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Coventry
Main Entry: exclusion
Definition: expulsion; forbiddance
Synonyms: ban, bar, blackball, blockade, boycott, cut, debarment, debarring, discharge, dismissal, ejection, elimination, embargo, eviction, exception, excommunication, interdict, interdicting, interdiction, keeping out, lockout, nonadmission, occlusion, omission, ostracism, ousting, preclusion, prevention, prohibition, proscription, refusal, rejection, relegation, removal, repudiation, segregation, separation, suspension, veto
Antonyms: acceptance, addition, admittance, allowance, inclusion, incorporation, welcome
send to Coventry, to refuse to associate with; openly and pointedly ignore: His friends sent him to Coventry after he was court-martialed.
People from the music industry that I respect, idolize or just simply appreciate: Ennio Morricone, Amy McDonald, Daan, David Bowie, Therion, Pink Floyd, Leonard Cohen, Alice Cooper, Neil Diamond, Joy Division, Bobby Darin, the Everly Brothers, Bobby Vinton, Gene Pitney, Herman's Hermits, The Hollies, The Animals, The Byrds, Donovan, Vargoth, Drudkh, Behemoth, Triggerfinger, Falkenbach, Finntroll, Einherjer, The Smiths, Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds, BB King, Ministry, Lynyrd Skynyrd, Rufus Wainwright, The Allman Brothers Band, Johnny Cash, Paul Simon, Raymond Lefèvre, Children of Bodom, Volbeat, Elvis Presley, Bruce Springsteen, Tom Waits, Anathema, Velvet Underground, Norah Jones, Fatboy Slim, Moloko, Angelo Badalmenti, Sarah Brightman, Lady Antebellum, Enigma, Muse, Army of Lovers, Chris Isaak, Lesley Gore, Kasabian, Pearl Jam, dEUS, Mumford & Sons, The Subs, Nirvana, Soundgarden, Cuff the Duke, Pulp, Oscar and the Wolf,
People from the movie industry that I respect, idolize or just simply appreciate: John Saxon, Mario Bava, Joe D'Amato, George Eastman, Darren Lynn Bousman, Boris Karloff, Enzo G. Castellari, Bo Svenson, Fred Williamson, Antonio Margheriti, Klaus Kinski, Lloyd Kaufman, James Gunn, Rob Zombie, Sid Haig, Matthew McGrory, Karen Black, Dennis Fimple, Irwin Keyes, Tom Towles, Bill Moseley, Wolfgang Petersen, Nicol Williamson, Fairuza Balk, Piper Laurie, Philippe Mora, Tom Holland, Ronny Cox, Lucio Fulci, Christopher George, Giovanni Lombardo Radice, Catriona MacColl, Fabio Frizzi, Nicolas Cage, Todd Farmer, Tom Atkins, Paul Verhoeven, Kurtwood Smith, Miguel Ferrer, Ray Wise, Stuart Gordon, H.P. Lovecraft, Jeffrey Combs, David Gale, Barbara Crampton, Fernando Di Leo, Joe Dallesandro, Terence Fisher, Anton Diffring, Hazel Court, Christopher Lee, Robert Stevenson, William Girdler, Rebecca De Mornay, Mako, Ti West, Tom Noonan, Mary Woronov, Paul Bartel, David Carradine, Roger Corman, Adrian Hoven, Monte Hellman, Warren Oates, Harry Dean Stanton, Steve Railsback, Ed Begley Jr., Peter Fonda, Nathan Juran, Lionel Jeffries, James Glickenhaus, Ken Wahl, Joaquim de Almeida, Sam Peckinpah, William Holden, Ernest Borgnine, Ben Johnson, Edmond O'Brien, Kurt Raab, Helene Cattet & Bruno Forzani, Karl Freund, Peter Lorre, Colin Clive, William Lustig, Joe Spinell, Caroline Munro, Tom Savini, Charles B. Pierce, Robert Wise, Fred Dekker, Fritz Lang, David Hemmings, Michael Ironside, Jan-Michael Vincent, Bette Davis, Joseph Cotten, Agnes Moorehead, Victor Buono, George Kennedy, Charles Bronson, Richard Fleischer, Elmore Leonard, Paul Koslo, Michael Winner, Brian Garfield, Lee Marvin, J. Lee Thompson, Riz Ortolani, Yul Brunner, Eli Wallach, Robert Vaughn, James Coburn, Steve McQueen, Michael Crichton, James Brolin, Mel Brooks, arry Cohen, Michael Moriarty, Jean-Paul Belmondo, Robin Hardy, Edward Woodward, Britt Ekland, Ingrid Pitt, Peter Cushing, Michael Gough, Herbert Lom, Udo Kier, Michael Reeves, Vincent Price, Ian Ogilvy, Dick Maas, Henri-Georges Clouzot, Paul Naschy, Paul Morrissey, Truman Capote, Peter Falk, Alec Guinness, David Niven, Elsa Lanchester, Peter Sellers, Gene Wilder, Patrick McGoohan, Herb Freed, Richard Kiel, John Landis, Tim Curry, Simon Pegg, Jenny Agutter, Frank Oz, Dario Argento, Quentin Tarantino, Everett De Roche, Stacy Keach, Russell Mulcahy, Brian Trenchard-Smith, Donald Pleasence, George Peppard, Simon Wincer, Narciso Ibáñez Serrador, Gary Sherman, Faith Domergue, Alexandre Aja, Ving Rhames, Christopher Lloyd, Eli Roth, Ishirô Honda, Greydon Clark, Cybill Shepherd, Neville Brand, Vincent Schiavelli, Martin Landau, Jack Palance, Alan Rudolph, Jonathan Demme, Pam Grier, Mark L. Lester, Malcolm McDowell, Patrick Kilpatrick, Don Dohler, Everett McGill, Corey Haim, Gary Busey, Jake Busey, Charlton Heston, Lorne Greene, Walter Matthau, Peter Bogdanovich, Woody Allen, John Milius, Franco Nero, Crispin Glover, Dennis Hopper, Dick Miller, Barbara Steele, Armando Crispino, Sergio Grieco, Helmut Berger, Lee Van