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9/10
Severe Injuries is a Laugh Riot
26 June 2006
I look at the negative posts on this site for the film Sever Injuries and have to wonder what these people were thinking. Okay, sure there's no nudity in it, but that's okay. The jokes are good, the laughs are aplenty and the women come in all shapes and sizes instead of the Hollywood cookie cutter syndrome. Not all men like the exact same woman, get with it people. Plus, my favorite, stand out moment was the parody of Scream where the guy explains how to survive a chick flick. Debbie Rochon came across as a psycho madwoman which was pretty funny. The idea of a serial killer who comes from a long line of wanna be serial killers is pretty funny as well. And for the one person who said there was no gore in the flick. Did you actually watch it. There's a huge, well done aftermath of a slaughter sequence at the end of the film which pays homage to most slasher flicks that used the same device in hundreds of films. Peopl who have no tolerance for micro budget film making really deserve the mountain of dreck that Hollywood foists upon them year after year. Severe Injuries is a great addition to the horror comedy genre.
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10/10
Foteen Shots To The Dizome!
13 June 2006
I remember when I had to first watch this film to review on some website. The cover was very nice. Then I watched the movie and Missy Donatuti ain't no Lilith Stabs. "Wait!" I rationalized to myself. "Maybe she turns into Lilith Stabs when she fights the zombies?" No such luck. But then I watched it a couple more times and was amazed that there are lines (Like the one I used for my title) that just crack me up. I am a big fan of micro budget movies and most people are unprepared to watch them. How can you compare this to anything that Hollywood makes? You can't. It's a genre unto itself and Seavage has made it his own. And for the morons on this comment board: The flick was not made by Troma or Full Moon and you really need to watch the entire flick because there are, indeed, zombies and much zombie ass kicking to boot. Best name for a character ever: Cester McLarge Huge. Freaking genius! So for you Seaver haters out there. Get over yourself and go watch something else. We really don't need you in the Low Budget Pictures neighborhood.
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8/10
This flick rocks!
13 June 2006
Do not listen to the Seavage haters. This flick is a fun filled romp through the universe of LBP. It embraces the wild and chaotic world of fantasy metal and has some of the best Choach lines of all time. Choach should get his own damned movie. We get a lot of the LBP regulars and the chick who plays the goth chick is funny and nasty as Hell. Now Seaver needs to get Missy Donatuti back for more of her particular breed of insanity. All we were missing was an appearance by Bonejack and it would have been sweet perfection like a jello pudding pop. Seaver's flicks always have great dialogue and go for the gut with their humor. Good Job!
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7/10
A great spoof
22 May 2005
I have been reading the negative comments on this film and all I can say is that they must be a pack of humorless folks. Hot girls in tight fitting cheerleader and parochial school uniforms. Plenty of breasts and low brow humor. Geeks galore and giant robots wiping their butt with The Enterprise from Star Trek. What more can you ask for? It ain't a classic, but it's still a lot of fun to watch and the dialogue is hilarious. Cheerleader Ninjas is welcome at my house anytime. The acting is above standard for this kind of film and we get to see Kira Reed in all her natural glory. Plus the guy who plays Chubby's older brother is funnier than Hell. Go Cheerleader Ninjas!
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Lust for Frankenstein (1998 Video)
10/10
Yesssssssssssssssssss!
5 February 2005
It is always good to see Franco tackle one of the legends. A gold booted, amazonian Michelle Bauer as the last creation of Dr. Frankenstein (Carlos Subterfuge) is a full blown, erotic sex machine! Add to that the delectable Lina Romay as Frankenstein's daughter. What we end up with is a creepy, atmospheric tale of horror, jealously and insanity. I cannot stress enough how Lina Romay carries this film. Add to that the spooky presence of Carlos Subterfuge as Dr. Frankenstein's ghost. The image of his blood soaked face streaking across Moira Frankenstein's window, his ragged breath fogging the glass is frightening to say the least. This Franco film making at it's best and bizarre!
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Blind Target (2000)
10/10
Fine espionage the Franco way
5 February 2005
It is a welcome pleasure to watch Franco do with video that so many talentless hacks are incapable of. We get exotic locales, a fine story line, albeit a little confusing, but that is the Jess Franco way. In addition to all of this the lead actress is gorgeous and has a smouldering fire underneath her performance. Add to that the lovely Lina Romay who is always a joy to see before the camera and if that wasn't enough... LInnea Quigley! My favorite scream queen actually being used for her thespian skills in a magnificent role! On the DVD there are deleted scenes with commentary that at first you're like, so what? Then we get this great shot that I assumed was a crane shot. The producer explains that they stole three picnic tables from a nearby park, stacked them one on top of the other and set the camera on top of them. Of course Jess wanted to be sure that the shot was in frame and in focus so this little, old man scuttled up the top of the stack to make sure that they got the shot! This is professionalism in a medium that has never been real kind to Jess. The man deserves better and the viewing public needs to recognize his genius for what it truly is.
