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Death Kappa (2010)
Run the eff away from this piece of dreck
I am a fan of even the lowliest of Kaiju movies...if you build a monster, I will come.
But this is just the worst. It is a non-stop goof-fest of silly songs, cutely dancing goblins that look like they were invented for a McDonald's commercial and a nemesis monster that can't even seem to move properly. Not even the 90s Mothra movies were this childish, and I swear that some of the horrible American voice-overs are the same actors from those films, hamming it up one more time at our expense.
At times the movie tries to seem like a spoof of Kaiju movies, but it can't even do that properly. The guys at MSTK3000 need to come back for this one, if only because I need to get a laugh or something out of having watched it. Thanks for reading. I will now go cut out my eyes, douse them in gasoline and set them on fire.
Great special effects...but they're completely wasted on this storyline
How this movie got made with a supposedly $70 million budget and without being completely retooled is beyond me. The storyline and dialogue are beyond amateurish. Characters say things no real person would ever say and almost never react to things that were said before. No one seems to be grounded in the real world. The acting of the leads is fine given that the writing is such a dud...but several actors in supporting roles really drag the production down. The hero's hair probably should've gotten its own credit, it was so oddly attention- grabbing...not to mention that it gave one of the better performances in the pic. Finally, for a movie about L.A. being besieged by giant reptiles, this film is shockingly boring. What a shame! If you do see this, your mind will be constantly racing, thinking up ways that you could have taken the SFX scenes and built a far better movie around them. Sadly, it wouldn't have taken much.
Jurassic Park III (2001)
short and to the point
It ain't Hamlet. But you weren't expecting to see Hamlet. When you go to see a JP movie, you are going to experience excitement both visceral and visual...and this third installment delivers these very well. In fact, it betters the first two installments in that it a) gets right into the story without a lot of "character-developing" preamble, b) gives some of its dino characters more intriguing motivation than "we're REALLY hungry" and c) dispenses with some of the dry, textbook-like dialogue on unrelated chaos theory and "they shouldn't'a done this" debate. Yes, the storyline veers, unstreamlined from one danger to the next, and yes, science is pushed again to the side in favor of bigger dinos who can do more dino-damage and pterosaurs who can fly off with humans who in reality would be twice their own weight. But so what? It was unmitigated fun...and that pretty much IS what you would go to see a JP movie for.