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Rick_Terminal
Reviews
Star Trek Into Darkness (2013)
boldly going forward but keeping the past in mind
I saw this last night in Derby and I'm sure glad I went to the cinema for this one.
Remember those special effect moments from Star Wars in the 70s/80s that blew your socks off? This movie bought back some of those moments for me and as a result this film is always going to be special to me from now on. There was this sequence when the Enterprise fell through the clouds and.... Well go see for yourself.
In terms of story there were plenty of references to plots past whilst keeping everything in the new styling. I can't really mention the "The Wrath of Khan" without breaking the no spoilers rule on this post - suffice to say it is well used in it's new modern setting (which ironically due to the new time-line happens before the original happenings in "the Wrath of Khan").
I kind of felt sorry for the Enterprise crew whose only job appears to be getting sucked out in to space or dying horribly! In fact the Odeon cinema in Derby has dreadful tinny and overly loud sound, and that meant the constant sound of breaking bones and impacts genuinely made me wince (even if that was because my eardrums were bleeding).
If there was one negative, I found the overly emotional characters a little irritating. Practically everyone ends up crying their eyes out and by the forth set of tears I was thinking "oh come on, this isn't fat camp". I mean this with respect to my American cousins, but they are an emotional lot sometimes.
I suppose you could argue that Klingons are glossed over, and the 'big baddie ship' looks non-descript too; but none of that really matters. I found myself whispering to my wife every few minutes about the references to old Star Trek lore. Sadly, she is not geeky like me so she couldn't enjoy it on that level - but because this movie is very accessible she enjoyed nevertheless.
Do yourself a favour; go and see this in a cinema. Don't wait for Blu-ray, and don't you dare think of downloading some awful cam recording. If you do you will ruin something quite special.
Ignoring the foolish 'Sheldon like' purists who have gotten their knickers in a twist over some nonsense or other, this is a classic piece of entertainment and it deserves success. It may well have cemented Star Trek's popularity and ensured the franchises long term future.
9/10
Wreck-It Ralph (2012)
A missed opportunity full of formulaic cliché.
I'll keep this brief. I grew up in and help create the arcade generation, and so I had high hopes for this movie. Sadly it seems they could only afford a couple of licenses so most of the games are made up or obscure. There are so many games that should have been in there (reply with your lists!) but instead you get a version filled with apparent 'Chinese knock off' games.
Why is that important to this film? Well, frankly it is the weak script and writing. It is all so standard nowadays and I saw so few deviations since the first CG kid movies coming out started. You can apply this formula to almost any kids movie in the last decade:
1. Loser needs to prove self. 2. Loser has love interest. 3. Loser gets quest 4. Loser disappoints everyone. 5. Loser redeems self. 6. Happy ending with pop music.
(Try applying this formula to any CG film and you'll see it fits quite well)
Seriously, are the writers in Hollywood THAT lame now? For God's sake, somebody do better than this garbage so another country deserves the profit for a change.
Other than that all the cast do a great job and the animation is of course top notch (I must admit that at least). The actor choice for our soldier girl was simply perfect :P
As for the Arcade games, I would have wanted (in no order):
1. Pole Position 2. 1942 3. Prison Break 4. Star Wars 5. Asteroids 6. Space Invaders 7. The Phoenix 8. Scramble 9. Gyrodine 10. Hard Drivin' (EDIT - #11. R-Type! How could I forget that?! Okay, you could have had the bug monster from it or something.... Maybe #12. Operation Wolf too....)
Mind you... I am just wondering if I am assuming that I was in the arcades when the games in the movie appeared... Why would kids today relate to things in my 80's childhood? (Damn, now I hate this movie even more now because I feel old).
Looper (2012)
Not as original as it claims (and not as smart as it thinks it is)
As my summary suggests, this film thinks it is smarter than it is. There are obvious parallels with every time travel film out there. I could probably reference every blockbuster film from Timecop to Sixth Sense and draw up similarities. This film is nothing new (so stop believing the hype).
Like anything 'Hollywood' of *course* the plot is complete rubbish - so to flame this movie based on that, you'd have to state that you expect it to have scientific grounding - which is madness. Just sit down, and watch it for entertainment value alone.
But there is the problem. The ending (which I won't spoil) was inevitable. The 'laws of cliché' had already written how everything was due to end. There are no 'movie moments' that I personally took from this film, and at the end of a two hour buttock flattening I could only sum up in one word: "Meh".
Considering the work that clearly went in to the movie, I genuinely feel guilty about that! 6.7/10
Mass Effect 3 (2012)
Don't believe all the hype - it's not what you think :\
I've played this through end to end on the PC - having completed ME1/2 previously. Please take this as comments made in that context.
Plus points:
Good music. Good sense of impending doom! Some good set pieces and plot twists. Will keep some fans happy.
