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3/10
Pretty Dire
13 April 2019
Not a very good film. Characterless cast of nobodies, vague plot, made in a shoe box production. I gave it an hour then pulled the plug.
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5/10
CGI Overload.
22 March 2019
I'm getting tired of the Rowling universe, wand weary. For a film brimming with effects i found it tedious and boring. The socially awkward Redmayne character irritates whenever he's on screen. Sadly we're heading for atleast one more instalment.
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Vox Lux (2018)
4/10
Vox the Lux was all that about!
22 March 2019
Surely this was someone's pet project. Intense nonsense is how i'd describe this steaming pile of vacuity. Loathsome characters that just defy any sympathy or compassion. To add insult to injury the songs were awful too! Give this a wide birth unless you're Jude Law or Natalie Portman devotees.
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Free Solo (2018)
9/10
100 Minute Testicular Tingler
10 March 2019
Gripping, fascinating, engrossing, the story of a free climber, his back story and his ultimate challenge. Sometimes real life stories can have greater impact, resonance and gonad grip than any Hollywood blockbuster. A must watch.
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7/10
Honest Portrayal
7 March 2019
This docu drama is the genuine article. At times chaotic and farcical it shows what random engagements can be like and their effect on the troops. There is some real emotion here from soldiers woefully under appreciated for the dangerous work they do. Afghanistan as a war might lack the glamour, pull for your average joe, and some serious questions can and should be asked about being over there, but these guys are putting it out there and deserve as many plaudits as we can bestow upon them..
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Border (2018)
8/10
Excellent
4 March 2019
I started out expecting the worst but as the story developed i was drawn into it. Equally weird , shocking, amusing, sad and strange. The acting is top draw, making the characters believable. This is a must watch film, you'll definitely get something out of it, i'd say its the best film i've seen in a long while.
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Venom (2018)
8/10
Marvellously Marvelless.
5 January 2019
The critics must have been pining for more of a Marvel love in, thankfully they didn't get it. Venom is a much better film than they give it credit for. Thankfully there's a brevity of that oh too familiar Marvel self aggrandizement. Its gritty fare that entertains. Go see.
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The Domestics (2018)
3/10
Gashtastic drivel.
30 December 2018
Warning: Spoilers
Sincerely attempted garbage. For a post apocalyptic world there seemed to be plenty of beer, electricity and other things to be had. Their ability to maintain high levels of cleanliness, especially their shirts and her overall look was laudable considering the circumstances. Mad max types roaming around in ridiculous headwear had quickly embraced the post apocalyptic lawlessness to the degree that they'd even developed a wheel of fate cult, plus a mobile wheel of fate truck... all utter nonsense. Its a crap film interspersed with acts of violence. The featured couple just keep parking their car at the front of abandoned houses and insist on having the lights/candles on. Guy takes a 6 inch screwdiver shaft through the eye socket and reappears sporting a bandage....err this isn't the living dead. It is awash with errors, how anyone can wax lyrical about it is beyond me, they're probably the types who stop on the highway to watch a firefly go by with a look of absolute amazement, eyes wide, jaw extended.
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4/10
Horse Manure
19 December 2018
I've generously given this offering a 4/10 It's been described as a disjointed mess and i'd have to agree. Very little in the way of humour and plenty of ham acting. In all honesty it was a gruelling couple of hours punctuated very occasionally with moments of mild interest.
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Peppermint (2018)
7/10
Bourne in a bra.
18 December 2018
This is a good solid revenge flick. None of that '70's Wonder Woman pit a pat, this is bone crunching stuff. Garner excels as the revenging widow. Other than a couple of early plot foibles it stands up well. I'm half hoping there's a sequel.
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4/10
Not like the original (sadly)
5 October 2018
I really wanted to like this film. Having read the book as a child and not overly impressed with the original film, i was full of expectation. Sadly that expectation was pretty much dashed from the outset. Michael B Jordan has an acting range that primarily consists of pouting and err pouting. Every time i see him he never fails to deliver, mediocre at best but normally terrible.Shannon would've made a better Montag. A book that was all about an individual's turmoil living with his position as a 'fireman' has been turbo'd into a big scale actioner, a poor one at that. I understand that Jordan lacks the acting chops to portray a deep meaningful character , hence a propensity for 'action' instead, but the end result is just so unsatisfactory. If you're going to mess with a literary classic then do it with the best people and the best writers. The fact that Shannon has to play a subordinate role to Jordan just adds salt to the wound.
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3/10
Shocker
28 July 2018
The first film was just about watchable but certainly not good enough to warrant a sequel. But here we are, and what an insulting train wreck. I can't understand who they're aiming this utter dross at, is it pre-teens or trailer habitants? either way, if you have any sophistication in your comedy choices then this will leave you stone cold, bereft, depressed and saddened. I weep when i see 10/10 scores and people waxing lyrical as though they've just had a comedic epiphany. It's worse than crap, it's an abomination.
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8/10
Phoenix at his best
28 July 2018
This film isn't for your average punter, the one that likes it all neatly laid out without any ruffles or quirks, who likes his cinema sugar coated and spoon fed. This is cinema for the more adventurous, someone who doesn't mid silences in film, or long held shots, doesn't need to be constantly guided (and fed) This is a visceral potrayal of a lone wolf who retrieves lost kids, a man who has some serious issues never fully explained. If you have half an eye for the alternete you'll enjoy this film. All those giving a terrible score are just suffering from wind.
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Singularity (I) (2017)
3/10
Wiffy!
13 May 2018
You know the time when you've been forced to use a Portaloo in the middle of summer, straight after someone who's had a massive dump, you remember, the smell, the heat, the flies and the warm seat, well that's Singularity right there. Well it would if you added in the fact that there was no paper left!
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Suburbicon (2017)
8/10
Best viewed without bias.
8 May 2018
The only explanation i can see for all the extremely low scores for this film is that it might tweak some deep rooted bigotry. For me this was an excellent film, in parts funny, dark and serious. The characters are believably unbelievable, it had that sweaty, strangulated, confined feel to it. If you like the Coen's work, then you'll like this or atleast get something out of it.
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8/10
A guilty pleasure.
30 December 2017
Let me start by saying i've never been a big fan of Mr Vaughn, that affable oaf he invariably plays has become rather tiresome. Well in this film he's a revelation. The film itself is a nonsensical piece of pulp violence which i have to admit i really enjoyed. You know where its heading, but that's OK, the film has fleshed out Vaughn's back story enough to have you applauding his increasingly violent takedowns. Intellectuals will not be gathering to discuss the attributes of this film but as a piece of quality, hard trash it hits the spot. Don Johnson was completely unrecognisable, the big reveal was the end credits.
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The Trust (2016)
6/10
Half decent
17 September 2016
Warning: Spoilers
I have to say that besides its obvious shortcomings i quiet enjoyed this B movie. That's what it is , a B movie. Well acted by those involved only let down by the rather weak interpretation of what could have been a real gem of a story. As it is its a bit of a rough diamond but still entertaining enough to quell any urges to turn it off or pick up your mobile. A couple of stand out things for me was the $10k they spent on that drill, i'd say they were robbed! The sparks coming out of the hole to reassure us that there was something going on down there was infantile. Finally Frodo's turn around in deciding to shoot Cage was way too quick. Worth a watch i'd say.
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Tusk (2014)
2/10
Mindless
31 January 2015
I'm giving this erm 'film' a full 2 stars just because it's stayed in my memory, sadly for all the wrong reasons. If you take an ill conceived idea, which is a bad enough foundation, then mix in a terrible script, cheap gore and terrible walrus outfits you could end up with something unique. Sadly what you end up with here is a disaster, absolute disaster. Was it funny? no, OK maybe i laughed at the schlock twice. Was it scary/disturbing? maybe once,OK twice i raised my eyebrows. Its just a mess that tries and fails at everything, humour, gore, believability. Johnny Depp has truly lost the plot, his latter day Poirot on pot character was neither warranted or enhancing to this turkey.

