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10-excellent flick or game, very little to nothing I find wrong with it.
9 -really good flick or game that is almost excellent but may have one or two flaws
8 -good like 9 however the flaws stand out more or it did not generate the excitement I was looking for
7 -pretty good for the most part the movie or game was enjoyable, but along with flaws it may lack plot development or something to that effect
6 -okay chances are it has a boring stretch or something that knocks the film down a peg or two, I might recommend this movie or game, but will say beware
5 -a neither good nor bad flick. Just enough good to keep it from being a bit unwatchable and just enough bad to make it something I probably would not want to see again unless it was a horror movie
4 -for the most part a movie I don't care for, but contains some good scenes or something to that effect, also a rather good score for me to give to a bad horror movie that kept me entertained because it was so bad
3 -usually when they start ranking here or lower they become boring or really low budget or unplayable if a game. it only gets a 3 because it might contain a shining diamond in the rough such as maybe a good performance
2 -usually the only thing making this type of movie from being a one is a good death or perhaps a good nude scene
1 -bad and boring and something I will not watch again unless it is to make fun of it
Very reminescent of Earthbound.
I had heard about this game from different people and various websites touting the fun to be had by playing it. Well, it become available on the Playstation Network so I bought it and played through it and enjoyed it very much. The game is very humorous, challenging and quite fun as it is sort of a throwback to a SNES game and there is even a portion that pays homage to the balcony scene in FFVI. There are some really bizarre things going on and from what I hear, the genocidal route is even more crazy! I played through being a true pacifist.
The story has a young child falling into some caverns that are home to strange creatures. The child is quickly saved by once of these monsters from a very evil looking flower and wishes for the child to remain in the ruins with her, but the child wishes to try and escape back to her world. She soon finds out the world beyond the ruins is fraught with danger and a lot of potential new friends and allies as she tries to navigate puzzles and homicidal robots on her way to the castle where there may be a way for her to escape.
The game play is rather fun and a challenge. It progresses like an RPG game; however, if you take the pacifist route, you are not going to be leveling up! The combat is unique as you can avoid the enemies attack and you do not have to attack them, but rather you can end the fight by talking things out or doing a number of things to avoid combat. You can also go the route of genocide and kill all those in your way. You can level up this way, but from what I here this path is way more difficult than that of the pacifist even though you are stuck on 20 hp...that is a scary thought!
So, this game was very fun and entertaining. My complaints are few, but I do have a couple. The length of the game is on the short side as it wraps up fairly quickly. It would of been a pretty good length back in the 90's RPG, but it would not have been as long as a lot of the more classic RPG games of that era either. The other complaint is I wish there were more towns and people to talk to and meet as this was a very fun aspect of the game. Not major complaints, just the few I could think of off the top of my head. All in all a great game and I will probably play it again some day and go the genocidal route!
Into the Forest (2015)
Another vague apocalypse is upon us!
What is with all these supposedly apocalyptic movies where they do not attempt to explain what is going on? We get one here that features a blackout that makes things really quite inconvenient...I thought something would be revealed at the end, something that may have been creepy due to the font they used for the title of this one, but no, another movie where nothing was revealed and there is seemingly no point to the film other than teaching us that if you have no power, your house collapses fairly quickly.
The story has a power outage that makes a father and his two daughters feel a bit uneasy at first, but they manage to get into town so the older daughter can dance and the younger one can attend a party and they can get a few supplies. The father does not want to go into town again due to some rather rough looking characters being present, but the younger sister throws a fit making it seem like she is going to be the problem during this apocalypse. Well, the father dies by means of chainsaw leaving the two daughters to fend for themselves and the older daughter wants to use the gas to power up the house almost immediately, because she must dance! Seriously, this is the most mediocre apocalypse ever with the exception of the rape scene. Watching two sisters stumble along during the least threatening apocalypse ever!
So the film just has too many flaws as I watch a film like this to see real threats, not a sister want to dance and waste gas, a future house and a super old car, an easily avoidable death by chainsaw, a futuristic house that falls apart fairly quickly. Seriously, dad must have really put off getting a roof on that house for it to totally go kaput that quickly. The only disturbing scene was the rape scene which I could have done without. I would have preferred creepy monsters or something which the font made it seem like this movie would have.
So no, not a good movie and yet another unexplained apocalypse. The ending to this one was utter trash as the older sister wants to live in the woods. Great, you didn't want to go hiking with the one guy, but living in a tree stump, that is a good idea. Though that tree stump magically was tougher than their house was! This movie really opened my eyes though, if one wants to dance, one will throw a fit until one gets their way despite the costs of doing so!
Beyond the Gates (2016)
If only there was more beyond the gates.
This film had something and came close to being a really good horror movie. Unfortunately, they needed more money because they were obviously hindered by the low budget. They came up with a good idea, but just could not make it as good as it should have been because they just did not have the resources to pull it off. The idea is pretty good as it is basically Jumanji, but a more horrific version of the game. There are a couple of kills in this one that are very good and the cast did a pretty good job. Just missed the mark though and failed to be a good horror movie.
The story has two brothers going into their dad's video store to clean it up or something as their dad has gone missing. How their dad is still running a video store that only does VCR tapes in 2015 or 16 is anyone's guess, but I can roll with it. Well, they find that their dad was playing a strange tape before he vanished and it goes with a board game. They attempt to play it, but then turn it off. They do this numerous times and finally strange things begin to happen and strange gates appear in the basement of the home. They most continue to play so they can learn the fate of their father and find out what is beyond the gates.
The more featured two very good kills and an interesting premise. That being said, it dragged in places for too long as even when it was apparent they had to play the game they dragged their feet. Also, when we finally get to the conclusion and they do go beyond the gates we do not get anything special. No strange world, hellish world, but just their house with purple lights. This was a very disappointing aspect of the film and one that was most likely caused by the low budget.
