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I Dream of Jeannie......ON LSD!
31 December 2002
I remember seeing "Design for Dreaming" on an episode of MST3K, and it instantly reminded me of American Sitcom "I Dream of Jeannie", if the staff were using LSD.

The plot has to do with a dancer in a fantasy world whom is invited to a ball by a masked man, and sees every dream car she wants. Plus, watch for the instant light stoves, magical costume changing and cakes that comes out of the oven, with candles and everything!

Design for Dreaming? More like "Design for an Acid Trip".
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Glad I did not live back in 1950's ara.
22 December 2002
One of my first MST3K shorts I have seen on MST3K. "The Home Economics Story" is basically propaganda to turn any clean cut girl into a Suzie Homewife Barbie doll, as well as disguising itself to offering equal rights oppertunities.

Like said, I would hate to live in 1950s. Not much to do besides a giggly homewife with a house full of brats. *LOL*

Glad MST3K tackled this short. If did not, I would wretch.
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This Chicken won't see tomarow!
22 December 2002
Slow paced, inane drivel, saved by Mike and bots of MST3K!

The overly cheerful hick of a narator tell us a "touching" story of how chicken is hatched, how they get breeded and going to the market for meat and eggs. The stupidest part is not the narator, but the so-called "Talking Chicken" that says "That's what you think, big boy!" when the narator talks about breeding. Too bad we don't get to see the birds and the bees of chicken life, but hey, it was the 1940's America, so what would they know.

Funny part is after short, Tom Servo tries to break himself out of an egg *L*
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Cheating (1952)
Uh-oh, I am going to hell for cheating! (being sarcastic here ^_^)
22 December 2002
This short I seen on MST3K alongside Latin American cult film, "Wild World of Batwoman". It is about a poor dumb sap named Johnny, whom cheats with his "Girlfriend" Merry and at first is sucessful, but the second time around though, it is total misery. Kicked out of student council, being hated by everybody in the school and breaking up with Merry. Now where the hell are Johnny's parents? Is he orphan or something?

Geez, I was caught cheating in grade school once, but the punishment was NOT *that* severe.
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Eh? Was PeTA envolved with the making of "Devil's Owl"....?
22 December 2002
....I dunno, but they might as well as been. "Devil's Owl" does have an interesting concept and some campy un-intentionally funny scenes, but some of the animal-rights preachyness bogged this film down.

It started out with some animal cruelty scenes (PeTA documentary stock footage?) and then it says "Dedicated to Animal Rights Activists everywhere. After those pointless scenes, a woman gives birth to an anthropomorphic owl. Mom loves Owl, but Dad gets grossed out by his presence. One day, when Owl is more mature, he witnesses daddy slaughtering some wild game and Owl gets upset. So he gets all of his furry and feathery friends out there to wreek revenge on what humanity did to them.

That sound strange to you? Wait to see the film! You'll wonder what the movie staff were thinking when working on "Devil's Owl". Available in Mandarin and (ironically) English version (dubbed in Singapore).

Excuse me now, but I think I am going to have some hot dogs and sushi right now. Mmmmmmmmm, yummy meat!
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"This is what it's like when bulbs cry!"
22 December 2002
"Robot Holocaust" (aka. Robots Conquer the World) is one Turkey of a NY-USA/Italian film. Even though I don't mind post- end of the world films, but THIS does not quite cut it, unless it's the MSTied version that is.

The film is full of emotionless plastic looking robots, one robot whom constantly cracks corny jokes, killer sockpuppets, heroes and heroines in skimpy outfits, villainess that can't speak English well, Omnipressant being called "The Dark One" (Oooooooh, scarry! NOT!) and a captive that looks like a human avacado. How can anyone take this seriously? Most everyone I watched this MST3K episode with laughed their heads off and wondered if this film was a comedy.

The irony is, "Robot Holocaust" is not a Comedy, but it will make you laugh at how cheap it is.
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The Osbournes (2002–2005)
Ugh....just what we need, ANOTHER live-action "South Park" rip-off!
6 December 2002
Don't get me wrong, I like Ozzy Osbourne's music, he is a very talented Far West rock singer (alongside Alice Cooper), but when it comes to your "private life" in front of a video camera, PLEASE, SPARE US!

We do NOT need anymore from the "Reality Show" fad that has spread like the plague around the world (but flopped in Rusia and some European places), nor do we need more "South Park" rip-offs either. Granted, I do get tastless myself sometimes, hell, I even look at Hentai on interenet at times too, but when it comes to western and american TV shows, they are just trying too hard to be tastless, which is like so BORING!

I could see why Aimee Osbourne did not want to participate. Now she was a SMART member of family.

