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I have a theory that the only people who read and vote on the user reviews are other people writing reviews. When I go to the reviews and sort by review date, the number of votes on my review always seems to correspond very closely to how many reviews there have been since I added mine, and the number of down/up votes also seem to correspond quite closely to how many people agree with the star rating I gave it.
I guess people are voting helpful/not helpful based solely on the star rating, rather than bothering to read other people's reviews. Well hopefully my review is not too boring. I'm giving my honest reaction rather than trying to score points with film buffs.
21 Bridges (2019)
Police and thieves in the street
Police and thieves are in the street, and they're frightening the nation with their guns and ammunition.
A fairly standard kind of police thriller film which follows fairly worn pathways to the outcome one would expect from this kind of film.
Very well made, the cast are quite good, but this is nothing to write home about.
Edge of Fear (2018)
America's dumbest criminals meet China's worst actors
T-Bag, C-Note, Sucre, and Jodi Lyn O'Keefe from Prison Break have found new employment. C-Note is now a rich guy with a crossbow and a nice house but no car, and the others are now America's dumbest criminals.
Together the dumbest criminals kill a bunch of people for no reason, free T-Bag, but then they run into China's worst actors. Stabbing one of the actors in the chest fails to kill him but causes him to start doing Marcel Marceau impressions left, right and centre as he kills the dumb criminals one by one.
After he kills one of them by ramming him with a car, the other criminals decide to just laugh at him and drive off, leaving him lying in the road, and he then goes on to wreck their vehicle by driving a tractor into it. To put it mildly the members of this criminal gang are not "smarter than the average bear".
The other Chinese actor, who seems to be almost incapable of making realistic facial expressions, is apparently so attractive to men that she must be saved from being killed, as her husband bumps off various people.
The nadir of this nonsense must be when Jodi, now somewhat more of a "woman of substance" than in her hottie prison break days, gets into an argument with her boyfriend after he pays an unexpected visit to a back alley, and is then dispatched by Marcel Marceau in the bathroom, but not before delivering Marcel with a bit of a kicking.
Anyway I don't know if this idiotic film was meant to be a comedy but it ended up as one.
Comical romance centring around Sophia Loren's looks
Cary Grant is a widowed dad who decides to take on the responsibility of looking after his children even though he doesn't have to. Into his life by chance comes Sophia Loren, who offers to look after his children. Various obstacles and rivals are easily overcome as the romance between Cary and Sophia progresses.
Sophia is given some witty lines, but she can't deliver them. She also has some musical numbers, which she handles better.
Cary Grant does his usual job, and the supporting cast are all OK. The child actors do reasonably well. The key point of the film seems to be to put the young Sophia Loren on the screen in a variety of outfits, so we can ogle her, and envy Cary Grant as she throws herself at him.
Picking holes in the silly plot is just too easy. It is sort of fun, quite dated, but Sophia certainly was an eyeful back in the day.
The Debt Collector 2 (2020)
A load of old rubbish
It's a sequel to a film in which both of the two leads were riddled with bullets at the end, so there is some explaining to do.
Never mind, the original film was extremely silly anyway. But this starts to get boring as they talk about life after death experiences, alcoholics anonymous, the ex-girlfriend who is a psycho, and so on.
The Debt Collector (2018)
Dialogue is quite funny
A man who runs a failing martial arts gym turns to debt collecting with the aid of an alcoholic.
The dialogue between the two leads is quite funny, there are some more or less entertaining fight scenes, but the story ends up making little to no sense as the "principled" martial arts instructor turns into more and more of a thug, and there are some other plot twists. By the end of the film the whole martial arts gym stuff has been completely forgotten.
For some reason there is footage from what appears to be a real slaughterhouse interspersed into the ending of the film, which is a bit weird.
For some other reason, the villains at the end have a huge collection of different firearms from world war 2 or something, each villain seems to have a different model of WW2 machine gun, I saw at least a Sten gun and a Schmeiser (MP40).