I just found myself looking at Long in his walrus suit and asking myself..why, why are you doing this, why are you in that f@@kin' suit? was it the money? did Smith lure you in with his vision of the masterpiece that would unfold, did Long really think this would enhance his career? I personally think he has massive gambling debts and was willing to take on anything to pay his creditors. Worryingly he might actually think this was a masterpiece!
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The Equalizer (2014)
7/10
Great .... except the end.
12 January 2015
Warning: Spoilers
I sat down to watch this film not expecting much but i have to admit i was pleasantly surprised. I enjoyed it so much i was compelled to write a review, so that says something! Denzel Washington puts in a solid performance as the lead character, ably supported by a rather hot Chloe Grace Moretz amongst others plus a host of your usual Eastern European, tattoo covered mobsters. The film builds nicely from a rather slow start, a start which contrasts well with the action to come, giving you no clue as to what will unfold. My only caveat is with the end scene/boss fight. Thankfully it wasn't a shirtless, gladiatorial fight to the death, however, the scene is set inside a DIY superstore where our hero uses a variety of store products to dispatch those pesky Russians. I can see a parody where, as he hangs one baddie with barbed wire using cement bags as a counterweight i can see him pausing to say "barbed wire, not just for fencing and only $1 a foot" he proceeds to use a cordless drill, some kind of long handled shears, gas bottles etc etc. Just looked a bit naff and took the edge off what was up until that point a very solid film. Definitely worth a watch.
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Gone Girl (2014)
4/10
Naff
3 January 2015
The early part of this film is OK but as the 'story' unfolds it becomes a bit of a farce. The Neil Harris lake section was completely unnecessary plus it added an extra painful 15 minutes to what was already becoming a long film. The holes in the plot were at times gaping, leaving me amazed at how this got to be the case. Affleck does what Affleck do, kind of does the emotion without really portraying it with any depth. Support characters were so-so though the defence lawyer had something about him as did the lead detective, everyone else i've already forgotten about. Its a pity because this could have been a half decent film but was sadly let down by a pretty poor script, plot inconsistencies and being overly long. OK to watch on a long haul flight when you're driven to distraction with boredom otherwise i wouldn't bother. Finally the IMDb score yet again bears no relation to the actual quality of the film,. i've scored it a 4 which i think is fair, 5 at a stretch but to have a score of over 8 is just plain ridiculous.
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The Interview (II) (2014)
3/10
Pretty dire
25 December 2014
I can't understand why Kim Jong Un is getting so stressed over this piece of drivel. Of all the characters he was the most entertaining. Rogen and Franco really need to be sent to separate corners to save their careers. The pathetic stream of anus,sex & sh!t jokes is typical Rogen fare, tedious and unimaginative. As a lightweight piece of pre teen nonsense i suppose you could say it succeeded but on any other level, if you stretch your head above your crotch, it fails. Watch it to satisfy your curiosity then forget about it and move on. Another problem with this film is that there really isn't anything interesting enough to write about that will take up the ten lines necessary before this review can be submitted. Obviously there hasn't been allowances made for films like The Interview, which really doesn't justify the extra effort.
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Under the Skin (I) (2013)
9/10
Go and watch it. (Intelligence & Patience advisory)
17 August 2014
This is the sort of film that you need to give yourself over to for its duration. If you're going to approach it with a set jaw, demanding it entertains you from the outset then don't watch it. Also if you have the attention span of a fruit fly don't bother either but if you're receptive to the unusual and don't mind waiting for the kettle to boil then you're in luck.