So I would love for the makers of this film to get more money and see what they can do. Those two deaths involving the game were like totally awesome! They had a good premise and I hope they had a better idea for what was beyond the gates, but just could not pull it off. In the end it was just a bit slow moving in areas and too much brothers arguing and stuff and not enough playing the game. They really just needed more stuff going on and a more epic conclusion to this one.
Enjoyed it more than the first one, but only a bit.
The main reason I thought this one was better was due to the fact it had cleaner graphics and looked crisper. This is probably due more to the fact the first game was a direct copy of the Playstation one game and this one was a remade version. The controls were better also as I found it easier to perform stealth in this one than the previous game. The story, like the first game, is so strange, compelling and just all over the place. It is definitely interesting that is for sure!
The story has Snake trying to take out the latest Metal Gear; however, it soon becomes apparent there is more going on as Ocelot is back and he hijacks this latest Metal Gear sinking the vessel it was stored on and framing Snake for it! Flash two years later and the president has been kidnapped and terrorist have taken over this rig that is supposedly for cleaning the water, but in reality is hiding a new Metal Gear! Enter Raiden who must try to save hostages, save the president and solve the many mysteries that keep coming up! He'll have to endure many strange soldiers as he must take on another of Snake's 'brothers' Solidus, Ocelot, a vampire dude, a woman who seemingly can't be killed and a host of others. Thankfully, he will find an ally in a man named Plisken who looks a lot and sounds a lot like a certain hero everyone is familiar with!
The controls are much better in this one thus the game play was more fun for me this go around. Raiden can do some rather cool tricks, but for the most part plays like Snake does. You have the same arsenal of weapons and gear and you have your boss fights that are interesting. Definitely a fun series of games so far.
So this game is really fun, but man the story just gets crazy there at the end and the ending was a bit disappointing as so little is actually resolved. Then it is almost funny how one bad guy is like, this is our real plan and then another comes along shortly thereafter and says, no this is the goal! This is the first time I've played these games and so far they've been great. Next up is Snake Eater!
Be Afraid (2017)
Um, were they trying to do Shadow People or Slenderman here?
This movies description intrigued me so I thought I would give it a go. I am not going to say I was entirely disappointed as the film had some good points; however, it has a lot of bad points as well. The film does not seem to know what lore it is trying to craft its movie around, some of the acting is pretty bad and the plot has some rather stupid twists in that they just seem to infer stuff rather than actually just coming out and saying stuff. I did enjoy some of the visuals and most of the actors in this one were decent. They should have just crafted their own monsters though instead of using that of the Shadow People because they just did not seem to do enough research and they just added stuff to them that really does not fit what they are and what they do.
The story begins with a man raving that something is after his daughter and then she proceeds to disappear. Flash a bit later and a new doctor in town is trying to settle in. His older son comes to live with the doctor and his wife and son. The older son is from a different marriage apparently. Well the younger boy sees things and the father sees things and there is some sort of cover up that really makes no sense going on while these strange creatures that lurk out of most people's field of vision seem to take children away!
The Shadow People here just don't work. I have always been interested in this phenomenon that does happen to people. The whole thinking they see stuff when they awaken. They get some of it right, but the whole taking children thing is not something associated with them as this is generally associated with the completely fictitious Slenderman. Then there is a scene where the older son is in a tunnel trying to prove himself where the creatures drag two other guys off and kill them in gruesome fashion which doesn't really fit either the Shadow People or Slenderman. Just kind of a jumbled mess as they do not seem to know what type of movie they are making.
So, any chance of this being a good horror movie pretty much died with all the inconsistencies within. Not sure why they did Shadow People when they clearly wanted to do something totally different as the creatures were living in some sort of cave. They had a good idea, but should have made them more of a physical presence that would have went along with the two guys in the cave getting killed. The revelation of the boys being taken just did not work as it was all kind of implied and you are left wondering why would these creatures who can't be killed make a deal with anyone. Interesting but just fails with too many questions and such.
About on par with his earlier 2018 flick Rampage
Basically, this film was nothing super fantastic; however, it was a good popcorn action film where one tends to have to turn off their brain because there is a lot of stuff that makes no sense contained within. That being said, I thought this one was a lot better than the more familiar Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom also brought to us by Universal studios. This one cannot be called original though as it is pretty much Die Hard with a bit of Towering Inferno mixed in, or is it Towering Inferno with a bit of Die Hard mixed in? One can never tell as the film shifts quite a bit too.
The story has a man who was in some sort of special forces or something having a very bad encounter. That bad encounter though leads to him to meet his wife with whom he has two kids with who are his everything. He is doing some sort of security detail on a state of the art skyscraper set up by one of his buddies from when he was in the special forces and things begin to seem off. Turns out the skyscraper is being targeted by some group who wishes to get something within and to burn the building down around the one who designed it. With his family inside, Will (Rock's character) tries to get in so that he can save them.
The rock is good and so are most of the characters, the film could have been a bit better with more action within the burning building. So much of the action consists of Will trying to get into the building or outside on the glass trying to maneuver to a certain point. The whole point of the people setting the building ablaze is a bit disappointing too as they keep withholding that info and then when you learn what it was, not that big a deal.
So, the film did have some good action here and there and some good Rock action too, but it could've used some more. Rampage felt like a big budget film mixed with b movie elements and this one just seems like it is missing some ingredient. I also have to think that this film was sponsored by duct tape as it was featured quite a bit in this one and it began to seem almost odd.
I enjoyed it a lot, but not for everybody
I am not the gamer who waits eagerly for the next Call of Duty game, Assasin's Creed game or Madden game every year. I am the gamer who enjoys more rare, exotic and strange games that are usually crafted in Japan and are more story driven than other games. This game caught my eye at the local Gamestop so I proceeded to get this one and its sequel. Even I was not expecting what I got as I was wondering when I first started playing it if it was only a visual novel akin to a manga; however, I finally got to some combat so there is some game play involved. That being said, it is mainly a story so if you want to fight and fight and fight some more, this is not the game for you!
