Change Your Image
nearvanaman
Ratings
Most Recently Rated
Reviews
Swordfish (2001)
'Uninspired' to 'Silly' to 'Ridiculous' to 'Pathetic'
Title: Swordfish; Genre: Action; Certificate: 18; Year: 2001; Director: Dominic Sena
Starring: John Travolta, Halle Berry, Hugh Jackman, Don Cheadle, Vinnie Jones, Sam Shepard
It's easy to like John Travolta. Ever since his inspired comeback in 1994's "Pulp Fiction", he's received acclaim for his turns in "Get Shorty", "Face/Off" and "Primary Colors". Of course there's also been the significant shadow of the dismal "Broken Arrow", "Michael" and "Battlefield Earth" along with low-key performances in "Mad City", "The Generals Daughter" and "White Man's Burden". All in all, a mixed bag. Cue the big-budget cyber-thriller, "Swordfish" where director Dominic Sena ("Kalifornia", "Gone in Sixty Seconds") brings Travolta in alongside "X-Men" duo, Halle Berry and Hugh Jackman.
Gabriel Shear (Travolta) is a self-appointed anti-terrorist who hires a supreme computer hacker, Stan Jobson (Jackman) to aide the theft of a $9.5bn warchest that the DEA had left in a dormant bank account for 15 years. Jobson only agrees after Shear's sidekick, Ginger (Berry), suggests that it may help him regain custody of his estranged daughter, Holly (Camyrn Grimes), who is in the clutches of her alcoholic mother. In order to do the job, Shear and his gang take over a downtown bank and wire explosives to hostages to ward off the feds, led by Agent Roberts (Cheadle - "Volcano", "Boogie Nights", "Mission to Mars", "Traffic"). But with so much at stake, it is hard to trust anyone and boundaries move frequently.
Even describing this movie does not make it sound particularly enticing, and so it proves to be the case. This is probably the worst piece of big-screen celluloid garbage that I've seen in a long time (you can tell that I haven't seen Travolta's last few pieces of garbage). The only note-worthy scene in the whole movie (aside from the Halle Berry flash of course), is a 360-degree pan of the damage done by an exploding hostage. But hey, even that's been done better before.
The story goes from uninspired, to silly, to ridiculous. The pathetic climax involving a helicopter and a school bus has to be seen to be believed. Performances are fairly average. Jackman and Berry were very entertaining in "X-Men", but they look bored and anaemic here. Travolta snarls his way through another bad-guy role to amusing effect and Don Cheadle is probably the best thing on show here as the driven FBI agent.
A desperate mess.
Rating *
Jack Frost 2: Revenge of the Mutant Killer Snowman (2000)
Brilliant Rubbish
Title: Jack Frost 2: Revenge of the Mutant Killer Snowman; Genre: Horror; Certificate: 18; Year: 2000; Director: Michael Cooney
Starring: Christopher Allport, Eileen Seeley, Chip Heller, Ray Cooney
Once in a while, a movie comes along that redefines the way you look at celluloid entertainment, if only for a short time. When flashy directors spend millions soaking their movies with state-of-the-art special effects, it supposedly increases the entertainment value of their work. Takes flicks like "The Matrix", "The 6th Day" and "Independence Day". I can honestly say that the entertainment ascertained from all the above movies paled in comparison to dismal B-movie "Jack Frost 2".
Yes, you heard me right. "Jack Frost 2" is utterly dismal. It is a B-movie in every sense of the phrase, looks like it was made with an expensive camcorder and stars actors who could very well be your neighbours. But despite this, it still managed to make me laugh so hard I thought I'd cough my lungs up right there.
The premise of "Jack Frost 2" follows similarly to the 1997 prequel. In the original, a serial killer is killed in a car wreck, but he somehow mutates into a snowman and seeks revenge on the sheriff who caught him. The sequel sees a lab expirement go wrong, and once again Jack Frost's remains mutate and he goes on a killing spree on a tropical island where our unfortunate Sheriff Tiler (Christopher Allport) and his wife are attending their friends wedding party.
But the beauty in this movie is not the storyline (as brilliant as a killer snowman on a tropical island is), or the script (which although generally awful, has some humorous and very witty lines). It could be attributed to any of a number of things. Perhaps the memorably bad acting and performances. Maybe the laughable special-effects and settings. The complete lack of editing, direction and production also help make this movie unforgettable. And finally the injection of Jack's "children" - a blatant rip-off of Gremlins, but hilarious all the same.
Not everyone is going to view this movie the way I did. Some will probably switch it off after 15 minutes. But if you like complete and utter rubbish, this is as good as it gets.
How about "Jack Frost 3: Jack vs Worzel Gummidge".
