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It's all a big ripoff...
2 December 2009
Warning: Spoilers
Wow... it's just a big ripoff... and a horrid one at that. The animation is so horrid, artistically challenged children could produce better.

This film rips off everything... shamelessly too. I mean, they rip off "Titanic", "Anastasia", "Cinderella", "An American Tail", "The Aristocats", "101 Dalmatians", "Speedy Gonzales", "The Secret of NIMH", "Sherlock Holmes", "Lady and the Tramp", and "The Little Mermaid".

They even have a Celine Dion rip off, who's dressed like a whore.

And they even have a rapping dog... Be afraid.

This movie's terrible... I recommend you watch The Nostalgia Critic's brilliant review on it.
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Could've been pretty good... if they hadn't ruined what little it had.
12 August 2009
Warning: Spoilers
Okay... for the most part, and all its cheesiness, this movie was actually pretty good for an MST3K flick... but then they decided to ruin what little goodness it had about fifteen minutes before the ending. *SPOILER ALERT* The film is very basic... a rich mama's boy named Danny meets a bum named Bix, and the two of them travel to a small town, where Bix meets a pretty girl named Carrie (who is so very.) Now, this film's basic premise seemed promising enough. All they needed to do was follow the simple chemistry of any romance movie... Carrie loves Bix... Bix loves Carrie... a creepy guy in town lusts for Carrie... Now, I know what you're thinking... Bix fights the creep and ultimately decides to settle down with Carrie, and Danny returns home, and they all live happily ever after... right? WRONG!! Because Carrie gets murdered by the town creep, because Bix is too gay to commit. (There are so many homosexual undertones between Danny and Bix.) And then, the whole town decides to lynch Bix, even though the town creep would've easily been the prime suspect. Then, the town creep confesses to killing Carrie without much hesitation... (must've felt bad, the poor dope.) Then, Danny brings Bix home with him... that's the film's "happily ever after." Sad, huh? All I can say is, thank God for Joel and the Bots. Because they turned this horse hockey into one of my favorite MST3K episodes.
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Nacho Libre (2006)
Vulgar, at best...
29 August 2008
Warning: Spoilers
I watched this film at a friendly get-together after we voted which of our various films we should watch. As the film began, I knew this was going to be bad news. However, I swallowed back politely, and endured this agony. (*Possible spoilers*) First off, this film slams and makes fun of the Catholic Church so much, it almost made me (a very devout Catholic) want to puke. Nacho is the worst and most exaggerated bad Catholic monk I have ever seen. From his whole destroying rosaries and various other religious objects to make his lucha costume, to his flirting *EWW* with the local nun. (Did the director even grasp that monks and nuns do not flirt, and remain celibate?) Why didn't they just make them "in training to be celibate religious people", then the relationship could have worked? Oh, but wait! I keep forgetting. That would have been the smart thing to do.

The rest of the film consists of forgettable farting and potty humor, which isn't even remotely funny. I don't know about you, but seeing Jack Black's beer gut and butt crack are not my idea of a good time. I swear, this film should not have as high a rating as it does. Maybe I'm a little biased because I'm Catholic. Who knows? But I can guarantee, even if I wasn't Catholic, I probably still would have hated this. 1/10. (I'd give a zero, but sadly that's not an option here.)
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Konga (1961)
So bad, it's great.
9 July 2008
Warning: Spoilers
I don't even know where to begin.... First off, my uncle showed it to me when he came down for a visit, saying it was serious "Mystery Science Theater 3000" material. And, after seeing it, I agree. It was so bad, words fail me. Yet, it was so funny too. (*POSSIBLE SPOILERS*) First off, how does a chimp transform into a man in a gorilla suit? I don't think anyone could answer that, because it's scientifically impossible; but that is the case here. Doctor Decker injects cute lil Konga with a serum, and Konga becomes a man in a gorilla suit.

And, speaking of Doctor Decker, he is such a friggin' psycho, why in the world didn't his assistant notify the police after she knew of how he was using Konga to kill people? Okay, yeah, she loved him, but she didn't like the way he was killing people. Yet, she's all like, "I'll keep it a secret until he cheats on me." Sounds *REAL* smart there ma'am.

And cheating? Oh yes. Our piggish Doctor decides to lure a young blonde college co-ed to the greenhouse in order to attempt to have sex with her... and then, she gets eaten by his plants. The assistant gets killed by Konga. And Konga dies too. Dismal... isn't it? This film needs to be seen... because it sucks so bad. Believe me. The only plus side is that Decker the douche gets killed by Konga too.
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Johnny Test (2005–2014)
A total bore...
21 April 2008
Warning: Spoilers
This show is dull, lame, and basically rips off all sorts of various things in order to make it "original." First off: The animation is so ugly... Johnny's hideous... and everyone's annoying. The twins look like teen female Dexters from "Dexter's Lab," and Johnny is almost like a more intelligent male Dee Dee (also from "Dexter's Lab.") Secondly: The plots... are painfully lame, making them hard to follow. The gags are corny, and nothing really makes me feel compelled to laugh a little bit... especially when it tries to be funny. I only saw two episodes, but those alone turned me off.