The story as a young man waking up with amnesia under the care of a young girl named Kuon. Since he doesn't remember his name, she names him Haku. They travel together for awhile and when they end up in a town they join up with some mercenaries and then proceed to a large city known as Yamato. Here Haku will make many allies as he takes a job as a man named Oshtor's troops, doing odd jobs and having the occasional battle. Soon Haku will learn many things about his past as he learns of his connection with the Mikado who rules this land and things take on a darker tone as there are conspiracies and such going on and this one basically ends on a cliffhanger.
The game play in this one is essentially just pushing a button to advance text and dialog. That being said, when there is combat it is of the strategy role playing game variety and actually quite fun. There are a set number of battles, but you can replay older battles to gain experience and as you near the end there are quite a number of battles for you to navigate through.
So, I enjoyed this game, but then I enjoy a story based game and I enjoy the anime style characters present in this one. The game is a bit more lighthearted at first, but gets a bit more darker in tone near the end of the game as it ends in heartbreaking fashion. The characters are great as there is not a one that I didn't like that belonged to Haku's rag tag little group and I am very eager to see where the story goes and how it will end for him and Kuon.
Shark Lake (2015)
Ugh, this shark movie makes some of those SyFy shark movies seem great by comparison
I thought this one might be pretty good as it was not brought to us by the SyFy station home to all things shark. It had Dolph Lundgren in it, so I thought, Dolph versus sharks, that may be pretty cool! It is not, not at all. It is a boring and stupid film filled with idiotic subplots and an annoying main character who isn't Dolph! The sharks also look incredibly bad, I once watched a shark film that was on SyFy called "Five Headed Shark Attack" and the shark in that one looked more real than the bull shark in this one!
The story has a guy who finds rare animals and is trying to deliver something in his van while these two officers are chasing him. The female is a horrible cop who shots Dolph who is unarmed as he is trying to get out of a lake. You can't get down while your in the water! She then takes his child and raises it as her own and when he gets out she refuses to let him see it. I would say that is a major conflict of interests, but this is a cheap movie. So when we are not doing the Lifetime channel movie thing, there are sharks in the lake and they are just little bitty sharks, nothing special about them and they have everyone flipping out. Just stay out of the water for crying out loud! Of course, there just happens to be a shark expert in town, what are the odds?
So this one is pretty bad, the sharks look like crap, the shark attacks look like crap and there are a lot of head scratching moments. They blame bears at first and still seem dubious of sharks being the culprits even when a woman's leg is bitten off right in front of everyone. The whole mafia type guys going after Dolph was just filler and in the end I was left disappointed that the female deputy was not eaten!
Not a good film by any means. The plot had potential, but having regular sized sharks in a lake was just not frightening. We are also supposed to believe that the sharks have been in the lake for five years and just start going crazy eating people just as Dolph's character gets out of prison. I almost want to say leave the bad shark movies to SyFy because theirs are at least more entertaining than this, but then they did make the super horrible Planet of Sharks too...
The Rundown (2003)
Pretty good action/comedy buddy movie
Saw this movie not too long ago for the first time, and it astounds me that it came out in 2003. Makes me feel real old, and it also was strange to see The Rock not quite as big in this film as he is now. The film had a rather large budget, which is also very questionable as this is the first film that I know of that has The Rock as the lead and seeing it only made 80 million worldwide and cost 85 it did not even manage to break even. Granted, I am sure with DVD sales and such it has made a profit over the years, just not as quickly as a studio would like.
The story has The Rock as some sort of retrieval and enforcer kind of guy, but he is tiring of this lifestyle and wants out so he can be a chef. Well, he is given an opportunity to get out, because if he can get his boss's son and bring him back, he will be allowed out of the business. The problem is that his son is in South America. So he proceeds down and proceeds to have a hard time with his target as he is a smart mouthed guy who has no intentions of going back before finding a treasure. They also run afoul of a guy who pretty much runs things in this town and soon they will be pursued as they make their way through the jungles in search of the treasure.
The Rock does a pretty good job in his first leading role not associated with The Scorpion King and shows glimpses of the star he will become as he is able to do the action thing good and do well in the humor department too. Sean William Scott is also good as the guy The Rock is trying to retrieve and gives the Rock all kinds of problems. Christopher Walken is also in this one and of course he is good!
So, it was a pretty good film when it is all said and done, not sure why it did not do better when it initially released. I have seen far worse films make lots of money over the years, but then, they are sequels and that is why one tends never to see anything original these days. This one had some good action, some good humor and it was a nice distraction while it was on.
Little Evil (2017)
Better than a lot of straight horror fims made these days
This film is a comedy horror, a bit of a spoof of the film, "The Omen". Actually, it is an okay spoof and more how a spoof should be made as it has its own plot and such, but you still know what film the movie is spoofing. At some point, spoofs just stopped being good as they were made without any sort of plot and were just a mishmash of scenes from hit movies of the years. Scary Movie kind of started this trend, though that franchise started off rather good, but soon we got Epic Movie, Disaster movie and a Twilight spoof that would have made some good money had they made a film like this instead of just copying and pasting the source material and adding a stupid joke into the mix that doesn't even work with said scene.
This movie has a man named Gary married to a wonderful woman who has a son making him a stepfather. Sounds typical, until Gary realizes that his stepson may be the antichrist! He attends a group for new stepfathers where a woman from work also attends as she is having a hard time dealing with the fact her new son doesn't like her El Camino with monster tires...so sad! Gary tries to deal with things, but everyone seems to be trying to get him to kill the young antichrist before he ushers in the end of the world!
The film is not perfect, but it did have a lot of good jokes as Gary is so clueless at first and tries so hard to form a bond with his stepson with the creepy goat puppet. His work friend who is a lesbian is funny too as she has his back and fits in so well with the other stepfathers. So much stuff going on in this one, as Gary has to figure out if he must kill the boy or try another way.