Cleef, Robert Forster, John Huston, Melvyn Douglas, Douglas Fairbanks Jr., George Miller, Mel Gibson, Robert Rodriguez, George Hilton, Kane Hodder, Michael Madsen, Tony Todd, Nicolas Winding Refn, William Grefe, Cirio H. Santiago , Joe Dante, Don Coscarelli, Angus Schrimm, Tobe Hooper, Tiffany Shepis, Brad Dourif, George P. Cosmatos, John Boorman, Stephen Boyd, Tommy Lee Jones, Rod Steiger, Brian DePalma, Gunnar Hansen, George A. Romero, Simon Boyes, Adam Mason, Jack Arnold, M. Emmet Walsh, James Stewart, Darren McGavin, Kathleen Quinlan, Jack Lemmon, Robert Foxworth, Olivia De Havilland, Michael Pataki, Jerry Stiller, John Carradine, Julian Sands, Freddie Francis, Don Sharp, William Castle, Bill Rebane, John De Bello, Terry O'Quinn, Peter Sykes, Wes Craven, Michael Sarrazin, Lewis Teague, Yaphet Kotto, Sergio Stivaletti, John Phillip Law, Michele Soavi, Umberto Lenzi, Anna Falchi, Lon Chaney, Sergio Martino, Edwige Fenech, Ursula Andress, Michael Sopkiw, Edmund Purdom, Hal Yamanouchi, Barbara Bach, Cameron, Mitchell, Alberto De Martino, Ernesto Gastaldi, Maurizio Merli, John Steiner, Mel Ferrer, Barbara Bouchet, Marty Feldman, Tomas Milian, Bruno Mattei, Lamberto Bava, Luc Merenda, Anita Strindberg, Luigi Pistilli, Ivan Rassimov, Sergio Corbucci, Tito Carpi, David Warbeck, Luciano Pigozzi, Gianfranco Giagni, Florinda Balkan, Rosalba Neri, Mel Welles, Dagmar Lassander, Neil Jordan, Walter Huston, Ray Bradbury, Gregory Peck, Orson Welles, Bert I. Gordon, H.G. Wells, Ida Lupino, Kirk Douglas, David Lynch, Eddie Romero, Bela Lugosi, Al Adamson, Tor Johnson, Edward D. Wood Jr, David Cronenberg, Christopher Walken, Tom Skeritt, Martin Sheen, Dino De Laurentiis, James Wan, Anthonhy Perkins, Curtis Harrington, Julie Harris, Ornella Muti, Ray Lovelock
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Barking at the Moon
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Reviews
Il fiore dai petali d'acciaio (1973)
Doctor, doctor! I'll give you the news... You've got a bad case of mistress blues!
There exist two types of Italian gialli. The coolest type of giallo handles about masked psycho-killers with black gloves butchering people - preferably pretty young models - with sharp objects. The slightly duller but usually more stylish type of giallo handles about convoluted murder conspiracies complete with sexual intrigues, betrayal and triangular relationships. "The Flower with Petals of Steel", belongs in the second category. Even though the plot is wild and wickedly far-fetched, the film contains too many dull moments. The story revolves around Dr. Valenti. Although a busy surgeon, Dr. Valenti still has time to entertain several mistresses. He accidentally murders one in his apartment, with a hideous type of plant-statue, but is cold-blooded enough to professionally dissect her corpse and make it disappear. The girl's sister (played by giallo-regular Carroll Baker) and a sly homicide inspector are on the doctor's tail, and then he's also getting blackmailed. The film has one or two unforgettable sequences (most notably a lesbian scuba-diving highlight) and the bizarre plot is intriguing enough to keep you gazing at the screen until the finish, but overall it's disappointing and not at all recommended to anyone (except giallo-completists)
Sudden Fear (1952)
You don't know Jack!
This downright genius film-noir is almost 70 (!) years old, and yet it's still far more intense and suspenseful - according to me, of course - than any thriller made nowadays. Watch and take notes, aspiring scriptwriters! The immeasurably talented cult siren Joan Crawford puts down one of her greatest performances ever, as the wealthy middle-aged playwright Myra Hudson. For her latest stage play, she decides to sack the robust actor Lester Blaine because he lacks the right romantic personality. I can relate to that, since Lester is played by the one and only Jack Palance, and even in his early thirties he pretty much looked like the human version of a demolition hammer! And yet, Lester later succeeds in wooing Myra during a train journey and shortly after they live as a married couple in picturesque San Francisco. At the peak of her marital happiness, however, Myra coincidentally discovers that Lester and his mistress are plotting to murder her. After recovering from the initial shock, Myra uses her playwright skills to turn the tables around. Should you choose to watch "Sudden Fear", prepare to witness near-perfection in every cinematic department. Both Joan Crawford and Jack Palance are amazing, and were righteously nominated for an Academy Award. Add to this a super-intelligent script and Charles Lang's dazzling camera work, and you've got yourself a guaranteed film-noir masterpiece.
Das Verrätertor (1964)
Don't nibble on your fingers, Klaus!
