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Hall Pass (2011)
Why all the haters?
I don't understand all the haters on here about this movie? I thought it was funny and laughed all the way through, and so did my wife. It is a lot funnier than Little Fockers was, and that is not saying much. It is a great movie to go and watch and just sit back and laugh and forget your troubles. What is wrong with some crude humor? I guess since I am in my 40s, and have friends that talk and act like the ones in the movie, it just was funnier to me...who knows....
I guess to each their own......
For me, I wish they would put out more funny movies like this. I haven't laughed so hard in a very long time....
If Gary Coleman was subjected to Gamma Radiation...........
I was expecting some movie that would engulf me for hours....all I got was a movie that put me to sleep....it literally took me 4 viewings to get through it. I was either laughing or snoozing through this mess, and I am sure that was not the makers intended............
This was a movie full of overacting (Mo'Nique), underacting (Mariah Carey), cardboard acting (Gabey Whatever her name is), stupid dialog, and an unrealistic plot. Throw in some very stupid dream sequences, and you have 'Precious". How this movie is getting any hype and award consideration is baffling.....
I can see why this was only out a week at the theaters. The only highlight of the film was getting to watch a 600 lb black woman run down the street devouring a bucket of stolen chicken....I can see this scene replayed in the next Wayans Brothers "whatever" movie (which btw are a lot better than "precious")...
Precious does answer one very important question.....what would it look like if Gary Coleman turned into the Incredible Hulk ?
Day of the Dead (2008)
Those expecting a remake of the original will be greatly disappointed.....like me
***SPOILERS AHEAD**** Why was this named Day of the Dead other than to cash in on the history of the original? It has no resemblance (other than character names) to the original and comes across as a 28 Days Later ripoff rather than a Day of the Dead remake/homage.....Let me break it down.
In the original Day of the Dead, the zombie epidemic was in full force, in this "remake", the "zombie" epidemic/virus outbreak is just starting. (?).....In the original, the characters spent the majority of the movie in an army bunker, in this they spend 5 minutes at the end of the movie in some sort of lab in the woods. (?) In the original, the zombies are slow (from decay, etc.), in this, they are superfast and can run on the ceiling (but can't jump up to a ventilation vent cover?).........In the original, the zombies are killed by a shot to the head, in this they can be killed by heating them up like popcorn until they explode. Maybe the "rage virus" does this to you.
The characters had no resemblance whatsoever to their original counterparts.....since everyhting else had changed, why even use the original names. The character of Bud was totally misused and quite frankly stupid in this movie (vegeterian zombie wont eat meat or the women he loves, yet a mom zombie tries to eat her children)....no consistency whatsoever.
I guess since Rhodes was a racist in the original, they had to make him a black man to be politically correct in this one.......dumb, dumb, dumb.
Acting was sub par (Nick Cannon acting like a bad ass is a joke, looked like Urkel with a gun) and the effects were Sci Fi channel at best (high budget sci fi channel movie)......
On its own, and by a different name, this would have been in the top 30% of the slew of direct to video zombie flix hitting the market, but as a DOD remake, it does not even come close to filling those shoes.....it doesn't even try them on.
The Invisible (2007)
Cliché's within cliché's - NOTE: SPOILERS
**** SPOILERS AHEAD ***** Man, this movie was one big cliché after another. This could have been so much better if they would have dropped the "must get a PG-13 rating" mentality and actually made it the way it needed to be made. Regardless, they put it out the way they did and here is my summary...
There once was a rich boy with a head too big for his body and an infatuation for wearing girls jeans and trendy slogan t-shirts. He writes crappy poetry and thinks he is better than everyone else. His mommy wont let him go to a poetry writers school in England, so he pouts around his birthday party and house, and saves up money to go by himself by writing French papers for dumb jocks.
His friend, a nerd, borrows money from the school heavies, which consists of two 120 pound males and a chick with a lock blade knife. They cut the nerds finger and he goes crying to the rich boy with the over-sized head. The rich boy confronts the knife carrying chick, who is 95 pounds, with 75 pounds being her hair tucked into a toboggan, making her appear like a cone head from SNL. The 95 pound chick beats his a$$.
