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Ocean's Twelve (2004)
Julia Roberts pretending to be Julia Roberts
From the onset, I knew the writing was a hack. Come on, a mysterious thief called 'the night fox'? what is this, some comic book? Apparently it is. The Thomas Crowne affair has already been done guys, oh yeah and that was made into a silly and pointless remake too wasn't it? And oh, let's not forget the imaginative and brilliant idea to write a scene where Julia Robert's character pretends to be Julia Roberts. I guess the intention was for it to be some kind of funny,inside joke where the audience was left out.
This movie plodded and meandered along, I was just waiting for it end. I could care less about zeta-jones' character, or her relationship with Brad Pitt's character. There was a staggering number of flashbacks, just a poor editing job in general. It was as if the editors were trying for a Memento or pulp Fiction kind of story line, and failed miserably. Not even in the same league as the original.
If you've watched the Cirque du Soleil shows on vhs/dvd there is really nothing new here, save for some cool drumming and a water ballet at the start. Everything else will be instantly familiar. CDS really should have found some fresh talent for a production of this magnitude. Any fan will tell you that while the old standard acts are still amazing, one wishes for something new. As I long I'm bashing a production that I otherwise love, The trite "story" of a man's life cycle is just that...trite. It adds nothing and actually detracts from what the viewer really paid to see...the performances. It was totally uneccesary, CDS seemingly thinks it's necessary to make each production into this mystical, deep and cosmic experience. It's just not necessary, they need to stick to what they are good at, extraordinary human tricks and some darn good music, anything else is just filler. 5/10
touching, funny but does not tell the whole story
most of the comedy footage was from Sam's famous HBO debut. Which we all know rocked. However, Sam had other performances! and they didn't even TOUCH Sam's notorious relationship with Jessica Hahn. Also, the extreme close ups of the celebrities are not necessary. i still give it a 8 out of 10 for the touching ending.
Days of thunder was cheesy enough, but still more enjoyable and plausible than this piece of junk. Ugh. I want my $3.80 back from the video store. I especially loved the "deep advice" Stallone gave after racing through the streets of Chicago. Wonderful scripting and dialogue, really. The actresses were there soley as eye candy, as they can't act for beans.
Sid and Nancy (1986)
a tale of two morons
I don't get it. Was Nancy really this stupid and annoying? Chloe Webb may be a talented actress, but her portrayal made the movie difficult to watch, because she was just so trashy and whiny. Basically, if you are a punk rock fan, or like depressing movies of self-destruction, then see this, otherwise don't bother. The way the movie portrays Sid, it is very difficult to see how the Sex Pistols got as far as they did. What I really can't understand is the ending. *spoiler ahead* I can buy that Sid and Nancy were both wasted when he stabbed her. That they are stoned is a given, as it is usually the case in the movie. What I don't understand is that Nancy knows she is suffering a knife wound, yet gets back in bed with Sid? Hello? Are people really this stupid? It's a frightening thought. Or is it just another inaccuracy of the movie? Ugh, a portrayal of two creatures at the bottom of the food chain, and ultimately winning at the Darwin awards. That's about it. 5/10
Contradictory and Annoying
Spike has the talent to make great films. My question is, why HASN'T he done so lately? The message of this film is all about smashing stereotypes through satire. I can buy the idea of satire with buffoonish characters using every black stereotype gag on the planet. I can buy the idea that it became an unexpected smash hit. Just look at the likes of shows like Howard Stern, Jerry Springer and South Park. The first half starts out strong, very shocking and funny. Then it starts getting tedious and predictable. Damon Wayan's character: nasally, trying to sound snobbish, educated and cultured becomes tedious. He doesn't come across as a professional, creative and artistic black man, but rather, one of his over-the-top "In Living Color" white man affectations. Maybe this was the point, but it was transparent and annoying. *SPOILERS AHEAD* It could been less heavy-handed. Spike could have made a stronger and wider-reaching message by keeping it light and cutting out the tragic ending. The main problem I have with the smash-the-stereotype message in this movie is this: Spike is so focused on doing away with the watermelon patch-dancing-po'-boy imagery of the past, that he reinforces a stereotype of the present. *major spoiler here* Spike ends the story with the African-American characters shooting each other!! Come on! Throughout the story, we are told repeatedly in one form or another that "Not all black people act like Mantan and Sleep'n'Eat." The underlying message being that we need to look past the stereotypes. Yet Spike decides to finish up the story with violence, brother killing brother when problems come to a head, instead of attempting a peaceful resolution. I dunno, maybe he ran out of time, or just couldn't think up an ending that didn't run contrary to the social message of the film. 5/10 for the chuckles at the start.
