Change Your Image
astena
Ratings
Most Recently Rated
Reviews
Dogville (2003)
Why all the fuss?
I really don't get why everyone raves about this movie. I think it's because people are too easily fooled that something different and artistic must also be good. I don't think it's a terrible movie, but it's incredibly predictable, and most of the performances, particularly Nicole Kidman's, are uninspired and boring. (But then, I've always found her to be highly over-rated as an actress.) The only interesting thing about the film is its use of rehearsal style stage sets as the setting for the town, which I was absolutely intrigued by. For about five minutes. After that, it was nothing more than a flimsy mask trying to distract you from the fact that the ending can be guessed from the first ten minutes of the movie, and the actors just seem to be going through the motions. The film boasts some incredible names, like Lauren Bacall and Ben Gazzara, who should have been the real draws of the film, but who are terribly under-used. I think people just rave about it because it's the fashionable thing to do. But the truth is that this film, its story and its characters, don't have one ounce of depth or fascination. And dragging it out for nearly three hours feels like nothing more than an ego-stroke by von Trier, who is notorious for indulging himself over all his movies. Not a terrible film. Worth seeing once, I suppose. But I have no desire to ever re-visit it. Final analysis: over-inflated and over-rated.
Christmas with the Chosen (2020)
A glorified MTV spectacle
I wanted to see a Christmas episode of "The Chosen". Instead, I had to waste over an hour wading through a parade of show creators and musicians indulging themselves with interviews and music videos that are all glitz and flash, before the episode even started. The actual episode of story is barely a half hour long, and then it's followed by even more self-promotion by the creators and musicians. This is not even remotely what I was looking for in a special. It feels like nothing more than a vanity project and an MTV video rolled into one. Not my idea of a presentation of the Christmas story. Horribly conceived and not what I was expecting at all.
Round Planet (2016)
Just not funny
I loved the concept for this show, but the writing is terrible. The jokes are just sad, obvious and not even remotely funny. They're the kind of quips I'd expect my nine-year-old nephew to come up with, not the intelligent British wit I expected. And the narrator's voice doesn't help. A classic, dry documentary-style deadpan would have had much more impact than the goofy delivery used here.
It's such a shame, because the idea for the show had such potential, but the awful jokes and the cartoon-ish narration are absolutely cringe-worthy. I wanted to like this show so much, and was disappointed on nearly every level. Wasted opportunity.
Downton Abbey (2019)
Some wonderful stuff, some awful stuff
I'm really torn about this movie. I adored the television series, and had high hopes for the film, and in some ways it does deliver. The cinematography as always is gorgeous. The plot involving the inheritance, mostly centring around Maggie Smith and Imelda Staunton, is decent, if somewhat easily predictable. The best storyline is the one given to Thomas Barrow, who finally sees some redemption in terms of his story, and for me it is really the high point of the movie. Tom Branson gets two major plots, and they're both okay, if not particularly enthralling. In an attempt to give everybody some screen time, none of the other stories are particularly well fleshed out for any character otherwise, so we don't really see a whole lot of perennial favourites like Anna and Bates.
For me the real disappointment of the movie is the treatment of Molesley. The final series of the television show worked so hard to redeem his character as a thoughtful, stalwart and intelligent man. The movie has turned him into a complete buffoon. I understand that he is generally thought of as a bit of comic relief for much of the series, but there was no need to treat him like such an idiot in the movie, when the TV show had worked hard to evolve him into a much more grounded character. I don't know what the writers and director were thinking, but his appearances on screen are cringe-worthy and frankly embarrassing.
Overall, the movie was a pleasant enough romp, very much just another episode that happens to be drawn out over the length of the movie. But I think I expected more from a cinematic endeavour, and I certainly expected better treatment of some much beloved characters.
Hemlock Grove (2013)
A hot mess
This show is just a parade of bad acting, nonsensical story lines, and an almost non-existent plot. I will give kudos to the two young male leads for their performances, but otherwise this show is a hot mess from start to finish. It's rare for me to give up on a TV show without finishing it, but after getting halfway through Season 1 by the skin of my teeth, I couldn't even imagine continuing with it. It's not scary, it's not funny, it's not interesting. It's just bad.
