Change Your Image
Upload An Image
Crop And Save
Belly of the Beast (2003)
A direct to video Seagal film that is actually enjoyable
Having seen most of the Seagal's disappointing non-theatreical releases, this was pleasant surprise. Maybe there were stunts substituting Steven in the fights so if you're expecting his aikido glory from 90's you might be disappointed. Nevertheless, it has many good gun toting action scenes, and the hand-to-hand (or sword) are fun too. Clearly not a big budget release, it still lacks some of the amateurish features of film making from the other direct to videos.
Plot is about Seagal's daughter being kidnapped in Thailand by islamistic extremists. Of course it leads into a quest for a rescue, and during that time Seagal needs to confront everything from random punks to a evil voodoo priest, while being aided by his Thai companion Sunti and buddhist monks.
I would recommend this to anyone who likes action, especially those who want to see a good Steven Seagal film for a change.
On a side note though, it does not feature a flying car like half of the cover art implies and it has to be the most misleading cover I've seen for ages.
Certainly not the worst movie ever but clearly not on par with original
Despite the reputation and harsh reviews on Starship Troopers 2: Hero of the Federation, I decided to give it a go. I didn't expect a mind blower like the first was, so my expectations weren't sky high. What did SST2 deliver then? Well, an OK B-movie.
The plot is about Mobile Infantry platoon escaping an overwhelming bug horde into an abandoned outpost. The bugs out there is not their worst problem after they run into a small group of other survivors. The problem is an Aliens/Stargate SG-1 ripoff and gets a bit lame at some points and very different from a bug onslaught. I liked more the first half of the film when they just fought the Warrior bugs and got stranded in the outpost. I wish it was like that all the way.
The film had a much smaller budget than the original, but you could probably guess that since this was a straight to video movie. The weapons of the troopers don't fire real bullets and only have some sort of blue CGI muzzle flash and a bit dull sound. Bug hordes are hidden behind night and sandstorms so there's not many visible at a time even though there's supposed to be many of them.
You can give this a try if you don't expect a spectacle like the first was. Even if this is a OK B-movie, you might be disappointed since the original was a top-notch class A.
Not actually a John Woo movie
First of all Paycheck is a mystery thriller, not an action movie. If you expect John Woo style slow motion gun acrobatics, this is not the movie you're looking for. In fact, it only contains one mediocre shoot-out in the end and one chase sequence and thats it. Apart a flying dove and two Mexican stand-off's you wouldn't recognize the director.
Story sets a few years into the future, not much since there's not much any future visions of technology or so. Main character is Jennings (Affleck), reverse-engineering specialists who steals others' ideas and then gets his memory erased by the contractor so he doesn't know anything what he has stolen and to whom. Then he gets his paycheck and leaves, never to return. But after an unusually long three year job, he finds out that he has given up his 92 million paycheck for a pile of seemingly useless items and has FBI after him. Those items help him to solve the mystery.
Even though it was little disappointment when I expected a genuine Woo film, it wasn't so bad after all. Story was interesting and fast paced and the film should fit along the other Philip K. Dick film adaptations.
Entertaining short film
Ukkonen (means Thunder) is a short film about a man called Ukkonen who was turned into a radioactive man in an accident in the Generator Corporation research plant, company secretly designing radioactive weapons with an energy business as a cover. Ukkonen starts his crusade to bring the company down and get his revenge.
Nice quality for an independent production, even some special effects and some funny, overdramatic monologue by Ukkonen. Unfortunately the film is very short, lasting only about 20 minutes.
Worth checking out if you somehow find this film.
Not even funny... but nice bikinis, though
Ponterosa is about few summer days at a camping ground with a nut case supervisor Mauri (Tony Halme, Finnish equivalent for Arnold Schwarzenegger and Jesse Ventura, a pro wrestler who became a politician), blind guy and his buddy that Mauri believes are gay and three mega sexy models (including Karita Tuomola, former Miss Finland) whom mostly are at bikinis or at mini skirt at least. Those three then happen to be the only reason to watch this since there's really no plot, no good acting, no professional production. Just the women in bikinis.
The Ring (2002)
One gigantic bubble that got bursted in the end for good
The Ring had a interesting plot concept, a video tape that gets its viewers killed. Believable? No. Scary? Yes.
The film is very thrilling from the beginning to the end. It starts as a young girl realizes that she had seen it exactly a week ago. After some really scary scenes she is dead and her aunt, a reporter starts to investigate this mystery and ends up seeing the tape herself. And her ex-boyfriend and son too. So the clock is ticking for them to solve what is behind it or they'll end up dead too. The suspense keeps the viewer in its grasp all the way trough the film, but...
It seems that the writer ran out of ideas how to end this and how to give a reasonable explanation for the tape's magic powers. The ending simply sucked. The suspense that the film built bursted like a bubble and makes you laugh. Might have passed as an episode of X-Files but a feature film, no. 4/10 for a good attempt and the scary parts.