Minus points:
This is not as good as a PC game should be. Poor 4 year old graphics, clipping errors, texture problems... We get it, we don't have consoles. I didn't buy a £2000 PC to be restricted to the capacity of a £200 console.
One key (Space) to Run, Jump, Use, Take Cover, roll, come out of cover. You realise how many keys keyboards have, right? Why can we not set the controls properly in the menu? Why is changing weapon so fiddly?! I spent a lot of time 'forward rolling' in to switches.
Nonsensical menus and stats, cumbersome mod and weapon management. Why the hell should I care about 'battle readiness' if I NEVER play multiplayer?
FInal thoughts?
Sadly, Dragon Age Origins was the last high point for bioware and EA as far as I am concerned, and with recent efforts I am going to spend my money elsewhere, as this love affair with RPG is over. Same happened to ID software - so it's time for someone new to take over (and inevitably get too greedy). No doubt initial sales will make EA believe they have not just annoyed the hell out of everyone - but who is going to pay more on their games when they make every decision, relationship and plot device irrelevant at the end of this game?
Rage (2011)
The most bugged release of all time? Sadly an old fashioned, average shooter
Firstly, I am a PC owner, not a console owner - so take my comments in that context.
I refuse to review this in the traditional sense - this game was not tested properly on And systems. There are TWO main graphics cards for PC's: And(ATI) and NVidia - how on GODS EARTH did they mess it up so badly? Check the posts, check the rants - this is not the time for anyone to go in to denial about a serious lapse in judgement. If people pay for a game it should work, and if it does NOT work on one of the most widely used platforms available on Earth, then it WAS NOT READY FOR RELEASE.
Clearly, developers see where the money is - consoles right now. No need to upset the rest of your audience.
After a WEEK of messing about and waiting for this patch or that update so the game would EVEN RUN AT ALL we finally get an old school shooter with below average graphics which seems badly outdated in it's design, graphics, and even marketing. It is a "progresion" from Doom 3 - but if you will recall that was behind the times also.
I will spare you the angst involved in getting this thing working (again - check the internet to see what I mean).
Was this game trying to be "retro" in every respect? The graphics are what you would expect from an old game. Out of date. Faces don't look real, and textures for people come from a 1998 developers colouring book - as you would expect from a "multi platform development" (so not a "port" then, eh ID?). Unlike more recent games, we are forced to wait while characters prattle on before the story moves - we are often blocked by other characters or scenery as a 'story telling device'. You cannot move, because the game design won't let you - and simply because all the hype hides one simple truth; this is a totally linear and basic gaming experience. I thought we were over this old fashioned 1980's schoolboy tripe, but clearly not. Example - why can't my gun totting hero jump over a small shrub? Has the shrub got super powers? It seems impervious to grenades! Why am so often stuck by thin air? Forget immersion or illusion. So after this let down you turn to the action, right? Oh dear. Driving is a below average sub game (I found it tedious - also you cannot save whilst driving on patch 1, ATI as it crashes). When the non-driving action finally tries to get exciting, all the tension is removed by the fact that there is only one way in to a clearing for an enemy to attack you (such as a convenient ramp or doorway) - or even worse, what you thought might be an intelligent engagement is actually scripted nonsense. Flick the switch and monsters attack you - oh please. The less said about the 30 year old "boss" concept the better (shoot the glowing bit, jump left, shoot the glowing bit, jump right...zzzzz) Simply for the "set scenes" (as mutant bash is fun!) this game *scrapes* a 7 in my book - but the PC owner can find much more engaging fiction elsewhere. As reference, 7 years ago "Half-Life 2" had superb character facial animation - yet here we are in 2011 with almost everyone in Rage looking like a Thunderbirds puppet. Only vistas look good, and the various graphical effects do not hide anything. Pouring perfume on a pig does not work - and this is ID's newest engine? I am wondering if ID is even aware of it's competition - as I did when Doom 3 was released.
All of this is sad when you see the references to the game's history (fallout, Doom, etc). It feels like a Swan Song to me. Having seen this, I'm kind of hoping it is. I've seen two software giants (ID and Bethesda) look like they are winding down, and meanwhile Bioware are going to charge people just to play the new Star Wars fame that they have already paid for by making it MMO (I'LL NEVER PAY YOU (a subscription)! THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE!). So I guess these great software house names are going to disappear just like Microprose, Ocean, and of course Grandslam (er...) Let's hope it is a different team working on the Elder Scrolls V - because I just can't take another poor showing like this, or another waste of my money. I think after Duke Nukem forever the public will speak with it's wallets.
Rise of the Planet of the Apes (2011)
expectations exceed - what a nice surprise!
I'll keep this short! I really was not expecting much from this film, and perhaps unfairly - mainly because of the movie let downs we see so much of. However, I was quite touched by the way this developed - especially as the Apes end up showing more humanity than the humans (bravo in particular to Felton who is brilliantly sadistic). Lithgow (to my mind the most underrated actor in history) genuinely brings a tear to the eye - but no spoilers, so you'll have to watch it to find out why. And to top it off, Franco comes across perfectly - even being 'out classed' by Caesar eventually. Serkis takes a shine to these roles, and this is no different.