A satisfying wrap-up to these characters
Ok, you either love Kevin Smith or you hate him. Don't see this movie if you have not memorized the characters and quotes from Clerks, or if you didn't appreciate the genius that is Dogma. You'll hate this movie more than the others. So go on and get on your high horse and pretend that you are above this kind of humor. Why are you even here reading this comment if you hate his movies? Hello? What kind of loser are you? AS FOR THE REST OF Y'ALL: It's a must-see. Just as every Star Wars fan must see Jedi, every Jay and Silent Bob must see the epic (ok, maybe not epic) but very entertaining and mindless fun that is the end of the comic duo on the big screen. There are just so many pop culture references, it's impossible to capture them all. I love Jay and Silent Bob, but it was time to put the duo to bed, before we got tired of them. So what does Mr. Smith do? He make a grand finale with them as the main characters and pull out all the stops by putting in an incredible number of cameos. I have to say that *SPOILER ahead* Mark Hamill's character "Cocknocker" was absolutely bizarre and hilarious. Go see it.
Saving Silverman (2001)
so stupid, I laughed
Yes, it is one of those "this is so stupid, it's funny" movies. Good grief, they even got the drill sarge from "Full Metal Jacket" in this. Everyone and all the situations are completely over the top here. Neil Diamond's cameo was a real treat, even though he can't act for beans. There are very strange and just plain silly scenes here, they try too hard at times. But if you are a fan of Steve Zahn and/or Jack Black, it's worth a rental. It's not much of a story, and Jason Biggs could have been a hell of a lot funnier. I can't honestly recommend this film, but it did make me laugh. 6/10.
The Gift (2000)
I didn't buy into this one at all. I liked the start, but it just turned out to be a regular whodunit, with predictable results. One perk, Keanu Reeves was perfect as a moron. I don't think it was too much of a stretch for him. I am assuming the movie is set in swamp country, Louisiana, as they never make it quite clear where exactly the movie is supposed to take place. I will admit that I spent about 20 minutes guessing whodunit, but it wasn't that hard. Hollywood excels at making these polished, style-over-substance no-brainers. Throw in a well-known actor like Keanu Reeves, and a couple GOOD actors for balance, like Greg Kinnear and Cate Blanchet, a mediocre script and dialog, some polished and glossy cinemetography and the obligatory special effects and voila! Instant Hollywood formula blockbuster! If you want a real suspense ride, go rent something like Gorky Park (set it snowy Russia), you feel chilled watching it but at least it doesn't leave you cold like this movie.
PS....Am I getting jaded?
Requiem for a Dream (2000)
I hae an alternate title...
*Spoilers, so stop reading now* *No, I mean it, there is a major spoiler coming, so don't get mad at me if you keep reading* How about "A Farewell to Arm?" Har har har yuk yuk. OK bad joke. But come on, I would have enjoyed at least ONE light moment during this depressing work of art. Movies were originally, (and for the most part, still are) intended to give the audience a couple hours of entertaining relief from reality. Not so here, you are forced to sit through four gritty, ugly and depressing stories. You paid $8 for light-hearted escapism? Sucker! You get the reality you hate hearing about in the news thrown right in your face. This movie was never intended for the mainstream audience. So sorry dear reader, no John Williams score to lift your soul, no Julia Roberts enchanting the viewer, no Bruce Willis shooting the bad guys from the hip while making witty remarks, and most of all NO humor and NO happy ending.
Shown over the course of three seasons, it starts off in summer, things are generally looking up, but it is already the peak of the roller coaster. Whoa, just like the one shown at Coney Island! *that's deep* It doesn't take long for things to go downhill, and at an ever increasing rate. Finally, the climax shows all hell breaking loose, with quick cutting clips from one story to the next. Faster and faster we go but not as fast as a MTV video. The major characters are all wonderful, especially Burstyn. And major shocker here, who knew that a Wayan's brother would choose to be a in GOOD film, and not suck in it?
Great film, but put away any sharp objects when you watch.
Moulin Rouge! (2001)
Some original music would be nice.