Edgar Wallace was British himself, and the vast majority of his stories take place in central London, and yet the film-adaptations of his stories primarily come from Germany. So many even, that they received a very own term in German; - the "Krimi". Wallace is as British as afternoon tea and pie with custard, is what writer Jimmy Sangster and director Freddie Francis must have thought, so let's bring him home! Although miles and miles out of their comfort zone (Sangster and Francis are best known for their horror accomplishments for the Hammer Studios) the duo delivers one of the finest Wallace adaptations I've seen thus far!
"Traitor's Gate" is a crime caper/heist thriller, with many characters and ingenious plot aspects. The rich businessman Mr. Trayne schemes a wicked plan to steal the valuable Crown Jewels from the heavily guarded Tower of London, but there are many tricky factors, including the role of a doppelganger and the escape via a vessel on the Thames. The film benefices from a solid and fast-paced script, without unnecessary sub plots and dull sequences, and splendid acting performances. Although he isn't really one of the lead characters, the unsurpassable Klaus Kinski once again steals the show as the cold, relentless and arrogant hired killer. His character also constantly nibbles on his fingers, which is undoubtedly something that Kinski added himself. Krimi-regular Eddi Arent is also present as the comic relief, but luckily he isn't even half as irritating as usual.
Wonderland (2003)
Cult-status, like size, does matter!
In theory, "Wonderland" has everything to be an absolute favorite of mine. The plot revolves around a notorious (and bloody disgusting) true-crime murder case, the cast is full of familiar but non-obvious B-actors/actresses (Val Kilmer, Tim Blake Nelson, Ted Levine, Carrie Fisher, Eric Bogosian...) and the lead character is one of the most controversial anti-heroes of 70s exploitation cinema. Unfortunately, though, the film is a desperate cult-movie wannabe, and the fairly unknown James Cox directs with an arrogance and pretention as if he's God's gift to cinema.
John Holmes was a pioneer of the adult film industry - and proud carrier of an enormous member - throughout the 70s, but by the early 80s he was constantly broke and under the influence of drugs. The further downwards spiral even led, in the summer of 1981, to Holmes getting linked to the brutal Wonderland murders. Fascinating, for sure, but the script is poor and incoherent, and the overload of supposedly cool techniques (blitz editing, split screens, etc...) is quite annoying. Personally, I doubt this film would have even existed if it wasn't for the success-hit "Boogie Nights".
Tormented (2009)
It isn't over until the fat bloke kills!
Perhaps fellow horror fanatics know what I'm talking about when claiming that I miss the clichéd and straightforward slasher-plots from the golden days. Slasher movies always continued to exist, but - and yes, I do realize I sound like an old geezer - were so much simpler in 70s and 80s! The concept of bullied kids, whether or not mutilated after a prank gone wrong, extracting blood vengeance against their tormentors, was a familiar formula that gave us semi-classics like "Evilspeak", "Horror High", "The Burning", "Sleepaway Camp", "Fade to Black", "Carrie", ...
"Tormented" revives the kill-the-bullies concept, but unlike the vast majority of post-2000 slashers, this isn't a throwback/homage to 80s horror, or at least it didn't feel like one. The joyful 80s clichés and stereotypes, on the other hand, are very well-represented. We're talking people in their mid-twenties depicting high-school teenagers, nerdy kids receiving wedgies or getting locked up in closets, pathetic goth-kids and ignorant teachers/principals.
The film opens at the funeral of Darren Mullet, who was driven to suicide by the school's coolest macho Bradley and his gang of followers. But the bullies rapidly discover that Darren returned from the grave to do what he never could when he was still alive: stand up for himself. The plot doesn't make much sense, and never even properly bothers to clarify how Darren became a zombie, but I didn't let it bother me too much. The bullies are delightfully obnoxious and dumb, the heroine is cute (and somewhat looks like Nathalie Portman) and - most importantly - the massacres are vile, imaginative and bloody sadistic. Too bad there wasn't any nudity, but fun enough for me!
Licence to Kill (1989)
Bond ... Vendetta Bond!
Together with "You Only Live Twice", I always considered "License to Kill" my favorite James Bond movie. For you see, I rank my Bond movies based on the villains' level of evilness, and the charisma of the actors/actresses depicting them. Donald Pleasance (as Blofeld) and Robert Davi (as Sanchez) are the utmost evilest Bond villains.
And there's another, perhaps even more important reason, why this one is a favorite. In the long list of twenty-four (and counting) James Bond movies, "License to Kill" is a sort of outsider; - an underdog, in fact. I always cheer for the underdog. Bond doesn't work on an assignment for the British Crown here, but goes on an obsessive quest for personal vengeance and even sees his titular license to kill revoked. On the day of his wedding in the Florida Keys, CIA-agent Felix Leiter - with the help of his British buddy James Bond - spectacularly captures the notorious Latin-American drug lord Frank Sanchez. The powerful and extremely corrupt Sanchez promptly escapes again, also quite spectacularly, and demonstrates his dominance by mutilating Leiter and murdering his bride. Needless to say, Bond disobeys M's order to return to Europe and goes after Sanchez and his cartel, with the help of feisty female CIA-informant and a British tourist specialized in gadgetry.
The fact that James Bond is out on a personal vendetta already makes "License to Kill" an underdog in the series, but there's more. Given the subject matter, the film is much less comical/gimmicky, and far more violent than all the other Bonds. Timothy Dalton, in his second and immediately final appearance as 007, depicts him as a cold and relentless killing machine, which is unusual but fantastic! The script is very compelling and intelligent, notably how Sanchez' drug imperium is built up is genius. The film also excels in terms of locations, from the exotic Florida Keys (including the Ernest Hemingway house), over the breath-taking Villa Arabesque in Acapulco, to the Sonoran Desert. The action and excitement highlights are also numerous (like fuel truck chases, shark feedings, death-by-decompression-chamber, ...) and Gladys Knight sings one of the top-three finest title songs. Robert Davi, as Sanchez, has an impressive army of equally immoral henchmen, like a very young Benicio Del Toro, the always-menacing Everett McGill, Milton Crest and Don Stroud.