The cone head chick steals cars and expensive jewelry by night, and makes it to school by first bell the next morning. Just like any normal crook would do, she hides the stolen jewelry in her locker. The cone head chix bfriend betrays her, the nerd boy betrays rich boy, and viola, the chick kicks rich boys a$$ again, this time with a karate kick levitating him 10 feet off of th ground. At this point, I started to realized that not only is the rich boy invisible, he is invincible, since he falls ten feet head first onto some rocks after getting k-kicked by the cone head, gets dumped shortly after head first about 15 feet into a storm drain, and then later in the movie gets dumped onto a bunch of rocks (probably head first). Maybe this is why his head is so overly huge for his body.
So, rich boy wanders the earth, invisible to all, except pigeons and the cone head chick. HE can throw stuff, break stuff, etc., but they go right back to normal. But, he can command pigeons to fly, and that is visible to everyone. Dr. Doolittle in chick pants.
After removing her toboggan, and skank dancing in slow-mo, the cone head chick tries to save the rich emo boy, and gets shot in the stomach. We now learn that she is nearly invincible also. With a bleeding profusely stomach wound, she outruns police during a high speed chase, breaks into a hospital, holds a conversation with big head boys mom, and climbs into bed with a hairy chested emo boy, who she tried to kill, and then dies.
There, the cliff notes version for this turd.
Oh well, the DVD cover looked good....then it went downhill from there.
Annoying main character, unbelievable plot, stupid cameos to try and get people to actually watch the movie, stupid characters, and on and on and on.
People who compare this to other serial murderer classics are on crack. The director must have been too.
The gore was okay, but nothing revolutionary. Definitely not the "most visceral movie ever made".
If you like watching a muscle car drive around every five minutes, this movie is for you. If you like quality film making, then skip this turd.
The sound quality is crap, but the soundtrack is cool.
Banlieue 13 (2004)
Escape From Paris
Before I start, I am just going to say I like this movie, it was well made, and blows most current action flicks away. That being said, I have a few problems with the flick. 9 outta 10 for action.
1. I am not going to call this a total rip-off because there are extreme differences, but whoever wrote this had to have watched Escape From New York about 100 times before they took pen to paper. While watching, I just kept having this feeling that I have been there and seen that. Maybe it was intentional. Just my opinion. 2. I wish I would have watched this movie with subtitles because the overdubbing was not that great. 3. They have a porno actress in the movie and she stays fully clothed. 4. The police officer/stunt coordinator did a great job, but to me, he looked way to flamboyant through most of the movie. Maybe it is a French thing. Made me dislike him slightly.
Those are the only flaws I could find with the movie. Maybe others will not feel the same. Just my 2 cents worth.
Hillside Cannibals (2006)
Man, oh man.....what a joke of a movie. Was this supposed to be taken seriously (well, as serious as a movie about cannibalism can be taken)? The gore was there, but done by what I would believe to be the bottom tier of the SFX profession. The acting blew....Z list actors and actresses reading cue cards.
The "cannibals" looked like (to steal from another poster) rejects from Gilligans Island. White frat guys and sorority girls, dressed in grass skirts and rolled in dirt. This is the "horrible cannibalistic family". Ooooooooooooooooh, scary. They live in a cave in the desert and play with dolls. Oh, THE TERROR!!! They talk in their own language, which goes something like this, "ooga booga", "ugh", "woomba", "blah blah blah". The Chills are running up my spine! Yet, another turd in the toilet bowl from Asylum.....
3 out of 10, and that is being generous due to the laugh-ability factor.
The Hills Have Eyes (2006)
Rocky road.....baby ruth.......
Spoilers AHEAD! Okay, this was a good movie. I liked it as much, and in a different way than the original.........I only have 2 complaints about this movie......
