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1/10
just another review of this lousy flat waste of time
11 March 2013
I didn't expect much from this movie - based on the reviews and what I got was even less than I expected.

As like most of the other stuff that Adam Sandler has his hands on, or any connection with whatsoever - this is dismal, shoddy and embarrassing on all levels - and almost no coherent redeeming value.

Do yourself a favour and avoid this one as well. It's a failure from the first 2 minutes - because there is no plot, the characters are poorly created, the casting is totally off and there is little if anything else to keep you amused or entertained.

Like most of the other reviewers of this movie, I too will warn you - and it's your responsibility if you don't take it.

This is beyond a waste of time.
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Movie 43 (2013)
5/10
It has it's moments
18 February 2013
This is far from a typical comedy that most people will be used to.

It's not American Pie or a rom-com.

It's an art form that is funny in a very dark fashion and while some segments are better than other, it is till funny - even when it is rudely sick.

I've co-written a comedy movie like this many years ago, so I know how this plays out and what it takes to make the skits work.

I found it funny, not that I will view it over and over again, nor will I call it anywhere in my favourites, because it's not.

It still is far better than one of the movies I've seen a few days ago, which I can never say was written with any thought to it and was just stupid to all proportions...unintentionally.

Most of you will never enjoy this movie, because you have been brainwashed into liking TV shows like "FRIENDS" and "Sex and The City" reruns - and you think that is what comedy is...

Well this is comedy, without the laugh track. It's written well, but it's not for everybody. In-fact, even though it's written well, it's still not great or even good...because it's so off the usual which what we are accustomed to.

All I can say is, it's crafty and I'm glad that I didn't have to pay to see this - otherwise I too would be bashing it more than I did.
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2/10
review number 6
16 February 2013
So far - there have been 5 reviews of this movie - and astonishingly, they are all somehow reviewed as supposedly the best film ever made.

Well, in reality, this is far from the truth.

If the script was any worse, it would be un-produced.

This has possibly the worst casting and setup and dialogue I have ever seen on screen.

Casting for this is absolutely horrendous and they deliver their lines with as much spark and enthusiasm as a dying bird.

There are far better bad movies out there to watch. If you like watching bad movies, you will have a huge selection to choose from. This ranks at the bottom of the barrel of the bad.

Don't let the cover of the DVD fool you - as it did me.

I own the DVD, but it was given to me as a gift. I am graciously pleased that I never actually had to pay for this - I would be very irate.

This is very bad on so many levels. Do yourself a favour and go to sleep instead.
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Jesse Stone: No Remorse (2010 TV Movie)
2/10
Pretty lousy go nowhere waste of time movie
7 February 2013
I bought this DVD 2 years ago and today I finally got around to watch it.

I re-installed my operating system and had to try out my DVD machine to see how it plays.

I dropped this movie in as the rest of the operating system was updating.

Wow...was this a total bore. There is nothing remotely interesting in this that can really keep a viewer entertained. Nothing leads anywhere and there is no suspense, action, mystery, romance, comedy or anything else.

This is like watching water drip slowly out of a tap. It's so tedious and lame that I will be donating this DVD to my local library to deduct late fees.

Not much else to write, just that this is so dreadfully bland that I'm glad I was doing something else at the time of this viewing, because if I wasn't...I would have certainly been very upset with my wasted time and the wasted efforts by those involved in this lacklustre film.
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Hotel Hell Vacation (2010 Video)
2/10
This was lame
5 February 2013
Basically, this is a commercial of Homeaway.com and what follows is what is trying to be funny. But like all other movies with Chevy Chase, it falls short. Maybe he tries too hard...nope - he definitely tries too hard.

If he wasn't so smug and if the film wasn't trying so hard to live off the old movies, it would be better.

Beverly D'Angelo makes great character, because she is not so forceful in trying to make funny...her off looks, wry smile and silence just make her good.

If you like the other Vacation movies, you will probably view this, but no doubt - you too will be disappointed.

Watch it for Beverly, if for no other reason.

**A note to film makers... Try NOT to burn your characters out with overdone and rehashed stories that just get lame due to repeated misuse.
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2/10
Borderline crap
4 February 2013
I will excuse this film for being short of total crap, because obviously there was some sort of effort made in this...I can only assume that the money put into this was saved from hard work to make this dreck.