The House with a Clock in Its Walls (2018)
Who is it for? Well, for weird children of all ages; - duh!
The most frequently encountered criticism, here on the website as well as elsewhere in external reviews, is that "The House with a Clock in its Walls" doesn't have real target audience! Supposedly the special effects and spooky moments are too frightening for children, whereas the story is said to be too childish for adult audiences. Nonsense! You want to know who it's for? For weird and moderately twisted children of all ages; - like your truly!
Today, at age 40, I am a hardcore horror fanatic. As a 7 to 12-year-old, I was already hooked on dark & macabre children's movies, and preferably those with long and imaginative titles, like "The Watcher in the Woods", "Island at the top of the World" or "Something Wicked this Way comes". "The House with a Clock in its Walls" would have fit perfectly among my childhood favorites. Correction! It STILL fits perfectly among my favorites, and now also my own children (aged six and eleven) show a fascination. Perhaps the target audience for films like these isn't very large but we are devoted fans, to say the least.
"The House with a Clock in its Walls" was a more than pleasant surprise! The story, neatly adapted from John Bellair's novel by Eric Kripke, is playful and compelling. There is suspense, comedy, family sentiment, valuable life-lessons (most notably: it's okay to be different), and the special effects are top-notch. I never was much of a Jack Black fan, but he's tolerable here, and he's formidably supported by Cate Blanchett and Kyle McLachan. With this film, Eli Roth demonstrates that he evolved a lot since "Cabin Fever", and that he's capable of more than repulsive torture-horror.
The Twilight Zone: The Little People (1962)
There will always be someone who's bigger than you
My sweet old grandma, may she rest in peace, taught me a couple of valuable life lessons when I was young. Particularly her lesson in modesty is one I'll always remember. She taught me to remain humble whenever I'm good at something, or when I'm are more privileged than others, because someone bigger and better than you will always come along at one point or another. This "Twilight Zone" tale instantly reminded me of that lesson, and in more ways than one.
After running adrift in space, astronauts Fletcher and Craig land on an unknown planet, but quickly discover it's inhabited by a race of miniscule people. Navigator Craig abuses his towering height and plays for God, while the modest Commander Fletcher attempts to temper his dictatorship against the little people. Very good, although unremarkable and predictable "Twilight Zone" episode, mainly saved by the strong performances of the two leads and the respectable references towards Jonathan Swift's "Gulliver's Travels". The climax is really cool, but fairly easy to predict if you're slightly familiar with the legendary TV-series.
The Twilight Zone: Person or Persons Unknown (1962)
Beaumont & Brahm on automatic pilot
What's the most valuable possession a person has? You might be tempted to answer something typical like "health", "family" or "friends", but this tale makes quite clear that your most valuable possession is your identity. Without it, you literally are a nobody, with nowhere to go or no one to rely on. Sounds evident, but somehow the short story forces you to contemplate about it. Otherwise it's a fairly formulaic and almost habitual "Twilight Zone" episode, though. It almost feels as if writer Charles Beaumont and director John Brahm, withal two of the most frequent and talented contributors to the series, were becoming too accustomed to the style and narrative structure of "The Twilight Zone".
Hard Target 2 (2016)
A cameo by JCVD would have been welcome!
Yours truly is a Belgian, and was a teenager during the 1990s, so as a matter of course I went through a fanatic Jean-Claude Van Damme phase. "Hard Target" was definitely my favorite! The premise of hunting humans for sport is one of the oldest in action/thriller cinema history, and "Hard Target" is by no means a classic, but the combination of a long-haired Van Damme and excessive violence worked effectively; for sure. I never even realized there existed a sequel, even if it was a cheap and direct-to-video one. Luckily, I have a good buddy who specializes in lousy and obscure sequels, and he assured me that "Hard Target 2" was fun, straightforward, unpretentious, ... and worth a look.
My pal's judgement is reliable, as always. I enjoyed this film, although I'm likely to completely forget about it again in just a few days. I never heard about lead actor Scott Adkins, but he seems to be a regular in the field of meaningless action guff. Some of the people hunting down Scott in the Myanmar jungle are more known, like Rhona Mithra ("Doomsday") and Temuara Morrison ("Once Were Warriors"). The background story of Wes - the prey - Baylor is hilariously dumb. During an ultimate fighting battle, Wes killed his best friend and feels traumatized ever since. How could he not realize that his endless kicks and punches were going to cause irreparable damage? Please, don't go sobbing and mourning that you "accidentally" killed your buddy after you hit him repeatedly in the brains. Anyway, it's not the type of movie where you expect logic or intelligence, merely fast-paced actions, nasty killings and ingenious death traps. "Hard Target 2" does deliver in this particular department.
Could the film have been even more enjoyable? Well, yes, I think so! They should have lobbied to have JCVD appear in a small cameo. He's at a point in his career where he probably had accepted if the paycheck was worthwhile. How cool it would have been if Van Damme starred as an arrogant and eccentric hunter, for instance?
La polizia ha le mani legate (1975)
The Hands of the Police Are Tied !
