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Final Justice (1985)
Fat, bloated guy to the rescue!!
23 January 2000
Ha ha, I really had fun watching this movie. Showcased on the great MST3K, "Final Justice" is about a chubby pig-faced sheriff named Geronimo (pronounced "Heronimo". Go figure!!), who has a penchant for using his six-shooters to solve his problems and a love for milk. Geronimo is forced to extradite a crybaby Italian hood back to Italy, but am airline error forces our hero(?) to make an abrupt stop to the small island of Malta, where all sorts of trouble erupts for Sheriff Porky, I mean Geronimo (Hee hee!).



And that's basically the sum of the whole movie. It's just a continous chain of scenes where Geronimo gets into several 10to 15 minute chases, lies in a cell bed and gets up from it about 150 times, gets involved in the saddest bar-fight in all of Cinema history, and drinks milk by the gallons! If that's not enough, the dialogue is ludricous as well, with Geronimo and the hood throwing "You sonuva...!!! at each other in rapid succession. Plus, there's the Ellen Bennes lookalike who accompanies the hapless and frequently hungry Texas sheriff, and there's also the bad-tempered agent Wilson (Bill McKinney of "Bronco Billy") and the thickly accented Malta cop Misfu.



Oh man, "Final Justice" must be the worst excuse of an action movie ever made. Jeez, "Stop or My Mom will Shoot!" has better production values than this turd. And what's the big idea of using Joe Don Baker as the main star??! It would have been better if they used somebody like Randy Quaid or Porter Wagner as the sheriff. At least those two can act!!
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12 Angry Men (1997 TV Movie)
Jury duty will never be the same again!!
9 January 2000
"12 Angry Men '97" is one of the few examples that a remake can be just as great as the original. This version of the 1957 drama is awesome. It had the same tension and verbal action as its predessor, but with more familiar characters and even color! Jack Lemmon replaces Henry Fonda as the good juror #8, the late great George C. Scott succeeds Lee J. Cobb as the hate-filled juror #3, and Mykelti Williamson takes a really good turn as the nasty juror #10 (he's sure as hell not looking for "shrimp" in this flick, if you know what I mean! And check out his cool hat! He looks like a younger Jim Brown). Each member of this jury take their tolls as they all argue over the life of a teen who is accused of murdering his father with switchblade. And each of them would like to leave the stuffy jury room!



Unlike the original, "12 Angry Men '97" is more modernized; for example, instead of electric fans, an air conditioner cools down the hot temperature of the room, and the jury isn't an all-white ensemble, but a multi-ethnic group. That's why I like this version better because there isn't a lot of racial boundaries to go over here, unlike in the original.
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12 Angry Men (1957)
Hey, juror #3, LIGHTEN UP!!!
9 January 2000
Undoubtedly a true classic, "12 Angry Men" is one of the best dramas ever filmed. In this movie, everybody can feel the tension, not just by the jurors themselves, but the viewers as well. Henry Fonda does a great job as the good-hearted juror #8, and Lee J. Cobb is equally great as the bad-tempered eight juror. As juror 8 is trying his best to find the reasonable doubt to spring off the young defendent accused of murder off the guilty seat, juror 3 and a few other jurors want to see the kid hang.



"12 Angry Men" is practically my favorite old movie (I like a lot of new stuff), because even though its atmosphere is very old-school, its got the same dramatic intensity found in current dramas.
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Time Chasers (1994)
Time Wasters
8 January 2000
Among all films about time travel, "Time Chasers" is the worst! Showcased in MST3K, this sci-fi turd is about how a big-chinned physics teacher named Nick who dons a Castleton T-shirt and his dopey reporter girlfriend Lisa (who looks strangely a lot like Toni Tennille!) tries to save humanity's future from a corrupt hick CEO named Robertson, who's use for Nick's flying time machine is for his own twisted purposes!