I guess Baz Luhrmann assumes that the majority of movie-goers won't appreciate a revival of the cinematic musical unless it is filled to the gills with melodies and lyrics that we are already familiar with. Original compositions are a good thing! Really, they are! Practically every other film has more original music on the soundtrack than this movie. It's also history mangling, how am I supposed to suspend my disbelief that this is Paris in 1899, when I keep hearing music from the 70's and 80's? Don't get me wrong, the arrangements were written and performed faithful to the spirit of the Broadway musical. At least they got that part right. Well maybe I shouldn't take the whole thing too seriously, but I WAS hoping for a somewhat more original story too. *spoiler* Ok so Nicole starts coughing up blood, gee what's going to happen at the end? Two people from different classes fall in love but it is ultimately doomed? *yawn* A writer changes the play to reflect his own affairs...gosh that's never happened before. Is it all bad? No, it's beautifully filmed, with rich, exquisite colors. I laughed a few times, especially when the duke stomps on the frog in an effort to impress Satine. Leguizamo is also an unexpected treat. Unless you are a fan of the musical, don't bother with this one. If you ARE a fan, then you probably have already seen it. If not, just be prepared that you might be disappointed.
Los nuevos extraterrestres (1983)
A movie that has renaissance faire written all over it.
Huzzah! etc. etc. Gosh, this wouldn't be an E.T. rip-off by any chance? Nahhhhh. Were we supposed to find these horrific Alf-like creatures lovable? BLEH-ACK! I swear I have never laughed so hard at any other MST3K experiment. It was most likely because there were 6 of us die-hard MSTies and three newbies watching together. The more the merrier I suppose.
So, on to the story. It's actually three stories loosely (and I do mean loosely!) connected. So pod thingy crashed in the woods, some poachers find it and crack all the eggs. I don't know why, mebbe they expected to find some elephant tusks or leopard skin inside them. One of the little critters escapes being made into a trumpy-omelet and takes refuge at this annoying kid's room, deep in the woods, of course. Cut to an incredibly annoying pop band recording...umm...some kind of song..somewhere..in a studio. I didn't even catch the title, but it sure did stink! The acting and scripting is abominable, of course. I'm really not sure why the effiminate studio hand had a T-shirt that read "I'm a Virgin" but I'm SURE in some cosmic way it was either relevant or supposed to be fu...Ugh,ya know something? I'm going to stop here. It's too much work to point out every flaw here. I'll be here until christmas. Let's just say that there is a HELL of a lot of fog in this mvoie and it ends on a real downer. Trumpy (he can do magic things!) and Trumpy's erm, parental unit kill everyone who gets in their way. Everyone runs around, looking for each other getting lost in the fog, and shooting each other by mistake? Wait...did that last part really happen? Oh who cares, it's a bad movie. Another painfully bad movie made enjoyable by Joel and the bots, and an absolute blast to watch with friends who all share the same warped sense of humor.
Mixed Nuts (1994)
truly underrated and further proof that humor is subjective
Ok...strange little movie? Oh yes, but I like weird humor. I thought it was very funny, and to my surprise a good movie to consider for christmas time. It is a aptly named title, as each character has their own quirks and bits to add into a pot of building insanity, unitl it finally boils over into total chaos. You really have to give yourself over to the movie to enjoy it. Just accept the fact that just about everyone in it is OUT OF THEIR MINDS and you'll enjoy it a lot more.
Freddy Got Fingered (2001)
The joke is on the critics
and on anyone else who expects anything Tom Green does to be a great work of art. It's not what he's trying to achieve. Tom is known for creating awkward and surreal situations for unsuspecting people (victims?) and capturing it all on film. He makes them uncomfortable, angry and embarrassed.
So, how does he pull off a similar situation except on a grander, nationwide scale? Make a movie, of course. And make it so utterly repulsive and nasty that the audience will squirm and groan like the people do in his camera-on-the-street scenarios. Critics will loathe it, as will most of the population who fail to see that the joke is on them and not on the actors on the silver screen. It's no more a scam than the Blair Witch Project. We were fooled then, we got mad. Now we are being fooled by Tom Green. We'll never forgive ourselves. I would not be surprised if Tom Green had secretly installed cameras in a dozen or so theaters in Hollywood and documented the audiences' negative reaction to his film....on film. In my opinion, Tom Green achieved something here that only the late Andy Kaufman could have only dreamed up. Andy Kaufman was constantly aiming higher and higher, going for notoriety on a grander scale with each unpredictable event. In my opinion, this was Green's next big move. The Monica Lewinsky-Let's-Get-Back-at-the-media episode was huge. The cancer special was monstrous, achieving both fame and awards. What could possibly be bigger, more unpredictable? This movie.