Those who already had the (dis-)pleasure of reading some of my reviews might know that I have a bizarre fetish for the original, almost poetic sounding and native-language titles of Italian cult movies, whereas I have a natural aversion for the commercial, unimaginative and downright irrelevant retitling in English. Quite often, it's really preferable to just literally translate the Italian title rather than to go by the international English title. The theory definitely also stands for Luciano Ercoli's exquisite thriller "La Polizia Ha Le Mani Legate". The film is commonly known as "Killer Cop", but that is - bluntly said - a horrendous title. It makes the film sound like a hyper-violent Poliziotesschi, like Umberto Lenzi or Stelvio Massi usually made them with Maurizio Merli in the lead role, but it's much more of an intelligent and slow-brooding political thriller. Also, come to think of it, the title "Killer Cop" reveals things you're not supposed to know. The original title translates as "The hands of the police are tied" and, as usual, it's a much better and meaningful description of the overall movie.
As mentioned already, this isn't the type of contemporary Italian thriller that thrives on virulent car chases, extreme gratuitous violence or heroic coppers sadistically massacring kidnappers and drug-dealers. Instead, it's a very tense and delicate tale in which a young commissioner (Claudio Cassinelli) and a veteran district attorney (Arthur Kennedy), independently from each other, try to uncover who set off a powerful bomb in the lobby of a crowded hotel full of elite and international guests, and why this act of terrorism was committed. There isn't a lot of action in Ercoli's film, but the plot is unimaginably compelling, and I often found myself at the edge of my seat during the pivot sequences. There are a handful of unforgettable sequences, like shortly after the explosion in the hotel when the camera slowly zooms in one almost all the casualties, or the exhilarating chase in the subway station.
Luciano Ercoli perhaps isn't the most known or prominent Italian cult director from the early 70s, but it's nevertheless already the fourth film of his that I absolutely adored! Sadly, this is his only (sort of) Poliziotesschi, but he did make three wondrous gems in that other favorite Italian sub genre of mine; - the Giallo. These were "Forbidden Photos of a Lady above Suspicion", "Death Walks on High Heels" and "Death Walks at Midnight". That man earned the Nobel price of literature for his titles alone.
Rolf (1984)
All Hail Rolf the Ridiculous!
This cheap and obscure Italian exploitation effort actually stood on my must-see list, and even quite high, I may add. That probably was because I read something about an infamous and ultimately sadist sequence in which a troop of mercenaries use innocent children as target practice. The scene does exist, as part of a flashback, and the idea is definitely sick and twisted, but - as with everything else in this dud - the execution isn't the least bit shocking or unsettling.
As far as shameless and excessively violent "rumble-in-the-jungle" exploitation goes, our Italians friends made far more entertaining movies, like "Blastfighter", "Strike Commando", "War Bus" and "Striker". All the aforementioned are also bad movies, mind you, but at least they are fun to watch. "Rolf" - what a terrible name for an action hero, by the way - is dull, poorly acted, horribly edited and full of dreadful clichés. Apart from a pathetic name, Rolf also has zero charisma. Poor Rolf only has a lousy childhood trauma (mommy was a heroin prostitute) and a derivative story to tell. When he refuses to transport drugs for his former mercenary buddies, they respond by gang-raping and murdering his fiancée. He strikes back by ambushing and killing them; - end of summary.
Ghostbusters II (1989)
Gooey underground rivers of pink blubber that make people cranky
Amazing how opinions can change, and perceptions can even turn upside down, over time! 30 years ago, when yours truly was still an irritating little brat, I thought the original 1984 "Ghosbusters" was brilliant and nearly flawless, whereas I found the 1989 sequel a weak and redundant attempt solely meant to generate cash and organize a cast reunion. Now, upon seeing them both again after many years, the first film seems hopelessly dated and too hectic, while the second one suddenly seems a lot better (or at least on par with the original).
The plot of part II is largely similar to the first. New York is on the verge of doom, this time due to the rapidly strengthening spirit of an ancient & evil Carpathian warrior. It wants to possess Sigourney Weaver's baby, while the rest of the New Yorkers grow increasingly cranky because of pink gunk that feeds on negativity flooding underneath the sidewalks.
The most successful elements of the first are shamelessly copied, like giant statues walking in between the skyscrapers and the skies turning into all sort of ominous colors. On the bright side, there a handful of really imaginative ideas as well, like the arrival of the ghost-Titanic ("Better late than never never" says a still unknown Cheech Marin), Aykroyd and Hudson as entertainers at kids' parties and mayhem in Harris Yulin's courtroom. Also, and admittedly they are five years "younger", but the special effects have remarkably stood the test of time better than those of the original.
Ghostbusters (1984)
Badly dated, but not dated enough to watch the remake
Few things in life are as painful and confronting than re-watching a childhood favorite, only now with your own kids, and having to hear after barely 30-40 minutes from your offspring that the film is boring and looking silly. No wait, I can think of something even more painful and confronting, and that's realizing yourself the childhood favorite isn't at all what you remembered it to be.
I know "Ghostbusters" is pretty much considered a sacred classic, especially among loyal members of this great website, but let's face it ... "Ghostbusters" hasn't aged well, which isn't criticism but actually quite normal for a 35-year-old film! The once state-of-the-art and (deservedly so) Oscar-nominated special effects simply look mechanical and goofy nowadays. That's okay, though. I remember when they were great and how I was blown away by them when I was eight. But that was three decades ago, and I can't expect my own kids - age six and ten - are even slightly impressed. And not only the effects have dated badly. Lead characters like Bill Murray's cocky and exaggeratedly self-confident Dr. Venkman can't exist anymore, unless you aim for a series of #MeToo lawsuits. Everybody smokes, and they literally smoke everywhere, including public building, libraries and hospitals. You can refer to it as nostalgia, but it's stuff from the past, and righteously so.