However, the editing is pathetic, sound is dreadful, camera work is far from good, performances are horrible, lighting and camera drastic, script is nasty.

So why do I call this still salvageable? Because with a production of this sort with the right budget, crew and cast - this could be redone with nice exotic locations and craft production and all the right quality production values that this would be somewhat of a good story.

If you can sit through this, you are strong.
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Zoom (2006)
1/10
I've seen better tampon commercials
4 February 2013
Don't waste your time watching this.

It's corrosive in every aspect - from the absolutely dreadful voice editing which does not in any respect match with the people's mouth movements to the story of nothing.

There is no story here. i don't know where it went or if it ever was. What I see is a big commercial for Wendy's Restaurants and hamburgers.

Senseless in so many ways. I would not subject my kids to see this. It's horrible and to have them waste their time on this would make me a very bad parent.

There is no funny. There is nothing worth watching - and having the dreadful music play every few minutes just makes it even worse.

A big budget flop. I'm sick of watching horrible movies when I realize how much money was invested in them.

I expect watching horrible movies with next to no money or resources and I can appreciate those...however this mess was just lazy on all aspects.

Film is supposed to be fun - and this isn't.
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Cross (2011 Video)
3/10
and the Oscar goes to.....the envelope please
1 February 2013
Uhm.....yeah...the Oscar doesn't go to anybody here.

The story, script and overall setup failed miserably.

There is no story, because it's all convoluted with too many people involved and not enough development for any of them to really be there.

While everybody else posting comments was talking of actors and performance and special effects...

let's just focus on the main reason...the story.

With all the jumping around, senseless action, needless characters and such...the story goes nowhere of interest...therefore the characters deliver dialog and present action that is not beneficial to the movie.

Seeing that most of the cast were also the producers in this mess, I realize that they wanted a role in it and because of that reason...there are far too many roles with far too many action scenes with far too little to offer.

If CROSS has the power that he does...why does he need a weapon? It could have been good...with better thought put into it...it could have been great...but what they ended up getting is only a "COULD HAVE BEEN" movie - and that results now in what is.

Sometimes...less is more.
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Impact Point (2008)
1/10
A movie this stupid should not be allowed
24 January 2013
I will offer spoilers.

The movie is stupid and the plot is retarded and everything about it basically is screwed up.

So far today I've seen 3 movies and all of them were on the same level as this...totally retarded.

With perhaps the most retarded police force in all of California, this makes for one boring, lame ass and stupid flick which should save you some time by not watching it.

With senseless action and plot development - I am still amazed that with so many horrible movies being made that there is still a thriving film industry in California.
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American Warships (2012 Video)
5/10
This movie was so bad - yet I liked it.
16 January 2013
Realistically, this movie was horrible on so many fronts, I can't even count.

From downright insane graphic effects to bad green screen work, sloppy camera work and editing, over-dramatic performances and glances, needless pausing during dialogue, sets that are far from real and so much more.

It was so zany and insane that I had an absolute laugh.

I recently watched Battleship and disliked that movie as opposed to this. This was purposely bad, done on a fraction of a budget and it entertained.

Is it the best movie ever? Hell no! Don't even think to expect that. This has more cheese than a pizza loaded with cheese and topped with extra cheese sprinkled after taken out of the oven.

This was pure mush and anybody who fails to realize this should stick to watching over-hyped blockbuster failures with huge budgets and stories that suck, but don't make you laugh, but just pisss you off.

This movie was bad...very bad, and for that fact, it was simply very good at being bad.
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1/10
Horrible, useless and stupid
19 September 2012
I've watched the flick, I've read the reviews. Now here's my own opinion and it's the most important one...because it comes from me.

This is a horrible, useless and stupid movie...complete with a plot that doesn't work, a bunch of characters that are either self centred, stupid, idiots, freaks or have no real merit to this garbage filled show.

When the non-speaking extras have more appeal than anybody on the screen, then you know that the film you are about to see or have seen is at best - total crap.

Anybody who is associated with this mess and makes a living in the film/music industry would be wise to leave this out of their resume... because it's absolute trash at it's best.

Even Anna Faris couldn't save this with her doe eyed glaze and goofy grin.