MST3K really lambasted this flick, not only for its poor performances, but for its miniscule budget! The MST3K stars had a field day roasting "Time Chasers," and I had a hell of a good time watching it! However, I was pretty surprised when I read somewhere that David Giancola, the director of "Time Chasers" even thanked MST3K for showing his low denominator project on their show!! Hell, if I directed a turd like this movie, I wouldn't mind haven't it roasted, too!
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Rocky (1976)
Sly Stallone in his only Oscar-winning movie ever!!!
8 January 2000
Sylvester Stallone makes his breakthrough performance as the underdog Italian boxer Rocky Balboa in "Rocky." This flick inspired all underdog movies, and thanks to Sly's rugged performance, that's what makes this film go 'round! Along with his meek wife Adrian (Talia Shire), and his gruff-but-trusting coach Mickey (Burgess "The Penguin" Meredith), Rocky prepares for the big fight against the macho up-start Apollo Creed (Carl Weathers).



Though I didn't like the ending that much and the film seemed a bit overlong, "Rocky" is an all-time winner because of the heart and soul this flick delivers. All the main stars of this movie do great, and it paved the road of fame for good 'ol Sly himself. YO ADDRIIIIANNNNNN!!! I DID ITTTTT!
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Yipee-yi-yo-kaiyay!
7 January 2000
Spaghetti Western, 90's style. Sam Raimi ("The Evil Dead Series", "For Love of the Game," "A Simple Plan") pays his tribute to the legendary drama about a woman named Ellen (nicely played by Sharon Stone) who wants to make a slimeball named Herod (Gene Hackman) eat lead. Along the way, Ellen makes friends with several townsfolk such as a burn-our named Cort (Russel Crowe) and a quick-draw pretty boy named the Kid (Leo Dicaprio). "The Quick and the Dead", along with "Posse", stand out as the best western flicks made in the 90's. It's got the old-fashioned look of the Wild West added with violence courtesy of the previous decade. One thing's for sure, I liked this movie more than the dreadfully dull "Tombstone"!
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Ice-T is "It"
7 January 2000
Yes folks, It's another "The Most Dangerous Game" update, for about the 50th version. But, this counterpart is much more different from the others; it's got style!! Ice-T plays a Seattle bum named Mason who gets an interesting offer by a couple of slick hunters, led by Rutger Hauer and the ever-dependable Gary Busey. Soon enough, Mason finds himself as the hunter rather than vice versa, while the other hunters are closing in on our hero. "Surviving the Game" is a great action flick. Sure, the dialogue is horrendous, but that is made up by the great action. The actors do really well, too, especially by Ice-T and John McGinley, who's playing this game of Tag with a vengeance.
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Dean is the King of Cool
6 January 2000
"Rebel Without a Cause" is what really boosted James Dean's image as the coolest rebel around. He literally lights up the screen as teen outcast Jim, who causes trouble like a typical rebel should. Jim and his friends Judy (Natalie Wood) and Plato run around messing with punks (among them Dean's real life best pal Nick Adams and a young Dennis Hopper!) and their parents. True, this flick is dated and extremely primitive compared to today's stuff, but I consider "Rebel Without a Cause" a classic today.
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Rush Hour (1998)
"Don't you ever touch a black man's radio, boy!!"
2 January 2000
Chris Tucker and Jackie Chan make a tough and hilarious team in their monster-hit flick "Rush Hour." The stars play two cops from two different worlds, and they must find the kidnapped daughter of a Hong Kong diplomat. Along the way, they kick bad-guy ass and listen to tunes, even though that they obviously don't share the same tastes. (Lee likes the Beach Boys, while Carter likes Jay-zee. You get the picture. "Rush Hour" is a great blend of action and comedy. This movie had to be "Lethal Weapon 4"'s toughest competition in 1998, and you can tell that this duo had a lot to offer than the aging Mel Gibson and Danny Glover.
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Space Mutiny (1988)
Ishtar in Space
2 January 2000
OK folks, here it is, the worst film ever to depict a giant space ship. What's so bad about it, you ask? Well, here goes: inside this particular space ship are characters that looked like they were created from the messed-up head of Salvador Dali! There's a big, muscle-headed fruitcake by the name of Butch Deadlift, or Big McLargehuge, or whatever, there's Shari Lewis with a high on methane, there's captain Santa Claus, and there's the giggling bad guy named Kalgon. All the production values

