Change Your Image
sirhoraceslughorn
Reviews
Obi-Wan Kenobi (2022)
This show made me poo myself out of shock
I loved the Original Trilogy Star Wars but I utterly regret seeing this show. Seeing Obi-Wan degraded to having severe mental health issues made me a elderly man, sick and poo myself due to my gut issuesand shock! Obi-Wan's not a nutcase from a mental hospital, get your act together Disney or you'll make more elderly people have fecal matter accidents all over their own furniture and precious objects! It's still set in the great Star Wars universe so I couldn't give it a 1 star.
The Passion of the Christ (2004)
Arguably the greatest film ever
As a person who's started becoming a Christian recently, this film is very dear to me and just such an important moral message and a reason to love God so much. I always weep so much tears when watching this film but I don't think that takes away from my manhood as this is the saddest movie ever so I think it'd make me a monster if I didn't bawl my eyes out and scream with terror every time I see Jesus going through extreme pain in this film.
The scene where Mary runs to Jesus to try and protect him after having the flashback of him as a toddler struggling to walk always reminds me of the great love and protection my very elderly mum gives me when I sometimes poop myself from the emotions this film causes me, even though I'm a 79 year old man she still cleans my continence pants whenever I'm usually done with watching this film.
I feel everyone should watch this film at least once a year regardless of how emotional it may be for them as you should do it out of respect for Jesus and the sacrifice he gave for all of us. I call God my Dad because he is my Dad in the sense he made humanity. I once made a cross and had my daughter tie me to it, just for half a day without any food, water or being able to movie as a way of understanding more about how Jesus felt like on the cross and as a tribute to his sacrifice. It was terrible beyond words and I wasn't held there through screws in my hands! This film has so much meaning to me.
Game of Thrones (2011)
No No No No!!!!
I just don't understand Season 8, it blows my mind! Why did Daenerys turn evil, how did it happen to her? I just can't understand it and Season 8 totally ruins Game of Thrones for me as it misunderstands Daenerys massively. Every time I've watched Game of Thrones since Season 8 came out it's given me a headache due to trying and failing to figure out what went wrong with Dany. Bran never deserved what he got either, he was emotionless, boring and creepy so I don't know how the other characters managed to give him so much respect in the later seasons. I'm also disappointed at how underpowered the white walkers were in the end and was massively disappointed the white walkers didn't win and turn everyone including themselves into mindless rotten drones as I was cheering for the white walkers.
It (2017)
Made me want to shrink myself and hide in my Mother's womb!
This film terrified me so much that I wished I was never born and was still a baby snug and safe inside my Mother's womb! I used to think I was a manly gent before I watched this film, before this film terrified me so much that I vomited whilst watching it and screamed and cried in terror! The barbaric heartless amount of gore this film had made me puke and for days after watching it I couldn't help but imagine that little boys dismembered arm being on my plate every time I was about to eat dinner or breakfast which caused me to not eat well for days! However this film does have a few redeeming qualities, Pennywise's hair for example reminded me of cheese puffs so I dreamt of casually ripping Pennywise's hair cones out of his head and eating them and the hair tasting just like cheese puffs in my dreams. The film wasn't very complicated so it was simple enough for my doddery old mind to understand and comprehend. The acting was old fashioned in a very positive way and the film sends a good message to the viewer about keeping friendships close and keeping your enemies even closer, especially if your enemies have tasty hair like Pennywise. I urge all people to think long and hard before watching this horror movie, it's definitely not for the faint hearted and I don't think anyone with heart health issues, irritable bowl syndrome or anger management issues should watch this brutal film made for psychopaths who can stomach the blood and guts in this strange film.
Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets (2002)
Makes me feel like a whipper snapper again!
This film made a 76 year old British gent like myself feel young and spritely like I was as a kid, full of energy, idea's and a great longing for an epic adventure like the ones Ron and Harry have. Ronald Weasley reminded me of myself when I was younger in many ways which made me so nostalgic about my past in a positive way. I love how Ronald is so poor and makes so many mistakes like I did as a young arrogant whipper snapper with a fear of ants and crumbs. In my dreams, I dream of flying a flying Ford Anglia like the one Ron drives and giving the seagulls some lovely companionship as I dodder about in the air in my sophisticated teeth rattling flying machine. Seeing Ronald give Harry and Hermione so much happiness makes me so much more comfortable about being a weak little coward full of cobwebs on my bald head as a result of being too lazy to wash. I love this film. SO MUCH!
Doctor Sleep (2019)
STEAM POWER!
I love this movie, it really made me so happy when I learned the villains had to survive off steam as my life is revolved around steam as a steampunk Victorian driving a steampunk powered bicycle and I love fantasising about all the great lovely steam products the villains would've used and had fun with in their immortal life so thanks very much Doctor Sleep for being such an overwhelming tribute to steam. I wanted the villains to win and have steam power available for everyone to use in their bodies from birth but unfortunately that wasn't the end result.
Star Wars: Episode IX - The Rise of Skywalker (2019)
This film has caused me so much PAIN!
I went to see this film with my beautiful Mother. Unfortunately Finn terrified my Mother to the point she burst into tears at the cinema! My Mother's still traumatised by the incident, I'm so angry at this film for not advertising it's as scary or as ugly as it really is! The film was dominated by characters with barely any backstory or personality as well which made it so boring, I can't believe they've made Rey the Chosen One considering she's a character we know hardly anything.
EastEnders (1985)
Terrible compared to it's glory years
The EastEnders in 2019 is getting better with new interesting storylines such as Lucy's ghost, Bobby Beale trying to get his life back on track and Phil getting hit unconscious by Stacey. But it still pales in significance to it's glory days of 2003-2005 where it had truly legendary characters such as Den Watts, Dennis Rickman, Johnny Allen, Andy Hunter, Grant Mitchell and Chrissie.
But then they did something really stupid and kill off their best characters (except Phil), though Den's murder storyline was pretty good but it didn't justify killing off arguably the best EastEnders character ever. The characters are now repulsive, there's hardly any more likeable or relatable characters in the show now, nearly half of the scenes in EastEnders nowadays are of boring Muslim families who just cheat on each other and that's about it so very boring nowadays. In order to truly revitalise my interest in the show they need to bring Dennis back from the dead (even if it's just his ghost) and also bring back Sean full time, otherwise I'm probably not going to watch it full-time for much longer.