Third off: The whole theme song starts off by ripping off the tune to Green Day's "American Idiot." And, while I am not a big fan of that band, I find it really dumb that they would take the same opening melody, and then subtly change it, in order to make it their own.

Case in point... it's a big fat ugly bore. 1/10
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Ave Maria...
10 April 2008
Warning: Spoilers
This is by far one of the most wonderful pieces of film to ever come out of the 40's. Brimming with beauty and gorgeous story, this film depicts the life of the lovely saint, Bernadette.

Bernadette is a poor girl, who isn't very good at school, due to her poor health. One day, while helping her sister and schoolmate gather firewood, Bernadette sees the Blessed Virgin, Mary, standing in a nasty old grotto. Due to her poor schooling, Bernadette doesn't even know who the woman is, but - upon Mary's request - Bernadette continues to come and see her for 15 days.

On one of these days, Mary commands a confused Bernadette to dig for a spring, and to wash herself in it. Realizing there is no water nearby, Bernadette digs into the ground and begins smearing mud on her face and arms. The crowd makes fun of her, and Bernadette's family takes her away. Later on, however, water begins flowing from the spring Bernadette dug up, and miracles occur. (To this day, miracles still occur with this water.) Contrary to what some reviewers may say, this film does not make Mary out to be "greater than Jesus." Rather, it makes her out to be a symbol of hope, and a gift from God. This film is a must-see for Catholics and Christians. Tears and goosebumps are guaranteed... possibly even increase in faith. (I cry every time I see the scene where the mother dips her dying, crippled baby into the water, uttering the little prayer: "Take him O Lord, and give him back to me." Whereupon, shortly after this, the baby is restored to perfect health, and grows to walk.) The acting in this film is astounding. 90% of the time, it's hard to believe they're even acting at all. And the music is top notch. Give this one a watch... and pray to Our Lady for grace to become closer to Christ. 10/10
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Goosebumps guaranteed... and possibly, even tears...
31 March 2008
Warning: Spoilers
I only saw the film once as a young girl, and found it confusing and sad. I couldn't really follow the plot, and found the film very sad and scary at times.

But upon finally re-watching it, I have seen this film in a whole new light. It is beautiful... and dark, and truly captures the spirit (though it differs greatly from it) of Victor Hugo's novel.

The greatest characters in the film are Quasimodo and Frollo... Quasimodo, because he symbolizes an innocent, beautiful soul, trapped within a deformed, misshapen body; and Frollo, because he is so evil and cruel, you hate him from the very moment you see him. (And I like it when villains are detestable and not likable.) One can just hate Frollo for everything he does.... From assaulting and accidentally killing Quasimodo's mother... for plotting to kill Quasimodo... for lusting after Esmeralda... for everything Frollo does, makes him as demonic and frightening as Chernabog from "Fantasia", and the Horned King from "The Black Cauldron." Villains like this are what make people want to see the heroes come out on top. (In Chernabog's case, the church bells are what defeats him... because Christianity is the devil's weakness.) The plot and animation in "Hunchback of Notre Dame" rival every other Disney film that came out after it. It's so dark, and so beautifully drawn, it makes one miss the days of Disney animation.

I guarantee viewers of "Hunchback of Notre Dame" will get goosebumps while watching this.... Especially during the songs; "The Bells of Notre Dame" and "God Help the Outcasts." Tears are most likely guaranteed as well, especially when Quasimodo holds Esmeralda on the church tower and screams, "Sanctuary!" One of the finest musicals with Catholic themes... I say it would only rival with "Sound of Music" as the best Catholic musical.

Very dark and might be scary for little ones, but worth a watch. Of anything, you will love the song "Topsy Turvy." 10/10
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An under-appreciated treat...
6 March 2008
Warning: Spoilers
Contrary to this film's IMDb rating, it truly is a beautiful, and sweet film.

I only saw it once when I was a kid, and always remembered liking it. I found it and watched it again, and found that I loved it.

(SPOILERS) The movie is about a little boy named Richard, who fears all sorts of things... because he only reads science documents, and not fictional stories. Caught in a storm, while running an errand, he ends up scaring him into running into an old library for shelter. He meets the library keeper, and winds up getting a library card (despite the fact that he tries to tell the man he didn't come to get books.) After he asks the man if he can use a phone to call his parents, he ends up finding himself caught in an animated world, filled with adventure, fantasy, and horror, and meets three books of those three genres. Richard and the books go on a quest to help return him home, and little Richard learns to face his fears.

