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Murder, She Wrote: The Dead File (1992)
The law, she is a harsh mistress, yes? NO!
Back when I was a practicing attorney, I lost count of the times that I had to deal with clients who responded to my proposals for witness preparation and trial strategy with "But that's not what Blake Carrington's attorney did on 'Dynasty' " "But that's not how Sam Waterston handled it on 'Law and Order' ". It's surprising that I can still WATCH a TV show with legal themes. But in this episode of "Murder, She Wrote" (a show I love, largely because I'm a BIG Angela Lansbury fan), I have to wonder what on earth the legal advisors for the series were thinking when this script was written. There is absolutely NO imaginable theory of legal liability by which Jessica could have been roped into the lawsuit at the center of this story. All Jessica's attorney would have had to do was file a motion to get her dismissed from the action -- and unless the judge was corrupt, it would certainly have been granted. (NO public figure is EVER responsible for how others make use of their name and image without their knowledge and consent). I can think of any number of other LEGITIMATE ways that the writers could have involved Jessica in the plot. (An.old friend of the Harvey Fierstein character, who also knows Jessica, asks her to help him out, perhaps?). And, on an unrelated topic: claiming that Harvey Fierstein has FIVE ex-wives is enough to get "Murder, She Wrote" reclassified as science fiction.
Murder, She Wrote: Bite the Big Apple (1991)
"Oh, Lord....."
There is an old Jewish joke in the form of a prayer: "Oh, Lord, protect me from my friends; I can take care of my enemies." NEVER have I seen a better dramatization of this truth than "Bite the Big Apple." Seth Hazlitt, who is ordinarily an excellent foil for Jessica, is here utterly and totally insufferable. He shows up at Jessica's apartment unannounced, moves in to stay for several days (despite Jessica's obvious hints that she wants him GONE), and monitors her every action (if anyone EVER said to me "Where do you think YOU'RE going?" IN MY OWN HOME, those would be their last words in this world). This episode is excellent in every other way; but this is a really unusual, and unpleasant, take on a generally popular character.
Murder, She Wrote: Thursday's Child (1991)
The snake in the garden
As a person who was put up for adoption at the age of three weeks, and who eventually went looking for his birth family (BIG mistake), stories about challenged or ambiguous paternity have a special resonance for me. As an enormous Angela Lansbury fan, seeing Jessica be put through the wringer by the false statement about her beloved husband is deeply affecting. But two things about this episode bother me. First, Jessica never even suggests, much less demands, that Steve Landon take an HLA blood test, or the more sophisticated DNA test, to definitively resolve the paternity question. (DNA paternity testing came into use in 1988, three years before this episode was made). Even if Jessica didn't have any usable DNA material of Frank's to use as a comparison, Frank still has living relatives (such as the insufferable Grady), who could be used. Second, when Nancy finally tells Jessica the truth, Jessica is MUCH too understanding and forgiving. Yes, she's a lovely and decent human being (and believably so, thanks to Lansbury's fine characterization); but her love for Frank is at the core of her life; there is no way that she could have been told a lie of this magnitude about the man she so loved without reacting to it angrily, at least in the short term. Even the best of us are still human.
Murder, She Wrote: Truck Stop (1989)
"Mr. Cain, Mr. James Cain, please call the front desk...."
I love "Murder, She Wrote", and I don't even mind when the screenwriters borrow (for which read "steal") from classic books and films; but the borrowings here are close to grand larceny. From the (frankly unbelievable) plot device of a man dying from a gunshot wound dictating a lengthy recap of the events into a tape recorder, instead of seeking medical help, to the use of a life insurance policy as a plot MacGuffin, to the femme fatale having a bratty daughter, this is James Cain's "Double Indemnity" redux, with a generous dollop of "Mildred Pierce" (also by Cain) thrown in. (Flora's expression of disgust at how her mother smells is word-for-word what Ann Blyth says to Joan Crawford in "Mildred Pierce"). Then again, "Murder, She Wrote" was targeted at an audience who remembered those films; so the series' creative team may have felt that they were giving their viewers a "two for the price of one" deal.
Murder, She Wrote: When the Fat Lady Sings (1989)
A great pleasure, but....
