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The Bike Thief (2020)
Contender for the most depressing film ever made
Truly awful, utterly depressing film. Do not waste your time.
xXx: Return of Xander Cage (2017)
Check your brain in at the door and this is great fun!
People really need to lighten up! This movie is utterly ridiculous, doesn't make much sense and is terrific fun! Don't really know what most people were expecting from an xXx movie! Enjoy!
Bait (2014)
So,so bad..
This film is utterly absurd on every level. It's badly written, acted and directed. Please don't waste any of your time on this drivel.
The Second Best Exotic Marigold Hotel (2015)
Absolutely Dire - Should never have been made
I had set my expectations pretty low for the this one, simply due to the fact sequels have a really tough job coming close to the quality of the original. From a purely artistic point of view, 98% of sequels should not be made.
Marigold 1 was of course wildly popular, therefore making a sequel all but inevitable.
Everything that made the first film such a wonderful gem is lacking here, for a start there is no story to speak off, or it's so absurd and throwaway, I'm surprised it wasn't lost to gust of wind.
The narrative shows that some time has passed in marigold world, yet the development of the characters to their surroundings and or their relationships, seem to have been frozen in carbonite. There is the very distinct feeling, that nothing has happened between these people during the interlude and even if it had, it was so boring it would be to be deemed unworthy of screen time.
The script, which I believe must have been subjected to a staggering number of re-writes, in order pull some kind of story from mire, has no idea where it's going and simply blends a mess of wafer thin subplots into this utterly direction-less mess.
None of the cast shine here; they come off bored and actually confused by the script they are following. The insertion of Richard Gere and frankly absurd sub plot simply serve only to make the entire film all the more farcical.
If you enjoyed the first film (I loved it) I implore you to avoid this rubbish as it will simply serve to ruin the the gloriously good first one.
The Grind (2012)
Truly,truly, truly awful!!!!!
I had lost sight of how bad a film could be.
I am genuinely lost for words and would not know where to begin describing how appalling this film is. However, I'll give it a shot: It is a plot-less mess, that hopes to somehow redeem itself in the 'arty' (read sh*te) editing.
Suffice to say this film could be used as torture mechanism, water- boarding would seem like a month in the Maldives.
Please spare yourself the need to have to write a review by avoiding at all cost.
'The Grind' really does plumb new depths of badly shot banality. It also re-defines what can be called a 'film'
I like gritty, I love 'Deadman's Shoes' (9.8/10 for me) but for f*ck's sake, don't expect anything remotely watchable or anything with a semblance of cohesion or meaning.
Skyfall (2012)
At last the real Bond is back!
It is to my immense delight, that Skyfall has turned out to be a masterpiece and a true return to the Bond film fans have been yearning for.
Skyfall is without question the best Bond movie since Goldeneye and is possibly the best of the entire series (yes it is that good!).
I was never convinced by Daniel Craig as Bond until now, but he turns in a truly fantastic performance. All the elements of Bond are there, the 'glib remarks and pithy comebacks' as Alex Trevelyan would say, delivered without any cheesiness
The rest of the cast are all great, stand outs of course being Judi Dench and Javier Bardem. Ben Wishaw is also excellent as the new 'Q'. Anyone who had seen the BBC series 'The Hour' would already know the guy can really act.
I think credit for Skyfall being so remarkably good, is down to helmer Sam Mendes and of course his DP. The film hits all the right notes and is genuinely riveting from start to finish. The pacing is great and it never feels like one action sequence pointlessly rolling into another, as it did with Casino Royale. Instead it is a complete and extremely satisfying experience
Having suffered nothing but disappointment since 'The World is Not Enough' (the last semi-decent Bond until now). I'm almost ecstatic at this amazing return to form, and sincerely hope Mendes will direct the next one
To sum up the past few bond films:
Die another day: A total mess - could see what they were trying to do, with nods to virtually every other film in the series, but just doesn't work. And as for the invisible car, well suspension of disbelief is taken way past breaking point 4/10
Casino Royale: Not a bad action film taken on face value, but not Bond! Tries way to hard to be Bourne, and Craig's Bond is very muffled and forcibly over-serious. Product placement is also ridiculous! 6/10
Quantum of Solace: Absolute bunk - have tried to watch it a couple of times, but never been able to sit through the whole thing. Dreadful shaky-cam simply compounds the multitude of problems the film already has 3/10 (I think that's quite generous!)
Skyfall: A dazzling return to form for the franchise - really can't fault it. It also shows that with the right director, Craig makes a really excellent Bond and in my opinion puts him up there with best. It has everything and more Bond fans could want, without ever veering into silliness and it's also funny; something that has been so sorely lacking in last two outings. The chemistry between the cast is also terrific. This the Real reboot of the franchise 10/10
Anyone, who like myself, had completely lost faith in the franchise, needs to see this - it will restore it, and you'll be a happy Bond fan again! It should be nominated for a stash of academy awards, whether it will, or will simply be overlooked because it's Bond, time will tell
Finally as an aside, I've always thought Craig was earmarked for Bond after his performance in Layer Cake; particularly the scene where he is throwing shapes with the gun in his flat. Ben Wishaw 'Q' appeared alongside him in that film, funny how things work out ;-)
The Grey (2011)
117 minutes of your life you will never get back
I hardly ever bother to review films - but after watching 'The Grey' I feel compelled to.
This is the most relentlessly depressing gash I've had the misfortune to witness for a considerable time.
It's filled with thoroughly unlikable characters, you couldn't give a flying f*** about. A story line that has been played out so many times before, but so much better and the end result is a ridiculous, pretentious load of twaddle.
The worst part of 'The Grey' is that it appeals to the optimist side of the viewers nature, in that at some point it will get better (naturally it does the opposite), therefore the urge to turn it off is thwarted and you end up watching this t**d right 'til it's dismal conclusion....and then thoroughly wishing you hadn't.
People who enjoy this will point out that's it's not really a survival story, it's a metaphor for life and the circling wolves are a metaphor for something other - honestly who gives a cr*p?
It's a miserable load of nihilistic nonsense - there are so many laughably ridiculous parts I wouldn't even know where to begin.
Suffice to say, do yourself an enormous favour and give this a wide berth.
Liam Neeson is doing some truly awful films these days...Afterlife, The A Team...but this tops them all...how the cast and crew managed to complete this doom laden sludge is a mystery in itself.
Spend 117 minutes doing something else...like watching grey paint dry for example; you'll have a better time.