The only reason I watched this was for Anna Faris, because she has a way with per loopy characters which is just mesmerizing - unfortunately, try as hard as she can...the only time this film was remotely entertaining is when she was on screen, but there was no real story for her character and she seems to disappear midway through.

The only star i gave was because Anna Faris was in it - and had she not been, I would be indebted for stars to place on this crap.
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Magic Mike (2012)
4/10
Not the way real dancers are.
18 September 2012
I was a stripper. Yes, I was. I was fairly good too.

This film however doesn't capture the reality behind the stage, on-stage or even the crowd.

The reality is that the male dancers - or even female dancers aren't all friends...they are greedy, selfish ego tripping characters who look forward only to the dollars. They fight backstage, they get drunk back stage and they do serious amounts of coke back stage.

Most male dancers are also gay. I am not and for that reason, the few men that are not gay will be reading "picture books" behind the curtain to ensure that they are "up" to the challenge when they are on stage.

The gay men will be taking care of each other respectively before they go on stage.

Most female crowds are mostly fat, overweight women who are nearing 50 and are there to get totally drunk. Male dancers will go to the table for them and pull everything off, but will not take them on-stage and perform nasty acts - clothed or unclothed.

Also - we didn't have groups of 5 or 6 go up on-stage and perform a routine set. With people travelling all the time and new people coming in and out, we barely knew who each other was from a daily basis.

Nobody fraternized with the bar-staff after closing...everybody was tired, stressed or too stoned to do anything. The bar-staff closed up and everybody got kicked out.

If anybody tried to do a back-flip on-stage, they would have been fired or told not to do that again...because of liability and safety and insurance reasons.

We made our money doing lap dances...not having a hundred girls throw money in our underwear on-stage.

The back room dressing areas were always slightly better than a warehouse - filled with all sorts of bar crap...regardless of the bar or location.

Anybody under the legal limit would never be allowed on-stage. There was always vice to make sure.

There was always so much tension in the dressing room...because we were competing for the same money, that more than the mere basic communication between dancers never existed.

This is a film based on the male stripper occupation, but misses out on the reality of it.

It's also over drawn for plot. So much could be edited out and would not make a difference to the story.

I was looking forward to see this, and I finally did. Wow...too long to watch a movie to see next to nothing of interest.
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Slutty School Girls (2011 Video)
10/10
One of the finest movies EVER made
17 September 2012
Slutty School Girls is the beginning of the Slutty School Girls series.

This first series begins with an adventure into the glimpse of a young school girl in her late teens. It's a story of love, compassion, desire, lust, truth and honesty. It reaches your deepest emotions and won't let go.

Where other stories simply leave you with wondering what happened or how it all came about...Slutty School Girls explores the deeper meaning of how it begins and where it finally ends up.

The story grips you, make you feel for the characters in every action and scene and involves you as few films will ever really do.

There is one scene that will bring you to the brink of tears, with it's raw emotion about the sheer power of love and how it all relates to each and every single one of us. The core of our being, the essence of every breath we take.

How we strive to reach our goals is the point that the director was trying to make. The sacrifices we will make and the depth we will go to achieve them. Where will it take us? Who will we encounter and wheat will we do to them along the way?

Dreams, aspirations, yearning for life and all that it offers...

Slutty School Girls begins the journey that we are afraid to often take ourselves by pointing us in the direction that we so often fail to brave.

It's a story of sheer enlightenment if what becomes if we let it and how time will allow for things to work itself out.

There were moments that I shed tears. Not from horror, but from the heart...tears of understanding that some of the young school girls would embrace their youth with such vigour and seek to define themselves in a world that bears down on them.

The Slutty School Girls struggle with their inner conscious and begin a search for their truth...the truth that we all have. The truth of the soul - in search of it's direction.

This journey continues in parts 2 and 3 - where a new cast also learns about the definition of desire.

Many films lack in the one real aspect that this film focuses on...seeking the way that makes the journey to be true to it's characters.

A cast that shines with the finest performers available. Scripting and story telling so inspiring, so well written - Hemingway would not be able to match in any comparison. Direction with the creative vision so artistically edited and a musical score that leaves you breathless.

The costumes were absolutely fantastic and location were breath taking in their complexity.

A masterpiece for the ages.

Slutty School Girls is a film that is ideal for generations to come and for ages young and old.

Brilliance - sheer brilliance.