Unusual, eerie,slow, grim, dark, unanswered, disturbing, poignant is what you get, well thats what i got from watching it. Not for the family, this is serious stuff for thinking adults, give it a try.

This is a brave film in its choice of subject matter and pace, Without doubt, in time, it will become a cult movie, if it isn't already.
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Noah (2014)
3/10
Oh Noah!
6 August 2014
I really tried to like this film, i gave it every chance, i tried to see past its shortcomings but alas i couldn't lie to myself.....it was pants! Trying to nail down any particular reason as to why this film fails is difficult, so much of it was misjudged. partly down to the human characters, especially having Ray Winstone as the King, poor judgement "Oi ahm the fackin' King innit". Crowe dusting off his gladiatorial nobility role....again. The rock characters failed to have any wow factor. Constructing an oblong ark just looked so naff. The tonality of the film had that typical cgi grey/blue pallor. Overall it was a mishmash of an effort, part historical, part make believe but most part crap.
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1/10
Oh dear!
25 June 2014
Firstly i need to know if there is a category below, way below a 'B' movie. Well i'm calling this a 'Z' movie. I didn't recognise any of these actors, they look like they were moonlighting from a really cheap daytime soap. The fight scenes looked like they'd been choreographed by the directors mother, just laughable. I continued to watch it, not out of any desire to see how the characters faired but just in a state of bewilderment. How could anyone deem this completely amateurish garbage worthy of release? By release i mean shipped to the discount DVD bin in Walmart, buried under the latest Segal abomination.

Watch this film to critique its extremely poor quality or to fool your friends into thinking you've just acquired a sneak pre-release, then watch their faces as the movie unfolds. If you have a brain then you'll know in the first few minutes that this film is crap but alas some will watch the whole debacle then turn and say "hmmm not bad" at which point you terminate your friendship and point them to the exit.
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Neighbors (I) (2014)
1/10
Disastrous Stuff
24 June 2014
I feel compelled to write this review because it falls into that rarefied category of 'Terrible'. Few films i've watched have managed to achieve this dubious accolade. Bad neighbours can stand proudly in that pantheon of utter dross.

This film just keeps delivering just when you expect it to improve it continues in the same formulaic vein, vacuous genital and drug humour proliferate like in most of Rogens work.If you had any growing disenchantment with Rogen then watching this garbage will truly cement your dislike of him. Its just the same old fecal matter.It is 90 minutes of unforgiving sewage. Nobody comes out of this film unscathed, all who took part should bow their heads in shame.

As someone else has pointed out, the IMDb rating seems way off, i came on the site expecting it to have received a generous 4.5, maybe 5 but for it to get a 7 is just ridiculous, even Rogen fans would have to admit to this being an extremely unfunny effort. I couldn't wait for the end, i spent the first 20 minutes trying to like it, which is never a good sign, but then, as it began to dawn on me that it wasn't going to improve but actually get worse, i just wanted it to all be over and if it wasn't for the company i was in i'd have gotten up and walked out.
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