Rating: ***
The 6th Day (2000)
Flawed
In all the years I'm watching Arnie movies, nothing has really changed. The action is fast and furious, the acting ability is non-existent and the level of belief-suspension is high. "The 6th Day" continues the trend as Hollywood broaches the en vogue subject of human cloning - a subject that is sure to "inspire" numerous projects in tinsel town in the next decade or so.
We're vaguely told that it is sometime in the future and while human cloning is outlawed, the cloning of animals has become an acceptable way to replace that dead pet situation that we all hate to deal with. Replacement Technologies, the major cloning institute in the US, is run by businessman Michael Drucker (Goldwyn - "The Pelican Brief", "Nixon", "Kuffs", "Kiss the Girls"). Although they advertise their animal cloning services and research, behind the scenes they have already been involved in the sinister cloning of humans, using the expertise of Dr Griffin Weir (Robert Duvall).
A 'sixth day violation' occurs when Replacement Technologies mistakingly clone Adam Gibson (Schwarzenneger) believing him to be killed in a shoot-out. Gibson returns home to find that his clone has already assumed his life and now Replacement want him captured and murdered in order to keep their secret safe. If anyone sees Gibson and his clone together, then those people will be killed and Gibson realises that the only way he can put an end to the nightmare is to infiltrate Replacement and stop their operation.
"The 6th Day" can be pretty much be summed up by the word 'flawed'. The idea of human cloning throws up numerous interesting premises, and indeed director Spottiswoode ("Tomorrow Never Dies", "And the Band Played On", "Stop or my Mom Will Shoot") plays on the unique idea with some genuinely amusing lines ('Doesn't anyone stay dead anymore?' - Gibson) and situations. His direction though never really excites - the action scenes are sloppy, interest wanes very easily throughout the movie, and the schmalzy ending is just sad.
As I mentioned, the best element of the movie is the humour. Arnie gets to play with some genuinely funny lines and the scene which sees Michael Rooker convince a cop that his Replacement colleague is perfectly alive and not suffering from a broken neck, is hilarious. The cast, mind you, is practically next-to-useless. Outisde of Robert Duvall and his screen wife Katherine (Wanda Cannon), there is little talent or charisma present between the motley crew of Rooker, Goldwyn, Rapaport and Crewson. Schwarzenneger performs with his usual strong-arm vigour so it's the same old-same old there.
Cloning is a great subject for the big screen and I think we will see better movies than this. Not recommended.
The Hurricane (1999)
Tour-de-force performance
Title: The Hurricane; Genre: Drama; Certificate: 15; Year: 1999; Director: Norman Jewison
Starring: Denzel Washington, Liev Schreiber, John Hannah, David Paymer, Vicellous Reon Shannon, Dan Hedaya, Deborah Unger
It's almost fifteen years since Denzel Washington's big breakthrough as Steve Biko in 1987 smash-hit, "Cry Freedom". Since then he has become recognised as one of the finest actors of this generation with acclaimed performances in movies like 'Glory', 'Malcolm X' and 'Philadelphia'. He notches up another tick in the success column with a remarkable performance in the title role of "The Hurricane". Norman Jewison ("Moonstruck", "Jesus Christ Superstar", "Fiddler on the Roof") directs the story of boxing prodigy, Rubin "Hurricane" Carter (Washington) whose life is turned upside down by his wrongful conviction for murder.
Having spent half of his first 20 years in juvenile prison thanks to the close attentions of a racist police officer (Hedaya - "The Usual Suspects", "Shaft", "Maverick"), Carter focuses his anger and aggression to become one of the world's leading middle-weight boxing contenders. The fame and fortune it brings him helps fuel racist fires in the local police department and when the opportunity arises, Sgt Della Pesca uses a heinous multiple-murder to frame and jail Carter. A subsequent re-trial fails to free him, appeals are rejected and Carter uses the time in jail to write his autobiography. Young student, Lesra Martin (Shannon - "Deep Cover", "D2 - the Mighty Ducks"), comes across the book and becomes engrossed by Carter's story. Fully believing in his innocence, Lesra begins to write to and visit Carter in jail. His tutors (played by Schreiber, Hannah and Unger) also believe in Carter's innocence and they plough their efforts into disecting the evidence at his trial and trying to prove his innocence. There is no doubt that the outstanding aspect of this movie is another 'tour-de-force' performance from Washington. His touching portrait of a wrongly-convicted man evolves brilliantly as the movie progresses. The aggressive boxer soon becomes the focused writer whose only goals are freedom and justice. His support cast also receive kudos. Shannon is superb as Carter's guardian angel and mental strength during the hardest periods of his struggle, while Hedaya is the perfectly evil racist cop.