Very sweet story, wonderful casting (including the talents of Leonard Nimoy, Christopher Lloyd, Frank Welker, Patrick Stewart, and Whoopi Goldberg), and adorable animation, make this film a true gem. Very good movie for the whole family. 10/10
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One of the best Daffy cartoons ever made...
5 March 2008
Warning: Spoilers
This is by far, one of the best cartoons in all Looney Tunes cartoon history.

Sadly, it has been banned in most places for poking fun at Nazis and Hitler (both of which were very deserving targets for jokes at the time. And still are, in some cases.)

Daffy outsmarts a couple Nazi birds, but eventually gets caught by the head vulture, who shoots him out of a cannon. Daffy soars into the sky, showing off his American pride, and then smacks Hitler on the head with a mallet. Truly classic.

Great cartoon, made during one of the worst times in history. 10/10
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Make it go away!
24 February 2008
Warning: Spoilers
This movie is a poor and secular excuse to ruin a good holiday.

Christmas is a beautiful holiday for religious people, and non-religious people. It's a time of celebrating Christ's birth (if you're religious) and giving (if you're not religious.) This film does no justice for either side of the holiday....

Ralphie is an obnoxious little boy who whines all the time on how he wants a RED RYDER BB-GUN, and that's basically all he does. He's not even that cute a kid (I thought he looked like a child version of Drew Carey.) His brother is stupidly annoying, and his parents are dysfunctional idiots who should never have been allowed to have custody over their kids. I mean, I would have sought relationship counseling if my husband bought a lamp shaped like a Playboy bunny's leg. That's disgusting. But wait, she was an idiot, so what was I thinking? Ralphie beats the snot out of a bully kid, to the point where he's bloodier than Rocky Balboa was at the end of "Rocky". But when Ralphie's mom pulls him away from the bully, she doesn't check if he's okay. But I keep forgetting, she's an idiot. I mean, she thought Ralphie looked cute in his pink bunny PJs... that his idiot grandmother gave him. I'm surprised Ralphie didn't grow up to become a mentally insane serial killer.

What's worse, is people are all like, "It was like that when we were kids." Really? Then, I pity you all who had to grow up with moronic mothers, obnoxious little siblings who acted like animals, fathers who bought Playboy lamps and cussed all the time, and grannies who sent you pink bunny PJs.

Whats worse, is that the best version of this film is the 30 second version with bunnies. And this isn't saying much.

Please, buy "A Christmas Carol", or "Miracle on 34th Street", or "It's a Wonderful Life", if you want to watch a good Christmas classic. This is not as good as everyone makes it sound. 1/10
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Chowder (2007–2010)
9 December 2007
Warning: Spoilers
It's ugly. That's all I can say. I tried watching one episode and I couldn't even make it through the whole thing it was so ugly.

The show is about an annoying hideous fat cat/gremlin with a horrible voice, who lives in a weirdo restaurant run by a floating old lady with a huge mushroom coming out of her head. It's created by the same people who made "Spongebob Squarepants" and "The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy" (both shows I find stupid and annoying.) But if you liked the two shows previously mentioned, then I guarantee you will be disappointed with this one.

Everything about it is ugly... the animation, the characters, the voices for the characters... It's all ugly. I mean, after seeing Chowder's bulging belly and hearing him burp and fart, I can honestly say, humor has hit rock bottom.

Please, let your kids watch something better. This will ruin them forever. I honestly don't know what drugs the poor saps who made this were on when they thought this was a good idea, but I don't think I want to know. It's an entirely new drug trip all on its own. I'd even recommend the horrible "Out of Jimmy's Head" over this pile of crap.

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Lili (1953)
One of the greatest films ever...
3 December 2007
Warning: Spoilers
What more can I say? I love this movie. Sure, it's dated, sure it's old, but classics are classics.

(Spoilers) Set in France after World War II, Lili is an orphaned girl who's on the end of her rope. Losing her job as a waitress in a passing carnival, she decides to kill herself. But a crippled and bitter puppeteer named Paul, who hates people, stops her by talking to her through a puppet by the name of Carrot Top. (There are also three other puppets: Reynardo, a sly fox who steals; Margeruite, a vain dancer; and Golo, a cowardly giant.) Paul falls in love with Lili, and Lili falls in love with the puppets, unaware that Paul's the one behind them. They convince her to stay with them and sing with them, and she agrees. The act sells out shows and everyone loves the girl's charm.