"Space Mutiny" had to offer was extremely bad, but the topper of them all is Reb Brown's gay high-pitch scream. What, is Brown castrated or something? Why does his vocal chords sound as if someone had just hit him really hard in the nuts?! It boggles my mind!! Brown should join the Vienna Boys Choir if he has such a girlie voice!



I had viewed this flick from hell on MST3K. It was a hilarious episode, but I felt really sorry for the cast of that funny show. Case in point, when the movie's final credits were scrolling down, Mike, Tom and Servo were fighting amongst themselves! Can this movie really push somebody over the edge? You decide for yourself, dear reader, by watching "Space Mutiny", if you dare!
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A game of Tag goes way out of hand
2 January 2000
Michael Dudikoff and Steve James finally find the movie of their standards in this deadly chase thriller set in the deep South. Dudikoff plays Hunter, an aptly named ex-secret service agent who goes to the aid of his buddy Larry (James). The latter is a black politician who is the target of, what else, slimeball white supremacists. Definitely way better than the rotten "American Ninja" films, "Avenging Force" is a great suspense flick that consists of great fight scenes. My personal fave fight part is when Hunter fights Glastenbury, played by big, bald John P. Ryan.
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"Snakes. Why did it have to be snakes?"
2 January 2000
Indiana Jones, alongside Rambo, the Terminator, Dirty Harry, James Bond, and Conan the Barbarian, has to be the greatest movie hero of all time, thanks to Harrison Ford's cool and calculating performance as the daredevil archaeologist. Indy must find the lost Ark, the container that holds the 10 Commandments, before his worst enemies, the Nazis, could get ahold of it first. "Raiders of the Lost Ark" has everything to offer for action fans. It has a wisecracking and very realistic hero, his spunky girlfriend (Karen Allen), a trusty sidekick (John Rhys-Davies), sick bad guys, lots of shootouts, and adrenline-pumped action-sequences. In other words, it's the perfect image of what every adventure flick should be!!
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Look out for Coogan and his bathing suit (Yuck!!!)
31 December 1999
Need a good flick to put you to sleep? "The Space Children" is your choice! This movie is about the many adventures of a group of brats (one who looks a lot like a young Peter Graves), a disgusting-looking blob that resembles Oliver Reed's liver, a balding scientist named Warhman (Woman?), commie-hating troops, a tight-assed mother (Peggy Webber from "The Screaming Skull"), the drunk guy who played the Professor from "Gilligan's Island", and last but not least, Jackie Coogan's really tight swim trunks! And that's about it. Nothing else. Just all these characters running around like intoxicated orangutangs. That's what I mean about boring!
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It sure is....
31 December 1999
You know, there are times I wish I was never born. But, after watching "It's a Wonderful Life", it made me change my views on how life can be a real b****! Jimmy Stewart plays the good-hearted guy named George who rides on an emotional roller coaster after getting his dreams thwarted by the rich jerk Mr. Potter (Lionel Barrymore, Drew's grandfather). But after a nightmarish visit to a parallel world thanks to his silly-but kind guardian angel named Clarence (Henry Travers). Soon, George learns to love life as it is, no matter how screwed up it is. "It's A Wonderful Life" is one of the greatest Christmas flicks ever made, and a good stress-reliever, too.
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Predator 2 (1990)
A good sequel, but not much in relation with the original
29 December 1999
"Predator 2" is another example of sequels that bare little or no resemblance to its predessesors. Just like "From Dusk till Dawn 2" and "Deadlock 2", it only mentions their originals little by little, therefore not giving the originals any credit! However, I think "Predator" is more visually striking and more suspenseful than the first flick. The alien here is more deadly and more cunning, and the hero Harrigan (Danny Glover) is tougher and more resourceful than Schwarzenegger's Dutch. Gary Busey reunites with his "Lethal Weapon" costar, as the greaseball FBI agent Keyes, who has a lot to compare with Carl Weather's CIA agent from the first "Predator". Sure, the acting in this film is pretty lame, but the effects and the action scenes make up for that. As for Glover, he again makes a pretty good action star, and he doesn't need a crazy white guy for a partner in order to be "lethal", if you know what I mean!!