Still, I hold on to my fond memories and don't have the slightest intentions to ever watch the 2016 remake. That's one for the digital generation, like my own children, while I'll recall the giant Marshmallow-man, Sigourney Weaver's sexy stare, and - duh - the timeless Ray Parker Jr. theme song.
Trapped Ashes (2006)
Five tales of sex, horror, sex, sex and sex.
Maybe it's too much of an assumption, or a generalization, but horror fans love anthologies! "Waxworks" (1924) and "Dead of Night" (1945) were the pioneers, and during the 70s in Britain, the Amicus Studios even specialized in them with a couple of classics as results, like "The House that Dripped Blood" and "Asylum". The ultimately popular omnibus came in the 80s, with George A. Romero's "Creepshow". Starting from the 90s, it became somewhat of a gimmick to have the separate segments directed by different - and preferably prestigious - directors. The variety of names usually makes it even more attractive for fans, but the participation of famous directors doesn't necessarily guarantee a brilliant anthology.
The names of the directors involved in "Trapped Ashes" is impressive, to say the least. Joe Dante ("The Howling", "Piranha") signed for the wraparound story, which gathers a group of seven people on a guided tour in an abandoned Hollywood movie studio. Dante, always his jolly self, takes the opportunity to give small roles to his buddies (like Dick Miller and Henry Gibson) but he's not given much material to work with otherwise.
The actual segments vary from extremely disappointing to surprisingly shocking. Sean S. Cunningham, horror-immortal thanks to the original "Friday the 13th", delivers the weakest contribution with a confusing and quite pretentious tale set in mystical Japan. The best story - or, better said, my own personal favorite - is a tie between Ken Russell's "The Girl with the Golden Breast" and John Gaeta's "My Twin, the Worm". The first is tacky but pleasantly deranged variation on the "I'll do whatever it takes to make it in Hollywood" theme, and I particularly love the second because of its rather disturbed premise of a fetus and a parasite developing in the womb together. Monte Hellman's tale is mediocre at best, in spite of the presence of the almighty John Saxon and the ingenious references towards Stanley Kubrick.
Undeniably, the main theme in every short story is sex. In fact, almost the entire film qualifies as pure body-horror, which also means that the sex and nudity is never arousing or even pleasant to look at. All the individual segments may look unfinished, since they all end rather abruptly, but even the lesser experienced horror fanatics can guess the real denouement comes at the end of the wraparound story. "Trapped Ashes" is a decent effort and an atypical anthology. I'm glad that I saw it, but I can't label it as a classic, nor a favorite.
Der schwarze Abt (1963)
Joachim Fuchsberger present? Klaus Kinski present? Comic-relief guy present? Alright, let's Krimi!
The so-called Krimi-movies based on the books by Edgar Wallace follow a very strict, yet simple and successful formula. They work with frequently returning actors and directors, and there's always minimally one character - usually a police inspector - providing comic relief. The comedy is presumably inserted because the whodunit stories of Edgar Wallace are convoluted, talkative and often requiring a fairly long time to shift into gear.
"The Black Abbott" is slightly atypical in the plotting department, though, since it's not a genuine whodunit/mystery. The story revolves around an ancient gold treasure, hidden somewhere in an eerie abbey, and everybody who unravels the mystery of where exactly it's hidden gets murdered by a killer dressed up as a monk with a black cape. The first hour of the film is overly talkative and confusing, with too many characters to tell apart and the numerous intrigues between them. It's also doesn't help that the only two female characters almost look identical. The last half hour contains a lot of action and excitement, though, and the set-pieces are deliciously grim.
The ABC Murders (2018)
If this is Agatha Christie, then I am Napoleon Bonaparte
The best and most accurate line ever written about this mini-series comes out of the user-comment of a fellow reviewer on this site, and nor me, nor any other professional film critic in the world could have said it better. The line simply states: "why do people presume they can write it better than Agatha Christie herself?". Too true, "The ABC Murders" is the worst and downright ugliest adaptation of Dame Agatha Christie's work I've ever watched, and it's purely because some people - looking at you Sarah Phelps - felt it was a good idea to rewrite a perfectly good story.
Luckily enough, the essence of the genius novel - the murder story - is still largely intact, but the screenplay heavily messes with the characters, and particularly with the untouchable Hercule Poirot. Scrap Hastings, kill off Japp, invent a previous life for Poirot, ... Why do this? You just don't mess with Agatha Christie's creations! If you don't like how she created them, write your own whodunit with your own characters. The TV-film series "Agatha Christie's Marple" also often altered story elements, but at least they did it with a lot of respect. "The ABC Murders" is overlong, tedious, anti-stylish and dark. Not the good kind of dark, mind you. As much as I respect John Malkovich as an actor, he's dull and lifeless as Poirot. His pre-WWI backstory is pointless and features the same old & insignificant flashbacks over and over again. Oh, and if you really must refer to Poirot's years in his home country Belgian, at least have the decency to cast some who speaks proper French.
Escape from Alcatraz (1979)
Frank Morris doesn't seek redemption; - only an exit...
I'm undoubtedly going to get virtually molested for making statements like these, but whatever... It's my honest and humble opinion that, because of "Escape from Alcatraz" (and perhaps 2 or 3 other solid but underrated prison dramas), a film like "The Shawshank Redemption" does not deserve to be labeled as one of the greatest - or even THE greatest, according to this wonderful website - movie of all time. Don't crucify me just yet. I do concur "Shawshank" is a great film, but so many of the original and brilliant aspects that its fans praise and worship so much already featured here first, in this genius fifth (and final) collaboration between director Don Siegel and anti-hero Clint Eastwood. I won't go as far to claim the script/novel of "Shawshank Redemption" is a rip-off (although it wouldn't be the first time Stephen King steals from other sources) but it's definitely a big influence and inspiration.
