Chris0184 Reviews

Cursed (2020)

Who chose the colour palate??

[2/10 · 2 May 2022]

Honestly, from the opening scene I couldn't help thinking that the cinematographers had been holidaying in tellytubby land. Half expected tinky winky to pop up out of the neon green hills highlighting the neon yellow paths and, genuinely, neon brown trees.

Now, it's quite possible that someone decided to slyly slip an LSD tab into something I ate, but I think it would have been preferable to watch my own hand fall off or a herd of pink elephants trample a unicycling pennywise into a field of singing tulips than to watch more than ten minutes of this utter drivel.

You would think people would learn that there needs to be something hooking people into a series. If you're going to film people having a fire, hire a fire safety crew and use fire rather than CGI that's almost as good as the graphics on an Amstrad 464 Plus. Honestly, burn some stuff!

'Acting' - poor. 'CGI' - terrible. Colour - over the top. 'Story' - unsure; couldn't bear to sit through anymore to find out why someone was apparently a witch yet not burned at the stake or drowned, given the time period.

Not surprised they dropped it after the first season.

The Blacklist: Konets (2021) Season 8, Episode 22

Sod the rest of the episode, I was crying with laughter in the first five minutes!

[10/10 · 18 January 2022]

Don't care what happened in the rest of the episode, it's irrelevant if you embrace the child in you in the first part. Honestly, some of the best TV.

The helium sold it for me.

Say no more. Brilliant TV.

The Blacklist (2013–2023)

Sound premise, excellent lead (Spader) often poor execution

[5/10 · 18 January 2022]

I initially rated this as an eight, however I've had to drop to five because the brilliance is often overshadowed by extreme stupidity.

The series starts well - a new, clever concept.

But, it starts to become sheer stupidity amongst brilliance from about S4 onwards.

In the early seasons they invest heavily in expertise at the expense of CGI - some of the early stuff is appalling - like through the use of actual tactical expertise (Baz - an ex-military advisor provides some excellent tactical scenes) but it seems as the series moves on the production team skip actual tactics/procedures for.... not sure what as the stupidity of the FBI increases again and again and the CGI remains appalling.

Kudos however to the end of S7 for using animation to plug the COVID gap!

I'm in S8 and literally just watched an episode - that I had to write a review about because everyone was so stupid - that my 6 year old could have solved.

Awesome series, with one of my favourite actors (James Spader - who is excellent throughout) ruined by sloppy writing.

And who the hell does Harold call all the time?? Literally - he gives an order and then makes a call. Every. Time. It's like it's scripted...

The Blacklist: The Russian Knot (2021) Season 8, Episode 15

Stupid, stupid FBI. Extremely poor writing this episode!

[1/10 · 18 January 2022]

"Oh look, this code machine has thrown out a list of numbers, what could they mean?"

20 minutes later...

"Of course, we can substitute letters for the numbers. But wait, that makes no sense!"

5 minutes later...

"Oh but he's a Russian spy speaking to someone in Russia. Maybe it's in Cyrillic."

Every child understands alpha-numeric cyphers.

And how does the FBI have any jurisdiction in Belarus?!?

Very poor writing off the back of a couple of really good episodes.

Grey's Anatomy: Unbreak My Heart (2016) Season 12, Episode 11

Not required. Skip it.

[2/10 · 8 November 2021]

Just not needed. Recycled footage, almost no focus on actual medical procedures. Could skip this aside from the 'reveal' at the end, but let's face it, you can pick that up in the next episode.

Kepner is ruined for me completely in this episode too. Whiny, whingey, and just a genuinely self-absorbed, terrible person.

Without Remorse (II) (2021)

"Tom Clancy's Without Remorse"... But it isn't... in the slightest.

[1/10 · 21 May 2021]

Based upon the title "Tom Clancy's Without Remorse" this scores a 1. And that's because it is not "Tom Clancy's Without Remorse".

As a stand alone film it is probably a 5 or 6, formulaic and predictable, with little to make it stand out from any other film.

However if you were expecting "Tom Clancy's Without Remorse", one of my favourite books, you will be disappointed. Severely. Shame, as I was hoping someone would actually pull off a film version of the book.

American Murder: The Family Next Door (2020)

So sad, for more reasons than just the obvious.

[8/10 · 7 December 2020]

Let me start by saying that this is a tragic case, one that, being a parent, I will never understand. Having the mental ability to kill is statistically low, even lower when you look at the victims. This is clearly the first element of what I find sad; that three children and their mother had their lives ended.

There are many reviews complaining that this is a mashup of internet clips, and that people already knew all the detail. I didn't, as I am one of the few who refuses to have social media accounts or spend my time trawling through YouTube.

What this documentary serves to do is set out the details of the crime using clips from the police, mainstream media and social media. This highlights the impact of social media on people's lives and in all likelihood their mental state, and this is the second part I find sad.