Unfortunately, they have done it now, and I want several new films to replace and reboot the Planet of the Apes. I'm not ASKING you guys, get on wit' it!!!
Inception (2010)
A masterpiece, no question
This was just brilliant. Imaginative, rewarding, and special. Aside from the "Matrix" series, there is little that compares to this on film at the moment.
Plot wise, you have to keep up - as this film does not assume you are an idiot, and there is a brilliant "Terry" (i.e. Brazil) moment at the end where I was just wondering if the thimble would stand or fall. Sadly it (BLEEP).
Congratulations to everyone on this - especially the cast and the effects people. The sound track is probably the best I've ever heard in a movie as well. I think you could have a heart attack just by listening to that alone!
I think Leonardo has proved himself here somewhat. I'd like to see more of him in this sort of role. Perhaps Vs Matt Daemon?
Star Trek (2009)
Successful! (Much to our surprise)
I'm an amateur writer, and for me, every sentence of your prose has to have meaning and interest (i.e. no padding). Now translate that to the movies, and in particular; this one.
The energy of this film is quite evident - something emotional/dramatic/plotinal (I made that word up) is always happening in this film - so if your attention span is short, then go and watch re-runs of ghost whisperer or something.
(Spoilers, sort of - Star Trek knowledge is a prerequisite) Now, we have 2 Kirk's, Captain Pike and 2 Spock's in this film - and if you are like me, you will look back to "Enterprise" and think time travel is a disaster. Thankfully, only 1 time incursion happens, and saves all the endless "what if?" balls you'll get if this was a series. It's also quite well explained. We do understand that reality from the 'normal' Star Trek universe (e.g DS9,Voyager) has been sent off on a tangent after a singular event - the (paradoxical) destruction of Vulcan.
(MAJOR spoilers - please watch movie before reading this unless you are so poor you must sustain yourself by sucking dew from rags - in which case, did you get my £50?, and how are you reading this?) So, Vulcan is destroyed? Only 10,000 Vulcan's left?! Vulcan colonies? Hmm.. It makes me wonder how cornered Vulcan's would react... But anyway...
Well, back to the film. I was wary of a new Star Trek film, but off the top of my head, Scottie, Kirk, Spock, Sulu and Uhura were all perfectly reinvented, and at least to me they all had an extra dimension added to their characters and they felt a lot more 'real' than the original series characters did. But then, the original series only lasted 3 seasons! Even 'Enterprise' out-did that! Maybe they are correcting a character building wrong.
I actually spent 3/4 of the movie telling my (wonderful & beautiful) wife about all the references to previous Star Trek movies/episodes - but had to stop when she threatened to impale me on a cinema hotdog. She also didn't know why Spock & Uhura being an item is unlikely. Bearing in mind that Kirk and Uhura had the first interracial kiss, I guess this is the first interracial-interspecies kiss. Another first for Trek! Since Americans feel obligated to acknowledge other nations, I was glad to see Scotty portrayed by Simon Pegg - I found him quite fitting (others not), and.. Um.. The Russian Guy (whose name I cannot bloody spell) was supreme, and must come back! (Please post his name and help make him famous) I also heard some rumblings that there were no Arabs on the crew of the Enterprise, but to be fair; it is set in the future.
(I'm going to burn for that one - Admin, please take that comment out if it causes offence!) Overall, I adored this movie, loved the new actors and new portrayals - and the only thing that could rain on this parade is the possibility that they won't follow through with more movies or a BG style mini series.
Way to go guys! P.S.
I've seen there is a cam version of this film on 'torrent' (i.e. Pirate bay and the like), but I would urge anyone to see this on the big screen first for quality of experience. And, if you have it in you to respect someone's work, at least buy it later on, because this is an excellent piece of work! (This rule should not apply to the makers of 'Epic Movie' - pirate their stuff to buggery before they destroy the industry by aiming at the 'pseudo-parental-wallets' of 10 year olds!!!)
WALL·E (2008)
A masterpiece
I don't normally do this, but the critic AdnanZ had the right idea. After reading his review, I felt no need to write my own.
Since my review is pretty pointless, allow me to talk about the sound in WALL-E. It's simply beautiful - normally you are distracted because of the gorgeous visuals, but I beg you to sit and watch.
Your kiddies will love this film, if they have a couple of brain cells to rub together ;)
Now I have to make this go to 10 lines.
Seems a bit silly.
I was only saying what I felt!