1. The mutants reminded me of characters from other movies (maybe this was intentional)....the one looked like Sloth from the Goonies (even acted like him sortof), the one in the wheelchair reminded me of the one alien jedi from the star wars movies, the bald lady looked like the body Swartzeneger was disguised in in Total Recall.....Maybe it is just me....I found it amusing and could not take the movies as seriously (although movies like this cannot be taken seriously) 2. Everything was predictable if you have seen the first....I kinda wish it would have veered more from the original, but, hey, I guess it is a remake.........
The characters did stupid things...but, that happens in every horror movie, so I cannot complain, I guess.
Worth the watch....8 outta 10.
The Dawn (2006)
This is a horror movie?
To be fair, I only watched an hour of this flick. To really be fair, whoever made this piece of camcorder crap should refund my money I paid Blockbuster. I should charge them for having to sit through an hour of this "horror movie".....
Well, in the hour I did see......there was a scene in a classroom, with all of the students being 20 something Z list actors. The dialogue was laughable.....then there was a scene where they find a dead body in the school (everyone screams and then walks away).....then they decide to go to the teachers house so they can perform a sacrifice (?)...they get to the house....the lesbians get undressed and lay around on their bed.....one gets dream raped by the teacher (?)....two go into the woods to smoke pot....that was about it for me......Just a bunch of crappy dialogue you cannot hear half of the time and crappy rap music with mexicans screaming/chanting over it........
Maybe the last 15 minutes or so that I did not see were kick ass.......Seriously doubt it.....AVOID AVOID AVOID......makes the acting in Children of the Living Dead seem like Oscar worthy performances.
Zombie Night (2003)
I've seen worse...but not much worse.......
***POSSIBLE SPOILERS***** The good news for this film is that I have seen worse....Children of the Dead always come to mind when trying to pinpoint the worst in the genre. The bad news, I have seen much better zombie movies which were made on the same or less of a budget than this acting mess....Meat Market, for example.
The thing that kills this movie is not the budget (well maybe it played a part), but the terrible acting and editing. They seem to think it is okay (or that people will not notice) that the actors are constantly screwing up their lines, forgetting their lines, etc. These scenes are left in and not edited. The editing is so bad, I thought I was dozing off and missing pieces of the movie. For example, characters keep popping up from scene to scene, and all the other characters know their names, and are like long lost friends. These are main characters, I might add. There is no explanation of where these characters came from, how they know them, etc.
The plot had good intentions, but was laughable for the most part. One of the most laughable parts of the movie was when they were held up in an abandoned building. The main alpha male told everyone that if they saw someone who was bitten or infected to raise their hand. Their was one guy standing around with half of his forearm bitten out. Huh, no one seemed to notice this when they let him in. There are so many scenes like this that I could write for days and not hint on them all.
It appears that the director lost his wife, sister, or relative during the making of this movie. My heart goes out for his loss, but I cannot see that as an excuse to put out such a crappy and poorly made movie.
I see that Zombie Night 2 is coming soon. Hopefully they learned their lessons making this one and will improve. I hate to say it, but I will probably rent the 2nd one. I can' help it, I am a living dead head....
Day of the Dead 2: Contagium (2005)
Day of the Dead 2: Constipation
Well, I can't call this constipation, since there seems to be no stopping the endless flow of crap which makes up this movie.
I usually would let this total piece of garbage disguised as a zombie flick slide by without having to comment. But, with the Day of the Dead being my favorite movie of all times, Day of the Dead 2: Contagium is a slap in my face and a disgrace to the zombie genre.
In my opinion, this is not a zombie movie. It is an alien/virus outbreak movie.
The special effects in this movie suck. If 1/3 of the budget was spent on special effects, then the movie must have been made for $30. Let's see, Elmer's glue was used for peeling skin (I had to laugh when the idiots were pulling it off). One of the main "zombies" looks like they took about 30 cans of silly string, sprayed one of his arms and his face, and then spray painted him red (not blood red, mind you, but bright Ronald McDonald red). In the majority of the head shots, the squibs did not even go off. Vomit was Campbell's soup. You could do better special effects with the stuff in your kitchen.....I would say that the most expensive special effect in the movie was the $10 walmart mask worn by the "zombie" doctor near the end of the movie.
