Change Your Image
Upload An Image
Crop And Save
The very definition of 'contrived'.
Danny Dyer plays a hit-man called 'Jamie'... alright, I suppose there must be some hit men in the world called 'Jamie' - but for conjuring up a hard man character, let's just call him 'Marion'.
Marion kills people. And looks very sleepy whilst he does it. He might be moody. He's possibly hung over. Who knows? He doesn't like talking much. Because he tells his 'bird' "I ain't one for talking" (or words to that effect. Presumably to add to his moodiness?) At one point, he senses imminent danger. How? A seagull flies overhead. Perhaps part of his moodiness is talking to animals and birds? Anyone, before this seagull can shout "Watch it you mugs!", a spray of bullets. And old Daniel's stood there like he's just remembered he's left his front door key at home.
Meanwhile, The not-really-the Krays Brothers seem to think they're in the British answer to Michael Mann's 'Heat'. Maybe even 'Leon'. Unfortunately they come across as two blokes in a self-build borrowed from Grand Designs.
Some scenes have bad audio. (For example, there's a 'confrontation' on a street at night. The ambiance would have you believe it was chucking out time on a Friday night - yet for all this drunken cavorting noise, there's hardly a person to be seen. Anywhere.) Some have bad camera work/direction. Every scene is poor translation of an even worse screenplay. Seriously: 'Marion' kills some bloke with a plastic bag (The police believe it's some nonce engaging in a bit of auto-erotic asphyxiation - and the way Dyer does it, it might as well be. And we know the police think he died due to auto-erotic asphyxiation because they tell us about 4 times).
Dead bag man turns out to be the dad of some topless dancer who Dyer takes home for a bit of how's one's father. I've lost count the number of times this has happened to me. Assassinate someone. Pick up a tart. Oh no: They're related.
And then the two brothers in the Grand Designs house start getting wobbly because SOMEONE might find out. But Dyer - the professional assassin that he is - can't kill the tart, because he's getting his leg over. (Presumably he's not had much recently) It's easy to poke at Dyer - he is miscast, relying on some 'smell the fart' acting, but he's not the weakest link here. The script is just a cut 'n paste from every crap gangster/hit-man movie there ever was. The direction, supporting cast... all not very good at all.
Lucky Numbers (2008)
Quirky and engaging
Lucky Numbers is a curious short featuring oddball characters, a quirky sense of humour and above all, interesting imagery. Its central character is, well, weird, but endearing, and the unusual story is served well by the director, Garrick Hamm. There is a good use of unusual locations, and the D.o.P. really brings a vibrancy through the colours and lighting.
Whilst the story is a little obscure in places, it holds the viewer's attention, carrying enough charm and character to remain engaging. I look forward to seeing more from Mr. Hamm and co.
Quantum of Solace (2008)
Enjoyable, but feels a bit like filler...
QOS hits the ground running. Efficient, no messing about. But then comes a rather odd 'edit'. Bond opens the boot of the car, says a line - and then credits roll. It felt like the credits came half-way through a scene. And there are plenty more odd choices like this through-out the film. Cutaways to other non-related events during action sequences, which are trying to be different, but they don't work.
Casino Royale had everything: Freshness, the Bond 'sheen' and twinkle in its eye, but it also meant business. QOS feels like a revenge thriller, with very little jeopardy on offer. There were no big 'wow' moments: Granted, there were some great chase scenes, but they all felt like scenes from a Bourne movie - and that's the saddest thing. Bond becoming Bourne is not good for the franchise. Bond needs to set the bar, not follow someone else's.
Performances are good, although Dominic Greene doesn't have much depth beyond 'oily Frenchman'. Whereas Le Chiffre had facets to his character, Greene was just... toad-like! It was pacey, fun, but I couldn't really tell you what it was all about. It would have been nice to have more insight into the 'mysterious organisation' that is touted at the end of CR and at the start of QOS, but sadly we don't find out much more.
Licence To Kill mixed with For Your Eyes Only. Not the best Bond, but certainly not the worst.
Shown as part of C4's 'Next Generation of talent blah blah blah...' season, "Stacked" was just another unfunny, direction-less story which relied on resorting to 'lad's mags' tactics for its points of interest. The performances were adequate given the material, but the characters themselves were devoid of any likability.
C4 have spent the last month constantly advertising the fact that 'new talent' is taking over C4, when really they should actually invest their time and money more sensibly.
The whole thing smacks of rolling the dice and lets hope something good comes of it somewhere along the line...
The Holiday (2006)
You'll need a holiday after seeing this...
This film was the equivalent of being handed a nicely wrapped gift, only to find a hideous jumper inside. The only good thing about this movie was I got to spend over two hours sitting down in a dark room.
The only person who didn't seem embarrassed to be in the film was Kate Winslet, who gave it her all - it's a pity her scenes were mostly schmaltz. Jack Black loses 'cool points' for turning up, and Jude Law takes his Michael Caine obsession one step closer (what was with those glasses???). As for Cameron Diaz... Winslet acted her off the screen.
The problem with this film is the director/writer, Nancy Meyers. Her script was jam-packed with every rom-com cliché in the book; it's attempts at humour had a whiff of desperation about it, and parts of the script didn't even make sense: Note: When the driver who drops Diaz off at the start of the film says "I'll have to drop you hear, I can't drive any further, I can't turn the car around" etc... Later, the film shows 2 scenes where a car is parked outside Diaz's cottage.
I've never seen a film with so many blatant plot-holes: Jude Law's children apparently have a mobile phone each - probably because he's never at home to look after them. The writing was incredibly lazy and just plain bad: I know these types of films are never supposed to be taken as 'reality', but this film took the entire cake and ate it.
As for the 'surprise cameo' in the video shop - WHY?????? The film desperately wants to be regarded as a 'future classic', but it was just so dull, not funny and contrived.
The Adventure Game (1980)
BBC 2. The 80's.
The Drogna Game... The Vortex... Chegwin... This is what classic TV is about: Minor celebrities of the era grovelling to a potted plant which just so happens to be royalty. Genius.
Can't really remember what exactly it was all about, or if indeed there was a point to it all - I just have incredibly fond memories of this show, mainly due to how daft and baffling it all was.
I seem to recall Moira Stewert being in there somewhere, Noel Edmonds, Fern Britton, Cheggers... probably Richard Stilgoe or the likes of...
They certainly don't make 'em like THIS anymore...
No Angels (2004)
Having watched the first episode expecting something fresh and original, I can hopefully do some good for the world and advise others to avoid this trash. Not only does it offend with it's "expose" on the nursing profession, it also manages to offer up a bunch of female characters with not one personality between them. Watching a four-headed monster-ladette show off with it's "we're so funny, we're so clever, look at us, aren't we naughty" fake empowerment of women...
I can only think that the creators of this show we're aiming for a "Sex In The City" type show. Instead, they have set television standards back by about twenty years. Not only did it fail to distinguish it's female leads from each other, there was hardly any story, anything interesting going on, nor were the characters appealing in any way. You can watch any Ibiza documentary if you want to see drunk women hitting on drunk men - Channel 4 what were you thinking? And I've not even gone into how awful the acting is...