven for much of the time I watched this, doing nothing more than giving me a splitting headache.
Seriously, take my word for it, or read a few more reviews about this.... movie (I have a hard time calling it that to be honest), save your money, save your valuable time. It is NOT worth it, at all!
Zombie Massacre (2013)
Poorly Written Trash *SPOILER ALERT*
This movie really takes the cake so far of the 2013 trash movies. Poorly written and unbelievably poorly acted.
The productions company obviously doesn't even know what this term means, as there is not even the slightest attempt to maintain continuity.
Poorly acted and "voiced". This movie might have been slightly more believable had it been perhaps insinuated that this was some "European" Black-Ops operation that caused the accident, instead of saying it was an American operation deep in Eastern Europe, but then most of the people that are supposed to be portraying American Generals and troops don't even come CLOSE to having a believable American accent.
Unbelievable military tactics and situations *spoiler alert*:
In one situation, one of the mercenaries is being pursued by 10 or more "infected zombies" and he has a 12 gauge shotgun, which he has not even fired yet. Anyone who knows weapons will know that a 12 gauge shotgun is a GREAT riot/multiple target weapon and is GREAT for clearing large spaces. What does this mercenary do instead of using the shotgun? He puts it down and picks up a barrel and rolls it almost comically at the zombies to trip them up. He then proceeds to pick up another barrel to assault another zombie with it. Wow. This mercenary was also touted to be so "skilled" at combat by the American General without the American accent
Did I also mention that this American General is also sporting a goatee? Facial hair is NOT permitted in the US Military, the regulations stating that this is necessary to ensure a good seal on a face-mask, and it gives an appearance of esprit de corps in maintaining uniform personal appearance.
*Spoiler Alert* During one circumstance in which they are trying to flee the city, and get to the "minimum safe distance" from the nuclear weapon that is counting down, they have to stop for gas in their getaway car (a VW beetle) that they had only been driving at approximately 20mph looking like they are out for a Sunday drive (sorry, but if a nuclear weapon is going to go off, I will be driving like a madman!). So anyway, they attempt to refuel when of course more zombies show up. Along comes some country bumpkin that has the best American accent in the whole movie, along with being arguably the best actor in the whole movie... but his vehicle is a VW bus that is also low on fuel. So my main problem is that in a city where everyone has been turned into zombies, who of course have no use for their former vehicles, why do BOTH parties make the absolutely stupid decision of commandeering vehicles that are so low on fuel when there is a WHOLE CITY OF VEHICLES WAITING TO BE USED!
Very poor, wooden, without emotion in the face of a situation that would give ANYONE the heebie-jeebies.
Suffice it to say that I was only able to make it about three-quarters of the way through this movie as it was just so painful to watch.
3 Geezers! (2013)
Avoid this film
Wow, seriously, this film is beyond terrible. If it was possible to get a refund for seeing this film I would. Unfortunately it is not the theaters fault at all. In fact it is more or less offensive, as it seems to be making fun of some of the elders in the film in general than trying to be funny. It is POORLY written, the jokes are TERRIBLE and the acting is wooden at best. Even J.K. Simmons, whom I like in most movies, and consider a funny man is terrible in this. More than likely that was the writing more than anything. The film, as someone else stated, started out with promise, then slowly (and I do mean deathly slowly) evolved into a completely bad film. Bad jokes, bad writing, bad acting, bad pretty much all of the way around! Do yourself a favor, avoid this film! Save yourself the complete waste of time.
John Carter (2012)
Great Fun, but not too faithful to the Original ERB Stories
I must say, as an avid fan of the stories written by Edgar Rice Burroughs while growing up, I was chomping at the bits upon the announcement of this film! I hurriedly started re-reading the Kindle version of the 7 novels I had read as a child - Princess of Mars, Gods of Mars, Warlord of Mars, Thuvia-Maid of Mars, Chessman of Mars, Mastermind of Mars & Fighting Man of Mars. There, done, now I was ready for when the movie came out to the theaters...
Well I will say, that the film and effects were REALLY well done, beautiful scenery, gorgeous and very believable models/CGI effects, but perhaps as I was such a fan of the original I was disappointed with some of the very crucial changes written into the film.
I will not go into the changes, as that would result in a spoiler alert, and I do hate spoilers, all I would suggest is 'if' you want, read the books, and you will see of what I speak.... Certain things that were left out led to drastic changes in the basic fight of John Carter after his initial 'landing' on Mars, which would have led to perhaps a longer movie, but also could have led the studio directly and much easier into a sequel... which I would love to see.
THE worst movie I have ever watched!
Wow! Honestly, I think this was the absolute worst movie I have ever choked through watching... I initially decided to watch it, regardless of the reviews, because of the fact that it was made right here in Tampa Florida...
Now I am: 1) Embarrassed that it was made here where I live, and 2) Incredibly regretful that I wasted 1 hour and 18 minutes of my life that I can NEVER get back! The ONLY good thing I can say about the movie is that the makeup effects were pretty decent, but then again Tim Martin is well known as a effects artist and has even worked on quite a few big budget movies. Tim, lets just hope that THAT is where you stay, because this movie was HORRIBLE! Another thing I didn't like about the movie - despite the wooden acting, was that the f-bomb was thrown around WAY too much, and seemed WAY too "forced".