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Incubus (2002 Video)
10/10
A Wonderful Example Of Digital Filmaking
5 February 2005
With Franco making a plethora of films in the new millennium on the digital stock that is flooding the market it is nice to see a bizarre film like INCUBUS leap from the director's fertile mind. a pleasure to have a film that you must watch, pay attention to and interpret what it means to you. Franco is the master of tangent film making. Lina Romay is still gorgeous after all these years and it's a pleasure to see such a lovely lady still gracing her lovers film. Sure, some of his recent work seems a bit...rushed, but INCUBUS is good stuff. It is time for all the Franco naysayers to just leave the man alone. If you don't like it, don't watch. No matter what you say the true Franco fans will be here to watch every frame that the madman genius of cinema creates.
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10/10
One of Franco's Bizarre Best!
5 February 2005
I had to write a commentary having viewed the horribly skewed rating this film has received. This is a Franco masterpiece. His voyeuristic use of the camera coupled with the many versions of the film that exist. DEMONIAC is the watered down US version. EXORCISM is a pretty hard version but I prefer THE SADIST OF NOTRE DAME where the main character of Vogel is more of a madman. There is even a hard core version of the film which I haven't seen and therefore will not comment on. This is a personal film that shows Franco's subtle acting ability and his fetishism that is so prevalent on the screen. Add to that the vivacious and incredibly gorgeous Lina Romay and you have what is a Euro Trash classic that must not be missed. Just be sure to catch the Synapse DVD for one of the more definitive versions of the film.
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1/10
What we're they thinking??????
7 March 2003
When you are going to use the words 'Last House' you are treading on sacred ground. LAST HOUSE ON THE LEFT and LAST HOUSE ON DEAD END STREET are classics in the shock genre. Both of them cross the lines of good taste on a regular basis. Bearing that in mind this film should be along the same lines. Especially, since it's put out on the Sub Rosa Extreme series of titles. I P*** On Your Corpse I S*** On Your Grave (Or something like that) was at least edgy, gory and put in a little erotic frisson for good measure. This one boasts that it's a unique mix of expressionistic visual poetry and intense grueling horror. I didn't get that from this. It was dull and I used the fast forward a lot. The sad part is that I didn't miss anything by doing that. I'm not sure what they were trying to do but the title needs to be changed to something else. Maybe PANSIES MAKE STUPID MOVIE ON HELL STREET or THIS MOVIES SUCKS REALLY, REALLY BAD maybe even FOR GOD'S SAKE DON'T WATCH THIS MOVIE! Hopefully this was just a learning experience for the cast and crew and they'll come back with something better. Maybe home movies or 70 minutes of static.
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To Dance with Death (2000 Video)
Suicide fever dream
3 December 2001
It's amazing to watch this film. Jay Lind takes $2,000, with $1,500 of that going to actress extraordinaire Brinke Stevens, and crafts an excellent piece of low budget cinema. The lighting is moody. The acting is, for the most part, well done. There are some effective camera effects and it's always nice to see Brinke Stevens in her natural state. The film reminded me of some of Jess Franco's early work. There's even a small nod to Vampyros Lesbos. No, I won't tell you what it is. Find it yourself. In addition, the plot line itself smacks a little of Virgin Among The Living Dead. This is an excellent film and I would recommend it to anyone. The only downside is it may give you the itch to make your own little opus. Then your credit cards are maxed out and you're telling the police officer. 'No, officer really, we're shooting a student film we don't need a permit.' But I digress. To Dance With Death is a good solid piece of erotic supernatural cinema.
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Wacked Out Psycho Crime Drama
18 October 2001
Ordering movies by odd titles has always been a thing with me. Imagine my surprise when I got this one in the mail! You're never really sure at the beginning if Abe Zwick is supposed to be a man or woman. Then when he answers the phone at his house he says in a soft, feminine voice, "hello?" He repeats it once more. Then his face contorts into a frown and in a deep, bass voice says, "STANLEY!" (Stanley being his boyfriend who always ends up hooking up with women, even though he's gay). That scene sets the tone for the film and it's the two leads, Paul and Stanley who set the energetic tone of the film. This is a must see for any lover of bad films. On an interesting side note, Paul (played by Abe Zwick) looks a lot like a young Andy Kaufman.
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