You got us Tom, you got us big time.
Finally, something new and fresh. This documentary needed to be made. It's very funny, scary, weird, touching and always interesting. Although the pace drags at times, it's entertaining and *gasp!* educational.
I'm no trekkie, I do enjoy the movies though. Although I can't relate to the trekkies featured here, one can't help but admire their devotion. Oh sure, we laugh when we see some klingon's going to a fast food restaurant, get a tad freaked out by a transvesite in a Starfleet uniform, and shake our heads at "Spinerfems". But guess what, they aren't hurting anybody! In fact, from what I saw, local Trekkie chapters do a lot of good for their community. Klingons even visit children's hospitals!
Is it weird to see someone in public wearing a phaser and a star fleet uniform? Yes, to so-called 'normal' people. Yet it's considered perfectly acceptable for an armchair jock to wear major-league baseball caps and jerseys of their favorite players in public. Hey, if a trekkie married couple has a succesful dental practice, do they need to "get a life"? Maybe the guy who spends his Sundays at the bar watching football all day needs to get one.
Hey, I laughed at it most of the time. I admit it. The candid interviews of some of the ex-cast members are a riot! And near the end of the video, there was one interview with a Radio-Shack-Trekkie (the worst kind, I think) where I could not stop laughing. I mean it, he was such a GEEK. But then, this guy has invented something useful, I haven't. There you go.
Deep Blue Sea (1999)
Deep Blue Sea is
Very large and smart sharks. A lot of flooding, hatch openings and closings. People getting bitten in half. Saffron Burrows stripping to her undies to so she can off a shark. Interesting that she was all oiled up during this scene to accentuate her breasts. That's the whole movie. 5/10
Shanghai Noon (2000)
Funny and Entertaining, but little else
Jackie Chan is the only martial-arts actor I will watch. I love how he turns everyday objects into weapons. The dialogue here is funny, and Jackie as always is great with the physical humor. Owen Wilson is surprisingly funny, and the two have some great chemistry going. Everything else in the film just seems over-simplified, formula and predictable. Maybe I should not expect too much from a comedy/action/western flick. It's worth a rental and the special features on the dvd are a lot of fun too. overall: 6/10
Revoltingly funny, make that unfunny
Good grief! While I still maintain that Manos: The Hands of Fate is the worst piece of mental torture available, Hobgoblins came awfully close. This...this...thing insults the audience at every opportunity.
At least films like Space Mutiny and Future War can be enjoyed on mst3k, this one was a struggle to get through. I was literally writhing on the couch in anguish. This thing managed to embarrass me - alone!
Even if you are a die-hard MST3K fan and have made it your mission to see every single experiment, think twice about seeing this one.
It's that bad.
The Final Sacrifice (1990)
What exactly happened here?
Most MST3K movies have something resembling a plot. I'm sorry, but for the life of me, I couldn't figure this one out. (maybe I was too busy laughing, I dunno.) It just seemed like a there a geeky kid, a middle-aged drunk, a bunk of meaty guys in black tank-tops all running around in the woods for an hour and a half! Don't forget the head baddie who reminded me of the 19 year old guy in high school. He sold oregano and lawn clippings as pot to the freshmen in the boy's bathroom and affected the SAME cheesy sinister voice to try to scare the girls! I enjoyed Tom Servo's over-the-top Canadian bashing song though, quite funny. 3 out of 10, because only Manos gets the honor of a 1, one point for it being in color and in focus, and one more point for all the extra laugh fodder for mike and the bots.
American Psycho (2000)
Watered down version of the book
For those who didn't read the book, the film is a shocking and disturbing film. After reading the book, I was hesitant in seeing the movie, because I knew it would probably be disappointing and tame in comparison. I was right, although I was relieved that most of the violence is implied, rather than explicit. The torture/murder scenes in the book are sickeningly violent and cruel. Had Quentin Tarantino directed this one, he would have held nothing back, and the movie as whole would be better. The movie comes across as flat, truncated, and very watered down. Christian Bale is great however, a flawless performance as a corporate yuppie without a single human emotion. Read the book, it's got far more shock value and controversy than the movie could ever hope to offer.