So, I have watched a few Netflix original horror films lately and this one and The Ritual were both pretty good. I have watched three others that were not all that great so Netflix is a bit of a mixed bag. Of course, I say if you are going to do low budget films, then horror is the way to go as it is the easiest; however, having said that, I have never rated a horror movie a score of 10. No horror movie has done everything flawlessly and this one is no exception. There were parts I did not care for, but overall thanks to the likable characters I got through this one and had a few chuckles. Remember to wear your seat belts!
Looks great, less fufilling
Another film I watched while with my fiance that she picked out to watch. It was not bad and had its interesting moments and it was really nice to look at, but how many more of these messed up plot movies are we going to get? I guess a whole hell of a lot considering you smack Disney on anything and it does spectacular even when we get a story and a world where I cannot tell when things are supposed to be occurring or why things are occurring.
The story has a young girl who really wants to go sailing and imagines really peppy songs while her ancestors are shown sailing. There is something about a dude who steals a jewel from an island and has a magic fishhook that allows him to be anything he wants and not sure when this happens. An older woman telling the story suggests that it happened long ago, but Maui whose power is reliant on the fishhook hasn't aged a bit since that happened. He also has tattoos that move and are supposed to be funny, but they generally miss the mark. He joins the main character Moana to return the jewel to the island and meet all sorts of strange things that are never really explained thoroughly.
The film looks good and there are some funny moments and even a few catchy songs, but the story is so weak. Another in a long line of girls can do everything a guy can and be the hero, of course, in real life testosterone plays a factor and guys generally are stronger so that is why up to political correctness time men were the main protagonist in stories. Sorry, but no matter what you do, can't change biology. The demigod, Maui, of course is a lumbering oaf who does more hindering than helping, but at least he wasn't the bad guy, well I guess he sort of was...
So, a very pretty film to look at, you get a few catchy tunes, but you also get the same thing we have seen in quite a few Disney films lately. Female protagonist, doofus male sidekick and a twist at the end you will see for miles before it is revealed. I'm glad Marvel has some control over its section and is hands on with the material, I do believe it is the only thing keeping those movies really good.
Ugh, these Netflix originals!
I saw the Netflix film, The Ritual, a while back and it was a rather good horror film. I've watched a couple of others, not so much. This one falls into the latter category as once again something promising is wasted due to simply dreadful choices and bad plot twists. Seriously, I was hoping for a creepy ghost story, with perhaps a demon being present, not another in a long line of ghost films where the ghosts are poor lost souls who have been wronged. So the rather good setting of the house that also served as a schoolhouse is completely wasted on this stupid, slow moving film!
The story starts out with a brother and sister who like to con people by making them think that they are helping guide spirits to the other side. Well, many subplots later the two go to a house along with a tech geek and the brother's fiance or something to try and help this old woman who is having trouble with ghostly children. Of course, it is not the children who are the problem, but rather the old woman and her son who like sewing mouths shut while someone moves as slowly as possible to the rescue!
The only good thing this movie did was set the film in the 1980's because it would be very difficult for the brother and sister to con people in this day and age of the internet. Other than that it went in the wrong direction too many times. So many subplots that went nowhere such as the gambling one, the grandfather one, and the sister being in school for some degree. We finally get to the house where the ghost action is rushed in record fashion and we cut right to the culprit being the old woman and her son who somehow isn't in prison or something.
So, no, not going to be able to say this Netflix film was all that good. The settings (the date and the schoolhouse) are the only positives of this one. With a title like Malevolent I was sure this one would have something demonic about it, but it is another in a long line of ghosts trying to get their message across haunting film. The main characters could have easily escaped numerous times but one tends to forget how to drive during these situations and do not get me started on how slowly that sister moved while her brother is getting his mouth sewn shut pointlessly as they kill him afterwards. Why not just kill him? The movie did dispel the horror movie person with an injured ankle is useless thing though...
Just could not get into this movie
I watched this film a few weeks ago while at my fiance's house. I had never really had an urge to watch it, but it was only fair that I let her pick out the film so she picked this one. Suffice to say, I was not a fan of this film as a film that boldly titles itself XXX should be way more over the top in certain areas. Basically, it should not be a PG-13 rated movie and should contain nudity and over the top violence. This one pushes the envelope for a PG-13 movie, but with the title being the highest rating attainable it should be pressing closer to a NC-17 rating! I do realize you cannot try to get the XXX rating as then it would be a hardcore adult movie, which still probably would have been better than this mindless drek.
The story, heck I barely remember it! All I know is that the film starts out with a James Bond type agent being killed by these guys so that makes Samuel Jackson decide an extreme sports star with no training is the best bet to get this super bad guys. Of course, the soon to be agent is going to be Vin Diesel seeing how he is the star, so he goes over to Russia to buy some cars making this almost feel like a Fast and Furious film. He falls in love and has to stop missiles and he is going to load up a car with every weapon in the book and the filmmakers promptly have him not even use the car's many gadgets! Okay, he uses one or two, but what is the point of introducing said spy car if he isn't even going to have a freaking cool chase with it?
So this film tries to be a counter to James Bond, but fails. I wouldn't trust anyone who wore that fur coat Vin Diesel was wearing to making my fries, let alone save the world. Vin Diesel is just Vin Diesel here, he is pretty much the same guy he was in The Fast and the Furious only he is going extreme sports which he does not look like the type. He fit right in Furious, cause I see him behind the wheel of a muscle car, on a skateboard or something, not so much. Samuel Jackson is pretty entertaining though, but that is nothing new.
So in the end, as I expected, I did not care for this movie at all. Totally unmemorable, the action is just meh, no nudity because they give the XXX title to a PG-13 film, hell, if they were going to do that why not make it a G then it would have been a touch ironic. They would go on to make two more sequels, but neither scored big at the box office so this one would not become the franchise Fast and Furious would become, not even close.