However, there is ONE plus side to this show, just ONE: Ozzy and his family have really cute dogs, and I love dogs.
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ALL RIGHTY!
10 July 2002
GMK:All Monsters Strike is one hell of a kaiju film here and it makes me want to wait for the next G-movie!

It follows some achaeologists and some religious cults summoning King Ghidorah, Mothra and Baragon (three classic kaiju, hurrah!), to halt Godzilla's actions. I also like how they (the creators and people in the film) FINALLY say Godzilla is not really evil, but a tragic being that wants vengeance on humanity for their warfare, hatred and pollution. And yes, Godzilla is REALLY ANGRY in this film here, pure white eyes, angry sneer and tons of power.

The only thing I did not like about the film is the coming-of-age teenager subplot. IT belonged on MTV, not in a monster movie!

Other than that, go get GMK! Tell em I sent you too!
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Korea's "Clan of the Cave-Bear".
9 July 2002
"Claw of Tirano" is a strange, yet very entertaining breed of Kaiju film here. Takes place in a prehistoric world, depicting friendship and hardship between the Prehistoric beasts and Prehistoric man. There were many films by Hollywood, Bollywood and British comapnies that did these type of films, but none could compare to this one.

Sure the special effects are your typical "exausted guy in rubber monster suit" and puppet film, but the plot is amazing, consitering that there was only sound effects and animal sounds, NO DIALOGUE! And unlike most western prehistoric movies, the people in this film don't look picture perfect all the time and have weird teeth, since in the old prehistoric days, dentists and make-over places DID NOT EXIST! TAKE NOTE HOLLYWOOD!

P.S. Even though this is a family film in Asia, but probably would not be in the West, due to some (brief) partial nudity from the prehistoric girls.
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I remember this now!
9 July 2002
I remember whenever I was visiting relatives in Japan, I would always turn on this show "&Acirckadia Monogatari" (Les Mondes Engloutis' Japanese title) on every morning on NHK and I instantly fell in love with it and started my fascination with European animation as well as Asian!

It follows the adventures of two surface children (Bab and Rebekka), mysterious wanderer Spartakus, magical being Akana and two twin ardvark type creatures called Bik and Bak. The end of the world happened long ago, making the floating mystical continent of Arkadia fall beneath the oceans of planet earth. The Arkadian civilization mutate into legless people whom look part human, part jelly-bean and wear strange headdresses and lost memories of the surface world after the creation of their sun, the Shaguma. However, this sun, after many years, is fading away and something must be done, so the children of the Arkadian clan and their organic living spaceship go into the forbidden grottos of this civilization, research their ancestors and create a magical woman from the life force of the ancient Arkadians and named her "Akana".

That is the basic plot, but it gets deeper and deeper with every episode you watch of it, combining original storytelling, with time travel, paradoxes, some comedy, mythological elements and of course, a big cast of colourful characters.

I reccomend this animated series to you. It was a long time since it aired in Japan (have not seen the French version yet, want to though), but it maybe airing in other places, since LME seems to have a cult following in Europe.
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Kizuna (1994 Video)
Very sweet anime!
9 July 2002
I love Kizuna. It actually has a much decent depiction of gay life-style, way better than Sailor Moon could do!

It is about two men, one being a straight ace student in Japanese high school and the other is the son of a Yakuza/Mafia family. The two eventually met and get together, despite their total differences.

The thing I like about Kizuna is that even though the men in there are gay, they actually look like actual men and I did not see them cross-dress and carry around rinstone covered handbags!

For those sick of homophobic sterotypes or a fan of gay romances, Kizuna is the one for you.
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Rainbow hued HK Anime fun!
9 July 2002
"Xiao Qian" seems to be one-of-a-kind Asian anime films of the late 20th Century, a sucessful mixure of CGI and Hand Drawn animation.

The plot follows a young boy named Ng (pronounced Neeng) and his dog, Solid Gold, trying to recover from breaking up with Ng's ex-girlfriend, Ran. As the two converse, two ghost hunters appear at his village, wiping out living skeletons and flatuent, smelly spirits. Then, Ng is sent on a special derilvery course through China, stumbling into a city of ghosts and the living dead. Here, he falls in love with the title character (Xiao-Qian, meaning Sunshine in cantonese) and try to escape the ghosts hunters, Xiao-Qian's selfish boyfriend and cruel mistress whom eats the souls of male humans to become young again, as well as the repenting of the mistress' left hand girl, Zhiaodee (Butterfly Cantonese). I also love how the film pokes fun at Disney movies and satirizes mass-media sell outs.