Ernest Goes to Camp (1987)
No, it's not a great film. It's a showpiece for Jim Varney, and nothing more. I always laughed at him, and he had tremendous talent. So I found this little film somewhat enjoyable. There are two cooks in the film which provide some good laughs as well. Keep them and Jim, lose all the rest and you have about a half hour of funny material.
One wonders why Jim couldn't break out of these Ernest movies, get more movies like Toy Story and Toy Story 2. Movies with a better script and budget so he could showcase his other talents.
Fathers' Day (1997)
Very flat and predictable story. Robin and Crystal do make an ideal on-screen duo. Too bad they chose this script to do it. They can't save this mess. There are some very funny parts, but it's overshadowed by a poor story. It seems like those two and Julia Dreyfuss are the only ones making an effort. Charlie Hofheimer was very annoying and the rest of the characters looked liked they'd rather be in another film.
A supposed big laugh was intended when Bruce Greenwood's character stepped into a Port-o-san, a truck backs into it, and it falls over into a ditch, implying that the interior is now flooded with human excrement, with him stuck inside. I have no aversion to gross-out toilet humor, but that is just not funny. From there the movie goes from going downhill (no pun intended) to a flat-out nosedive. I don't think I even lasted to the end.
I can only hope that these two immensely talented actors will try to work another film together, but please choose something a little less insulting. Normally this would score a four, but Crystal and Williams bump it up to a 5/10.
Brassed Off (1996)
Wonderful music but..
It takes itself a little too seriously. (Beware, some spoilers ahead) Yes, very sad that coal is rapidly approaching obsolescence as a profitable industry. Yes, very sad that coal pits are closed by order of Parliament, and the working class and their families gets screwed yet again. I guess the movie implies that we are to feel sorry for them, keep the mine and all the others open, just so some have a place to work. Then we are also supposed to feel sorry for those miners who choose to work in the pit their whole lives, and get Black Lung Disease. Hello? Were it not for this heavy-handed political message, it would be a very enjoyable movie. But it comes across just as somewhat entertaining.
The music sounds fantastic on DVD, the selections are fresh, wonderfully arranged, and beautifully performed. As well, the acting is very good, nothing really wrong there. It's just that the sub-plots are so very cliche and predictable. And of course the humor is extremely dry, but there could have been more laughs here and there.
(Major spoiler here)The ending provided very mixed emotions for me, and I can't say that I bought into it. So they win at Albert Hall after a blazing and very satisfying performance of the William Tell Overture. Danny refuses the trophy, walks center stage to the conductor's pulpit,(looked like he was getting up on his pedestal to me) and goes off on a somewhat irrelevant five minute tirade about Margaret Thatcher, the evil Tory party, the tragic closing of coal mines, and how people are more important than progress. The last point merits some consideration, but the overall message is driven home with the subtlety of a sledgehammer. The music and Pete Postlewaite's performance nudges this viewer's rating from a six to a 7/10.
Black Circle Boys (1997)
had potential but falls flat
This movie could have been great. It looked original; a peek into teenage occult. The acting wasn't bad, but the movie needs a major script reworking.
*spoilers ahead* It started off strong, but it instantly turned dumb when they tossed a cat around by it's tail and threw it against a tree. Darrr. I left the room and came back for the last fifteen minutes. I'm sorry, but you call that an ending? What was resolved? Nothing!
The World Is Not Enough (1999)
Hey the formula still works after forty years! Ok...can we all agree that Denise Richards was a miscast, and can't act to save her life? Tattoo from Fantasy Island would have made a more convincing nuclear physicist. She looks good in a wet t-shirt and daisy duke shorts, but that's about all! *Spoilers ahead*... The action sequence with the helicopter and the tree blade on the dock was a bit long and ridiculous. I am also disappointed that Robbie Coltrane's character was killed off, just as he was getting interesting in the series. As well, a sad farewell to Q, he was the greatest, although John Cleese should fill his shoes quite nicely. I also wish the Renard character had shown a bit more "Dr. evil" personality. Oh well, it's still a very exciting movie, and worth a rental. Pierce Brosnan is way ahead of Roger Moore and light years ahead of Timothy Dalton.