As Above, So Below (2014)
A very good found footage type film
I am not a huge fan of the whole wearing a camera type film and recording what the characters see film. This film was first popularized by the godawful Blair Witch Project. Sorry, I thought that film was total trash as it showed you nothing and people are telling me that you need to use my imagination...I counter, a movie is a visual medium and thus I should expect to see something other than three idiots cussing in the woods with them hearing something I couldn't and freaking out. This one was much better, but sadly did not make the money that one did, despite having a superior cast, a superior story and they actually showed you something! Add to those three things a super great setting and atmosphere!
The story has a young woman who is searching for clues on the whereabouts of the philosopher's stone. She has it pinpointed in these catacombs of Paris, which actually exist and look creepy as heck! She is pointed to a man who knows the catacombs well and soon they are entering a section that is not open to the public. Within these catacombs things start to happen as they have to enter a section where it is said no one returns. Strange phones, pianos and a man who has been missing awhile make their appearance while the group progresses ever deeper into the catacombs trying to escape!
The setting in this one is the real star. I honestly would love to explore a place like that; however, only if there was no danger, which is never going to be the case so I live vicariously through the actors in movies such as these. I kept enjoying their descent into this nightmarish world underneath Paris and kept wondering what they would find next!
So I enjoyed this film a lot. I would have enjoyed it more, but the film did have a couple of flaws making it not as good as it could have been. I would have loved for them to be in the caves longer as I loved watching them in this area. I hated when the young woman had to backtrack because I had seen all the stuff in that area, I wanted more areas! I also wish I had seen a bit more as there were a couple of things I missed due to the shaky camera you get in a film such as this. I would have enjoyed the movie even more had it been your basic movie as that setting would be hard pressed to be topped!
Strange comedy, a bit uneven
This film was better than I thought it would be, but then I was not sure what I was expecting. However, I most certainly was not expecting almost a spoof like comedy. That being said, sometimes it played like a spoof comedy, sometimes a raunchy comedy and sometimes like a straight summer comedy with some action within it. It was very uneven as it did not seem like it knew which style of comedy to settle on. Still, it was funnier than I was expecting and thought it was uneven, it still proved to be entertaining.
The movie stars the Rock as Mitch, one heck of a good lifeguard. He is about to be saddled with a new recruit whose only attribute is that he is a gold medal swimmer, but he has an attitude! He also has a portly guy he personally chose and a female that the gold medal swimmer is attracted to. Soon, a death is discovered and Mitch just knows that there is something going down and starts an investigation, while the gold medal swimmer is confused by this as this is a job that is seemingly more fitted for the police!
The movie was funny, despite the flow of the film which seemed really uneven. Dwayne the Rock Johnson does a pretty good job with comedy and so did Zak Efron. The film did feature a couple of appearances by former Baywatch stars, but both amounted to simple cameos. I found it stupid that they put their names in the main credits as this kind of took away the surprise when you finally saw them.
So, a pretty good comedy that could have just stayed a bit more consistent. Be a spoof, be an action comedy or be a raunchy comedy, but don't try to be all three within the span of 10 minutes. The Rock would go on later in the year to make the far superior and much higher grossing Jumunji, but while this one did not score huge at the box office, with its world wide take was still a hit for the Rock. He has become the Arnold Schwarzenegger of this generation where his films do pretty good or great in the US and if they fail a bit here, they do well overseas.
Hold the Dark (2018)
Did I miss something?
I see this movie is a bit polarizing here on IMDB as some people describe it as a masterpiece and it is only us stupid Americans that do not understand its brilliance while others hate it saying it is a pointless movie with virtually no plot. Where do I fall in? I say it was an interesting movie that does fall apart due to the fact it literally had a non-ending. Seriously, us Americans may not be as smart as you Europeans, but this film literally had no ending, any idiot could see that. Oh, and by the way, movies here in America are made with explosives and all that stuff and pretty much dumbed down for European and other foreign lands so take that for what it is worth. I enjoyed aspects of this film very much and I thought it was racing towards some thrilling conclusion, but it seems to me someone did not know how they wanted this thing to end. Either the director did not like the original ending in the book, or the book had a really anticlimactic end to it and the director didn't want to change it (yes, this film is based on a book).
So, the story has a woman whose son is apparently killed by a wolf writing to a man who has written a book about a wolf he had tracked and killed. He comes to the very isolated community to at first try to reason with the woman, but then decides to try and hunt the wolf; however, he is not there one day before this woman is acting very strangely. Her husband is injured in the Middle East and he too behaves a bit strangely. At first, one thinks that perhaps they are just in shock over the loss of their son, but soon the wolf hunter learns that the boy was killed by his mother and she goes on the run setting off a violent pursuit by the husband who kills anyone in his way while the hunter looks on stunned by the violence that begins to rule the day.
The film at times seemed as if something supernatural was going on, and that could be the case, but I cannot say for sure because the movie just kind of ends without any type of real resolution. The film is about a descent into darkness where the husband and wife seem to be becoming more animal like in nature and me and my fiance started to think that perhaps the wife was a werewolf and she wanted the hunter to kill her, but then the husband comes in and starts killing everyone who had nothing to do with his son's death. Apparently, in the book the wife and husband were also brother and sister; however, this is not as clear in the film as only a couple of clues hinted at this relationship between the two. Still doesn't explain their motives or the lack of an ending.
So, it was an interesting watch and I would have scored the film higher, but the ending totally came out of nowhere and was so anticlimactic that it ruined all that had preceded it. I am curious to read the book now just to see if it too ended in such a fashion, or what I would hope to find something that brings closure to the story. I was watching this and then the film ended and both me and my fiance were like, "WTH!" Made me think the thing ended prematurely or something. Still, good acting, good setting, this film just needed some work in terms of the story and the finish.