Jewison is not the most prolific movie maker but if he rolls out classics like this once a decade I'll certainly always look forward to them. My only regret is that this is marketed as the true story of Rubin Carter when in reality a lot of the facts have been changed to make the movie more dramatic. I guess that happens all the time but it seems a bit tasteless where the lives of innocent people are concerned. But beyond that, this is an absorbing and thoroughly deserving movie experience.
American Beauty (1999)
Spacey recognised at last
I remember staying up all night, drinking copius amounts of Diet Coke and chomping on butter popcorn. Oh them were the days. Why? The Oscars, of course. For many years the event was the bread and butter of my video shop employee tenure. Don't know why. It's not like it was a shock or anything when the winners were finally announced. Anyone who had kept their ear to the ground generally heard who was going to emerge victorious. My favourite moments were when Nic Cage won for "Leaving Las Vegas" or when Kevin Spacey finally got well deserved recognition for "The Usual Suspects", having been a fan of his for about 5 years.
So what's this all about? It's all about the world finally realising just what a genius, and world class actor Kevin Spacey is. I marvelled at his performances in "Glengary Glen Ross" and "Swimming with Sharks" and cringed in complete shock as he for some reason chose to star in the dismal "A Time to Kill". Must have been for a bet.
Anyway, I'm rambling.
"American Beauty" is the story of the final months in the life of Lester Burnham (Spacey) and his search for some form of happiness in his life. He's a middle-class, average America who has worked hard in his job for 14 years. The result of this hard work is a 42 year old man with a daughter who hates him (Thora Birch - "Monkey Business"), a wife who nags him (Annette Bening - "Bugsy"), and a life that bores him. We are introduced to this scenario by the now-deceased Burnham, which places an interesting spin on things seeing that we view the movie in the knowledge that the lead character will be dead by the end.
In the opening scenes we see that all is not well in the Burnham household. The troubled couple do their best to portray 'business as usual' by attending their cheerleading daughter's big night at a local basketball game. When he should be admiring his daughter's cheerleading skills, Lester instead gets entranced by her fellow-dancer and best friend, Angela (Mena Suvari) which leads the tormented father into a bizarre sexual fantasy the type of which he's never experienced before.
When he meets new neighbour, Ricky Fitts (Wes Bentley) at a function soon after, Lester gets introduced to the wonders of smoking pot. He is further impressed by how the bar employee quits his job in such a matter-of-fact manner when caught hanging outside the building by his boss. Suddenly Lester begins to see that life is there for living. Knowing that Carolyn may not support his new outlook on life, he decides to take things by the scruff of the neck. Can the reckless abandon which Lester has planned really deliver happiness?
And thus is the premise of "American Beauty" - the 1999 Oscar winner for Best Picture.
There's no doubt that it is a controversial movie. Themes of homosexuality, masturbation, drug use, underage sex and adultery are prevalent throughout the movie. But for some reason, it never becomes a vulgar experience, or a film that should offend. It is a black comedy, maybe even a tragicomedy.
The performances from pretty much the entire cast range from excellent to outstanding. Spacey of course was rewarded with the Best Actor oscar, and there was a nomination also for Annette Bening (Best Actress). Thora Birch is wonderful as the angry teenage daughter and her strange relationship with the equally impressive Wes Bentley is one of the movie's great achievements.
It works so well because English director Sam Mendes does such an outstanding job in his directorial debut for which he was rewarded with the Best Director Oscar this year. Equally as important is Alan Ball's wonderful (Oscar winning) screenplay. There are many moments where you can't wait to hear what Spacey is going to say next and when he does deliver, it's normally a biting comment that has you laughing your ass off.
Wonderful stuff and a justified winner of it's many Oscars in my book.
Rating ****
The Arrival (1996)
Bad haircut, bad goatee, bad glasses, bad lines...
Title: The Arrival; Genre: Sci-Fi; Certificate: 15; Year: 1996; Director: David N Twohy
Starring: Charlie Sheen, Teri Polo, Ron Silver
With the renaissance of science fiction, (similar to the brief rebirth of westerns recently), there are many frustrated script writers only too eager to share their visions of alien invasions and futuristic apocalypse. This has lead to recent movies like "Strange Days", "Independence Day" and "The Arrival".
Charlie Sheen, who has slipped into freefall since the heady days of "Platoon", is Zane Ziminski, a radio telescope operator who searches the airwaves for alien contact from outer space. When he encounters a radio signal he is sure is of alien origin, he submits it to his boss, Gordian (Silver), who then fires him. When his equipment is confiscated and his partner is found dead in suspicious circumstances, he becomes fully aware that a cover-up of sorts is in operation.