Watch Meat Market or Meat Market 2 to see what can be done on a low budget. They spent $2000 total for each movie and the special effects, acting, plot, everything blows this turd out of the water.Even that German piece of crap Zombie 99 (I think that is what it is called) has better effects than DOD2.
I could go on forever about how every aspect of this movie sucks, but I a sure everyone reading this already knows that. How in the hell did Romero let the rights to Day of the Dead get away from him, or why did he not get them is beyond me.
This ranks below Children of the Living Dead, and that is loooooooooooooooooooooow................... This movie is definitely not contagious.
This will go far away from my zombie DVD collection. Or better yet, maybe I should put it with them so it can be eaten.
Shadows of the Dead (2004)
I, Zombie Rip-off
Low Budget, Yes.
Decent Acting for low budget feature, Maybe.
This movie is a blatant rip-off of I, Zombie (another independent low budget "I have become a zombie now what do I do" flick). From the love story, the transformation, the isolation, etc., this movie poorly mirrors "I, Zombie", regrettably without the gore.
In addition to being non-original, this movie has some of the worst scripting I have ever seen. For example, (SPOILER) they are driving down a dirt road in the woods at night and blow a tire. They have no tools to repair the tire. They decide to stay in the car for the night. They look out and see a dead body laying there that wasn't there before. They go to sleep. HUH? They wake up in the middle of the night and the body is gone. He gets out to use the bathroom and takes a small shovel with him. He gets bit (which they did not show). He staggers back to the car without the shovel, bitten. His girlfriend decides to go back into the woods to get the shovel, sees the dead body which has moved, hits it with the shovel, and strolls back to their car without a care. They then decide to walk to their cabin and put on clothes a drug dealer would be proud of. Oh yeah, the hospital is within walking distance also.
Even the end of this movie was a rip-off, maybe not intentionally, of the Blair witch project. (At least I thought of the Blair Witch Project when I saw the ending, maybe others will not see the relation.)
Was this the worst movie I have ever seen. No. Was it written well. No. Was the acting OK. Yeh. Would I recommend it. Probably.
But be warned. No gore and bad scripting can make this uncomfortable to watch for die hard horror fans.
I, Zombie and its follow up, Deadly Creatures did this SOOOOOO much better.
4 out of 10.
Fahrenheit 9/11 (2004)
The Brooklyn Bridge
The people who hold faith in this garbage are the ones who bought tickets to the pool on the roof in high school, or believed alien autopsy. Brainless fools who believe everything thrown their way.
The factual documentary this year is SuperSize Me. Mr. Moore would do well to take his hefty self and watch that movie. It is actual and truthful, unlike his politically motivated liefest.
I am sure the lefty, liberal, tree hugging hippies love this movie and Mr. Moore. If Mr. Moore had his way, we would all be speaking french and bin laden would be our leader.
Grow up people. The country is doing what it needs to protect itself, and if the lefties do not like it, MOVE TO FRANCE where the women are women and the men wave white flags.
If Mr. Moore wants to dig up some truths, why does he not do a documentary on why France was really against the war....their loss of Mr. Sadam's money from their pockets......
Hey, I have a bridge I can sell you fools!
Shatter Dead (1994)
UM....Well....It does have zombies in it...
Hmmm. Where to start with this one. I just watched this flick for the first time last night and it left me a little uneasy. I am not sure if I am upset at myself for paying so much for a camcorder shot looooooooooooooooooooow budget flick, or if the movie actually had an effect on me.........I am still pondering that one.
For those who love extreme gore, action, and excitement.....this movie will probably not suit your fancy. I would not even call this movie a horror movie. There was nothing scary about it, nothing shocking (except for the gun up the muff scene)...I have seen it all before. I would consider this movie a dark comedy, even though I am sure Scooter did not intend for it to be funny. I mean the really bad acting and dialogue just has to be laughed at, especially Stark Raven and the Preacher Man. Some of the dialougue is just hilarious, like "don't be scared, I am scared." You just have to laugh.