Anyway I found it sort of entertaining, the British lead actor and the American were both pretty good, although I have never seen these two coves before, but it's a bit hard to recommend this highly.
Lone Survivor (2013)
Forgettable war drama
Mark Wahlberg and co play some soldiers in a film based on a true story about soldiers sent on a reconnaisance mission which goes wrong.
Unfortunately the story is a little uninteresting, not to say forgettable, and there is a kind of "seen all this before" feeling to it.
Onna ga kaidan wo agaru toki (1960)
Rather dull story
It's rather a dull story about a Japanese bar owner who is struggling to make ends meet, and her various relationships with rival bar owners, customers, and employees.
It's not very clear what the point of interest in this story is.
Against All Odds (1984)
Goes downhill as soon as Rachel Ward appears
Jeff Bridges is a washed up, embittered athlete hired to track down an heiress in Mexico.
There are some good scenes in the set up part of the film with Bridges and James Woods, and the story should be intriguing, but the huge problem with the film is that the top-billed star, Rachel Ward, playing the heiress, seems to have been chosen solely for looks. She does an awful job in this role, so the scenes with her in it go downhill.
The story also nosedives as Bridges goes from being reasonably savvy to extremely silly.
Deep Impact (1998)
Middle-aged women gossiping interrupted by comet
A comet is threatening to crash into earth. On the verge of alerting humanity about the comet, the scientist who realises the danger is killed due to a Jolt cola-drinking, cigarette smoking, country-and-western listening, drives up a twisty mountain road without looking where he's going, truck driver.
Given the urgency of the situation, it's vital that we must see lots of middle-aged women wearing heavy makeup talking about scandals in Washington. Oh yes, let's go to the comet for a bit. Now back to the really important stuff, the middle-aged ladies! Do we have to do the comet again? Sorry to interrupt the gossip, ladies, with a bit of tedious comet stuff.
We also have a collection of "the usual suspects" in the form of Robert Duvall, rent-a-voice Morgan Freeman, and other tedious colourful characters.
What on earth is this film? Who dreams this up? Who likes this sort of thing? It might be interesting to read some of the reviews to try to work out who this film's audience is.
Moderately entertaining "Aladdin's Smart Phone"
A guy gets a phone which has magical properties which help him escape his tedious lifestyle.
It's moderately entertaining comedy, the premise is the Aladdin's lamp sort of deal but with a phone instead. The twist is that the phone starts to get jealous of him.
The values of the people who make these films are on unfortunate display, the goal of life is to be able to drive a car recklessly or sneak into concerts and meet the star of the show and take drugs backstage.
I liked this film. The star is not a particularly great actor, but he does an OK job. The woman who plays his girlfriend is OK too. The phone is the star of the show.
The Rich Man's Daughter (2015)
That's a bit rich
A rich, rather obnoxious, man's daughter discovers she is a lesbian and dumps her fiance, enraging and outraging her family in the process.
I watched up to about episode 25, it was OK but the two lead actresses don't seem to be able to pull off a convincing relationship, so I didn't want to watch any more.
Marriage Story (2019)
Dreadful story about self-centred people
It's a dreadful story about self-centred people who, despite their obvious success and wealth, do nothing except whine about all their problems and issues, the sort of film where you wish that these tedious people would get hit by a bus, or eaten by a shark, or something.
The Glass Castle (2017)
Romanticising dreadful people
It's a story about a family with a father who has some problems with drinking as well as anger and unpredictable behaviour, and an irresponsible mother.
Oddly, although the mother and father seem to be very bad parents and not great people, the film seems to want us to feel sympathy towards them. For example, when the children flee the hospital without paying and without finishing the treatment, it's presented with exciting music as if a caper, even though the girl ends up scarred. Then it plays "uplifing" music as the father explains his bizarre ideas, even though what happens repeatedly is the father fails to follow through. When the girl reconciles with her father towards the end of the film, again it plays the "uplifting" music.