In an attempt to appear to have the perfect life, one that she had been craving from childhood, Shanann felt that she had to engage an audience on social media. She had clearly worked to develop what she had and wanted to appear perfect; perfect house; perfect family; perfect life. Watts wanted to do the same, but in a slightly different way - having the hot girlfriend; the athletic physique. It is sad that they felt they had to present themselves in a perfect way when clearly all was not perfect. I would argue that you have social media to blame for this.

It is well worth a watch, and I've not seen anything done in this format before. I would now like to see a follow up from a psychological viewpoint to examine the motive.

Have to hand it to the neighbour - he'd clocked the guy in the first 10mins of the show.

Below Deck Sailing Yacht: Oof! I Did It Again (2020) Season 1, Episode 6

It's not the premise, it's the guests!

[1/10 · 2 September 2020]

Honestly struggled to watch the rude, obnoxious, arrogant, sexist, misogynistic idiots that chartered the yacht. What an absolute waste of oxygen these eejits were. Made the whole episode practically unwatchable.

Roman Empire (2016–2019)

Historically inaccurate and why the nudity?

[2/10 · 23 August 2020]

I went straight in with Season 2 as I am off the back of reading several books regarding the life of Julius Caesar.

Apparently everything I have read is incorrect.

This fails in the opening few minutes. It skips of Caesars life under Marius, the civil war, Caesar's exile, his capture by pirates and subsequent revenge against said pirates.

The tactics depicted are nothing like the Roman Legions fought. Many, many repeated shots (and reversed shots - since when were shields carried on the right arm?) of individuals running around on their own in woods fighting the enemy. No use of the shield walls and the rotations of the maniples which was the strength of the Legion. Little use of the enquites (cavalry).

And why oh why do semi naked women and sex scenes need to be introduced? I usually don't mind, but it adds absolutely nothing to the story. Pointless.

Honestly, won't be continuing with Season One or Three.

Big fail Netflix. Big, big fail.

The Equalizer 2 (2018)

Lost its heart.

[5/10 · 19 July 2020]

I really enjoyed the first Equalizer. Robert McCall's (Denzel Washington) motivation was clear. They are here too, or would be if there hadn't been an attempt to shoehorn so many side stories into the plot that they cannot flesh out the backstory. You can work out the backstories to rack sub-plot, and this probably explains why McCall seems to be just knocking people off left, right and Chelsea.

The main antagonist and their team are obvious. Their motivations are obvious as they have been done time and again in previous movies.

Action is limited and in no way as tense or well choreographed as the first.

It's a shame, but based on this instalment it's time The Equalizer deleted his accounts and let people solve their own issues.

The Old Guard (2020)

Some good action scenes. Predictable story.

[7/10 · 19 July 2020]

An easy to watch film that lacks a bit of depth in the story. The premise is sound, however it's presented rather predictably and just seems to lack depth overall.

The saving grace for me is the well choreographed action sequences, which, while not a stylistically good as John Wick, are well thought out and demonstrate the slick working of a team that has been kicking ass together for hundreds of years.

Disengage brain, and enjoy.

Tomb Raider (2018)

Not bad at all.

[7/10 · 26 June 2020]

Pretty bog standard action film with the added bonus of Alicia Vikander in the lead role. It borrows heavily on the plot from the game, but does away with the main supernatural elements.

Yes, there are elements of disbelief, but less so than many other movies out there.

Worth a watch.

You vs. Wild (2019)

I think people are missing the point...

[8/10 · 27 April 2020]

The very fact this appears under 'Children' on most online entertainment platforms probably says it all... it's rated PG for a reason...

If you watch this and think it a serious documentary/off the cuff survival then I'm sorry but you may need to take yourself off to see if you can survive for 24hrs in the snow covered Swiss Mountains.

The whole thing is staged, in order to teach CHILDREN a little bit about survival whilst keeping it interesting. It's not a live show where Grylls will do what you tell him - it's pre-recorded with different outcomes ergo it has to be staged.

I'm literally flabbergasted by some of the negative reviews stating 'oh it's fake, the camera was just in the right spot when he dropped his machete' etc etc.

My four year old loves this, and whilst there are the odd things you probably wouldn't do in real life or Grylls isn't dressed quite right for the weather what does it really matter?

Genuinely people need to chill out a little.

Night on Earth (2020)

Middle of the road only - nothing really new.

[5/10 · 6 March 2020]

I have enjoyed many animal themed shows over the years and was initially impressed by the visuals - showing the first transition from night to day was great.

However... the majority of the show relies on background lighting and does little to utilise the "first technology of it's kind" for "the first time ever". The twilight hours feature prominently rather than the 'dead of night'. A bit of a shame.