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Sudden Impact (1983)
It made my day, for sure
29 December 1999
Sure, the 4th "Dirty Harry" flick might be a little convuleted and sluggish at times, but it's a pretty good movie nevertheless. Old Harry is at it again, nailing diner robbers, pinheaded punks, vicious killers, and rape victim Jennifer (Sondra Locke, yet again starring with Clint!). Along the way, bossy police officials are breathing down Harry's back, proving to be difficult to deal with as much as the bad guys are. But, Harry always beats the odds. New details bring life to the series, including Harry's new magnum-automag and the fact that Albert Popwell (the black dude that's always playing villians in the "Dirty Harry" flicks) is finally portraying a good guy! "Sudden Impact" remains as one of my fave Eastwood movies. I knew what he was thinking!
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Hong Kong 97 (1994)
Decent, but needs a lot of work
28 December 1999
"Hong Kong '97" is one of those many "hitmen-with-a-conscience" flicks. The T-1000 himself Robert Patrick plays a laconic assassin named Cameron, who succeeds in killing a Chinese diplomat just on the eve of the day Hong Kong becomes part of China from the U.K. The killing results in trouble for Cameron, as guys with itchy trigger-fingers try to pump lead into our "hero", his girlfriend, and his buddy (played by Brion James, who finally portrays a good guy!) Though visually striking, "Hong Kong 97" is a pretty dense film, with an incoherent plot and bad dialogue. Patrick tries hard, but his charming good lucks can't really save this film from falling down a well of despair!
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Posse (1993)
Finally, a western with originality!!
28 December 1999
"Posse" is a great movie!! It's basically something nobody has tried before: telling the tales of the first great black cowboys. Mario Van Peebles wears both hats as he works as both an actor and director for this film, about a black infantrymen named Jessie Lee leading his fellow troopers into battling white supremacists and his former commanding officer (played with slimy exception by Billy Zane). "Posse" has everything a good western should have: great gun-fights, cool performances (especially by Van Peebles, Stephen Baldwin, and Big Daddy Kane) and a triumphant ending.
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Black Rain (1989)
"Dirty Harry" meets "Romancing the Stone" meets "Rising Sun"
28 December 1999
After several dramatic flicks such as "Fatal Attraction" and "Wall Street", Michael Douglas bounces back nicely into the action genre as a maverick New York cop named Nick, in "Black Rain". Nick and his partner Charlie (a goofy-but lovable Andy Garcia) are assigned to extradite a nasty Yakuza mobster named Sato back to Japan, but a critical error in the Japanese airport results in letting Sato to escape. So, our heroes are forced to work with a hard-knuckled Japenese detective (played nicely but Ken Takukura) to bring Sato down. "Black Rain" is an awesome cop drama flick, with cool performances, a musicaly number by Garcia (!) and great motorcycle chase sequences. An ultimate thriller all the way.
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"You 'bout gave me ah heart attack, Otis!!?"
24 December 1999
Ok, Ok. Maybe "From Dusk till Dawn 2" isn't one of the greatest sequels in the whole world and it pretty much has no distinct relation with its predessor, but "FDTD2" is a cool flick anyway. It's got more action and more pyrotechniques than the first film, and it has more gore and more chills, too. Nice camera angles also liven up the picture. However, the acting in this film is very atrocious. I became really annoyed over the Texan accents the characters had (especially those by Robert Patrick, Bo Hopkins, and Brett Harrelson). They all sounded terrible! Also, another bad glitch in this movie is Bruce Campbell's very brief appearence. I wish they gave him a bigger and more significant role here, like he was a member of Patrick's bank robber team and old "Ash" himself would have became a vampire! That would have been so cool!