A thing you don't see everyday: An indie scifi film from Finland
In "Lipton Cockton in the Shadows of Sodoma", it is year 2037 and people mysteriously explode in the peripheric city of Vladivostok, part of the United Europe. A top detective, Lipton Cockton, is sent there to investigate this crime wave. The movie goes a bit strange and funny, but this film is not to be taken too seriously. Still, the sets and models are quite good for an indie film like this, they succeed in creating the ragged and dirty atmosphere of future Vladivostok.
Death Train (1993)
Class A TV film
As a TV film from the early 90's, this is probably the best what you can get. It has some very good and famous actors such as Pierce Brosnan, Patrick Stewart and Cristopher Lee, names you won't easily find from a such movie. The story is about a nuclear weapon being transported on a hijacked train by a mercenary group. Their destination is Iraq. A special task force, UNACO is sent to stop them. The team makes several attempts to succeed, meaning the film has lot of action. Pierce Brosnan fits perfectly for the hero's Bond like role and Cristopher Lee isn't bad at all as a rogue general. Maybe not worth of buying but definitely worth of seeing. I'll give it seven out of ten.
Pearl Harbor (2001)
I went to see a war film...
I went to see a war film about bombing the Pearl Harbor like I went to see Saving Private Ryan for Normandy invasion but I got a too long, too boring love story. Piece of crap. Two long hours we wait as those two pilot-guys love the same girl. What does that do in a war movie? At least the battle is well made and I could watch that part again. Zeros flying ten meters above ground and blasting with machine guns and bombs. I think that the Doolittle raid was put there so the ending would not be too sad for the American audience. My advice: Wait until this thing comes out on DVD and jump the first two hours. You miss nothing.
The Truman Show (1998)
Not a typical stupid Carrey comedy where you watch that "funny-guy" making not-funny things. More serious film, but not boring in any way. It is very enjoying to watch. Great script and story and very good soundtrack. And Ed Harris plays great role as Cristof.
The Emerald Forest (1985)
Bad adventure drama
Boy gets lost into jungle. His daddy decides to find him. What? Ten years after he disappeared? So he grabs an assault rifle and goes into jungle. There he ends in a conflict of two tribes. The bad tribe is "the evil". Oh, what an imagination. Because he had to wait those ten years, the boy is now an indian. And how's he going to get him back to civilized world?. That's the story of the movie. The most stupid thing comes in the end. There is a big dam. Indians don't like. How are they going to get rid of it? Take some drugs, communicate with frogs and make them make the biggest rain in history of course! Yeah right...
Thirteen Days (2000)
good, but too long.
The film is about Cuban missile crisis that everyone has heard about during history lessons. Film shows what was happening in white house during the crisis. Even if the film is basically meetings in cabinets, it still was interesting to watch. Although there were a few well made scenes of recon planes flying over Cuba. There are two stupid things in the movie. First is the stupid accent of Costner. And the other was the length. I was getting little tired in the end and started to wait for the ending. Since this was basically meetings, and talking it was 30 minutes or so too long.
Star Wars: X-Wing Alliance (1999)
Superb space shooter in the Star Wars universe.
X-Wing: Alliance is a space combat simulation that lets you fly various legendary spaceships everyone recognizes from the original trilogy and some new ones. Like the previous X-Wing games, this one also has a good plot, superb audio and great graphics (at least when this was released). You start the game as a pilot named Ace Azzameen, doing some routine jobs for your family company. But then the Empire attacks your home base and you end up as a rookie pilot in the Rebel Alliance. This is where the game really starts. You will fly various kinds of missions for the Rebels such as attacks on enemy convoys, escort of the fleet, rescue missions and some family missions, where you fly a transporter. At the very end, you are flying the Millennium Falcon against the Death Star, just like in The Return of the Jedi! The missions are pretty easy in the beginning but get very, maybe too hard at the end. Spaceships are the core of the game. They vary from each other, and that makes XW:Alliance interesting. In example the X-wing is a good all-around fighter and the Y-Wing can take heavy punishment and carries lots of weapons but is not very manoeuverable. Then there are the transporters like the Millennium Falcon. They are slow but the fun part is that you can go and use the turret and blast some TIE Fighters while your co-pilot flies. You can use some of the ship controls such as shields and decide where to put your limited energy. Put it on engines but make the craft vulnerable and so on.
Graphics are good even today. Spaceships are well detailed, and lasers and explosions illuminate nearby objects. Cockpits are all in 3D which means that you will be able to turn your head smoothly and track enemies better than in plain 2D cockpit. But sounds are even better. You can hear laser blasts, roaring crafts when they get close and radio chatter with other pilots. "I got one!", "I'm hit arrghhhh!" and "Enemy fighters coming in!". Thats what I'm talking about. And the soundtrack is the superb John Williams' original soundtrack from the trilogy. I could not think anything else than that. Sadly this is the last X-Wing game. The designer of the game, Larry Holland left Lucas Arts which owns the rights for X-Wing, and I think nobody can do a better space shooter than Holland.