Stardust (2007)
Out of the ordinary
This is one of those rare occasions where everybody has taken a risk - and it has paid off well (although it is obvious there was a budget to stick to). I really didn't think I'd enjoy this, but this fairy-tail jaunt won my heart by the time that Nero admitted he was a whoopsie. I recommend this to anyone who wants good work in their DVD collection. Also, being a bit of a poof myself, I almost shed a tear when the crew stands behind it's captain ;) Special mentions are due to Billy-goat - he is always fantastic, but in this he stole the show! 8/10 - not a ten, because it is painfully obvious budget had something to say. I'm hoping the public will view this at face value :)
Epic Movie (2007)
Should have been good... but it's so awful it's plain embarrassing
Where do I start with this film? (Slight Spoilers).
First off, there were three moments in this film when I smirked gently, and reluctantly. The first being when 3 Hogwarts teachers were killed, the second when the four main characters woke up abandoned, and doing a typical heroic charge were all slaughtered with in seconds. The third was the Superman parody. I did say 'smirked gently'.
I've got to say that I'm amazed that at the time of writing, there are 602 "10 star" ratings. Nobody in their right mind would award this a 10. I found it an insult to my backside that I sat through this drivel but mercifully the filmmakers didn't have enough material to make a normal length movie. This is very shot at 68 minutes, and frankly, that is something of a blessing.
Okay, I'll try and justify why I'm so against this movie in a series of points. Hopefully some people will listen and save themselves the price of a cinema ticket. I'll cap this at ten points to keep this post short(ish).
1. Every joke falls flat. Every single one. 2. The quality of writing is appalling. People urinating or being sick just isn't funny. Especially not when it's done as badly as this. 3. You genuinely despise the writers by the end of the film to the extent where you are loathe to even smile. Jokes about large breasted woman are especially unfunny when you realise that they use them because they didn't have any material to fill the gaps. 4. Oh look. Gay jokes. A gay beaver and part dear/part human joke should be funny but it just isn't. 5. The acting is depressingly bad. I genuinely felt embarrassed watching these people make fools of themselves like this. Comedic acting is an art form which is hard to get right, but here there is no comic timing, line delivery or posture. It's just a bunch of people dithering from disjointed scene to disjointed scene. 6. The music is diabolical and irritating. I don't get hip-hop anyway, but putting in several hip-hop tracks to fill in time like this is plain insulting. 7. All the "funniest" parts of this movie are in the trailer. 8. Even the choice of movies that is parodies is unimaginative. 9. This movie tries to offend everybody, but it's done so badly that it is like an irritating drunk prat mouthing off in a chat room. 10. The public deserve more intellectual respect than this film offers. Seriously, this movie treats you like a moronic simpleton. We can handle clever jokes - maybe these guys just couldn't write them.
I've got to put this to the people voting this a ten. Why? What possible justification is there for this sexist, unfunny, badly written cash-cow crap to get a ten?
So... Just don't subject yourself to this. These b@stards have already made a fortune, and they don't deserve to make a penny more. I hope that those involved in the high-level decisions have ruined their careers, I really do. I hope they sack the two writers responsible, and force the remaining 4 "Scary Movie" to sit down and write something that is genuinely funny for a change.
If you feel that you want to argue with me about this, you either have not seen the film, or more probably are scoring lower IQ results than the bedding you sleep on. (so your post will most likely be ignored.)
Come on people, let's tell them we're not going to take this!
Das Boot (1981)
See the original 6 part epic rather than the film
10/10.
8/10 for the cut version.
This is a superior war film, and I don't want to add to the reviews praising it. It's one of those films that will make you watch if only you can spare the ten minutes it takes for it to grip you.
Being British, I thought it impossible to feel sorry for the U-boat crews, especially after what they did to us - but this film forces you to realise that we are all fragile and emotional (despite what Hitler says).
I would recommend people watch the mini-s rather than the film (i.e. German subtitled version) to get the full flavor.
As a side note, my grandfather (twice decorated destroyer captain) burst in to tears watching this at two points: One was at Gibralta, the other on the straights :| Says a lot.
Family Guy (1999)
What is good writing anyway?
I swore I'd never write a post like this, but after seeing the South Park dig at Family Guy I just had to.
I stopped finding South Park funny after season 2 (excepting the well conceived movie). With titles such as "Cripple Fight" and jokes revolving around children swearing, it makes you wonder why they are still bothering to write episodes. "Asses of Fire"? Didn't they stop and think 'damn this is embarrassing, do we really want our name on this?'
The episode that makes fun of Family Guy is ironically one of the least amusing comedy episodes I've ever seen. I didn't even smile once. Sure, family Guy uses "flashback scenes" to the extreme, but the flashbacks are genuinely funny and help build the characters and maintain momentum. What is wrong with that? What do you think Monty Python was doing so long ago also shows like Q2, The Goon Show and Round the Horne (the latter two are radio shows) use exactly the same off the wall humour. Hell, in Q2, they just stopped some scenes by walking slowly towards the camera asking "What are we going to do now?" yet it's wonderfully funny!