Lili is in love with a handsome magician named Marcus, whom Paul greatly detests. But the poor girl doesn't find out until later that the magician is a married man who's cheating on his wife. Trying to go and talk to Marcus, Paul grabs her, thinking she's going back to the magician for love. Furious with her struggle, the cripple strikes Lili on the face. Realizing what he did, he limps away where as Lili goes to leave.

But as she leaves, Carrot Top tries to convince her to stay or take him with her, because he adores her. Lili starts to feel guilty and is unsure of what to do. Golo tells her that if the "boss" is so mean to her, that he'll protect her from him. Lili tells him that she knows he would, because he's so kind and always knows how she feels. Paul begins to feel sad for hurting Lili and makes Golo shout out, "I'll kill him. I'm gonna kill the boss!" However, after regaining composure, he says, "Well, I'll give him a good talking to at least." Then, Reynardo comes out, carrying a fox fur. Lili thinks he broke his promise not to steal and swiped it when no one was looking. But the fox says he made a deal. If he wasn't able to keep up with the payments, he was going to give the man something in exchange; another fox fur, himself. Lili cries and holds them, saying she won't leave. Suddenly, she feels the puppets trembling and realizes it's Paul.

Due to his shyness, Paul can't express how much he loves Lili and gets angry. Lili wonders why he hides behind his puppets. But Paul tells her that he is the puppets: the confident, clever Carrot Top; the cowardly and clumsy giant Golo, who longs to be loved; the vain and jealous Margeruite; and the compromising and lying Reynardo. Angrily, Lili leaves, and Paul looks full of regret. But as the girl is walking she realizes that each puppet was a part of him. And after the most adorable dream sequence EVER (in which she dances with Paul), she turns back, and runs into his arms. He then, gives her lots of kisses, and holds her. And then, the puppets, pleased that the two are now in love, clap with excitement as they watch the two lovebirds.

10/10 for the love and sweetness. Buy it today!
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Ben 10: Race Against Time (2007 TV Movie)
It was bad...
25 November 2007
Warning: Spoilers
I hated the cartoon, but I have to say I hated this more.

The cartoon's lame and I really find it dumb, but this movie makes anything look more enjoyable by comparison... even "Chowder". Oh wait, maybe not.

The acting is so lame. The kid who played Ben had no emotion. He just sounded like he was reading off cue cards. His parents were horrible. If I had parents that lame, I'd put myself up for adoption. Gwen was annoying, but that was nothing new. At least she was in character though.

Eon was such a Darth Vader/Emperor Palpantine mix that he seemed even lamer than every other lame aspect of this movie. And I got even more confused when he revealed that he was Ben. It said that he was an ancient enemy from space. Ben doesn't live in the stone age. Plot Hole.

Grandpa and the Plumbers were so sappy and hokey, I almost died laughing. And the CGI was so lame, especially with Wild Mutt. The effects really seemed like one of those Grade B horror films. Case in point, the whole movie stank. Period.

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A sweet Christmas classic...
25 November 2007
Warning: Spoilers
I remember seeing this film only once when I was young on Cartoon Network, and being completely enchanted. And though it was many years later when I saw it again, I immediately remembered its charm and sweetness. It's a fun take on the classic, with an innocence that makes it continue to dazzle me even now.

Now, the animation was not the quality of Disney, but I wouldn't even compare it to Disney. Because one must remember that Canada's animation budget was not very good at the time it was made. However, despite the low budget, it's very nicely done. I especially enjoyed the silly animation during Drosslemyer's story. It was silly and well done. The characters were all enjoyable, and the relationship between Hans(Nutcracker) and Clara was childlike and enchanting. Nothing too forward or out there... simple yet enjoyable. I loved how they matched the lovely Nutcracker music to scenes throughout the film, it made it so enjoyable to watch. This film definitely deserves a chance, and I strongly recommend it to families everywhere.
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11 October 2007
Warning: Spoilers
Well, I finally saw it. And boy, it was nothing to sneeze at.

(**Spoilers**) Now, I tried to give it a chance, I really did. Being a big fan of animated musicals, I tend to enjoy films of this genre. But sadly, the effort was wasted in this misshapen heap of a story. Now, for the positive side, I must say I thought the two-headed dragon was hilarious... Eric Idle and Don Rickles were simply perfect picks for their voices. However, the main characters were bland, and lacked a proper chemistry. Kayley was drastically out of place with the story. Her whole, "I wanna be a warrior" rant reminded me of Taran from "The Black Cauldron." Ladies were not knights, and did not sit with the men at the Round Table. And NO woman dressed like she did at that time. Garrett was the most boring, angsty piece of wood, it hurt. And, to top it all off, the two main characters fell in love in less than a day. (I'm sorry, but even for an animated film, that was way too rushed, considering how they got along in the first place. Ruber, the villain, was a lame, inept villain, who lacked a good motive. It was lame.