Corner Gas Animated (2018)
The simple charm of the original has been lost
Corner Gas, the original show, remains to this day one of my favourite TV shows of all time. I had very high hopes for this animated reboot. And it's...okay. I wish I could be more enthused, but I feel like it's lost a lot of what gave the original show so much charm - the fact that the humour was so deeply rooted in the confines of real people in real situations. It was about finding the funny in the mundane life of a small prairie town.
When I first heard there was going to be an animated reboot, my initial thought was, "I sure hope they don't use the animation to start trying to take the show beyond the bounds of the realistic, because it will lose the genuine personality it worked so hard to create." Unfortunately, it feels like this is exactly what has happened to some degree. Animation allows the stories to take on unrealistic and sometimes ridiculous plots, instead of just relying on the charisma and quirks of the characters to drive the story and jokes. And the cutaways now make it seem like the writers are trying too hard to emulate Family Guy, relying on gimmicks to elicit laughs, which they should be above.
The show isn't terrible, and there are a few genuine laugh-out-loud moments. But there aren't nearly as many as the original show had. I can't help but think that in becoming a cartoon, Corner Gas has lost sight of what made it so genuine and appealing in the first place. I can appreciate the attempt, but it pales in comparison to its predecessor.
Noah's Arc (2005)
Some of the worst acting I've ever seen
I'm finding it hard to fathom the number of reviewers who talk about the realism of this show's characters and dialogue. I think the performances on this show are so ridiculously over-the-top as to be unwatchable. And the writing is equally as bad. It's like the writers took every black or gay stereotype they could think of and tried to make it funny and hip, but it just comes across as ludicrous, bordering at times on offensive. It's not even remotely believable that these main characters have enough in common to be "best friends". I wanted to like this show when I first checked it out, and I stuck it out through both seasons, hoping it might eventually settle down and improve, but it never did. The acting is so horrible and over-exaggerated that I cringe just thinking about it.
Ôdishon (1999)
Not even remotely scary
There are a few moments of explicit gore, but nothing even marginally scary or suspenseful about this film. The plot is sadly kind of pedestrian, the dialogue is juvenile, the ending predictable, and I found myself struggling just to keep my attention focused on the screen. The lead actress does an adequate job of her role, but otherwise, this film is a real yawn.
I'm a big fan and a bit of a connoisseur of Asian horror films, and so my opinion is not based on not understanding the twists or not appreciating Asian-style horror. But horror films should keep you guessing. They should shock you, disturb you, and the scenes should linger in your mind long afterwards. This movie offers none of those things.
I suspect a lot of the reviewers who gush about what a masterpiece this film is are folks who will gush over anything that the media claims is genius, just to seem as though they are cultured and have a sophisticated sense of what qualifies as "art". If you want something that messes with your mind, you're much better off seeing "Ju-On" or the deliciously twisted "Tale of Two Sisters." But as for "Audition" being a top-ten Asian horror film, I wouldn't even place it in the top hundred. Two stars out of ten.
Royal Canadian Air Farce (1993)
Lived Too Long
This show was amazing when it was the original four members. After the loss of John Morgan, they should have said goodbye. But they just kept bringing in new, young "talent" who weren't even a tenth as funny as the original crew. It used to be fresh and clever political satire, but it quickly degenerated into dumb pop culture and jokes that had no bite or brains. It's the same kind of sadness I feel when you compare the brilliance of early SNL to the train-wreck that it has become now. I used to love Air Farce for the first few seasons that it was on the air, but it should have bowed out gracefully before it was allowed to become such a disappointment.
Grilled (2006)
Garbage
One of the stupidest movies I have ever seen. Don't waste your time on this garbage. Ray Romano isn't funny on TV, and he's even less funny on the big screen. The characters are all contrived, falling on every "gangster" cliché in the book. I have no problem with light comedy, but this one didn't even bring an occasional chuckle, let alone an outright laugh. I can only thank the gods above that I didn't actually pay money to see this film. I am not a Ray Romano fan, but I know many Ray Romano fans who were sorely disappointed with this outing. And the script is so repetitive, it sounds like it was 3 pages of dialogue just photocopied over and over again. I repeat: Don't waste your time. What a letdown.