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Idle Hands (1999)
Hilariously stupid
5 December 2000
What is it about marijuana jokes that always seem to be universally hysterical?

This movie is basically a punk-horror flick with (other than the perfect music) side-splitting laughs and a little too much gore to add to the unbelievable wackiness of the story.

Anton is the slacker we've always secretly wanted to be, who just doesn't care if he's walking around his neighborhood in just a shirt and boxers... he has to get his weed! And when his hand gets possessed and kills his friends (while still attached to his body so of course he has to live with the guilt,) his friends come back from the dead to still have some kick-ass fun with him, and his life gets weirder and weirder every second.

Mick and Pnub are just like my brothers, with their lackadaisical look on the trip to heaven and their constant ribbings of each other. Seth Green did an awesome job, almost too awesome...makes me wonder about his personal life...

Good, semi-clean fun with enough drug references to make your Hippie parents blush.
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What a total sack of monkey poop
5 December 2000
This is one of the few movies that I am actually ANGRY at. I never really played the computer game that it was based on, but I know enough about it to say that the game was basically dog-fighting with a little plot thrown in for spice. A fun mix.

The movie, on the other hand, had maybe what, 2 scenes of actual dog-fighting? And even then they were royally depressing in their lameness and short lengths of time. And yes, the whole idea of a "persecuted-Christian in the time of Romans" parallel made me want to vomit.

The acting was atrocious. I basically despise Freddie Prinze Jr. anyway, so that was no disappointment. He always has that smile on his face that says "Hi, I think I'm irresistible" but really makes me want to plunge him head-first off a bridge with sharp, nasty rocks at the bottom. Saffron Burrows gave us a very flat performance... and her change of heart over Maverick seems way too sudden to be remotely believable (how many movies involving planes or the like will have the hotshot male lead be named "Maverick," by the way?) She was a wench who turned into a mushy wuss in a split second. And don't even get me started on Matthew Lillard. He is always playing the same type of character with that same idiotic grin... "Wing Commander," "Scream," "Salt Lake City Punk"... the list goes on. Can we say "type-cast"?

I admit, the only reason I went to see this movie was because I had been led to believe that there would be a trailer for "Star Wars: Episode 1" in the coming attractions (which there wasn't, so of course I was disappointed). Now I really REALLY wish that I hadn't wasted my time on this.
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Lost Highway (1997)
Masterpiece? WHERE?!
5 December 2000
Ok, so after reading some of these reviews I think I might understand the movie now. Maybe.

I learned about this movie from a couple of friends who had the soundtrack with the Nine Inch Nails song "The Perfect Drug" on it, so I figured "hey, it'll be weird, but possibly good." Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeell.....

The whole abstract plot really got on my nerves. I'm sorry, but isn't movie-making for the purpose of entertainment? Rather than, say, to stick your nose up at people who didn't understand the totally messed-up story that had no explanations whatsoever of what is going on, so if we don't know about damn "fugue states" we're basically lost from the start.

When you TRY oh so hard to make a cinematic masterpiece, usually you fall flat on your face and look like an idiot. That's what I got from this movie... no altered ways of looking at life, no renewed appreciation of road-rage and strange men dressed in black with camcorders, and no understanding of what was going on!! After a while I just continued watching the movie in hopes that it would all come together....and after that hope started failing I watched it just to see where "The Perfect Drug" was played... and I missed it while I was probably in the john during a commercial break! GRRR

On the whole, I thoroughly do NOT recommend this movie, because it is just far too confusing for such a simpleton as myself, I suppose. It was "too deep" and so "cerebral that it was over my head," according to these stuffy folks.

I have a suggestion: get your heads out of your butts and stop tagging people as dense just because they couldn't understand such a confusing and pointless movie as "Lost Highway."
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P**s-yellow color filter to match the p**s-poor movie
5 December 2000
The first film had reasons for the color filters: red for Eric's painful memories of his fiance, and blue for Albrecht's memories, while the rest of the movie was basically in a black & white mood, to match the mask Eric painted on his face.

Whenever a sequel is made, it is inevitable for people to immediately compare it to its predecessor. Honestly, this movie had more potential in the beginning, with the original story (and before the yellow filter!). At one point, the spirit of Ashe's deceased son (the one whose death he has to avenge) appears before him... in the original idea, the boy says something to the effect of "Dad, you have to stop this now, or else we'll never be together" (presumably in the afterlife/land of the dead), and Ashe replies "No, I have to go save Sarah" (which really makes you feel that the bad guy kinda wins when she dies). But in the final release of the movie, the boy says "Dad, if you stop now, we'll never be together." So basically, we have this little kid saying "Yeah, Dad! Go kill some more people! Woo-hoo!" ...Call me crazy, but I don't think that's as emotional as desired.

Continuity problems between the original movie and City of Angels: * Eric returns one year after his and his fiance's death; Ashe comes back after one day.

* The crow acts as a sort of guide to help Eric along the way in his quest to avenge his and his loved one's deaths; Ashe is just stupid and needs to be told what to do.

* THAT CAT IS STILL ALIVE AFTER HOW MANY YEARS?? It's the same fluffy white cat, Gabriel!

Overall, a failure.
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Sweet and refreshing
5 December 2000
This is the first movie I ever saw with Minnie Driver, and I loved how the director made her get porked up for the role. We were meant to see the inner beauty of Benny, of course, but also to see that occasional external loveliness that can come through in her purely emotional situations.