The singing voices for the characters (not counting Devon and Cornwall (the two-headed dragon), and Ruber (the villain), who did their own singing) were all obviously different. And the songs came out of nowhere. I mean, one minute we have Kayley's dad telling her about Camelot, the next, the knights are parading and singing to Aurthur's castle. Yeah, that *TOTALLY* happens in real life. I know animated musicals have songs, but they're usually better done, and fit in with the storyline. The animation smelled... and I often saw re-used clips about three times over. And the colors were so washed out, it hurt.

And the plot... hoo boy! Did these people even try and base it on the book it supposedly originated from? Now, I never read the book, but I read its summary, and the characters are barely anything like this. The plot is weak, watered down, and lame. I know the book was adult, but they could've made a kid-safe version of it. And Arthur and Merlin are in this for all of ten minutes, max.

The only *really* catchy song in the film was "If I Didn't Have You", and the only really beautiful song was "The Prayer." This is sad because there were other songs scattered throughout the film. So yeah, this film tried so hard to be a Disney-clone, yet it couldn't hold the candle to other really good non-Disney films, like "The Swan Princess", "Thumbelina", "Anastasia", "Balto", and "Prince of Egypt."

Case in point, don't waste your time. It's quite forgettable.
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Daredevil (2003)
Repulsive... at best...
22 April 2007
Warning: Spoilers
This movie brings shame to Hollywood in the worst way. It's just such a terrible movie in comparison to 'X-Men' and 'X-2' or 'Spiderman' and 'Spiderman 2'. Those movies were well done and did a good job with their CGI. They had good characters that grabbed your attention, and real, genuine villains who were exciting and deadly.

This movie failed in those aspects. *Spoilers ahead (if there is anything to spoil)* The beginning is nothing but a back-story, acted out by a boy who is very boring. Then, it shifts to the real story, which is even more boring. So boring, I can't even remember it all.

All I remember is Ben Affleck plays a dull and unemotional Daredevil, who meets a random girl at a restaurant. They talk for a few minutes, fight in an alley, and then go home and have sex. Call me crazy, but I think it's highly unlikely that a couple would fall in love that fast.

Then, a baddie kills her dad and makes Daredevil look like he did it. So, she blames him, hates him, trains for days to kill him, and then becomes convinced that he didn't do it within ten minutes of fighting him.

Then, she dies, and Daredevil wants to avenge her death.

He goes to fight the baddie, beats him up, and discovers that the baddie works for the BIG BADDIE!! Ooo! Shocker! Then, he fights the big baddie (who also killed his father), and has a strong and believable motive to kill him. But he doesn't, even though the baddie killed his father and girlfriend, because he's a wuss.

He breaks his knees and has him carted off to jail, but the movie's ending is open, and it leaves you wondering 'what the heck even happened?' The baddies in 'X-Men/X-2' are good villains, and the good guys spare them because they are convincing and interesting good guys. And in 'Spiderman/Spiderman 2', though the villains die, they are portrayed in a good way, and they don't die by the hands of the good guy.

But Daredevil is never portrayed as a good guy. He kills baddies for crying out loud. So, it seems out of character that he wouldn't kill the big baddie.

The only cool character in the movie was the priest. He ruled the whole thing, and I enjoyed his character. Other than that, it spilled chunks.

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Teen Titans (2003–2006)
It has some charms, but...
17 March 2007
Warning: Spoilers
The show first debuted with a fresh blend of comedy, action, a tad of romance, and a great set of characters, based off DC Comics' well known teen-age super-heroes. Unfortunately, it lost its spark in many ways... (Spoiler Alert) It all started when they decided to make Robin become obsessed with the big baddie of the show - Slade. It seemed too close to the formula of Luke Skywalker and Darth Vader of the "Star Wars" movies. But, Slade wasn't Robin's father, even though the series made slight hints at that. But this was obviously not true, since there were no more hints made after the first season. (PLOT HOLE!!) The second season, while having some good episodes, had some of the worst plot episodes invented. They introduced Terra, a girl who can't control her powers, and turned her into a spoiled brat who joins Slade for no apparent reason whatsoever. She said it was so she could learn how to harness her powers, but the other Titans could have helped her with that. Then, she tries to kill them all, and gets upset when they come back for revenge. The term, "You bought it!" comes to mind here. (Another PLOT HOLE!!) Then, they made a season all about Cyborg, which was one of the biggest bores in the entire show. He discovered (as he discovered in many other episodes) that he is still a human being. Then, they made him save the day in the cheesiest and lousiest way I think I've ever seen. His human spirit resists the mind control of the evil Brother Blood. Well, shouldn't the others' human spirits also be able to resist Brother Blood, since they're all human? (...except maybe Starfire and Raven.) (Yet another PLOT HOLE!!) Then, - speaking of Raven - the fourth season revolves all around her. But instead of keeping her in character, she becomes sappy and simpering, because she's destined to destroy the Earth. Then, why didn't she flee long ago, if she knew this was coming? Is she that thick? It seems unlike her to be so careless about something like that! (Well, well, looks like another PLOT HOLE!!) Then, the final season... the season I was hoping would be the best, turned out to be the worst. They went ahead and introduced all these new Titans, but hardly any of them had any screen time, because the show didn't have enough episodes to hold them all. Plus, they introduced Beast Boy's old team, the "Doom Patol", at the beginning, but they don't even help the Titans at the final battle. (Just some more of the PLOT HOLE virus.)