In a time when almost every film has been done thousands of times over, Slutty School Girls is the jewel diamond that all writers, performers, directors, producers and anybody involved in film making should emulate because of it's contrast to reality and bringing this vision of Slutty School Girls to an audience that will be sure to capture the hearts ad minds of.

Slutty School Girls is a remarkable film on all levels - and an inspiration to artists all over and to slutty school girls all over as well.
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Lollipops 21 (2008 Video)
10/10
A Touching Drama That Goes to The Heart
17 September 2012
Lollipops 21 is a story that is very touching. From the moment that the first scene opens, w get a glimpse of what a real understanding for the search for truth is.

We then take a journey deep into the caverns of high tension and mystery where we realize that everything may not be as it seems. There is simply too many twists and turns in this complex tale that will unfold.

We are led astray with our thoughts as to where the real story is...is it in the heart ...or is it in the mind?

The captivating allure of all that is real or subliminal is phenomenal and this leads the viewer to ask the question...."what if that was me?"

With the plot thickening and a surprise ending you would have never imagined - Lollipops 21 is the sure fire hit and the ideal film that you can watch with all your family - from young children to the very old.

Gut wrenching drama that will pull at your heart and leave you in tears, tense tight anxiety that will leave you breathless and action so gripping that you will wet your set - Lollipops 21 is the total package film.

An absolute fantastic film - from start to it's glorious finish with excellent casting, beautifully shot cinematography, breath taking locations, awe inspiring special effects, fast and furious editing and all the finest in a movie which certainly deserve the highest caliber awards in the entertainment industry.

Make Lollipops 21 a MUST WATCH MOVIE tonight.
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No Strings Attached (I) (2011)
2/10
Boring and stupid and rude
26 December 2011
I gave it a 2.

This simply sucks for a movie.

It drags on far too long and the dialogue and characters are dull as beans.

Ashton sucks as a lead and the story doesn't help.

Totally unrealistic.

Totally uninteresting and a waste of my download on netflix.

I'm glad that this came as a monthly package in my bill and that I didn't have to actually pay for this.

How I long for real plots and stories that actually entertain.
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Though the camera work was great...
20 October 2011
the plot seemed to be a mess.

Somewhere the story was lost - and the movie relied solely on trying to be a film-noir 0 which it couldn't and trying to rely on it's characters or actors to bring out the interest - which it lacks.

The two female leads didn't initiate any real chemistry and if it was to be a lesbian love story, there was none.

While the singer looked great and performed great on-stage - the rest of her presence didn't offer anything.

The other characters pop in and out for no reason that is memorable.

In fact the entire story is far from memorable.

The only thing that I did like was the lighting and camera work and music.

Plot, acting and story failed for trying to be too much and offering too little.
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Bad Teacher (2011)
It's a miss
8 October 2011
What could have been and should have been is a miss.

There was potential to be absolutely great, but then it just died and went towards the way of being boring and mundane.

Plenty of opportunity to make this movie absolutely hilarious - far more than it was, but somehow, someone had to sneak in a poorly developed lesson about morals and ethics - which never did hit the mark, instead of turning this into a total riot filled with dark humour.

This could have been great - like the movie "Very Bad Things" - which featured Cameron Diaz as well, but ends up being a poorly underdeveloped picture that leaves you wanting more.
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Tribade Sorority 1 (2007 Video)
Simply a masterpiece of exponential artistic endeavours
8 October 2011
is simply a remarkable film - captivating the soul and essence of the entire population of the globe.

This is a story of sheer depth and coming to grips with understanding for the people who bring forth a presence that beckons the yearning of something more. A passion if you will - a passion for the just and honour - in all it's forms.

The entire structure of this fine developed film is that the beauty of love - herein described as simply put - lust uninhibited will prove that beyond our inhibitions, there is something more....something giving and true that will embrace the world with all it's splendour and truth.

Feel emotion come from your inner reaches as the dialogue spark such insight and inspiration to bring on such presence that only a true artist speaking such words can emote.

What you have here in story blends with true realism that not only is the words spoken pure fulfilment to the ears, but also the carefully constructed acting techniques and filming styles immerse you into something so deep and centred that to not see this in it's entirety is simply to miss out on a masterpiece.

When the story offers such soul gripping and heart stopping emotions, one can not help but to be fully captivated by it's focus on characterization and belief of integrity and moral values.