Beauty and the Beast (2017)
I'll take the cartoon version thank you
Disney has gotten on a kick of making live action versions of their classic cartoons, and why not? People are flocking to these things, so much so that this one made over 500 million in the US alone. Why come up with something original, when you can just redo the same thing and the people act like it is the best thing since sliced bread. Saves writers the trouble of being creative as you already have the basic structure of the story in place, just tweak it a bit and in this one they did not even bother to tweak it very much at all. Same movie essentially, but with a few added things here and there and a look that to me looks cheap. The beast looks good and some of the effects are alright, but it has a look of a movie that should have come on ABC as a special rather than a 150 plus budgeted movie meant for the big screen.
The story is essentially the same. A arrogant prince is cursed by some enchantress and turned into a hideous beast. The only way he can become human is if he can truly love and be loved by another. Enter Belle, played by Emma Watson. She is a odd one in the village as she just loves to read and everyone in town thinks she is quite the strange one. Of course, this does not stop town hunk, Gaston, from pining over her and wishing to make her his bride. Belle's father gets lost one night and ends up in the Beast's clutches and Belle finds him and takes his place and becomes the Beast's prisoner; however, soon the selfish Beast begins to feel for Belle and she for him.
I always thought Belle was one of the prettiest Disney princesses, so I am probably in the minority when I say, I thought Emma Watson was a horrible choice. She is so damn plain in the role as Belle and I have never understood why people think she is attractive at all. The rest of the cast is fine, I guess, but like I said, I just get a cheap television vibe when I watch this movie. About the only thing they really added that I thought worked was having Gaston be a bit more sinister in this one as he ties up Belle's father leaving him to the woods in this one. Makes one feel a bit better when he is killed than in the original where he was just a bit too eager to try and impress everyone and take out the Beast. He is more of an ass this go around and I think it works. They made his toady, Le Fou, gay in this one, and that works too. It makes more sense why he would keep wanting to hang around Gaston because he has a crush on him, himself.
So, this thing made money, another one, Maleficent also made money and several other live action ones have as well, so the trend will continue. Of course, I thought the choice for Aurora was horrible in that film too, they seem to want to pick zipper girls with no figures for these roles are plain janes. I guess it could be I am from a different generation and prefer a different look than the younger generation. I still say the film could be a reenactment in the Disneyworld theme park sans the scenes at Beast's castle though. Basically, give me the cartoon over this any day of the week.
The Open House (2018)
How many of you went "BOOOOOOOO!!!" at that finish
I watched a Netflix original film a while back called, "The Ritual" and it was pretty good. Not perfect, mind you, but it had me and my fiance's full attention and though I would have done some things differently, it worked. So I was looking for a horror movie in the woods and though this one was not totally in the woods the description made it sound interesting and it also made it sound like a supernatural horror...IT ISN'T!!! It is a very stupid and lazy home invasion movie that seems to promise some revelation at the end, but doesn't!
The story has a father being killed leaving the mother and son in a tough situation. The mother's sister offers the use of her house in the woods since she is not using it and trying to sell it. Why the sister who is obviously loaded doesn't just help the mother with her bills is beyond me, but hell, I can deal with that. The catch with the house is that every Sunday there is an open house and the mother and son must leave during the time it is happening. After the first open house, strange things seem to happen as you guessed it...someone is now in the house. I was hoping something sinister was going on during the time on Sunday like demonic events, but no, the dude in the black boots is terrorizing mother and son while they throw red herrings all over the place and you get to watch him kill both of them and get away with it. Great ending...
So my guess is, if the writers of this film made The Sixth Sense, the twist would have been Bruce Willis' character cures the kid because there were no ghosts. The revelation would have been nothing! People theorize the killer is a serial killer and that his MO is hiding in houses during open house events, but that is unlikely. For one, the house was not being lived in, like a good deal of open houses. What, he is just going to hide out until he decides there is not anyone there? No, I am guessing he took offense to the mother almost hitting him so he went there to get even and decided he liked it so he was going to try again. Still sucks. I imagine the writers of this film with their man bun and puffing on their vapes thinking this was a totally clever ending and the only people who like this thing being hipsters themselves. What it really is, is lazy ass screenwriting.
The film was not all bad, as I did think the actors all did a great job and they did a good job making me wonder what was going to be going on; however, once I figured it was just a home intruder and not anything supernaturally sinister going on I began to lose interest. The ending made me want to punch the writers of this in the face. By the way, turning off the pilot light of a water heater will not cause the water to go ice cold immediately!
And they made five more of these?
I finally watched this strange flick, as me and my fiance enjoy watching shark movies. I call it a strange flick, mainly due to the fact that it has some sort of strange appeal to the point of spawning five sequels despite none of them having a very high score. I guess it is because people like riffing the films, but these films are a bit too easy to riff as they have so many faults to them. The premise and plot are utterly stupid, the effects aren't very good and most of the characters are very lame...though I did like the old guy and his bar stool.
So the story has a bunch of sharks coming up to the coast of California in record number due to a hurricane that is caused by global warming. Get used to that if you watch other shark films from Asylum, it is their go to cause for everything! Well a dude who runs a bar, a patron, some Australian and a hot waitress end up trying to flee amid sharks dropping from the sky. They go to rescue the bar owner's wife and daughter all while encountering one shark event after another, often times making little sense. Soon they hatch a plan to defeat the tornadoes! Yes, you read that right...
The plot is utter garbage. Sharks falling from the sky that somehow stay alive and still want to eat. I would think they would be severely injured and since they would be suffocating wouldn't be much in the mood for chomping anything. Also, the tornadoes in this film look bad, how hard is it to render a tornado, they did it in Wizard of Oz better than this! I am pretty sure an explosion would not dissipate a tornado and I don't think you could fly a copter that close to one. I am also pretty sure even if that one girl was alive in the shark, the guy launching himself in the shark with a chainsaw straight ahead would have taken her out too.