Xiao-Qian gets five kisses. Pure classic and fun!
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Babe (1995)
0_o?
9 July 2002
People nominate this film all over the world as "Best Children's Film" ever? What the........?

"Babe" is really un-original and really annoying! Worst yet, I've seen the Cantonese dubbed version of this film and I *still* wanted to make som Pork Chops outta Babe! By the end of this film, I was crying, but not for obvious reasons, but for my idiot cousin for subjudgating me to this torture! BTW, was "Babe" sponsored by PeTa by any chance, because it does a great job at teaching kids on "How to become vegans."

If you want GOOD movies on barnyard animals, watch "Charlotte's Web" or "Adventures of Chataran" instead. They are more worth your time!
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Sailor Moon (1992–1997)
Japanese homophobia?
9 July 2002
Not only did I find "Sailor Moon" a really cheesy, horrible, predictable, corny, boring and noon-sensical, but I also found this anime to be rather demeaning towards homosexuals. Sure, Japan and most other east and south east Asian countries are getting to be more tolerant about homosexuality and bisexuality and made laws of hate crimes towards gays (even though some just think of this lifestyle as a "White Man Import"), I still did not find "Sailor Moon" to strike a blow for gay rights.

Let's see, not all gay men look feminine and cross-dress as women to get partners. I've seen some pretty muscular and masculine men that date their own or even both genders! And why are the gay men depicted as the "bad guys" here?

Not every lesbian sticks with her woman, hates men, nor look masculine. Heck, I knew some lesbian and bisexual girls that got into fights every once in a while with their lover, but they all forgive each other. Like Haruke (Uranus) does not seem to talk to anyone who is male, ALMOST NEVER argues with her girlfriend and constantly cross-dresses like a man!

"Sailor Moon" is *not* a blow for gay rights! If you want a gay-friendly anime, watch "Kizuna" instead! You just waste time here!
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1,000 times better than "Babe"
9 July 2002
"Chataran" has to be one of the best Animal-Friendship films I have ever seen. Shigeru Tsuyuguchi does a great job with narration and voice overs and Kyôko Koizumi has a nice lovely voice as she recites the poem at the very end of the film.

The tale follows a Tabby cat and and Pug dog on a Kitakyushu farm on the Kyushu island of Japan, their seperation, their love for their new mates and their reunion. It also gives you an idea of what Japanese wildlife is like (Japanese Black Bears are smaller than North American and the Japanese Kyushu isle Deer have spots even when they grow up, etc.)

Don't listen to those freaks at PeTA (BOO!)! This film was done by professional zoologists and animal trainers in Japan and the animals are all tamed by the zoologists! I even seen a documentary on Hong Kong Television to prove it!

YAY CHATARAN! BOO PETA FREAKS!
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The Big Night (1959)
Those are naughty gals!
9 July 2002
I watched "Bad Girls Don't Cry" in French class over on my exchange college trip to Japan and boy, was it one hell of a crime drama!

It deals with some supressed girls from poor families, whom steal, lie, cheat and vandalize Rome, during the 1930's Great Deppresion. Plus, these Femme-Fatales are pretty cute as well as being great actresses for their time.

Paousolini, Bolognini, yuo did it again ^_^
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Inchon (1981)
Great Korean actors, GONE TO WASTE!
7 July 2002
And I have to thank Rev. Moonie for all of this! Why doesn't Moon just stick to his cult. But thankfully after this stinker, he STOPPED with making movies, since Inchon was a bomb in both North America and Asia (especially South Korea!).

Now with the plot. Deals with General Mc Arthur and the US in Korean War ridden South Korea. I also leaves out that Mc Arthur helped out Japan before trying to deal with Korea. Grrrrr.....~_~

Okay, the guy who play Mc Arthur may not act, but MANY great Korean actors in this film were wasted and looked really bored throughout the whole film. If fact, I read in an Asian cinema book, that a lot of the Korean actors and actresses deny ever being in this film.

Stay away from Inchon! If you want a good WW2/Korean War history lesson, watch some Korean anime based on the events, because at least the Anime characters could act!

However, Inchon is fun to do some MST3K-stlyed mocking time with.
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Final Fantasy VI (1994 Video Game)
Decent, but most OVERRATED Super Famicom game.
21 June 2002
Okay okay, many people cheered on FF6 as the best SFAM game ever. Personally, it's okay, but not the best. Here is why I think that:

1. Cefca was an interesting villain, but the staff whom made this game gave him VERY LITTLE background, reducing him to a one-dimetional henchman of Emperor Gastrah. Come on guys, give Cefca an INTERESTING BACKSTORY.