The characters here offer and define those expectations and more - if not only for the story but also to develop a sense of truth about what we as a people shall value in it's entirety.

Every moment of this film is pure magic and the simple shred of light that shines from the darkest corner offers a spark unknown but to anybody but the viewer when encapsulated by this brave new story which unfolds before you.

To mark this as possibly the best film one could ever see would be an understatement of enormous proportions when nobody can ever the quality in any other movie as this has.

Yet another film feature which can teach us not only wisdom, but also the finer details about life and all it has to offer.

With devoted ambition to bring you the best story one can conceive and then to add an opening scene which is possibly the most clever and developed shots of all movies created since the dawn of time - Tribade Sorority certainly does it's job in relaying not only quality film production, but the entire entertainment industry should follow in the footsteps of the creation this presents.
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Horrible bosses - horrible movie
8 October 2011
I've met horrible bosses.

My business partner was an absolutely horrible boss which I hope I never work with again.

The bosses in this movie were just bad...not horrible.

The movie was worse than the bosses ever were.

I was anxious to see this and actually made time for this - only to be letdown.

Kevin Spacey did a much better job in Swimming With Sharks and somehow seems greatly wasted in this film.

Jason Bateman lacks pizazz. He lacks spark, not that he is a bad actor, but he's not a lead. He's far from a lead. His presence lacks in every film he's in.

The movie is slow, sloppy and boring and overall bad. It's pieced together just to put something on screen - because the bosses (though not the best) were just bad, not horrible.

There could have been so much more done to improve this script and make this movie much more funnier, but was sadly missed.
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It's bad on so many levels
8 October 2011
I bought it. I have to admit that.

Why? Don't know...probably I was drunk, stoned or a combination of both.

Maybe i was desperate to put another movie on my shelf - 5000 is not enough yet. Anyways I own it - sad as that may be.

The funny disappears in the first 3 minutes and for the rest of the time it's just burning itself out.

The budget lists this flop as 500 000 dollars, but seriously - how can this even come close to anything of that budget? This at best is a camcorder movie with a cast of characters that should not have been paid for their efforts.

Bad does not describe this - because bad still has some sort of potential.

Downright awful is what this movie is - and sadly, with so many other - even those done with bigger budgets, this is just a waste of time for anything more than 3 minutes.

I've seen grade 2 school plays which had better performances and a better production value than this has.

The director, writer, producer and actors and everybody else involved should be crucified for their sins by watching this on an endless loop for the rest of their lives.

They of course will want to kill themselves for that reason and no doubt that should you sit through anything more than 3 minutes, will you want to do the same.

For real entertainment, fill your time with building a house out of icing sugar in the rain.
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Bad is not the word to describe this.
8 October 2011
Oh the wonders of Hollywood. They can make somebody a star and then - somehow keep them in that same place for years later.

No doubt that this was a script written to be a spoof on spy movies such as James Bond - it had to be. There's no other way to take this other than being a joke on them, however it's horrible.

There were movies where Tom Cruise is good - if not great. Most of the movies he does suck, but I'm sure his reps and promotions people knew how to turn his smile and perfect teeth into magic.

The problem is that this movie - even though it's a joke on itself is just boring and stupid.

The leads being Hollywood celebs make this even worse than if the leads were small unknowns and done with a smaller budget.

No doubt that the main money spent here was to increase Tom Cruise's paycheck and over-hyped career - but this waste of time movie should have never been made by a Hollywood A-lister.

There are far better movies on the action side of things - even done on a smaller budget. This is just a waste, but if Tom Cruise has his fingers in something, you know it gets made.

The more hyped and over the top action, well it gets pushed to the top of the heap in terms of producing.
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Simply a masterpiece of exponential artistic endeavours ---
8 October 2011
is simply a remarkable film - captivating the soul and essence of the entire population of the globe.

This is a story of sheer depth and coming to grips with understanding for the people who bring forth a presence that beckons the yearning of something more. A passion if you will - a passion for the just and honour - in all it's forms.

The entire structure of this fine developed film is that the beauty of love - herein described as simply put - lust uninhibited will prove that beyond our inhibitions, there is something more....something giving and true that will embrace the world with all it's splendour and truth.