Plus, the side episodes were either all about: Cyborg realizing he's human for the 300th time; Robin and Starfire drama; Beast Boy messing everything up, then saving the day; or Raven (who had the least side episodes out of all the characters) not really doing much.

Still, it has some charms. But it's definitely not the best animated show out there. Then again, I don't think there are any animated shows worth comparing to it, so maybe I'm wrong.

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Yu-Gi-Oh! (I) (2000–2006)
It's just a commercial for itself...
6 February 2007
Warning: Spoilers
I really did like this show, once upon a time. That is, until I realized all the faults in it. It's so unrealistic. I know it's fiction, but it isn't even the slightest bit believable. Here's why. **Spoilers ahead folks...** Are we really supposed to believe that a kid like Yugi would be descended from a Pharaoh of ancient Egypt? C'mon! He's the biggest nerd on the face of the Earth. And what's up with the Pharaoh (a.k.a. Atem and/or Yami's) hair? Last I checked, Pharaohs were shaved (except for a small bit of hair atop the head) and wore fancy hats.

And, are we supposed to be convinced that an evil wealthy boy genius, named Seto Kaiba, can legally run a successful business while still having time to go to a shoddy little school like 'Domino High'? Puh-leeze! First off, he'd have to legally be an adult to run a company. And that would make him not really all too much of a boy genius, since he'd be the only adult in his class. And second off, why would he attend a school like 'Domino High', when his business is clearly successful enough for him to attend a fancy snobbish academy? Plus, the side plots with his little brother are so sappy and lame. Every time you turn around, that kid's been kidnapped by goons for the baddie. *yawn* Nothing new, nothing new.

Joey is the poor kid, who lives with a good-for-nothing father. It says that Joey earns all the money to attend his school, because his father's an alcoholic, but you never once see Joey do anything that resembles work. He doesn't even mention work. And his sister Serenity is a complete moron. Why would she choose a snob like Duke (who dressed her brother in a dog costume and publicly humiliated him on television) over a nice guy like Tristan? Is she really that clueless? Various characters throughout the show, get possessed by demonic forces, get their souls stolen by demonic forces, and fall prey to mental illness. (Oh, that's child-safe, NOT.) Tea is the typical girl-next-door type, whose only purpose is to be Yugi/Yami's girlfriend. And while she has some cool points to her, she just doesn't have enough time to shine as a main character.

The animation is simply awful. All the characters look sickly and anorexic. The perspectives are terrible (especially when they do close-ups of somebody's hand) and the colors look good, but not stellar.

But the worst plot hole to the series was the fact that Yami says that his Millennium Puzzle can send souls back to their bodies. If this was so, how come he didn't save Yugi's Grandpa in the first place, when Pegasus stole his soul, and save himself the trouble of getting it back?

All it really is, is a commercial for itself. The only plus side to it is "Yu-Gi-Oh: The Abridged Series" by LittleKuriboh.

Please. Do something more worthwhile. Like, watch the Abridged version.

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Inuyasha (2000–2004)
It had a good start... but lost its originality early on.
4 February 2007
Warning: Spoilers
Oh man! This series has to be the worst possible anime I've ever seen in a while.

It started out new, exciting and fresh. And I really liked it then. Kagome was a good female role model for the show. And Inu-Yasha was funny and hot-headed.

Then, it just kept falling more and more downhill as the series progressed... and I'll tell y'all the reasons why. (Warning: SPOILER ALERT!!)

Okay, they basically destroy Inu-Yasha's relationship with Kagome early on, by reviving his 50 year old dead girlfriend, who's drippy, sappy, and a total waste of time.

They introduce a pervert named Miroku, who's supposed to be a sort of religious figure for the show. (Which really bugged me,'cause it was out of place and stupid.) Then, they introduce a demon slayer named Sango, whose only purpose in life is to try (and fail) to save her brainwashed brother.