The father seems to be a drunk who goes around picking fights with people.
Honestly, I thought this film was pretty creepy. I don't think romanticising dreadful, irresponsible people like this is appropriate.
Seinfeld: The Masseuse (1993)
George can't cope with being disliked by Seinfeld's girlfriend and goes on and on whining until his girlfriend breaks up with him?
Jerry can't just ask his girlfriend who he's sleeping with for a massage, yet she's giving a massage to Kramer, so he tries to give hints by buying a massage table and putting on the music?
Elaine wants her boyfriend to change his name, perhaps to OJ, so he won't sound like a murderer?
Iskanderija... lih? (1979)
Why? Why did they make this? Maybe it should be renamed "Plan 9 from Alexandria". I found it on Netflix on "movies from the 1970s". Now I just can't stop laughing at this crazy film.
I think it's interesting that Netflix themselves have classified this as "Heartfelt" and "Social issue drama", so even they aren't actually sure what this is.
The social issues on display are things like "Shall I shoot this British soldier who's lying in my bed, or shall I get him breakfast?" or "Can I go to the party with a tear in my jacket which my mother has failed to mend correctly?"
The story, as much as there is one, seems to concern a group of school boys, played by twenty-something actors, who are at an expensive school, and go around looking for prostitutes in their spare time. It's supposedly set during the second world war, although the city is full of modern tourist hotels, glamorous water skiiers, people wearing flares, and so on.
The backdrop is that some of the Egyptians want to support Hitler against the British then occupying the country.
The Throwaways (2015)
The land that nonsense forgot
James Caan plays the big cheese in some kind of intelligence agency. He seems to be incompetent, shouting threats and insults at people, he dresses in some kind of patterned shirt where everyone else is wearing a suit, and he also seems rather elderly. His protege is some kind of young hacker who he threatens with jail or something. Together they're going to stop Tokyo from being nuked by the baddies.
The Monkees (1966)
Extraordinarily irritating comedy
This TV show seems to have been designed solely to irritate people. Random changes of scene, awful gags, and sped-up film of the four guys doing things like running in circles. I can't imagine how anyone over the age of ten could watch this without becoming annoyed. It's only slightly less irritating than The Banana Splits Adventure Hour (1968).
The Monkees were created as a fake Beatles meant to be more loveable and less threatening than the original. They were all actors, the songs were performed by session musicians, and most of them actually only even learnt to play music after becoming successful on TV.
Some of the songs of the show, which are inserted without any pretext, are quite good, like "Daydream Believer" or "I'm a Believer", but watching them on this means you have to put up with incredibly awful miming of hopeless Mickie Dolenz, charmless Davy Jones (the man responsible for making David Bowie Bowie rather than David Jones), and gormless Peter Tork.
Clarkson's Farm (2021)
An extremely poor piece of broadcasting
It's a travesty of a show featuring a buffoon's misadventures as he attempts to farm. It is clear that the buffoon is playing the fool, exaggerating his incompetence for comic effect, rather as if replacing the m with a t in the title.
Clarkson, the buffoon, has a level of intelligence and an appearance quite comparable to a chimpanzee or other similar simian or barnyard creature, and emits barely comprehensible dialogue consisting largely of grunts and wheezing noises.
No sensible, rational person with a modicum of discrimination could possibly enjoy wallowing in this beastliness. To put it mildly, this so-called entertainment is nothing but unadulterated depravity.
Thank you very kindly for not watching this abysmal, talentless, disgusting, and wasteful nonsense.
Potty training is usually the only time in one's life when one is congratulated for producing material of this type. What is the motivation behind the excessive praise heaped upon this, where rapid flushing would be a more appropriate response?
Joshû 701-gô: Sasori (1972)
Women in prison plus surreal scenes
The story is about the revenge of a woman sent to prison.
The prison is a rather odd one in that the inmates are all women but the guards are all male. The prison is not run in a very satisfactory way it seems, and our heroine, prisoner number 701, decides to pick up sticks.