It's only my opinion, but I think Family Guy will be remembered as a classic (not to mention being "the cancelled show that came back"). South Park, however, will be remembered as that childishly offensive show that dragged on and on until eventually it died unwanted and unloved.
So, drop the "writers snobbery" Matt & Tray. Your writing has not even come close to the intelligent comic genius at work in Family Guy. If there is any doubt, why don't you compare the Family Guy/South Park DVD sales for the 12 months after initial release.
For the hell of it, here are my favourite Family Guy Moments (in no particular order)
1. "Where's my money" Stewie wails on Brian 2. "The Littlest Bunny" Great parody of Disney, they deserve this! 3. "You know what really grinds my gears? YOU America. **** you!" 4. Evil Monkey relaxing with a spliff when Chris goes out 5. Chicken Fight! (Parts one and two) 6. Osma Bin Laden gets the giggles 7. Stewie breast feeding
On Peter? The horror, the horror... 8. Quagmire. The ultimate pervert. 9. Death calls an early end to his big date
10. Captain Stewie the world class poof
As a last word, I'm really going to upset some people American Dad has really failed to capture my imagination. The only part of it I've found funny is Patrick Stewart who is superb as the head of the CIA.
Thoughts, anyone?
Herbie: Fully Loaded (2005)
Oh lord.
5/10. This film was terrible.
I Saw it on a flight back to London from Chicago. I refuse to review this in depth!
HOWEVER. Kids love it. I had the misfortune of sitting next to a 6 year old with an obvious case of ADD - but when Herbie came on, he was quiet - apart from a few times when he laughed and cried. For that, I'm giving it 5/10 for making a 9 hour flight less unbearable! Maybe kids should be reviewing this?
If I think back to when I was a child, I suppose I would not have been bothered by the aim of this movie; to make money out of society's most vulnerable - and also most able to pester their parents.
Dogma (1999)
Not for the easily offended (and neither is this review)
First off, I want to apologise if my beliefs (or non-beliefs) offend anybody at all. This film is based in Catholicism, and so some degree of offence is bound to happen no matter what you do.
So, let me get this out of the way; I despise the Catholic Church. I despise the way it tries to control people. I despise it's bloody place in history. I despise what it did to my family and what it would have done to me if my mother had not had the guts to stand up to our local paedophile priest in protest of my very own right to exist. I'm sure you get it, I do not approve of the faith.
However, not everybody who is Catholic has such a bad experience. But they are willing to joke a bit. Forward this film.
It's almost like an update of Catholicism. Did nobody realise Jesus was black? Study your bible, for God's sake! There are so many digs in this film it is incredible. It's almost like someone finally pointed out that Jesus was born in October, not December. Halleluiah! (Christmas is held on a pagan festival date, set by the Romans in early Briton. So was the may pole, the harvest, and a lot of other crap we now regard as Christian) So, I like this film for cutting through the nonsense and taking the mick out of all the traditional and superstitious nonsense our former world runners needed us to believe.
Believe in God, yes. Believe the hype? NO!.
Serenity (2005)
I was not expecting something this good, frankly!
Okay, I have a unique perspective on this film and it's origin, and I'm glad I have. I saw the original Firefly series (well, some of them) - and was pretty gutted to see it didn't last that long.
That was a long time ago, and I honestly cannot remember anything about the series, or why I liked it! All I remember was thinking it was like a good western set in space instead of the American frontier.
So, last night, after learning Serenity was a sci-fi (which also surprised me - given the name - I thought it would be a flick for Alcoholics Anonymous or something), I decided what the hell - I would use my last tenner to go see this.
What a shock! It was superb! The characters are brilliantly developed throughout (especially the Captain and his 'nemesis'), and the plot is imaginative, feasible, and disturbing. The Reevers genuinely curdled my blood - especially when they do 'they're thing'.
I would like to make special mention of when the two large fleets crash in to each other. Part of me wanted to see a bigger view of what was happening, but the director kept focus on Serenity - it actually pays off so many times in this film, because areas of typical Hollywood bravado are downplayed making certain consequences of events mean so much more. At the start of the clash between the Feds and the Reevers, there was this wonderful look of horror on the face of our 'evil guy' - and for the only moment in the film he lost his cool. Brilliant! It surprised me that so many important characters were killed off. This works, because it makes you believe, and care about what happens. To me, it suggests that the writer has enough faith in himself to write more full-rounded characters. Will there be a 'Serenity' mini-series? I hope so, as the foundation has been well laid.
I don't want to spoil anything, but the revelations are quite astonishing - and again feasible. It really is showing what can happen when a government demands too much control.
I hope people will judge this as stand alone - it deserves respect, and for me has changed my outlook on science fiction. This is because there is no 'unbelievable' science, and the future looks dangerous, gritty and grim. Somehow, I feel this is closer to what human kind will be like one day. Sad but true! So, recommendations all round from me. Please let me know what you thought!