The big bad of the show, Naraku, while starting out as a really good bad guy, lost his touch after a while. (He got pretty old pretty fast. And it bothered me that he was the only baddie in the show who did anything.)

The characters all became wooden, and unemotional. And then, the ending of this terrible series was a disappointment to any anime fan out there. Nothing happened. Naraku never got killed or defeated. Kagome and Inu-Yasha never fully fell in love ('cause he was still all in love with his 50 year old dead chick.) Plot holes were left open. The animation got worse and worse as the series progressed. And nothing changed in the plot. (I mean,they dragged it out to over 150 episodes, and nothing changed in the plot... at all.) And they expected me (as well as other fans of the show) to be satisfied?? I was disenchanted, disgusted, and annoyed as crap. I at least had high hopes that there'd be a good ending to the series. Instead, all I got was a dragged out commercial for the manga.

Seriously, if you wanna see a good anime about swords and stuff like that, I strongly recommend "Rurouni Kenshin". That show progresses and goes somewhere, plus it has really good animation too.

But stay far away from this bland excuse for anime, as best as you can.
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Belle's Magical World (1998 Video)
Belle's HAMagical World
24 January 2007
Warning: Spoilers
This movie is possibly the cheapest, cheesiest, and poorest sequel ever made.

Yet, it is the funniest and most idiotic movie by Disney, and will guarantee laughs at the sappy stories and lame plots from start to finish.

It's a group of short stories that seem like bad fanfictions.

*SPOILER ALERT* The first one's all about Beast and Belle being petty over a pathetic argument. Then, three loser new characters decide to patch things up by forging a letter of forgiveness to give to Belle. Part way through this little episode, Belle has wall eyes, which made my siblings and I laugh so hard. Then, she and the Beast fight more over the letter... and later learn the meaning of forgiveness. How old are they??? Certainly old enough to know the meaning of forgiveness.

Then, the next one's all about Lumiere being the world's biggest dope when it comes to romance. This coming from the man who could woo anything female. And they make FiFi a psychotic villainess who tries to kill Belle, and winds up getting off scotch-free by the end of it. What a message to send the kids!

Then, the next one's all about Mrs. Potts being angsty. And the next one after that's all about Beast becoming overly possessive of a bird, to the point where he just seems downright silly.

The animation's so ugly, it kills. There are at least 100 mistakes you can plainly see... and the coloring is awful.

Belle's a simpering sap who blubbers whenever something goes wrong. Plus, she's petty and very different from the usual Belle.

And the side characters are annoying... (I mean, Cogsworth and Lumiere fight almost all the time. I know they did that in the movie, but it was overdone in this.)

But the worst character is Mrs. Potts. She's ruined in this. I can't even describe it. Just buy it and see for yourself.

I give it a 1/10 for the sap, but I give it a 10/10 for comedy.
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24 January 2007
Warning: Spoilers
"The Black Cauldron" is an enchanting as well as an exciting story about courage, self-sacrifice and love. With beautiful animation, a superb voice cast, and riveting story, this movie will keep your eyes glued to the screen from start to finish.

*MILD Spoilers* Set in a land called Prydain, young and adventure hungry Taran finds himself becoming involved in a plot to stop the wicked Horned King from finding the legendary Black Cauldron - a dangerous pot that can create an army of the undead. Teaming up with a lovely young princess, a bumbling bard, and a pesky critter named Gurgi, Taran quickly decides to take up the quest to save all of Prydain, and get to the Cauldron before the Horned King does... *Spoilers end here*

I won't give it all away for you though. Get it and see it for yourself.

It's definitely not a movie for little tykes, but if you have older kids or teens who like fantasy, they'll most likely enjoy it... and I'm sure anyone will, if they give it a chance.
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I'm at a loss for words...
28 September 2006
Warning: Spoilers
Wow. What was Lucas thinking? First off, the acting is wooden and boring, especially the kid who plays lil Darth Vader. I swear, they could have just painted a face on a plank of wood and stuck hair on top of it and it probably would've acted better. None of the other characters is even remotely interesting. And Jar Jar Poopforbrains was a waste of time and brain cells. Darth Maul was a pointless villain who had about ten minutes of screen time.

The story of lil Vader's birth was disgusting, and an insult to all Christians at best. (I know there was a lot of that in the originals, but it was more subtle.) I almost puked when she claimed she was "immaculately conceived". Please. Let's refrain from insulting Jesus and Mary. Thanks.

The "love" scenes with Vader and Padme were so boring. Natalie Portman at least acted like she might've had feelings for 'Annie'. But as for him, he might as well have just not said anything. His lines were stupid and his acting (as I shall stress again) was the worst I've seen from a child actor in my entire life.