The most astounding trick Siegel and Eastwood pull, is serving us a slow-paced and atmospheric drama rather than an exhilarating action flick, and yet it doesn't at all feel like a swindle. "Escape from Alcatraz" is a stoic and slow brooding, yet compelling depiction of prison life, its strict routines and its lack of privileges. The titular escape, which largely exists of tunneling out with a pair of nail clippers (!), is often even a mere footnote, while the real essence revolves around the solidarity between inmates and their collective fist against the corrupt prison authorities.
Needless to say, Eastwood is at his best portraying a cool, distant, arrogant and enigmatic Frank Morris. From the moment he arrives at Alcatraz, it's more than obvious that his sole mission will be to escape, even though the megalomaniacal head warden fanatically makes it clear The Rock is impossible to escape from. The latter is a strong role for Patrick McGoohan, by the way. Great, great film. No nonsense, no unnecessary dialogs or redundant sub plots, just pure craftmanship!
White of the Eye (1987)
Directors that overrate themselves...
Writer/director Donald Cammell is a cult figure pur-sang. Not so much for the movies he actually realized, but more so for the numerous projects that couldn't get funded, were abandoned, faded out, or got heavily altered under the pressure of producers/investors. Allegedly, Cammell was a stubborn man who refused to make compromises and always oppressed his will onto others. It's even believed that dissatisfaction and frustration regarding his final film ("Wild Side") drove him to commit suicide. Twenty-five year after his death, Cammell is now referred to as a cult-directors, whereas - I'm sure - when he still alive, he was simply known as a guy with whom it was impossible to work with. Personally, I'm a giant fan of his "Demon Seed", but he himself didn't like the end result.
"White of the Eye" was going to be different for Cammell, because he was given a lot more authority and artistic freedom. Hence, since he was a self-declared expert, one would expect the film is nothing short of a masterpiece, right? Alas, ... wrong!
This is fundamentally a very basic and derivative serial killer/stalker thriller, but Cammell pretentiously disguises it as a complex and overly ambitious mystery, chock-full of references towards blurry Indian mysticism, redundant semi-artistic symbolism, a diverse but hectic soundtrack, by-the-numbers red herrings and close-ups of eyeballs. Lots and lots of eyeballs! The film starts promising enough, with an incredibly intense and steadily built-up murder sequence, but after this "White of the Eye" is shockingly dull and mundane. David Keith and Cathy Moriarty give away flawless performances, but the script is just too bland and there isn't enough story material for profound character studies. The extended footage of flying eagles and the Arizonan desert is beautiful, but if I want to see that, I'll watch nature documentaries instead.
Yes, I'm probably too skeptical in my review and rating, but that's my logical reflex in case directors are borderline arrogant.
ClownTown (2016)
Forget it, Jake. It's Clowntown
Alright, I confess the main motivation for me seeing this film was simply so that I could use the legendary quote from "Chinatown" in an insignificant, but semi-wit new context. Yes, I find that sort of stuff amusing, sue me.
Speaking of amusement, "Clown Town" is sorely lacking in this department! It's a dull, clichéd, predictable and formulaic stalk-and-slash effort, with a quartet of stereotypical peeps getting knocked off by psychotic clowns that don't necessary put a lot of time and energy in their costumes and make-up. Not that it matters, really, but I still don't quite understand the whole background of the story. The little town of Clinton (get it? Clinton... Clown Town) is supposedly deserted ever since a railway disaster and now forms the turf of a dysfunctional clown family. I don't see the link between train wrecks and killer clown behavior, but whatever.
I'm not demanding when it comes to this sort of horror films. I'm long happy if they feature excessive gore, imaginative kills, brutality and scantily dressed girls. "Clown Town" only scores a few points on the last element. Shallow as it may sound, lead actress Lauren Elise is gorgeous, has an impressive chest size and runs around in a tight & white tank top the entire film. And, in the opening sequences, the even prettier Kaitlyn Sapp has a gratuitous (but very welcome) topless scene. These shouldn't be the highlights, however, and I can't fathom why the film isn't gorier and more sadistic.
Agatha Christie's Marple: Why Didn't They Ask Evans? (2009)
Give youth a chance, Miss Marple!
According to the votes and the rating system here on this wonderful website, "Why didn't they ask Evans?" is the weakest of all twenty-three episodes in the "Agatha Christie's Marple" series. The audience is always right, of course, and even though I wouldn't label it as my personal least favorite, there are definitely some flaws in this film.
First and foremost, it's another one of those adaptations NOT based on a novel featuring Miss Marple. In practically every film in the series where this is the case, Miss Marple feels like an intruder. Especially here, since the original novel (a brilliant book, by the way) revolves around two young, enthusiast and clumsy amateur-sleuths Frankie and Bobby. They also star here, but Miss Marple got written into the screenplay in such a way that she takes the two juniors under her wings but eventually resolves everything single-handedly herself. It's utmost annoying to see in how, in this episode, Miss Marple steals the thunder of youthful detectives.
The basic premise and overall plot of "Why didn't they ask Evans?" - still one of the greatest novel titles ever, by the way - is terrific, but again suffering from many changes. Some are minor, some are huge, but none of them were really necessary. The best thing about this TV-film, shallow as it may sound, is the natural beauty and charisma of actresses Georgia Tennent and Nathalie Dormer. Oh, and the mighty Rik Mayall (unrecognizable and in a rare serious role) as one of the murder suspects. May you rest in peace, comedy genius!
Agatha Christie's Marple: They Do It with Mirrors (2009)
Top Five Marple!