Anyhow, "FDTD2" is a nifty action\horror movie. It could have been better, though.
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Cliffhanger (1993)
Sly climbs the highest of the Rockies (get it?)
21 December 1999
One of Sly's best action flicks when "Rambo" isn't concerned, "Cliffhanger" is guaranteed to push you over the edge! Sly plays Walker, a rescue worker swimming in his guilt, tries to stop a greedy maniac named Qualen (played with grease by John Lithglow) and his cohorts from finding several caches full of greenbacks hidden in the Rocky Mts. Sly gets his kicks, with having human weaknesses in this film, finally (he gets frostbite), and hangs on to dear life.
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Predator (1987)
Hunting season starts now!!
11 December 1999
Ever have the feeling that you're being watched? That's the feeling Dutch Schaefer (Arnold Schwarzenegger) and his team of commandoes (Carl Weathers and soon-to-be governor of Minnesota Jesse "the Body" Ventura) are going through with in the classy kill-or-be-killed sci-fi flick "Predator". Sort of like a mix between "Alien" and "The Most Dangerous Game", Arnie and the gang are out busting Latino guerillas while a sly extra-terrestrial armed to the teeth are picking off are heroes one by one, until he meets the big Austrian, who really picks a good fight with the galactic and more violent version of Elmer Fudd! "Predator" is a great flick, with great effects and cool lines ("You are one, ugly, mother------," and "Anytime"). The actors are great, too. Catch famous screen-writer Shane Black in the movie, as the 4-eyed trooper Hawkins.
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Campbell and Raimi: the dynamic duo of cult movies!
22 November 1999
Need a good haircut? Ash Williams and his trusty chainsaw is your trusty barber and slicer!! Bruce Campbell and Sam Raimi come back with a bloody vengeance in "Army of Darkness", the long awaited 2nd sequel to the cult hit "The Evil Dead", and this version is what put the whole series into the whole perspective!



This time around, S-mart housewares clerk Ash is sent back to a medieval and dices every freak he meets, and he still has time to get the chicks. This films has the most legendary one-liners of all time, including "Come get some", "Hail to the king, baby," and "Good, bad, I'm the guy with the gun!!". "Army of Darkness" and the other "Evil Dead" movies are obviously the best in cult flicks. Rumor has it that they're making an "Evil Dead" video game for Playstation. Imagine the uproar that products gonna make!!
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Eraser (1996)
A bit overlong, but fun anyway
21 November 1999
Big Arnold Schwarzenegger blasts the bad guys and let's out one-liners... yet again in his big-budget flick "Eraser". This time around, Arnold plays Kruger, a tough-assed U.S. Marshal protecting beautiful government operative Lee (Vanessa Williams) from bad guys who're trying to waste them left to right. Sound familliar? It should.



"Eraser" is a great action-suspense thriller, but it can get a little tiresome, because the cliches come by the truckful in this movie!! It's way too predictable, as well. Anyway, Schwarzenegger still does a good job as the world's greatest action hero. His new movie "End of Days" looks even better than the former! I can't wait to see it.
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Obviously, it's Schwarzeneggar's greatest movie
20 November 1999
If you take all of the best action movies of all time, "Terminator 2: Judgement Day" would be at the top of the list. Ah-nold is back as the deadly robot who must save John Connor (Eddie Furlong, in a tailor-made role) and Sarah Connor (Linda Hamilton) from the dreaded, slimy T-1000 (the quite laconic Robert Patrick!). The great action scenes, the witty banter between the heroes, and even the moral message this movie delivers will recharge anyone's batteries. "T2" is what practically lifted Arnold into sole stardom. All it takes is a couple of bullets and fancy one-liners!
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