There is also little in the way of fact provided about the animals throughout the series. And I'm sorry, but the narration is way off. Stilted, clipped and on occasion overly used intonation is distracting - becomes extremely hard to listen to, particularly when the information is fairly uninformative.

I wanted to like it, but there's nothing new here and the script and narration ruin the show. The four-year-old likes it, because he likes animals. But aside from that...

Aladdin (2019)

Stop comparing... but...

[6/10 · 3 February 2020]

Of course this is compared to the cartoon. But times have moved on and people have to STOP COMPARING these remakes to the original.

That said...

It's not the original, and doesn't stand up against it.

Mena Massoud (Aladdin) is not right for the part - a little too weak in the vocals. He gets the cheeky looks in right, but it's almost as though that is the only reason he was cast.

Naomi Scott (Jasmine) delivers an ok performance but her new song Speechless, whilst an ok song on its own, is out of place.

Will Smith (Genie) is clearly not a vocalist and struggles in the musical numbers. He CANNOT pull off a Robin Williams but then again, shouldn't be comparing!

Marwan Kenzari (Jafar) is where it fails for me. He is not creepy enough. He is weak and flat and just not a villain. Shame.

Young kids today, who have not seen the original, will probably like it. It's cool enough to keep their attention. But the older ones amongst us... the original is better, and no matter what it will be compared.

King Arthur: Legend of the Sword (2017)

Predictable but enjoyable.

[8/10 · 27 September 2019]

Some genuine laughs available in this film.

Typical action and dialogue expected from Ritchie. Hate the appearance of Beckham, that should not be a thing.

But an enjoyable couple of hours.

Escape Plan 2: Hades (2018)

Snooooooze...

[1/10 · 27 September 2019]

I enjoyed the original. I've watched it a couple of times.

But this! Nowhere near as interesting, and sooo slow. Tried it twice now and couldn't more than 30-40 mins in, if that.

Won't be trying a third time.

What Happened to Monday (2017)

Nope...

[4/10 · 27 September 2019]

Didn't enjoy it. Predictable and very formulaic. Slow.

The Dark Crystal: Age of Resistance (2019)

Not as good as the original, but...

[8/10 · 30 August 2019]

The biggest issue I have is the voices. I grew up with the original and the Skesis now have different voices. That said...

The puppetry is straight from The Dark Crystal. The same charm exists within the creatures and the scenery and this definitely should not have been changed. Why do people feel the need for the puppets to be modernised? Can the modern day audience not appreciate the origins of puppetry? Or should this have been done with CGI and removed everything that makes TDC appealing in the first place? Allow some of us to feel a little nostalgia every now and then.

Negative reviews are stating that it pulls straight from LOTR or Harry Potter - interesting since the overall look and feel remains from the original which came way before either of those...

I'm only an episode in, and remain to be wholly convinced yet, however the blueprint is there... I'll update as I watch more, but it takes me back to time with less to worry about and therefore scores a solid 6/10 at the moment.

EDIT:

Upgraded to 8/10 after further episodes.

John Wick: Chapter 3 - Parabellum (2019)

Reaffirmed my love for dogs...

[8/10 · 1 June 2019]

This has to be one of the best action film series in a long time, however this probably slightly weaker than the previous instalments.

Each film exhibits its own style - Chapter 1 focuses very much on traditional 'gun-fighting'; Chapter 2 introduces the use of the Kevlar suit (a step away from realism but it works) whilst building on the weapons skills and drills; Chapter 3 again steps it up a level with a bigger focus on hand to hand/knife/sword skills and the very welcome addition of two awesome attack dogs. And a horse - don't forget the horse!

Overall, a welcome addition to the saga, if a little slower than Chapter 2, but it does add a tiny bit more back story to Mr Wick. Just remember: 'Guns... Lots of guns!'

A Sniper's War (2018)

Whether you agree or not...

[7/10 · 10 December 2018]

There are two sides to every story. This documentary provides the 'other' side and whilst this may not be to the 'Western' worlds taste - hence the reason for the negative reviews - it provides a fascinating insight into the minds of the pro-Russians.

Whilst it is highly likely that 'Deki' is a 'propoganda' sniper with little role in actual combat this documentary serves to highlight the attitudes towards the West, and in particular NATO, exhibited by those fighting against Ukraine in the Donbas region.

It demonstrates how well a Russian backed force uses information, misinformation and disinformation to influence attitudes, particularly amongst their home audiences.

To simply write the documentary off because you disagree with the views expressed is not objective or helpful - I am sure the director approached this with an open mind, to try to explore the thinking behind the annexation and ongoing conflict - perhaps those reviewers should appreciate his work for what it is and not throw in their own political views.

Pitch Perfect 2 (2015)

Misunderstood and actually brilliant!