He tracks the signals to an isolated Mexican village where he meets another scientist (Lindsay Crouse) who has similar suspicions. They are of the opinion that aliens are transmitting messages to aliens already on earth and he makes a startling discovery underneath the village...an underground alien lair who are speeding up the Greenhouse Effect in order to colonise the earth.
Bad haircut, bad goatee, bad glasses, bad lines. That is Charlie Sheen for the most part of this science fiction thriller; the same part that crawls along rather uneventfully making you wish you had chosen to watch "Braveheart" again. However, suddenly the heat is on when the aliens become aware that their plan is under threat and Ziminski loses the specs and becomes a bit of a (unlikely) hero.
For all its problems, "The Arrival" manages to create a small amount of tension as you start to wonder just who is on Ziminski's side and who is an alien. When you think things are looking up, the film fizzles out to an uninspiring end though and it's another missed opportunity for Sheen. The special effects are impressive yet subtle but they are not enough to warrant this movie a must see. Better luck next time Mr Sheen; if there is a next time.
Rating **
15 Minutes (2001)
Balancing Act Goes Wrong
John Herzfeld returns to the big screen after five years away. His last feature, `2 Days in the Valley' with James Spader, Danny Aiello, Jeff Daniels and Teri Hatcher was a deserved critical, if not commercial, success. Armed with a screen legend and socially-aware subject matter in `15 Minutes', Herzfeld mixes exciting action fare with an attempt to instil a deeper commentary about media obsession with tragedy.
Eddie Fleming (De Niro) enjoys the media attention that has turned him from successful homicide detective to celebrity. By ensuring that unethical TV anchorman, Robert Hawkins (Grammer - TVs `Frasier'), is on the scene during his major busts, Fleming manages to get his face on TV more so than your average cop. A suspicious fire at an apartment block brings Fleming together with arson investigator, Jody Warsaw (Burns - `The Brothers McMullan', `She's the One'). They realise that the fire is no accident and embark on a homicide investigation.
Released convicts, Emil (Karel Roden) and Oleg (Oleg Taktarov), come to New York to find the former partner they owes them money. When they find Milos (Vladimir Mashkov) they discover that he has spent their share of the money and in a fit of rage, Emil murders Milos and his wife, before burning their apartment block down to cover their tracks. Unwittingly Oleg captures the murders on a video camera that he had stolen and after witnessing American TV's obsession with violence and those who commit violent acts, Emil and Oleg realise that they can become rich and famous by making their murders public. They know the unethical TV anchorman that will buy their movie, now they just need a high-profile target.
De Niro has been acting-by-numbers for some time now, but even when he is, he's still head and shoulders above pretty much everyone else. `15 Minutes' is no different. The only character here with any sense of depth, De Niro delivers a layered performance as the expert cop who has trouble with the bottle as well as expressing his love for his reporter girlfriend (Melina Kanakaredes - TVs `NYPD Blue').
On the flip side, Ed Burns struggles to play a convincing action man, and Kelsey Grammer is totally miscast as the cynical TV piranha. The schizophrenic paranoia of the European killers, Roden and Taktarov, works pretty well despite a seeming slide into almost comic-book bad-guy parody at times.
Herzfeld keeps things moving pretty well with some excellent action sequences, but the balancing act between balls-to-the-wall action and the `media preoccupation with violence is bad' social commentary, waters things down too much. You are left with the thought that either this is a serious movie that pokes fun at its own plot or a light-hearted yarn that takes itself too seriously. In essence the movie lies awkwardly between two stools, and no doubt it's crying out 'I've fallen and I can't get up'.
Rating: **
Scary Movie (2000)
lazy comedy
hugely disappointing attempt to satire the horror genre from the wayans brothers. most of the "inspiration" comes from the "scream" and "i know what you did last summer" series' with some token nods to movies like "the sixth sense", "the blair witch project", "the exorcist" and "the usual suspects".
most of the comedy is juvenile, tasteless and just un-funny. a hugely unpleasant experience - not looking forward to the sequel.
Rating *
Braindead (1992)
pretty much perfect
i watched this on it's original release, bought the previously viewed copy we had in the video store (the advantages of working there), and recently fished it out for a second viewing.
and 8 years on it is as much a classic as it was then.
it would have been easy for Peter Jackson to just stick as much gore and violence as possible into the movie and hope for the best. and while there is a substantial amount of both present, the real reason this is a classic is because of the tongue-in-cheek humour that ensures the sickest parts of the film don't fall into horror cliche or extreme gratuity.
the shagging zombies, the psycho baby, the sleazy uncle, the bodiless legs, the nurse with the head hanging off...you have to see it to believe it.
it's probably the greatest comedy-horror movie ever made. top three anyway. Rating: ****1/2