The basic theme is schlock, scenes such as the women being forced to do some kind of naked manoeuvres on a frame of some kind while being leered at by the guards, or the heroine being tormented by other prisoners by having hot soup poured onto her.
The heroine is exceptionally resilient, and not only can she dig holes all day long, or do serious damage to various people using only her teeth, but she is extremely beautiful, and has absolutely lovely hair, which stays in wonderful shape throughout all the torments in and out of the prison.
At some stages of the film, elements of surrealism or fantasy are injected, making it a rather strange thing to watch.
This came up in "movies from the 1970s" on Netflix, and it was only with Japanese subtitles, at least in Japan where I'm located, so I'm not sure how much of it will be translated into the English version.
Documentary film without context
This turned up on Netflix under "movies from the 1970s". It's a collection of pieces of film without any explanation on the screen of what is being shown. The pieces of film concern a funeral, soldiers or militiamen, tanks moving around, children's faces, etc.
Without any context or explanation it's not clear why the filmmaker shows us these scenes or what we're supposed to make of it.
Kiss the Girls (1997)
Morgan Freeman is a forensic psychologist on the trail of a serial killer/kidnapper.
It is well made but it's the cinematic equivalent of paint-by-the-numbers, a collection of scenes based on other, similar, films, and very little in the way of genuine surprise or tension.
Without giving away the ending, the first time that the villain appeared on the screen, I thought "I'll bet he turns out to be the villain", and what do you know.
I can't recommend this very highly, but if you've never seen any other Hollywood thrillers in this genre you might enjoy it more than I did.
Domestic Disturbance (2001)
John Travolta is the father of a misbehaving boy who witnesses his stepfather commit a murder, and the police don't believe him.
The whole story of the stepfather is remarkably shaky and really doesn't add up. The step dad supposedly is one of a gang of criminals who ran away with the loot, leaving the others to rot in jail, and then started a new life, buying an expensive house, getting married to a divorced woman with a child, buying businesses like brick factories, which he can use for disposing of bodies. Then one of the people he crossed (Steve Buscemi) sees his photo in the papers.
But finding out his real identity is a matter of typing in the murdered man's name into Google, where his photo appears, but the police haven't got a clue who he is, and don't bother looking for him.
And despite stepdad being able to skillfully bump off Steve Buscemi and vanish his body and belongings in the brick kiln, he makes a terrible hash of killing John Travolta, setting fire to himself and leaving Travolta to survive a fire, also burning down the boat yard in an obvious fashion.
It's well made and the cast is good but there is nothing much to this picture, because the premise is so unconvincing.
Silly shoot 'em up
Silly shoot 'em up film where hundreds of heavily armed, and some unarmed men kill each other over a vital witness who's eleven years old.
Thanks to this film I learnt that US Marines are trained to slide along the floor and shoot people without even looking at them.
It had a few tense moments at first, and a sort-of-interesting situation, but as the story unfolded in predictable fashion I gave up watching and fast-forwarded to the end.
Seinfeld: The Wallet (1992)
A dud episode
George's stupidity and egomania used as a plot device sometimes goes too far, and him turning down the pilot is one of those times.
The plot with Elaine's psychiatrist is tedious and cringe-making, and I just wanted it to be over. The psychiatrist having a relationship with a patient is so unethical that it should be easy for her to dump him.
The lost wallet misunderstanding is a bit obvious, Jerry's dad being a baby about it and assuming the wallet was stolen is not so funny.
Again, the watch in the garbage can joke doesn't work.
Seinfeld: The Ticket (1992)
I'm distraught? Woo woo woo
I don't know how unemployed plonker George gets these attractive women.
George throws a fit about the low payment of 13,000 dollars for a TV series he hasn't written yet.
Kramer has a brain problem.
But Newman steals the show in a demented courtroom drama where he tries to avoid paying a fine.