Stark Raven is about as talented and sexy as a slab of cardboard (she's as flat as one too). Her gratuitous sex scenes sort of nauseated me because she is not in the least bit attractive....for once a movie would have been better without the female lead getting naked. The only thing that "shattered" in this movie is the mirror everytime Stark Raven looked in it (God, those teeth..........).
The clever storyline and idea behind this movie are strongly overshadowed by the lousy acting, camera work, and dialogue, and get left behind and forgotten quickly.
I mean, any movie with a guy dressed up like Howard Stern as Fartman with a gun cannot be taken seriously.
Worth a rent but not a buy. Nuff said.
Legend of the Chupacabra (2000)
As scary as a Chalupa, and made for the cost of one....
To start off, I am not sure if this is the right movie or not. I rented Blood Thirst: Legend of the Chupacabra from the local BB and this is what popped up when punched it into IMdB. I have seen some of Castro's other movies, so I am sure I am not too far off.
Well, the movie I saw was a total borefest. Crappy acting, crappy filming, and extremely crappy effects, lack of any gore. Every time something would happen, the camera would fade off. This film also had CGI effects that could have been made by a 6th grader.
Again, this is probably not the same movie since the one I watched was not a mockumentary like the Blair Witch project. This movie was just a total waste of time and as scary as an episode of Goosebumps. I take that back, goosebumps is scarier.
Out of the Blue (1980)
Not worthy of the hype...
I remember wanting to see this movie as a kid and missing out on it then. Through the years, it would pop up here and there and I would always remind myself to check it out. Recently, I saw it on Ebay for a steal, and I bought it dirt cheap. I am glad it was dirt cheap.
I do not understand all of the viewers hype about this movie and the great acting/character of CeBe (Linda Manz). I found her extremely annoying and void of any talent, and can see why she has never made an impact in Hollywood.
This movie was slightly entertaining, but the acting, and plot, were just inconsistent. The movie jumps around like scenes are missing. CeBe, who is supposed to be a punker comes off as being a "poser". I know that this movie is dated, but back then I would have called her a "poser". Just totally unconvincing and rehearsed. Fake.
Even Keanu Reeves carboard acting in the River's Edge, another Hopper film (he was in it), far outshines CeBe's turret syndrom (don't know if that's spelled right) perfromance.
If you are at home on a rainy afternoon and this is playing on cable, check it out to kill some time. Other than that, do not waste your time. If you want to watch a movie in this era worth it's weight, rent "Over the Edge". Now that was a true to the era film.
Nuff said. 3 out of 10 on a good day.
House of 1000 Corpses (2003)
Rip Off? Maybe...Tribute, Definately
I have just sorted through all of the other reviews of this movie and was just wondering to myself, "what the hell did all of these people expect?"
I mean, from the get-go, Zombie put it out that this was going to be a homage to "slasher" and "old horror" style fims. I mean, if you have read anything about this movie, prior to the movie,you would have known what to expect, from the (I believe) intentional rip-off of Texas Chainsaw Massacre, to the lack of big-screen gore due to editing requirements for the "R" rating. I take this movie as a tribute to old school horror, and believe it was never meant to be anything more than that or be anything "original". And, I expected to see all of the weird camera work, filters, editing, old film clips, etc., because that is Zombie's bastardized style.
I really enjoyed this because it made me feel like I was sixteen again at the midnight movies where TCM, Nightmare on Elm Street, Friday 13, etc. were king. It is a tribute, and I appreciate Zombie for putting it out. I cannot wait for the DVD because I know the gore will be there, and much more. ( I will enjoy scanning behind the scenes for all of Zombies placed gags...I laughed my ass off at the liquor store name, Hot P*ssy Liquor). I also appreciate the fact that Zombie did not rely on Digital effects in this movie, the way that all so-called new horror is going.
The saddest part of the movie experience for me was the fact that after the movie ended, all of the kids in attendance who were not even born when the movies this film tributes were released, were yelling that this was the sickest and coolest movie they had ever seen. I told the one next to me 'you ain't seen anything" and gave him a list of movies to go rent (if he could find them). If anything, maybe this movie will ass-kick a resurgence of true "horror and gore" flix. Well have to see.