War of the Worlds (2005)
Induces dread!
Okay, I've been waiting for a film to make me feel totally helpless for years and finally someone has done it. I congratulate Spielberg for this one, because finally he has made a film that doesn't make me want to vomit due to it' overall niceness! In fact, it made me want to vomit because I was genuinely terrified several times throughout this awesome take of HG Well's novel. It is a shame that it is not true to the book but I picked up on many tips of the hat to the earlier film, the musical, and the novel.
The aliens machines were so incredibly well realised; just hearing their fog-horn like call puts shivers down my spine and makes me want to run like ****! I remember hoping someone would do a modification to Half-Life 2 to incorporate these monsters in place of the Striders! I noticed that Spielberg has deliberately avoided gore. In my eyes, it is the mark of a great director that he can imply something to greater effect than seeing blood and guts. A good example is the 'straw' that is sucking organic material from live victims, and the baskets on the tripods. Of course, those who read the novel or listened to the musical will already know what is happening to these poor unfortunates.
The heat ray is spectacular literally evaporating humans in an instant, leaving only the tissue-light ash wisps floating in the air. There was a scene where hundreds of these 'wisps' were floating past, and you knew hundreds of people had just died.
Trying to avoid spoilers
But I disagree that the ending was 'sappy'. (Although it was 'convenient' that those exact people survived everything.) I felt it was eerie how Tom was walking through the abandoned streets but that should have been much more graphic. Listen to 'dead London' on the musical to understand what I mean. I did, however, enjoy the US Army getting it's own back on one of the b**gers - even if it was dying. I'm not sure why the machine's shields stopped working though...
I wish the film was closer to the book in many ways, but I do not find that a good enough reason to mark it down as it has it's own staggering merits. Please, don't vote this a 1 just because you are mad about the book or Tom Cruise
Just watch the film and get lost in the atmosphere Spielberg portrays so superbly!
9/10
Star Wars: Episode III - Revenge of the Sith (2005)
Much better than I thought - some bits niggled....
I rated this 10 - assume I thought it is excellent, and take these niggles with a pinch of salt. I don't approve of mad fan-boy comments.
1. With Anakin turned to Vader, there was every opportunity for George to apologise to fans by nipping Jah Jah's head off. If Anakin can slaughter child Jedi, why not that annoying runt? OK, it's rhetorical.
2. Was it really necessary to put a 'Tarzen' call in when the Wookies were fighting? It took our attention off thousands of dollars worth of special effects, killed mood, and prevents us from remembering 'it's just a film' What were you thinking, George?!?!
3. Hang on, didn't Leia comment that "she remembers her mother being very sad" in Episode 6? So how could she if Paddy died at childbirth?
4. Darth Vader with emotion in his voice didn't work too well... He sounded kind of like Marvin out of the mini series of Hitchhikers guide to the galaxy! ("I want to let you know I'm feeling incredibly depressed") The cliché "Noooooooooooooooooo!" didn't fit either. However, I guess it did make Vader look like he cared for nothing any more.
5. The whole "turn to the dark side or else Padme dies" bit was a bit weak. I felt Anakin's reasoning should have been far stronger - or at least have required much more convincing to turn him. They compensate for this a bit, because after all, Anakin has always wanted power to control.
6. I was often confused by the seemingly irrelevant 'comedy bits' appearing in major battles, or interwoven in extremely dark moments. It kind of spoilt the flow.
OK - enough anal points. Everything else was pretty much awesome. Dooku's death, the Sith revealed, the 'true' birth of Vader, the sabre fights... It knocked my socks off!
10 out of 10 (Excellent)
**UPDATE**
I Stand by my original 10/10 rating. Now I've had 24 months to analyse holes in the plot I feel I should come forward.. (Has brainstorm - it's just a movie, and they had less time to do it than I had to make a benefit claim)
We are spoilt, people :(
(Applies to USA only)
The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy (2005)
I've seen it, it's rubbish.
I'm going to re-write my post to be a little more helpful. I was so confused by what I had seen last night that I wasn't able to write an objective review.
I always recommend that if you see an 'adapted from' film, that you read the book it came from. In this case, the film has an excellent heritage; A book, a radio series, a video game and a mini series. All of which were brilliant in my opinion.
So, what have they done with the pool of imagination that was invested in this quarter century epic? They have tossed it away in an attempt to please die hard fans, newbies, and Americans. STOP! Let me explain that last comment, as it is not intended as racism I work for an American company, and I'm pleased about it too. They are intelligent, hard working, energetic, and have a wonderful sense of humour. They don't always get irony, but let me assure you they are TIRED of being underestimated by the film industry. This is what has happened here.
So, wait it tries to please fans too? Oh yes; it tries too hard in fact. When the Earth was destroyed, the familiar theme music from the radio series (and mini series) kicked in. It almost bought a tear to my eye as it screamed "THIS is where the story really starts". I really hoped that they were portraying the destruction of Earth as just the starting point of an epic story. Then it all went horribly, horribly wrong.