So maybe I am being too hard on this film, but it is utter crap and they pretty much made it that way. This in turn makes people watch out of morbid curiosity and to riff said film which makes viewers and so they are purposely making bad films which is kind of a smart move, but at the same time it is not the same as riffing a film that is bad, but the filmmakers thought they were making something good. Not sure if I'll watch anymore in this series, I just do not see it improving or changing things up vastly.
Pretty good low budget film
I saw this film while I was with my fiance. We were each picking movies and this is one of the ones that she picked. It turned out being pretty good and at times intense as you kept wondering how much more were they going to throw at the main character of the film. I would have enjoyed the movie more had the film not been a bit depressing. For one, Paul Walker is the star, so seeing him and knowing how prematurely he died makes this one a tougher watch than it would have been had he still been alive. Another scene in this film triggered a memory of my former fiance who passed away and it almost made me break down. Still, all in all a rather good film.
The story has a husband and wife going to a hospital due to the wife going into premature labor. As the husband waits, the winds are kicking up outside as hurricane Katrina is bearing down upon New Orleans. The mother passes away during the birth leaving the husband an wreck, he finds some solace in the fact his daughter is alive; however, she is on life support. Soon the hospital is cleared out and the husband is left watching after his daughter whose life support must be constantly charge due to a low battery. He must deal with this, trying to get help and dealing with looters.
The film was pretty good, I was expecting a bit more as far as the weather causing destruction than what happened, but it was a rather modest budget. We get some water rushing into the hospital and a bit of destruction on the outside, but most of the film is confined in the hospital room with his daughter, but considering how little time he had between times he had to manually recharge the battery it is not surprising!
So the film had a good intensity to it, but at the same time it is a shame they could not do more as far as flooding and stuff. The movie thankfully runs a rather short 87 minutes as a film of this type did not need to go on too much longer than that. Paul Walker does a good job as grieving father and protective father and I liked that the only help he got came in the form of a doggy. Seems about right in this day and age.
5 Headed Shark Attack (2017)
Well it wasn't completely terrible...
All things considered this film was not super horrible. I actually enjoyed making fun of it and what really was a bit crazy was the fact that the five headed shark in this film looked fairly decent. I am not saying it was the greatest thing ever rendered, but I had watched another Asylum film, "Planet of Sharks" and the sharks in that one looked worse than this and they were just regular sharks, not five headed ones! That being said, it is pretty bad as the plot is terrible, the actors are really lame and there really is no reason for the four headed shark...um, I mean five headed shark!
The story has what starts as a four headed shark on the loose in the waters of Puerto Rico. Of course, we have an complete ass of a character in the form of the head of an aquarium who has enough pull to make interns and a professor go out on a boat and try to capture said beastie! Not only that, he can get them back out after it kills one of their own! Seriously, they are interns, if this guy suggested this to me, I would drop the internship. Well, they are shocked to see the shark has five heads so they know they are over theirs and hire a dude who kills sharks! Meanwhile, the professor female suddenly becomes like one of the girls, all air headed, and is like a totally different character, the shark finally gets its fifth head and another helicopter goes down in one of these films!
The film is very fun to riff, which seems almost a shame as they did manage to make the shark look decent...for an Asylum studio shark anyways. The plot was just to ridiculous though. I mean, the shark sprouts the fifth head where its tail is and no one even acknowledges this. There isn't even a reason for this thing other than a global warming line. All Asylum shark movies have this go to line, "It's cause of global warming". It is the equivalent of toxic waste of the 80's only that was more believable than global warming causing a shark to grow another head on its butt!
So, not the worst Asylum shark movie I have seen, that honor goes to Planet of the Sharks. Still, it has too many stupid things going on to be considered anything but bad. I could make a script with a better plot, better dialog and better origins than they do at Asylum, I guarantee it. I understand a low budge hindering somethings, but horror movies thrive on small budgets. It is generally one of the most profitable genres. They just seem to have a bad time delivering a decent story, but their movies are fun to watch if only for the laugh factor.
Guess Who (2005)
Had some funny moments, but some things were just too awkward for me
It was my fiance's turn to choose a movie and she wanted to do a comedy due to me always picking horror films. One of the films that she chose is this comedy from 2005. It had its moments and had its funny moments, but at the same time I could not totally get into this film due to Ashton's Kutcher's performance (though it may be more due to the script). He just did things that were idiotic, that just seemed obviously offensive, but he opened his mouth time and time again and inserted his foot time and time again. This left me feeling awkward for a lot of this movie, though this may not be a problem for other viewers as I am stricken with severe social anxiety and so I just cannot handle multiple awkward scenes such as the ones found in this film.
The story has a man who wants to marry a girl he is living with. He happens to be white, while the girl is African American and a very cute Zoe Saldana. Cannot say I blame him, but I do not see why she would be with him as he is an idiot. Well, an opportunity arises for her to introduce him to her parents, but she has neglected to inform her parents of the fact the boy is white. Suffice to say, when they meet, the daughter's father is immediately taken aback by this little surprise. Ashton's character proceeds to spend most of the movie doing everything in his power to leave a negative impression.
The main thing helping this movie is Bernie Mac's performance as the overprotective dad. He is a more realistic dad than the one portrayed by DeNiro in the Meet the Parents films. Unfortunately, Ashton could not rise to the occasion and only makes the viewer wonder what the heck is wrong with him. Once again, it may not be entirely his fault as it could be faulty script writing. Suffice to say, him putting on his girlfriend's lingerie and putting the moves on her shortly after he meets the parents is something most people would never do in a million years considering how awkward the first meeting was and the fact the father obviously did not care for the revelation.
So this film had its moments, but a better choice for a lead other than Ashton may have helped, or a better script for his character. It is a bit sad watching this film as Bernie Mac is no longer with us and he was actually a rather good comedic actor. It is cool seeing Zoe in one of her earlier roles as she would end up being the biggest star of the bunch as far as box office. So a comedy that did not entirely work for me, but other people may enjoy it more because a lot of the reason I was not wild about it is due to my anxiety issues.
