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Hostel (2005)
1/10
Interesting concept...sickeningly portrayed
19 August 2006
Warning: Spoilers
I'm not certain at the beginning of this review if I am going to pop out a spoiler or two, so the spoiler warning is "just in case".

First off, let me begin by saying the only reason I gave this movie ONE star is because I was unable to give it NO stars.

The idea behind the movie, as mentioned in several of the reviews here, is quite terrifying and would made for a thrilling novel. The IDEA that someone would pay for the sick pleasure of torturing a random (or sometimes randomly picked from a series of preferences listed by the torture-er to be) person is truly horrific and a serious offense to the humane, not to mention dealing a massive blow to the psyche. You are chosen, drugged, chained to a chair, and are forced to endure hideous and abominable tortures, agonizing pain, and a prolonged, longed-for death. I'd be longing for death too after an ordeal like that. It's a psychiatrist's worst nightmare.

Because of the premise and the idea, I had actually WANTED to see this movie and I fought for days to rent it.

Unfortunately, WHEN I saw this movie I was completely disappointed and more than a little disgusted. The entire first half of the movie is basically a poorly-done porn flick pretending to be horror, while the second half is nothing but an unintelligent splatterfest of gore. It makes a body sick, rather than terrifying the mind. In fact, at one point, I was truly forced to leave the living room and vomit. Thank god I didn't see this on the big screen. I'd have spewed my dinner on all unsuspecting moviegoers on my marathon run to the restroom. And I'm a horror buff. I love horror. This movie, this isn't horror. It's just sick on all counts of human decency.

The characters themselves are shallow, two-dimensional, unbelievable, and nothing but a bunch of horny sex-mongers who apparently don't care if they get an STD from any of the MANY prostitutes they bang in the process of their "Eurotrip". I found myself hoping they'd die from a disease or a virus before the gross bit of the movie was even HINTED at. Had it not been for the title at the beginning of the film (if it can be called such) I found myself wondering if I had gone into the wrong theater.

The only Likable character is the poor Japanese girl who gets her eye pulled out and dies by jumping in front of a train. I actually felt SORRY for her, but not for anyone else in this disgusting excuse for a "movie"...
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6/10
Not the best, but still a laugh
8 August 2006
Originally when I saw this movie, it had only just come out in theaters and I was just a kid. At the time, I thought the movie was a steaming pile of crap, no where near in comparison tot he first two. Hell, I overlooked the inclusion of Vanilla Ice for YEARS, insisting that even if he was in the second movie, it was still better than the third. However, now that I am older and a touch wiser, I've gone back and watched all three movies (I've been on a serious TMNT-a-Thon ever since I heard a new movie was in the making). While I admit the third is indeed the worst of the three, it is far from the travesty I originally thought (and thought for years). Aside from the silly story and the poor quality turtle costumes, the dialog is given several moments to shine with some surprisingly funny jokes and one-liners and minor giggles. I'm not saying every TMNT fan should go out and buy this. I don't even own it myself. However, I think you should get a few friends together, grab some snacks, some source of caffeine, order a pizza, and rent TMNT III for a night of absurdity and laughs. That's what my friends and I did <3
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