Of course, I thought Nan was acting rather like a whore when she bedded Jack for all the wrong reasons, just as the audience was meant to despise such an act. As a whole, my emotions were pulled in all the right directions, so kudos to the directing crew!

A story of love, friendship, curiosity, betrayal, and forgiveness that hits all the right chords.
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Leviathan (1989)
Yet another predictable sci-fi/horror non-thriller
5 December 2000
Every second of this movie you can basically predict from the start. All of the most basic uses of "foreshadowing" are utilized, making you do anything BUT sit on the edge of your seat. The stock horror "coming back for one final scare" pretty much made me laugh my butt off, because the "monster" was a basic joke, and it also gave the writers a chance to kill off the last of the characters who weren't romantically involved--therefore leaving just the two lovers left so that there weren't any odd feelings of having a "third wheel" in the mix (too bad, I liked Ernie Hudson's character a little).

I think that if you suffer from insomnia, this just might be the cure. It will bore your brain into a coma.
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Charming and thoroughly enjoyable
5 December 2000
There's just something about a ditzy woman miraculously making herself a name that always seems to be a winner. I loved the way Gladys and Pete interacted throughout the entire story, through friendship, frustrations, unreturned feelings, and finally contented love.

It is certainly a feel-good movie, and accomplishes this task rather well. Recommended for all you touchy-feelies out there.
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Gee, my favorite character was the weatherman
4 December 2000
I actually found the character development in this movie to be rather shoddy; I really and honestly didn't care who lived and who died. I felt no real connection between Bobby and Christina, especially since she kept rambling "I love you, I love you" mixed in with "I can't believe I'm in love with you...I hate you," etc... and all in the same scene!

Another thing that really frosted my cookies about this movie is that the main emotional pull of the story was supposed to be centered on Bobby and Christina's relationship, yet George Clooney still managed to get top billing. Am I the only one who sees a problem with this?
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Oh look, a Matrix-wannabe!
4 December 2000
Reality is created by a machine.

How many movies are going to use that hackneyed plot idea? Obviously the writers here thought that they could jump on the bandwagon that "The Matrix" made popular in hopes to earn a little extra cash.

Firstly, this movie was certainly NOT intellectually stimulating. It didn't make me question what this reality truly is made of, and it didn't have me mentally link the storyline to a philosophy-type book I had recently read (side note: If you ever read Daniel Quinn's book "Ishmael," I guarantee that you can see some similarities of ideas. By the way, the book came first.) "The Thirteenth Floor" really disappointed me mentally, because I was hoping for at least a little mind-bending to occur. But nooooo...the advertisements had to fool me. ;-)

A big factor in movies is the music, right? In the case with "The Thirteenth Floor," the music was (in some places) grand and celebratory, all right, but the scenery it was meant to match was...well, drab, mediocre, and rather plain. If the purpose of the music is to obviously try to make the movie seem more epic or more emotional with no effect, you've got a problem.

But hey, if you're like me and actually enjoy renting bad movies in order to laugh at their mediocrity and to better appreciate the actually good ones, this movie gets my strong recommendation!
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Painful to watch
4 December 2000
I found this movie extremely painful for me to watch, as I saw little Ludovic just trying to be what he feels in his heart is his true role: as a young girl. He even (as young children tend to do) plans to marry one of his classmates, but only when he can become a female, as apparently he sees that that is the only form of coupling between people -- male & female.

He has to fight off the fear and resentment of his neighbors, classmates, and even members of his family as he insists on trying to become a girl. The most disturbing factor of this movie is that Ludovic remains innocent and rather naive as to why his wants are so wrong, and no one really bothers to explain to him why it is seen as unseemly and even perhaps immoral.

The most fascinating point seems to be how his relationships with his family members shift throughout the storyline; his father takes the standard role of masculinely denying that his son is very effeminate and then gradually accepting his little quirk, while his mother acts supportive and concerned for him only until her social life and connections are threatened by the way others view Ludovic. She becomes the ultimate antagonist, because a mother's role is to be loving, caring, and supportive of all of her child's wants, and she throws those all away just so that she can blame their family's downfall on someone other than herself.

I seriously recommend this film to anyone who is either an emotional masochist or is interested in studying varied interpretations of how a family may react to the uncommon wants of a little, innocent boy.
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Judgement Day (1988)
Cheesy horror... at its worst
4 December 2000
Ugggggghhh.

That was my reaction to this movie. My friends and I surmise that it was created on a budget of maybe $100, filmed on a personal camcorder, and was (stupidly) taken way too seriously during the filming. They actually thought that this was scary?

Well, at least it gave me a different physical interpretation of "Satan," at least... instead of the red guy with the cute tail that has a little spade on the tip, you get a mixture of vampire, devil, and your worst hair day ever all blended into one.

On my list of the best flicks to rent for a marathon of sucky movies, this one is #1!!
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One man's repeated run-ins with the law inspire him to tell others not to make the same mistakes.
19 April 2000
I got to watch this TV movie in my ninth grade Health class, and I just watched it, amazed. John Evans, after having gotten over his adolescent criminal urges, and ready to get married and settle down with a family, once again decided to repeatedly break the law in various ways.

Evans is the anti-hero of the tale, with film clips of the real John Evans adding insight at the beginning, offering a prologue for this heart-wrenching story.

I recommend this movie for anyone old enough to understand the consequences of breaking the law, and how it affects them as an actual human being.
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