2. Too many characters, so little time. Even though "Rudra's Treasure" (aka. Rudra no Hihou, much better Super Famicom RPG, in my own opinion) had a lot of characters, but at least they separated each four main characters' scenarios, so they could get full characterization, makign you feel like you were playing a game-within-a-game! FF6 however, flops on characterization. Tina is the insecure heroine whining about how she should love, Lock is a tough boy treasure hunter with a soft spot, Edgar is a flirt, Mash is a macho-wannabe, Cayeene is just a man who lost his family and wants revenge (he whines about this thoughout the whole entire game!), Shadow is a cold hearted loner, Celes is such a whiner, Mog is your happy-go-lucky Mogri, Gau is your run of the mill wild boy, Stragus is a fuss bucket and Relm is such a little snob. Don't get me started with Umaro or Gogo (besides, Gogo was way better in FF5). Only decent hero was Setser, the gambler.

3. This game does not want to make up it's mind on a genre. Seems like many genres, leaving it rather cluttered up here. Besides, why is the FF series riping off "Star Wars" and "Star Trek" series?

Here are some good points:

1. Fun gameplay.

2. Excellent soundtrack.

3. Story has it's strongpoints. The Phantom Beasts and Deity suplot was interesting. Wish they focused on that than *gag me* the opera scene.

4. Cefca was pretty optimistic foe who works hard and "somewhats" suceeds in his duties.

5. Yoshitaka Amano is talented like usual.

OVERALL: FF6 is decent (MUCH BETTER than FF8, FF9, FF10, FF11 and so on and so forth) entry in the FF series, but however, does not live up to hype.

RATING: two kisses out of five. (AVERAGE/TOLERABLE)
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Much scarier than Hollywood's tripe!
21 June 2002
"Bewitched Tame Head" is one of the most memorable scare films of the far east and of my native Hong Kong. It is a lot of fun, but don't be eating a full meal yet!

A doctor is investigating some strange and disturbing happening in his hospital, such as people being covered in gaping scabs all over body, parasites, worms and snakes under people's flesh and girls having abortions, only to find out that they have "aborted" undead monster fetuses. If that is not enough, there is a pretty damn wicked mage who grabs out the corpses of dead females, pound spikes into their skull and make them become the living dead, only if you remove the spike, the undead shall melt away and living girls being used as guinea pigs by the wicked mage. (DON'T WORRY, I WON'T SPOIL EVERYTHING!)

If you are sick of Hollywood's slasher flicks or want more variety in Horror/Supernatural cinema, check out the "Tamed Head series".
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An interesting black-comedy spoofing western (American) sitcoms!
30 May 2002
You know that "syrupy" sitcom fad of the 1980's? With stuff like "Full House", "Family Ties" and "Facts of Life"? Didn't they just wanna make ya puke? You always wondered why they were popular in the US, as well as Asia. I gotta a cure for you"

Gyakufunsha kazoku!!! The Back-fire family!!!

Like in many US sitcoms, it starts off with the stereotypical working dad, the stereotypical house-wife mom, the stereotypical teeny-bopper and the stereotypical brain-child student. Everything seems to be fine..... ......Until they move in with their crazy grandpa who still thinks it's World War 2 and plenty of termites and roaches in the house. Oh boy, do things take the twisted root! HEH HEH HEH HEH HEH HEH!

Now why can't Sitcoms in West DO THAT? That would be cool!
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Bio-Zombie (1998)
One of my favorite black comedies
12 March 2002
Bio Zombie (aka."Sang dut sau shut") is one sucessful and pretty zany HK black comedy/horror film. The plot has to do with Crazy Bee and Woody having to own a VCD/DVD store, owned by the greedy Kui and his wife. Their hobbies in the mall (which seems to strangely be their home...) are chasing girls, going to arcades, cause trouble and eat. In the meantime, the government comes up with a sports biological weapon in disguise as a sports drink. The drinks turns people whom drink it into the living dead and the fun starts to begin.

There are also alot of decent special effects and rather different plot twists as well, but just to be nice, I WON'T spoil anything! Plus, Jordan Chan, Sam Lee and Angela Tong are very talented (as well as sexy!) This is one film of such a strange combo of genres that does not dissapoint.
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Very bizarre stuff! *SOME SPOILERS*
12 March 2002
Warning: Spoilers
Yes, it is a good movie, I have to agree, and it's also a very WEIRD entry in the Gamera series of 1995-1999.

