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Noah (2014)
1/10
Worst adaptation of a biblical story ever made
15 April 2014
Warning: Spoilers
I cannot believe this movie has a rating of 6.5. I gave it a one because that's the lowest you can enter. A zero would be more appropriate. Worst adaptation of a biblical story ever. The only thing thing the screenwriter had correct was that Noah had a wife and 3 sons, there was an Ark built, and there was a flood. The following might be interpreted as a spoiler, and that is why I checked the box, but honestly, nothing could spoil this movie, it is already a rotting corpse. You have rock people (possibly fallen angels, but it is not really clear) helping Noah build the ark and defend the ark. Nowhere does God ever talk to Noah. He just has some weird dreams that he misinterprets as being from God. One of these misinterpretations is that God wants everyone dead, even his own family. Then I am trying to figure out how Noah is going to build a rowboat, much less an Ark, because the whole world is desolate, having been ravaged by evil men. Then enters grandpa Methuselah with a magic bean left over from the Garden of Eden. Are you serious? Wait, it gets worse. This magic bean doesn't need overnight to grow, you get a whole old-growth forest in less than a minute. No water required because it creates its own river. As if it couldn't get any worse you have the villain who killed Noah's father who hacks his way through the wall of the Ark to become a stowaway. You have a raging flood and some guy hacks through the Ark, and the Ark takes on no water. Maybe, they were magic self-sealing timbers. Anyway, Noah's son and the stowaway are hiding down with the animals, eating the animals! Later he plots with Noah's son to murder him, while at the same time Noah is plotting to kill his grandchildren. If they had put any of this crazy stuff in the previews, they might not have half the ticket sales. Based on the previews, I thought it could be a good movie. Whoever wrote the screenplay had to be on some kind of drug. For the first time I felt like I should ask for a refund on my ticket.
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The Secret Garden (1987 TV Movie)
9/10
Excellent Family Entertainment!
26 November 2006
This is the BEST movie version of the classic story. The one complaint I have with most book-to-movie adaptations is how they totally change the story. This one, however, is true to the story. The 1993 version may have more polish, but this version has more soul. It has become a "keeper" in our family's video library. As my children have grown up and moved out, they make sure I buy them a copy. It was no surprise when this movie won the Emmy for "Outstanding Children's Program" in 1988. Gennie James' portrayal of Mary Lennox is excellent, and her transformation is totally believable. For the most part, the supporting cast is excellent. Michael Hordern (Ben Weatherstaff), one of the best character actors of all time, was the perfect choice for this role. His scenes with Gennie and Irina Brook (adult Mary) were flawless. Barret Oliver (Dickon) gives a wonderful performance, which was typical of this young actor. The only exception would be Jadrien Steele's portrayal of Colin Craven. His acting is almost as stiff as his legs are supposed to be. If you have children, you want this movie.
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