Overall, a good effort for Zombie and I hope he keeps it up. Great actors, great filming, worth a viewing on the big screen.
The Search is Over...the WORST MOVIE EVER MADE!!!
Hell, where do I start with this one?
Let's see, I thought that I had seen close to the worst overall horror movie of all time, as far as acting, dubbing, plot, etc., when I tortured myself by watching Children of the Living Dead. To put this movie in perspective, compared to this, COTLD should be up for an Oscar.
This movie was made with a camcorder, a low tech camcorder. This movie has the most horendous overdubbing in the history of film, on any level. (I will not go into the fact that they used a black mans voice over a Hitler's youth looking actor playing the main doctor and a blatant homosexual overdubbing the other doctor, etc., since everyone else has hit on that subject. This, although funny, cannot carry this movie for more than a minute or two.)
This movie was made by the same moron that made the Violent Sh*t series of films, which are not much better than this. I actually saw this movie included on the Zombie Doom: Violent Sh*t 3 DVD. Why I bought it, I do not know.
The "special" effects in this movie SUCK. Everytime someone is "killed" by a Zombie, they use the exact same prosthetic fake stomach wound with very fake guts coming out. The guns are cap guns with somebody making a "kapow" sound in the microphone. You see big cardboard machete's covered in aluminum foil. You see "zombies" acting like they are eating and squirting ketchup packs with their hands. You even see zombies attacking people with the "prop" machetes (sections cut out). Utter crappola. The genius even took a plastic baby doll and filled it with fake guts. I did better effects than this in grade school.
BE WARNED. This movie is so bad it is not even one of those movies worth watching for the laughs. Whoever sunk any money into this film, making it, renting it, or buying it is a f*cking idiot, myself included. Nuff said.
CSI: Miami (2002)
This show is a sorry excuse for a spin-off. It has no identity of its own. The writers try to force the hippness of the original into a cast that is just not hip.... It's like bad lip sincing or Karaoke.
The worst has to be David Caruso. He is a joke as an actor. He always tries to come across as some bad ass or superior, but you look at him and just have to laugh. His dialogue and delivery are cardboard. His departure was the best thing that ever happened to NYPD Blue, and would greatly help CSI Miami..
I watched this show twice, and laughed almost all the way through both times. I do not think I can stomach another viewing. If they wanted to put more CSI on TV, they should just show repeats of the original on Mondays.
After Death (Oltre la morte) (1989)
Man, this movie blew. I mean, the acting in this movie was so pathetic, it made the kids on Barney's show look like thespians.
To start, I hated Zombie 3 and I kept passing over this rental at the store because I figured it sucked as bas as Z3. Well, after not finding anything else of interest to rent, I decided to to rent Z4. Well, I was right, it sucked.
In it, you have the same Philipino's in robes running around trying hard to act like the undead. Well, it is not too convincing when the undead are running faster than the alive, flying around like Ninja's, talking, coming up from 2 inch deep graves, etc. These "zombies" are a joke.
The main "heroes" in this movie are also a joke, especially the hippie with the beer belly who is supposed to be some military "bad-ass". Maybe in the trailer park.
The funnies part of this movie is the fact that every time a zombie attacks someone, the rest of the people just stand there for what seems an eternity and watch it happen. They do not run, they do not fight back, they watch it happen while they make cheesy suspensful faces.
DO NOT waste your money or time with this piece of utter crap. It IS NOT a true zombie flick. Not in the least.
True but False
I agree that this film was ture to life and a good and accurate depiction of the youth of today. From the dialogue to the drug use, I feel that it is a true depiction. But, I do have a few faults that I feel made the movie slightly unbelievable, at least to me.
1. The main character Telly. I do not care if the girls were virgins, or 12, or 8 at that matter. In reality, no goofy nerdy kid with buck teeth is going to get chicks, let alone as many as he does in this movie. It would be like the nerd from the wonder years getting laid on a regular basis. Sorry, not feasible.