1. Allan Rickman's voice was perfectly cast but the shell they have voiced him over does not fit. Marvin looks more like some sort of 60's radio, and struts awkwardly about the sets with no physical presence at all.
2. The plot has now shifted in focus to the sentimental rebuilding of Earth and a love story between Trillian (now an American) and Arthur. It is sloppy MUSH. The point should have been "Earth was blown up, s*** happens, the galaxy goes on"
3. The pace was too fast and lacked direction. Even the whale and flowers scene was hashed through just to keep the fans happen.
At this point, the film industry goes "Ohhhh, look at what we can do with CGI! It's amazing and saved us so much cash that you should like it too!" Well I have NEWS for you. WE DON'T LIKE IT. It looks unrealistic and detracts from believability, and that is the FIRST element you must satisfy to make a successful piece of fiction.
4. The plot devices are invented for the purpose of the film and are made up to loosely interconnect events in the book. People who have not read the book may just pass this off as 'zany for the sake of being zany'. In reality, it is just poorly written sub plots come and go, and there are a whole host of unanswered questions at the end.
Despite the above there are a couple of saving graces. I liked the various nods to the book, the game, the radio series, and the mini series. There are some pretty funny new jokes in there too (such as the infinite improbability drive's effects on the cast). Stephen Fry did an excellent job as the book but I still prefer the original voice, sorry Fry!
By the end of this film, it's as if it desperately wants to finish as the project is too big. Special effects are replaced by EXTREMELY poor sets and awful dialogue. Men in orange overalls building a planet by hand? Oh, come on
I'm too depressed to keep writing I feel as if a masterpiece has been cut up, urinated on, and passed onto a conveyor belt for consumption at a sub standard sushi restaurant. I can only pray that one day, artistic brilliance will be allowed to drive the making of future modern masterpieces rather than lining the pockets of these greedy and soulless hacks that produce this drivel.
The biggest laugh of the evening was raised when they used the word "b*ll*cks". That says it all, really.
Rest in Peace, Douglas I'm sorry for what they have done to your masterpiece.
Half-Life 2 (2004)
Obligatory Doom 3 Vs Half-Life 2 post.... (Spoiler warning!)
I really want to hear what others think here! This is basically 2 mini reviews followed by an overall conclusion - skip to there if you want!
===================== Doom 3: I waited a long time for Doom 3. After all the hype, I could not believe that it was a step backward.
Game play: Shoot. Find ammo. Read pointless emails. Press button. (Repeat until end of game). Secondly, 'boss' endings should have been left in the early eighties where they came from.
Levels: What the hell are compartments containing zombies built into the walls for? Not even a hellish teleport? This is plain lazy. I kept getting lost as it all looks the same, making navigation difficult. I should be fighting for my life, not going around in circles trying to find buttons to push!
Sound: Weapons lack a decent 'kick'. Where in hell is the musical score here? DON'T tell me it's missing on purpose, as Trent Razor was supposed to be writing the music for Doom 3. He pulled out at the last minute, and they just didn't have time to fit something in.
Graphics: Excellent. Well, what you can see. There are great shadow effects, but this is the predominant graphical feature. Unlike original Doom, don't expect more than 8 enemies at once due to the polygon count.
AI: The AI might as well have been lifted out of Hexen. Enemies are predictable at best; making ammo sparse and enemies stronger (rather than smarter) is POOR game design.
Engine: This engine is extremely capable - and it is clear the effort went here rather than into the game-play. The physics are unrealistic, unfortunately - the world doesn't feel like it has any 'substance'. There is not much in the game you can interact with anyway.
Memorable moments: There is a truly horrific fate awaiting a crying female scientist you encounter. It really is chilling to hear her scream as her head and spine are ripped from her body by some malevolent force - and then she comes for you!
Conclusion: I saw the 'leaked' ATI demo of Doom 3. I remember Carmack had stated that people shouldn't base their expectations of the final product on this poor showcase beta. He lied.
Half-Life 2: After HL1, my expectations were incredibly high. I can honestly say that I was not at all disappointed.
Game play: This is an interactive story so expect scripting! These are (thankfully) only enough to forward the plot. Some of the script is a little patronising (e.g. "it's me, Barney, from Black Mesa... No? Uh, you shot me, so I killed you? Those Zombies ate me? I was obliterated by a huge tentacle...? Had my head bitten off by a huge whelk?! No?") You get the normal 1st person perspective, an airboat (with fitted mini-gun), and a turbo charged jeep (with a gauss gun). Oh yes, a crane too! The vehicles work extremely well and feel great to drive (the jeep took me a bit of practice).