Any chance to spend an hour, not only with our old friend Jessica, but with Carol Lawrence, Keith Michel, and especially the late, great Theodore Bikel is a welcome treat; but I have one question. Exactly WHICH Puccini opera are Rossano and his company performing? Rossano is costumed as a king, Maria as a Colorful Peasant Girl with a basket of fruit, and the kvetch as a cardinal. This means that it certainly isn't any of Puccini's "Big Five": "Tosca", "Turandot", "La Boheme", "Madama Butterfly", and "The Girl of the Golden West". Nor can I find any other Puccini work with a cast which contains these character elements. Just curious.
I Love Lucy: Ricky's Old Girlfriend (1953)
Art imitating life.....
I've often wondered how painful it must have been for Lucille Ball to film the episodes of "I Love Lucy" which centered -- like this one -- on her suspicions that Ricky is being unfaithful to her. In real life (as she was all too aware), Desi Arnaz cheated on her to a degree that left onlookers gasping in amazement. One man who knew him in those years said, much later: "When it comes to sex, it takes a LOT to shock Hollywood; but even Hollywood had never seen the likes of Desi. The man literally couldn't eat at a restaurant without trying to nail the waitress, the hostess, and the cloakroom girl."
Columbo: Dagger of the Mind (1972)
Not bloody likely....
Any theater person will laugh his/her head off at the opening murder scene. The idea that, at any theater -- much less a world-famous one like the Royal Court -- a lavish, full-dress production of "Macbeth" could be within a few minutes of the beginning of dress rehearsal, and THAT THERE COULD BE NOBODY BACKSTAGE is enough to make "A Dagger of the Mind" qualify as science fiction. (The backstage area is like a county fair at such times). A person's chances of entering a theater on such an occasion, and getting back to the lead actress' dressing room without anyone seeing them, are quite literally nil. Also, a star of Lillian Stanhope's stature would have a female attendant on hand, to act as both a dresser and a personal maid. Such an assistant would DEFINITELY be with her in the dressing room by the first dress rehearsal, in order to get the rhythms and the timing of the various costume changes down pat. (Costume changes have to be as thoroughly rehearsed in advance as anything that occurs on stage, particularly rapid ones, which can be the purest hell. Believe me, I speak from experience). Shows like "M*A*S*H" and "CSI" have medical consultants, and "Law and Order" legal ones; any show that does a theatrical episode should have a professional theater person on hand as an advisor. If "Columbo" had one on this occasion, the production team clearly didn't listen to them.
The Dick Van Dyke Show: The Curse of the Petrie People (1966)
A long term memory
I'm 65 now, and even after all these years, I STILL remember how my parents and I howled at a line from this episode. When Laura takes the mangled brooch to a jeweller to get it fixed, she says "It's supposed to look like the United States". The jeweller -- who had a delightful Central European accent -- peers closely at it, and finally says, "You would not settle for Czechoslovakia?" "No" "How about a cockeyed Poland?'
Murder, She Wrote: Fire Burn, Cauldron Bubble (1989)
Witchy woman
I almost always enjoy "Murder, She Wrote" (I must have seen each episode multiple times in syndication by now); but I REALLY wish that writers who want to tap New England's witch-trial past would get it through their heads: NO ONE WAS EVER JUDICIALLY BURNED AT THE STAKE IN NEW ENGLAND. Witches were hanged rather than burned in England and its colonies because, for complex historical reasons, witchcraft was defined as a crime against the state, not against the church, as it was elsewhere in Europe (even in England's neighbor, Scotland). Also, Maine (which was part of Massachusetts until 1820, long after witch trials had ceased) was VERY thinly populated in the 18th century; major trials of ANY kind were all but unheard of. The focal point for seventeenth-century witch trials in New England (prior to the notorious outbreak of 1692 at Salem Village) was Connecticut, particularly Hartford and Bridgeport.
Murder, She Wrote: Angel of Death (1992)
"And now for something (not quite) completely different..."
"Angel of Death" is a superior episode of "Murder, She Wrote" (and Darren MacGavin is always a welcome presence); but I find it VERY hard to believe that Messrs. Fischer and Levinson (the writers) didn't borrow a good deal of their plot mechanics from a 1958 American International horror picture called "The Screaming Skull". The 1958 film also features an attempt to drive a wealthy person (an innocent wife in that case) crazy by suggesting that a dead woman (her husband's first wife) is haunting the grounds of a mansion. The "ghost" is costumed exactly like Vivian in this episode (she's even seen descending an outdoor staircase, like Vivian in her first appearance in this episode); and Vivian's portrait looks almost exactly like the dead first wife's portrait in the film. I could be wrong about all of this, but I don't think so.