2. Some of the dialogue seemed forced, like the scenes with the guys in the apartment talking about sex....and the scenes with telling and casper trying to talk like "gansta's".
Even with these few exceptions, the movie hits home hard. This probably is the most true to life film about teenage life to date. I highly recommend this film. It will stick with you.
Zombi 3 (1988)
Not a Fulci
This is definately not a Fulci movie, far from it....They should remove his name entirely from any involvement with this film to keep all Fulci fans from being mislead. This movie sucks.
It is made in the Philipines, apparently on the same set/area as Appocolypse Now. Their should have been an appocalypse during the making of this movie to prevent it from ever reaching the public.
Not to spoil the plot (not that there is much of one) for anyone, but the concept is a blatant rip-off of the Return of the Living Dead. A zombie "toxin" gets released and Zombie hell breaks loose.
The acting and filming are horrendous. The effects are below par, and the movie is just plain boring. I fell asleep twice and it took three viewings for me to finally set through the whole thing. All of the Zombies are philipino's wearing monk robes.
This movie is a joke and should not be viewed by any real Zombie or Italian zombie film fans, especially if you are expecting a Fulci influenced piece.
Terror Toons (2002)
A wasted $2300
I heard that this movie was made on $2300. It looks more like $23.
This is probably the crappiest "movie" ever made, next to Children of the Living Dead, with the latter at least having Tom Savini in it for 5 minutes. This has two of the dumbest characters just wearing dollar store Halloween masks running around with big cardboard pizza cutters and a plastic tommy gun.....
This movie is a lame attempt to be a "B" movie, with none of the elements there. It is not original (evil toons had this concept years ago). No character stands out as a cult icon. As a matter of fact, I thought it strange that they would use a porno actress to play a seven year old. What is that? And a nasty looking porno actress at that.
They should have just went with all porno actors and made a horror porno...It would have at least had that going for it....
And, what the Hell is up with the idiot at the beginning. He acts like he is constipated. What a joke.......
I read the post from the 14 year old who said they have made better films in their back yard. I did to, back in the late 70's, and mine had better effects than this piece of crap.
The Zombie Chronicles (2001)
I should be eaten by Zombies for buying this film...
I should learn. God, why have I not learned. I see these movies advertised as trailers on other crappy movies, and I get hooked in....The trailer for this movie (which I saw on the unelievably crappy Terror Toons) looked interesting. I am a living dead head, and thought it looked like a good low-budget zombie flick. What I got was beyond that. Most low budget directors will at least try and make things semi-believable. IN this, you have storylines in the 70's with people driving cars and wearing clothes from the late 90's, bad acting (extremely bad acting), crappy blurry filming which I guess is supposed to be 3D, some decent, but mostly lame make-up and gore effects, and to top it off, there is some giraffe necked Zombie at the end that noone explains about....huh?
The movie lasts slightly longer than the trailer, a little over an hour, which is another rip-off. The man playing the hitch-hiker is totally ridiculous and acts as good as a cardboard cut-out. He has to be reading cue cards.
What is sad that I expected an extremely low budget flick, which is not always bad. It's the acting and direction of this film that puts it in the crapper.
If I buy another braindead film, please, Eat meeeeeeeeeee.................
Children of the Living Dead (2001)
Day, night, day of the living dead
Where to start....
Why oh why did Mr. Savini associate himself with this total dissapointment? I enjoyed his cameo in the film, and that is the only highlight in this hour and a half plot mess.
For one, scenes skip from day to night like every 30 seconds. People skip from location to location as if by teleportation. The plot has more holes in it than the Titanic. And to top it off, the effects and gore are worse than a made for prime time TV flick.
Evidently Mr. Savini handed the special effects off to someone else. The gore from the other Dead movies he has been associated with is sorely missing. Other than some bullet to head shots, there is nothing there.
Abott Hayes, Abott Hayes. Try imaging a short haired Joey Ramone with really bad zombie makeup and asthma, walking around and making scary faces. This is the movie.Bad acting, bad plot, bad camera work.
This is crap that I would not recommend to my dog.
Please Mr. Savini, vindicate yourself.