Feel emotion come from your inner reaches as the dialogue spark such insight and inspiration to bring on such presence that only a true artist speaking such words can emote.

What you have here in story blends with true realism that not only is the words spoken pure fulfilment to the ears, but also the carefully constructed acting techniques and filming styles immerse you into something so deep and centred that to not see this in it's entirety is simply to miss out on a masterpiece.

When the story offers such soul gripping and heart stopping emotions, one can not help but to be fully captivated by it's focus on characterization and belief of integrity and moral values.

The characters here offer and define those expectations and more - if not only for the story but also to develop a sense of truth about what we as a people shall value in it's entirety.

Every moment of this film is pure magic and the simple shred of light that shines from the darkest corner offers a spark unknown but to anybody but the viewer when encapsulated by this brave new story which unfolds before you.

To mark this as possibly the best film one could ever see would be an understatement of enormous proportions when nobody can ever the quality in any other movie as this has.

Yet another film feature which can teach us not only wisdom, but also the finer details about life and all it has to offer.

With devoted ambition to bring you the best story one can conceive and then to add an opening scene which is possibly the most clever and developed shots of all movies created since the dawn of time - The Casino Job certainly does it's job in relaying not only quality film production, but the entire entertainment industry should follow in the footsteps of the creation this presents.
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Cold Fusion (2011)
Wow...what can really be said about this?
8 October 2011
Warning: Spoilers
It's bad.

yes, it's bad - but it's also stupidly funny at times that the point is that it is bad.

Adrian Paul's character is next to useless - but the Russian and Ukrainian cast is what makes this funny.

Flat and overdone bad guys with bad accents and interior sets that look like they are all from a 1960's Star Trek TV show, this makes the boring and slow plot watchable to some degree.

Stupid action scenes, low budget effects and dialogue that is corny and horribly presented make this a movie that while you realize that it is far from good, you still wonder what will happen.

There is a strip club scene which is so poorly created that you wonder why it is there at all, but it only adds to the corniness of the movie.

The sad part is that the scientist died...I just loved his part - it was hilarious to watch and should have been extended - without him getting offed.

Done on a budget of next to nothing compared to Hollywood standards and filmed in Bulgaria - possibly what will soon be Europe's next big filming center, this movie is bland, boring, stupid but still somehow in it's own special way - keeps you watching.

Not a total dismiss, but if you are looking for any real action - look somewhere else.

If you are looking for a time waster, this may serve it's purpose.
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100 Feet (2008)
One of the better movies that the production company puts out.
8 October 2011
Yes - the production company of The Asylum puts out plenty of movies. Most are not worth the price of a cup of coffee or a bag of chips.

They are just plain outright bad in so many forms that to sit through one is very hard.

This story on the other hand is an exception to the rule.

Not a fantastic piece, but still good.

With a bigger budget, a tighter script and a little more effort and thought, this could have been and should have been a movie that made bigger reviews, bigger profits and a bigger name in all.

It has potential, but somehow doesn't quite hit the mark of a great movie - because of minor details.

The cast is good, the camera work is good and so much else is good, but it's sort on something that I just can't put my finger on that would make this really good.

Overall, it's a movie that can entertain and far better than many others that are produced by Hollywood.

This is by a small company that works for the most part out of Bulgaria or eastern European countries and usually budgets less than 5 million.

So given all, it's not bad - a little stupid in some places - but worth a watch.
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Bitch Slap (2009)
Total sexploitation movie that is just awesome
8 October 2011
This is a total awesome movie to watch -with not only cool camera work, tacky lines, totally tacky leads, but over the top sex action and nonsense that makes this more fun than the Tarantino movies that it is compared to.

Certainly focused on women as eye candy, it doesn't try in any fashion to be anything but. There's somewhat of a story and it eventually gets there, but really - watching tits and ass in fine form will detract and distract you from the plot.

Guns, strippers, creative camera work, split screens make this seem like a comic book and it probably actually is based on a comic book story - who knows.

Perfect movie for those who aren't politically correct in terms of how women should behave. This is what the "Spice Girls" movie would be like if it was really a movie -not just a bunch of giggling girls.

With totally ridiculous humor, over the top drama / action and women that truly bring the "Girl Power" on, this is a movie that is fun to watch - even with your girlfriend.

Easy potential to be a series or a music video.

I loved it.
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