Entertaining enough kids' feature
My fiance made me watch this one and to my surprise it was not as bad as I thought it was going to be. It provided a bit of entertainment and featured some funny moments within its running time. We would later watch The Emoji Movie and that would be as bad as I thought it was going to be and she did not care for that one either. This one though managed to create funny and entertaining characters considering this thing was likely made to just to create more toys for the kids to go out and buy as the trolls here looked like more detailed trolls than the ones released sometime in the late 80's early 90's.
The story has these creatures called Bergens basically eating the trolls because it is the only way they can be happy as trolls are singing and happy creatures in this film. The leader of the trolls though devises an escape and they end up forming their own town outside the realm of the Bergens. The cook of the Bergens gets the blame and is expelled from the city and life goes on peacefully for the trolls, that is, until the trolls throw a really big celebration that catches the eyes of a certain cook who is then able to capture some trolls and take them into the home of the Bergens to get back into the good graces of the new king. It is up to the super positive Poppy and the really negative Branch to infiltrate the town of the Bergens and rescue their captured friends.
It had some really good music in this one and I liked the character of Poppy and the one Bergen who helped Poppy out, Bridget. I found it humorous when they started doing one of those music montages when they were giving Bridget a makeover and it gets cut short because Branch is not singing.
So I enjoyed this film a bit, the only reason I did not rank it higher, I am not the biggest fan of computer generated films. I prefer live action films and my favorite animation type is anime. Not to say I don't like them all, just not my favorite media, though I am definitely in the minority because a lot of these films do so incredibly well including some that just seem so mediocre. This one is enjoyable enough, but I think it was because of Poppy's incredibly positive attitude even as she is being wrapped up by a spider and passing out that won me over.
The Void (2016)
The premise of this one had lots of potential and promise
I have read several reviews for this film and this is where I stand; I don't find this film as good as the people who loved it, nor do I dislike it as much as the people who hated it. I fall almost in between, liking this film more than disliking it, but at the same time it disappointed me as it is yet another horror film that had such potential and did some things so good, but in the end was undermined by a poorly thought out script that took the plot into places that just were not as good as where my mind was thinking it would go. Still, it had a very good atmosphere, good gore effects and the cast was pretty good...it is the shame they felt the need to explain too much and in such a disappointing way as well.
The story has two guys killing a girl and setting her on fire and another man they are after getting away. This guy is found by a police officer who takes the guy to a hospital where strange things begin to happen including the place being surrounded by hooded figures with a triangle symbol on the hood. They are quite deadly, but so too, are the people inside as a nurse transforms into a hideous monstrosity! The officer has to figure out what is going on as the head of the hospital who is seemingly killed comes back to taunt the officer and take his wife into the strange depths of the hospital where the bodies of those he has experimented on reside and still live on!
It had so much potential, but the script seems to have revolved around the writing of the gore and building a story around it and that story was full of more holes than your typical slice of Swiss cheese! What exactly happened that made the two guys who were on the trail of the one guy go on their rampage? It is never really explained, only that it cost their families and a wound to the younger guy that caused him to be unable to speak. The cult is never fully explained, I did not like how the doctor ended up being in control of everything, I was hoping for a more vague malevolent force instead. Why did the squad car get moved? It seemed kind of pointless unless they were going to ambush them in a much more direct way than appearing in the forest and then one guy attacks. Why did the one nurse go crazy in the first place? Why did the doctor make her go berserk if that is what happened? This is where a more vague force would have worked better tied to the one guy found on the road. Just more stuff like this that just did not work as far as plot.
The movie did have a great atmosphere, good visuals and the use of practical special effects was refreshing. I am not in the totally anti computer graphics camp; however, leave it to the big budget movies as they can make it look real and seamless, low budget films they look cheap and ruin the film. This is especially true of blood effects, I do hate computer generated blood with a passion. This one used practical effects and I applaud them for that. I just wish they put as much effort and energy into the script as they did with the effects in this one.
Ice Sharks (2016)
I've seen worse shark movies, but this one was corny
This is another in a long run of shark films to appear on SyFy. I had watched Planet of the Sharks the previous day and I have to say that this film is better than that one; however, that is not exactly high praise as that film did not set the bar very high at all. This one the sharks look a bit better and the premise and story actually unfolded in a promising way. Then it took a turn for the completely insane and became more like Deep Blue Sea than a film about sharks that are in the arctic.
The story has a group of scientist checking the effects of global warming and such in an arctic base. At least, I think it was the arctic because at times they made it seem like they were in the south pole instead. Anyways, super aggressive sharks have appeared and begun killing Eskimos. One guy goes out to check on a monitor, a guy and gal go out to investigate the disappearance of a hunter. Well, the unfortunate sole who investigates the monitor gets his leg bitten off and it is rather gruesome, but he seems to have a number of vital organs in his leg as I've never seen organs come out of a leg like that. The other two get attacked, the guy gets pulled into the water and somehow survives the shark and hypothermia...though the ability to stave off hypothermia seems a trait shared by all in this film. Soon the sharks, cut the ice with their fins and send the station the scientists drifting out to sea, which I thought was a pretty neat idea, then the throw propane at the sharks and the facility then sinks into the water and somehow a facility not made to go underwater hits the bottom only springs a few leaks that are quickly welded shut and remains operable. What the heck!?! At one point one of the guys says they only have so much oxygen because the facility wasn't meant to be underwater which should mean the thing is not airtight either! If it was, then there would be no air on land either! At this point they must figure a way to raise the thing losing nearly all members except the two you just know are going to survive.
When this was first starting, I thought it was going to be cheesy, but it was sort of an interesting premise. Then the facility sunk and it became just so utterly insane and like other shark movies I've seen the whole ice shark premise out the window. I would have preferred the facility to stay afloat and slowly being chipped away by the highly aggressive sharks instead of a low budget Deep Blue Sea. The movie was better than a few other shark films on the channel, but once again, the bar is not very high at all.