They seriously should have stuck with "Planky Mc-Two-by-Four" for 'Annie'. Or maybe they could've gotten Haley Joel Osment to play lil Vader at least. At least that kid can act. I really think that Lucas was just lazy and didn't care.

Laughable at best. 1 out of 10. (I'd give it a zero, but IMDb's too generous.)
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Ben 10 (2005–2008)
Just plain bad...
20 August 2006
Warning: Spoilers
This is, by far, one of the worst shows I've ever seen. The characters are all annoying and the plots are confusing.

Now, mind you, I haven't watched it enough to know everything in it. But, I'll sum it up for ya.

Okay, Ben's a 10 year old brat who gets this cool alien watch that can make him change into 10 different superheroes. He's on summer vacation with his twin cousin and grandpa when he finds the alien watch.

His twin cousin, Gwen, is a martial arts expert, baseball expert, computer expert, etc.. SHE'S TEN YEARS OLD!! How many extracurricular activities does she have anyhow? And the grandpa's blah and unemotional. He never freaks out when his grandkids are being attacked by aliens.

They have a teenage sociopath in the show, who ends up becoming a hideous monster. (THIS SHOW IS SUPPOSED TO BE FOR KIDS!!) Last I checked, teenage sociopaths are not exactly what I'd call kiddie safe. And they made a cheesy live-action movie.

Please. Read a book.
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The Return of the King (1980 TV Movie)
One Word: Stupid
13 August 2006
Warning: Spoilers
Oh man. This movie is so bad, it makes me laugh. Here's why...

Frodo and Sam seem to be the only characters who do ANYTHING in the film. The animation's so bad. Seriously, Gollum looks like a mutated frog. Hardly anyone else but Gandalf, Frodo, Sam, Gollum and the creepy Minstrel has more than five lines. The orcs (who aren't even the least bit scary) sing the dopiest song in the film. Legolas and Gimli aren't even mentioned, let alone in it. And Faramir gets a ten second cameo, only 'cause he's Eowyn's boyfriend. You don't even see the two have a moment to know that. And if you've never read the book, or seen the new movies, you wouldn't even know who that guy was. It was just bad.

The only good parts? Eowyn gets to kick the Witch King's butt. Sam's little dream of Rosie is just cute. And the Eagles rock.

But seriously, if you want to see a good animated adaption of J.R.R. Tolkien's works, get Ralph Bashki's "Lord of the Rings". But if you want to see this wad of crap, it does make a good comedy.
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The Scarecrow (2000)
This movie had potential... it just chose to ignore it...
28 July 2006
Warning: Spoilers
This movie could've been an adorable film. No lie. The storyline had the best potential I'd seen in a while. *A poor girl struggles in the Colonial Era to earn enough money to free herself and three other kids from an orphanage and a cruel man. But knowing he would take her money, she hides it under an old scarecrow, who is deeply in love with her.* Let me tell you, I was enchanted at the first few minutes of it. It had all the warmth of a Disney movie, but it also had elements similar to a good Don Bluth movie like 'Anastasia' or 'Thumbelina'. Then, it happened.

The Scarecrow comes to life, and uses slang. Okay, that's bad, but I still thought it could've been a good movie. Silly me. His dreams of becoming a dancer were actually extremely cute. All he wanted was to dance with Polly. That's so cute and child-like, I pretty much pushed the slang thing aside. Until... a random witch who was narrating this movie appears to change him into a human for Polly. It seemed cute, until I saw his human form.

His gawky, lanky frame was suddenly that of a buff, tough looking guy. His golden straw hair was suddenly black. (He doesn't even look remotely the same.) And the only way he'd look like this is if he kept his magic feather ('Dumbo' anyone?) in his hat. Thus, he adopted the name Feathertop, and went to find Polly.

Polly, needless to say, forgets that her loyal scarecrow even existed, and falls head over heels for Feathertop. (Why any girl would fall in love with a guy who was named after a feather in his hat is beyond me. I guess love really is blind.) He teaches her how to dance in one lesson, which was bizarre, and then the two go off to a dance contest. Cue the most horrendous music I think I've ever heard in my life. They go from JITTERBUGGING to doing BACKSTREET BOYS/Britney SPEARS CRAP DANCING!! Hello! This is the 1800's. These dances wouldn't have even been thought of.

Then, I don't even remember the ending, except he stays a human. (BUT he stays his ugly brunette buff self, instead of becoming a human form closer related to his scarecrow form. I mean, come on, the brunette buff form was just a disguise. He should've looked more like his older scarecrow self, only human of course.) It was just bad. This movie had potential... it just chose to ignore it, and that's why it was bad. 1 out of 10.
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