[8/10 · 9 September 2015]

Let me lay my cards out there straightaway. I'm a 31 year old bloke, married with two kids, who loves films and music.

And I love this film.

I Ioved the first film, and this one builds on it. But you have to appreciate that the film is based around college. For anyone that's actually been to college they should have experienced parties/people/incidents replicated in this film. I don't really understand why people show so much disdain for the 'childish' humour!

That aside...

Hats off to Elizabeth Banks for her directorial debut, you'd never know there was any change from the first film. And her inserts with John Michael Higgins are excellent, if you take them at face value for exactly what they are intended to be; humour! And pretty sexist, misogynistic humour!

Anna Kendrick is, as always, stunning (yes, the wife knows!) and simply brilliant. Shows just how much of an actress she is having improvised almost half her lines and proves once again that she can actually sing (albeit that the singing is not on set and pre-recorded).

The rest of the cast is brilliant and it's nice to see a little more of Esther Dean actually singing/rapping rather than her usual producing.

Hailee Steinfeld has stepped in seamlessly. I don't think we saw enough of Rebel Wilson though, reckon there'll be a few deleted scenes that didn't make it.

Good to see a lot of humour applied to the Ashley/Jessica situation (unless you know the film you won't get this).

The final song was actually very good. Maybe not as unexpected as the first film but brilliant with an original start and an excellent surprise at the end that I think added a very personal and moving touch.

It will be a shame if the franchise is over!

Pathfinder (2007)

Snooooooore...

[1/10 · 17 January 2014]

I am usually a massive advocate of "It's a film, it's made up or they are using artistic licence, so get over it and enjoy it". However, in the case of Pathfinder I simply cannot.

I have now attempted to watch this twice, the second time assisted by a bottle or two of wine and still have been unable to make it past 40 minutes.

The story is terrible, the acting poor and the "Vikings"?!?!? They look more like something out of Mad Max or Chronicles of Riddick.

The CGI effects, especially during fight scenes, are extremely poor - a sword clearly touching someones back provides us with a massive splash of CGI blood that is just unrealistic.

Simply appalling. I won't be trying a third time with this rubbish!

Let Me In (I) (2010)

Opened my eyes!

[9/10 · 18 December 2013]

I watched this film without knowing anything about it so did not know what to expect. I was pleasantly surprised and as a result have developed a bit of an addiction to the story.

I have now watched the original Let The Right One In, have just about finished the book, and recently saw a stage adaptation at the Royal Court Theatre in London by the National Theatre of Scotland (well worth seeing if you get the opportunity).

The acting from the lead characters, Chloe Grace Moretz and Kodi Smit- McPhee is excellent, and for two people so young they brilliantly portray their growing relationship. Smit-Mcphee is brilliant as Owen (Oskar) when it comes to the bullying scenes and portrays his lonely, introverted character with just the right amount of 'weirdness' required for the character. Moretz is great throughout and it was clear that from her portrayal of Abby (Eli) she was going on to much bigger projects.

The supporting cast is also very strong with Richard Jenkins as The Father (Hakan) showing his sinister devotion to Abby admirably.

Abby's intentions and overall character can be interpreted in a number of different ways however it is not for me to influence and therefore leave this up to you to form your own opinions.

The downside for me with this film is the ongoing score, which never lets up. Silence could have been used to great effect in some moments of the film and I feel this was a wasted opportunity.

This is not your traditional vampire movie with lashings of blood and gore (although there is enough to keep people happy), but is more of a story of friendship, love and devotion.

All in all, an excellent and underrated film massively passed over by mainstream media.

How I Met Your Mother: The Time Travelers (2013) Season 8, Episode 20

Massively underrated - an episode to actually think about!

[8/10 · 27 July 2013]

I can see why people find this episode different to usual. There isn't an amazing amount of comedy or the usual Barney-isms or general hilarity. But this episode examines one of the main characters feelings in some detail.

It's no secret that the series is about Ted finding the mother of his children. Throughout it has always been near misses with Ted - many reviews of other episodes point out that Stella, Zoe, Victoria or (repeatedly and clearly somewhat stupidly since in episode one we learn she isn't...) Robin is going to be the mother.

What this episode manages to do, and if you actually watch it and accept for a moment that the writers have turned a little serious for a change, and do extremely well is show a common issue affecting many people - that of having to watch your friends get married and have children whilst you are still waiting to meet the right person. What Ted wants most in life, his friends are achieving.

This episode presents his feelings of loneliness, envy, jealousy and despair in finding the one thing he wants in an intriguing and very different way.

The last few minutes including Teds end speech provide a mature and quite emotional view of how anyone should feel in a relationship!

Is this a standard episode of HIMYM - No.

But give it a chance, actually watch it, and think about what it is trying to say, and it's actually very, very well done.