The story revolves around a latch-key child (Amaya) whose parents were killed accidentally by Gamera (it was Gyaos' fault, she shoved Gamera!).So she runs off to a temple to seek refuge and finds a monster egg that hatches there. The baby kaiju (mutated Gyaos child) was nurtured by Amaya to kill Gamera for revenge. But things are starting to not look so well here, since Irys (the Kaiju child) is alot smarter than Amaya thinks, so she drains Amaya's energy and gets fused with Irys, turning into a really bad-ass rainbow hued beast of gargantuan porportions. So it teams up with Gyaos to attack Gamera and Amaya's/Irys'hateful emotions get so uncontrollable, that she(they?) and Gyaos get not only bad on Gamera, but the WHOLE METROPOLITANS OF JAPAN. There also is another subplot involving a psychic girl (played by no other than Ayako Fujitani!) trying to solve the mystery of Irys' origin and helping Gamera defeat her before all is lost. So Gamera eventually defeats the monsters and saves Amaya (By pulling her out of Irys' heart!).

Very amazing and really out of this world plot twists, plus, it seems to be one big kaiju casualties and distruction since Godzilla 1954 and Godzilla vs. Hedorah.

Best scenes: How Gamera defeats Irys and how Irys warps Amaya.
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Hey, it's Hedorah's distant relative!
7 March 2002
Cherez ternii k zvyozdam (aka. To Stars by the Hard Ways) is one strange, yet also rather campy, entertaining B-movie from Eastern Europe.

NOTE: This review is *not* on the "Americanized" version called "Humanoid Woman" which was rather hillarious on MST3K (screw you Sandy Frank!), this on the original Russo-Ukrainian version.

This doozy starts off with a group of Soviet Astronauts going to an abandoned Alien labratory on some planet is space, I guess. In a crazy weightless sequence, which is from what I've heard, filmed underwater, they run into a lone surviving alien woman who looks like Final Fantasy 7's Jenova after having chaemotherapy. Luckily, she does not touch anything, well, except for a picture of ol Gorbychov ^_~

When she gets to Earth, she learns Russian, uses telekinetics, floats off of the vegitation, does actrobatic stunts, getting used to Earth's climates and stranger yet, she hangs with "Rosie the Robot" with a vacuum-cleaning rear end!

However, everything on Earth is not peaches or creame, since there are some treasure hunters who want to use her at the archaeological dig, so they can become rich and famous. Then, the alien girl sees some people from her planet getting interviewed on TV. She regains her memory and sets back to her home world.

This is where it gets even funner! There are old wisemen midgets, clowns and harlequins wanting world domination and better yet, a raw seawge plie monster, possibly a distant relative of Hedorah from "Godzilla vs. Hedorah". Wouldn't surprise me, since they seem to be such similar beings, plus, they are very ummmmmm......different!

Anyways, this movie is on Eastern European cult movie that you have to see to believe!
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Akira (1988)
"Wake me up when this is OVER"
7 March 2002
Okay, I don't mind some films with blood and gore, nor I don't mind some nudity here or there, but at least it should have a co-hesive plot. Unfortunatly, Akira has NONE of that. Akira is basicly the "Monster a Go-go" of anime!

Even though Otomo has done some creative things (Memories, Robot Carnival), he did not do so well here.

Were to start.....Hmmmmmmm..... It's about some weird wacko named Tetsuo and his insanity getting worse when he hears about something or another called AKIRA. Meanwhille, some other punk kids and espers (who look like badly deformed "Garbage Pail Kids") try to stop his orgy of madness, but things just get worse.

I do have to admit, Akira does have EXCELLENT animation (the characters don't look like bug-eyed freaks), but the plot keeps going around in circles that it makes you think that three or four animated movies went into the making of this.

-Like what is up with the dream sequence of the Teddy bear and the car/milk bottle thing?

-Now why did suddenly Tetsuo became a monster?

-What was the point of the scene where dogs and children get shot down?

-What is the point of that computer animated blob thing?

-Does anyone know? ANYONE?

OH FORGET IT! I all thank my cousin for showing me this big-budgit dung heap known as "Akira"!
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Very moving and touching action film.
7 March 2002
"Heart of Dragon" (aka. Long de Xin) is a very warm, poignant, sad, funny and even interesting movie. Much more interesting and humanistic than ANYTHING Hollywood can pull out of their rears.

It is about a member of a police squadron(Jackie) who has to take care of his autistic brother (Sammo) and protect him from any harm.However, if Jackie wants anything accomplished, he needs to help his brother to shape up, stand up to yourself and be independant. There are also a few action sequences and Comedy in there to balance out the tear-jerking and angst as well.

And the song "Sui Hoh Seung Yi Hoisong" (Who could be dependant for so long?), sung by HK-pop songstress, Noi So is very touching and beautifully done.

If you have the chance, please see "Long de Xin"! It is a very influencing film.
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