It's fairly safe to state that the best entries in the "Agatha Christie's Marple" series are the ones that are also based on actual Miss Marple novels. The series exists of 23 feature films, whereas the amazing Mrs. Christie only ever wrote 12 novels with Miss Marple as protagonist. These 12 were all adapted into screenplays, evidently, as well as 2 short stories merged into one, but for the remaining ten others, the creators of the show based themselves on non-Marple murder whodunits, and then processed Miss Marple into them. Although always enjoyable, and sometimes even downright good movies, the actual Marple adaptations are slightly better, simply because they come across as more natural. "They do it with Mirrors" is such a Marple-original, and easily one of the best - say, top five - films of the series.
What else contributes to this being a great effort? Agatha Christie's marvelously twisted and imaginative plot, of course! The setting is terrific, with murder and attempted murder in an aristocratic family that also runs a reform-institution for delinquent young men, jealousy, adultery, former lovers and theatrical red herrings. The performances are also stellar, with as most astounding names Brian Cox and Joan Collins. The latter sadly only has a minor role, but - the diva she is - steals the show in every sequence she appears. After three installments, I also finally accepted Julia McKenzie as the replacement of the - in my humble opinion - far superior Geraldine McEwan.
Black-out (2020)
Where were you when the lights went out in Belgium?
Well, this Flemish TV-series sets at least one world record. It features the most unrealistic and absurd storyline AND simultaneously also the most realistic and truthful storyline in one and the same plot! How special is that? The idea of specially trained mercenaries breaking into a nuclear plant and steal a barrel of toxic waste in order to sell to Middle Eastern terrorists is downright implausible and ludicrous. However, the other part of the story, with incompetent Belgian politicians being unable to solve an energy crisis because they are too busy backstabbing each other and founding new alliances in secret, now that is extremely factual in this country!
The series begins promising enough, with the power failing in whole of Belgium - hence "blackout" - and the female prime minister receiving a video of her kidnapped daughter and a warning. It looks like the work of politically engaged environmentalists at first, but tough copper Dendoncker discover it's a much bigger threat to our national security.
"Black-Out" is a very adequately made series, and stars many elite (in Flanders, that is) actors and actresses, but in quality it cannot compare with the reasonably long list of surprisingly great series that were made in this country over the past few years, like "Beau Séjour", "The Day", "Tabula Rasa" or "Undercover". The script contains too many weaknesses and minor holes, and most of the episodes simply don't have enough action or suspense.
Agatha Christie's Marple: A Pocket Full of Rye (2008)
A smooth and "secure" transition from one Marple to another
Of course I cannot look into the mind of the series' writers, but I like to think it was a very considerate and safe choice to make "A Pocket full of Rye" the first TV-film of the fourth season of "Agatha Christie's Marple". Why? Because they had to introduce a new actress as Miss Jane Marple. After three seasons and twelve episodes, Julia McKenzie replaces Geraldine McEwan as the nosy but observative crime-solving spinster from St. Mary Mead, and the two actresses are very different. For starters, McKenzie is ten years younger, she investigates more actively, and her body language is quite opposite.
Now, since the very first film already, the series sparked controversy, mostly because the writers often made significant changes to Agatha Christie's original stories. Many of adaptations aren't even based on Miss Marple stories to begin with! "A Pocket Full of Rye", however, is a very faithful to the original Christie novel. There aren't any vital changes (regarding, for example, the murderer's identity or motivations) and it is a "real" Marple whodunit. That's why I think it was a wise and well-considered choice to kick off with a new actress.
The story itself, I personally find one of the weaker Agatha Christie mysteries. It has a good and traditional set up, with the murder of a wealthy but obnoxious patriarch and rest of the greedy family members - each of which with their own motives to kill - gathering at the estate. So far so good, but the characters are less intriguing than usually, and the denouement is a bit underwhelming. Pure personally, I prefer the style and charisma of McEwan as Miss Marple, but McKenzie certainly gives a respectable depiction as well.
Agatha Christie's Marple: Murder Is Easy (2008)
Gosh, I miss Geraldine McEwan...
Let me start by saying that I certainly don't have anything against Julia McKenzie, who took over the title role from McEwan since the start of the fourth season of "Agatha Christie's Marple". Quite the contrary, I find it praiseworthy that she has her own style and interpretation of the character. It's just that McEwan depicted the perceptive old spinster from St. Mary Mead exactly how I always imagined her ever since I read my first Marple novel (which was "The Body in the Library") by Agatha Christie. I even prefer McEwan's portrayal over those of acclaimed and truly terrific actresses like Margaret Rutherford and Angela Lansbury.
The biggest difference between McEwan and McKenzie is that the latter is more pushy, intrusive even, and her facial expressions reveal that even Miss Marple can doubt, feel uncertain and be worried. McEwan was a master in staying motionless the background, without showing emotions or obvious judgement, whilst knitting.
The TV-film itself, "Murder is Easy", I found sorely disappointing. The hopes were set quite high, since this story features a lot more murders than in your average Marple tale. Miss Marple decides to travel to the little village of Wychwood after a woman she randomly met on a train dies in mysterious circumstances. The woman told her she suspected that two accidental deaths in Wychwood were, in fact, murder, and her own death seems to confirm this. When Miss Marple arrives in town, the murders cheerfully continue, and she teams up with a former police officer (Benedict Cumberbatch before his big breakthrough).
Can't fully explain why, but this installment isn't half as absorbing or entertaining as the previous 13. More than halfway through the film, I still couldn't tell the characters apart from each other, and especially struggled with their names ("Wait, ... who's Amy again? "Is that Honoria or Lydia?"). The changes to the script are unsatisfying, and even lead to some unanswered questions.