Levels: The game starts like the original - weaponless. It is a good intro to a game! You travel from the oppressive city 17 to the deserted Zombie infested Ravenholm to the coast road, the prison... Check out the citedal the 'intro' to this level is amazing. I can't express how real this world feels it's as if I could get tickets to the Ukraine and find this place! With a million different ways to work your way through the levels, it is hard not to find some replay factor here. The prison was a missed opportunity - the fate of humans being sent there should have been made much more clear and graphic.
Sound: Some musical scores are awesome. What does NOT impress is the reuse of the original Half-Life music. It doesn't fit in properly - most notably is the battle with the helicopter whilst on the airboat. The ambiance is stunning. Take the coast road - the wind sends a chill straight down your spine, and some times you feel totally and utterly alone.
Graphics: Although the textures may not have the 'gloss' of other games, they are far more realistic. There is so much to interact with, so much to see and touch. The graphics are used to heighten your immersion in the gaming world - take a look at the facial expressions of the models to see what I mean!
AI: Sadly, this is not quite what I expected. I found that the troops tend to stand out in the open and continually fire at you, allowing you to pick them off far too easily. Sometimes you notice the squad tactics coming in to play - and a few times they have surprised me with their route finding abilities - but generally it is not the leap in AI I was hoping for.
Engine: I'm in love with the physics of this game. It just feels right! I won't go on too much here - needless to say that the gravity gun would not be an amazing feat unless the world physics were an amazing feat first.
Memorable moments: 1. Dr. Kliener's ironic pet. 2. Alex's "dog" beating up the guards. 3. Barney's shout to Freeman as he heads into the citadel: "And if you see Dr Breen, tell him I said F (CLANG) K YOU!!!" 4. The teleport sequence in "Red Letter Day"
Conclusion: Art comes in many forms - and this particular piece of art as a whole should make the Guggenheim Museum consider chucking out all of the utter crap they have on show and getting some computers installed instead. ===================== So, Doom 3 Vs Half-Life 2?
After the above, I don't feel I have a point to make ;-)
A Man Called... Rainbo (1990)
Where can I get this film?!
I can't seem to find this movie anywhere to buy :( I saw this in about 1994, and I've never forgotten it.. It is a pretty badly edited pile of Stalone's "Rebel" film, put together with a pasted on plot. Are you ready for this? Rainbow has a crash into some toxic waste, and treads on some radioactive dog-poop. This has tremendous destructive power, and so naturally the FBI (in color)soon end up pursuing Rainbow all over the place.. Even the president is involved! OK - mindless drivel. But still worth at least 5/10 simply for the quote "Hey man, shut the door! You're letting all the gravity in!" Now butter up, go watch, and seek help ASAP. Now, I wonder if that girl would measure me for size?
Star Trek: Deep Space Nine (1993)
more please!
Thanks for all your comments. DS9 is a classic in my eyes - the only thing wrong with it is the over-soppy ending. But that is not what DS9 is about.
Look at the characters, get in with the plot.
I am amazed that this level of quality is even possible - and I hope it leads to other shows that share such a grandious vision.
fav moments: The battle with the Klingon's The battle with the Breen O'brian's time shifting The trouble with Tribbles
Rick
Sorry about my spelling :S
Futurama (1999)
A burst of brilliance
I love this cartoon.
It's potential cannot be expected to reach to Simpsons levels, simply because of it's setting - but for me I find it hilarious, soulful, intelligent and very provocative at times. I have to say my fav episode is 'The Sting' - it's a testament to true love, mixed with a dash of Star-Trek esque reality shifts. Truly excellent - and even made me shed a tear (big softy).
Also, the imaginative way in which the show was presented actually made you believe the future portrayed is possible. Again, like Star Trek at it's best.
I still have not disliked an episode, and I do hope that they will make some more - but you know how it is, most people seem to want mindless drivel like soaps. Sad but true :( - still, Fox has an opportunity to become a legend if it keeps up this standard of excellence!
Rick
The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King (2003)
No Shire sacking is almost forgivable ;-)
I don't normally fall for hype, but I felt ROTK was an amazing end to an amazing trilogy of films. I'm not interested in what the book purists have to say, all I see is a beautiful crafted film(s) that catch the imagination of the most bland of people!
The only comment I have is that it was far too mushy for my liking at the end - I would have liked to see all that nonsence out and the original sacking replaced... At one point I thought Sam and Frodo were going to have a snog.. Scary thought! Ah well, at least sam was a less camp sort of gay... Unlike the previous efforts to represent him...
Enjoy!
Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle (2003)
Just plain painfully awful
OK - I *like* to see those three girls in bikinis, and have a lot of respect for Drew Barrymore (the only good part of the film)... but this film is just terrible! I walked out the cinema after an hour, because it was just so unfunny.
If you like mindless titilation, and a few loud bangs, you might want to see this movie - and you might also want to seek therapy. This movie is an insult to the first, which was pretty fly and go lucky. It goes to show that Hollywood is still in the habit of trying to make quick cash because so many of their films flop so badly.