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Splice (2009)
3/10
Interesting but fail...
13 February 2012
I just didn't find anything in this film interesting. It was a experiment of your more unpleasant emotions. There is no wonder, beauty or romance in this film. No artistic beauty. It all comes down to a hideous experiment with human DNA, creating a creature that has some problems. I don't like films with rape scenes or deranged sex with mutants. I like films that toy with interesting themes of beauty, or justice, or human soul. This did nothing for me and the few people I watched it with we all found it disturbing and unpleasant. This could have been a much better balanced film with some artistic and nice themes instead of exploring the darkest parts of humanity.
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Star Trek (2009)
1/10
One of the most retarded films to come out for ages!!
3 June 2009
Warning: Spoilers
I'm sorry but this film is terrible! Anyone that thinks it is truly a great film is either a retard or has no idea what the original Star Trek was about. Star Trek was always about great story lines with cool deep characters that have humility and pure hearts. The crew of star trek are intelligent and gentle and have to cope with complex situations and ideas. This new Star Trek is basically just completely the same as all the major blockbusting films like Transformers and Quantum of Solace, it has a very small simple yet ambiguous story line which is totally pointless, bringing time travel into any story line generally means the writer couldn't think of a real story line so using time travel could stretch out a very simple revenge tale into something much more retarded. I would have liked to have some clever twists in the story or interesting dialogue but no! We are just given the same arrogant smirky one liners and pointless conversations as Transfomers and all the other retarded films coming out that have to rely on CGI for their thrills... This film is shallow and totally unconvincing and makes me wonder if anybody making the film actually liked the original Star Trek, if they did why would they make it into a messy childish roller-coaster ride with so many flaws and unexplained convenient plot twists. I think the director and actors are too young to really understand the Star Trek series and turned it into something they could appreciate. This film is on par with Micheal Bay films its basically another Independence Day!! I feel sorry for the original author of Star Trek he must be turning in his grave... 1/10...
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Hackers (1995)
2/10
awful insult to my intelligents!
8 November 2008
This film is made by old people to appeal to the younger generation, you can tell by the ridiculous costumes and tedious sound track. I find this film insulting because it lacks any type of integrity, really its just a bunch of pretty colours and "trendy" sounds trying to appeal to its target audience, but missing.

Why set this film in the world of some prepubescent hackers who in the real world would not have the slightest clue, do they have a degree in computer science? NO! This film could have been set in a completely different context making it believable like just your average teen comedy (it is more of a comedy than a "thriller"). But no they had to try and insult all the hackers in the world with this laughable depiction of "hacking" i can't believe the "hackng" scenes with the over done CGI, can you believe that is what they are actually seeing on the screen?!?! Why not use the CGI scenes as a representation of the hacking not what they are actually seeing on the screen thats just ridiculous!! I'm sorry but even sci-fi teen romance thrillers have to have some believability even if they are made for retards. I'm sorry but this film just misses the mark so widely that i actually get angry just thinking about it... The acting is awful... The script is an absolute joke seriously when the bad guy first comes into it and says "dont fear i am here" or whatever he says i cringed.... Sorry if i insulted you with my review if you liked this film but i think it is one of the stupidest films ever made... :-(
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Pistol Whipped (2008 Video)
9/10
Steven Seagal seems to have a love hate relationship with his fans this time giving back some love!
18 February 2008
I am a huge Stevo fan and have seen nearly all of his films except the ones you just have to turn off after 20mins like Ticker and The Patriot so this rating is very subjective to Stevo films and shouldn't be taken seriously by a non-Stevo fan. I have given this the same as Shadow Man which isn't right really because its better;

Let down by some incoherent editing (same with every Stevo film even his debut "Above the Law") this film actually has a decent story and the action scenes are good. There is a great climactic shootout in a cemetery at the end of the film which is really well shot, the music builds up the narrative really well unlike Urban Justice which has an awful "computer game" style sound track.

I hope Stevo keeps it up because this is above average even for a non Stevo fan....... STEVO!
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Urban Justice (2007 Video)
4/10
just because it makes sense doesn't mean its good!!
18 February 2008
I can understand why Stevo fans have given this a good rating because it is an easily digestible film unlike his normal messily edited attempt at action classics like Shadow Man and Submerged... I have seen all the stevo's and this is definitely just under average (subjective to Stevo films). He is trying, but there is a total lack of imagination in this film. The fight scenes are pretty unimaginative with Stevo doing a lot of donkey kicks that aren't really used in Aikido, He's to fat to do all these kicks!!! And there is a really boring car chase and an even more boring shootout at the end where he just stands still while bad guy's walk through the same door one at a time getting shot! What happened to his unique style that got everyone hooked like in Marked for Death and Out For Justice. The music is awful and detracts from what is happening in the story which is hard because there isn't much of a story at all! No no no!

Even though Stevo films aren't amazing at least they usually have imagination!! I thought Submerged was better than this film its got a lot of potential in the story and some great supporting actors and action although ruined by lousy editing... Urban Justice stands out as a Stevo film because it is well edited even thought the Story and the Screenplay are really dull, it is just a breath of fresh air for Stevo fans because his films are so formulaic and this film is slightly different to his usual offering.
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Ticker (2001)
1/10
Horrible
21 October 2006
Warning: Spoilers
No words can describe the pain I went through watching only part of this film!!! I love Steven but this really takes the mick!! How is Dennis Hopper in it? How has his acting skills left in such a hurry? Did the director have eyes? Ears? Any of our valuable five senses? This film is a very weak attempt at a thriller, with no tension or character development we are left to wonder who are these people? There is a fight scene at some point and its awful! Badly lit so you can't really see, one by one anonymous "bad guys" approach Steven and (ofcourse) he takes them all out. I don't know how or why a film of this depressing quality was ever put out, it makes me want to cry.
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Shadow Man (2006 Video)
6/10
It's actually o.k!
16 October 2006
I only gave this film six because the plot line gets rather messy, apart from that it really is o.k and deserves a seven when considering how awful some of his films have been (The Patriot, Ticker). It is very well filmed has a shaky Micheal mann style about it and a crisp look. There are a couple of good hand to hand fight scenes and some clever action its just all let down by the story which gets increasingly messy until you really feel lost, there is one twist at the end which I feel would have saved the whole film but it is crudely pulled off and barely relevant to the moment in the film. I really would like to give this film seven but looking at it objectively; if I hadn't seen all the Steven Seagal films so far I would think it was a slightly above average film.
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