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VISUALLY STUNNING, BUT HOLLOW
26 April 2018
This film should have been entitled Five Actors in Search of a Plot. The storyline meanders all over the place. We find ourselves unsympathetic to any of the characters other than Joi, who is a sentient hologram. What is the purpose of the Bladerunners? Why have the androids been created in the first place? How are they different from people? What is the company looking for? Why are they looking at all? Who is really in charge? Is everyone allowed to murder anyone and get away with it? Is there any government? Why are there Russian ads in Los Angeles? None of these questions are ever answered, making this nothing more than a long, long excursion of visually engaging scenes without purpose or meaning.
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Storage Wars (2010– )
1/10
Totally Fake
6 December 2017
Units are purchased by the production company, then seeded with antiques or valuable items, re-sealed, then auctioned on TV. More than likely none of the bidders pay for anything. One may note how no one but the cast ever wins any of the auctions. That alone is revealing in itself. And there experts are not. In one segment, an "expert" stated that a turn of the century quack UV medical device was made as a sex toy, which it most definitely was not. Prices given are wish prices, not realistic. Even at a swap meet at half the price, it might take years to sell any of it.
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The Flash (2014– )
5/10
Not the Comic Book
25 October 2017
The Silver Age Flash was amazing. What the CW has done to him is nothing short of sad. The Silver Age Flash was wonderfully drawn by Carmine Infantino, who was able to capture his speed on paper. There were a slew of costumed villains that the Flash battled to save Central City. But in the CW Flash, Barry Allen and/or Starlabs is the cause of all the problems, deaths and ruined lives. And while I think Candice Patton is beautiful, all political correctness aside, Iris West was white, and so was her nephew, not her brother, Wally West, who, as Kid Flash, started out at around 12 years old. There was no Harrison Wells. There was no Cisco or Caitlin Snow. There wasn't even a Star Labs. Barry Allen was older and acted on his own. Iris, who didn't know his secret identity, had dubbed Barry the slowest man on earth. The Reverse Flash did come from the future, but he got his powers from radiation from the Flash's suit he had recovered. Barry Allen didn't display his costume on a mannequin. It shot out of the ring he wore, and there was just a slight suggestion of this being the case for him a decade or more from now. The Silver Age Flash's father didn't go to prison and his mother wasn't murdered. In fact, I don't even know if there was ever any mention of them. There is just too much fluff in the stories and Sisko invents devices that Isaac Asimov never even imagined, like a dark matter detector. Dark matter hasn't even been proved to be real. I'm just so tired of hearing Iris moan all the time, and Barry make excuses. For a forensic police scientist, we rarely even see him at work. The CW Supergirl is much the same way. Half of it has become the lesbian hour. When George Reeves was Superman, the story revolved around... Superman. The show lasted half an hour. Maybe that's what this series needs. A good haircut, cutting it down to the half hour of action, because that's all the writers seem capable of.

An afternote: When the goofy Harrison Wells went out in public, because Harrison Wells was branded a criminal, at first he needed to wear a face-altering device. Then that disappeared. The new (second) Harrison Wells doesn't appear to worry about this. Remember, though, it was the first Harrison Wells who triggered the explosion that caused all the metahumans and all of the problems. All in all, the series is all too whiny, none of the characters are really adults, including Joe. If humanity needed to depend on these clowns, we would all be doomed. Sorry, but the writing is just mediocre at best. Compare it to the writing for Game of Thrones or Outlander, Orphan Black, Humans, Rome, Battlestar Galactica... This is a kids show at best. A union card does not a writer make.
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Supergirl (2015– )
3/10
It it Supergirl or Superlesbian?
9 October 2017
I started out watching Supergirl from the onset, but the show has just deteriorated. For the most part, the writing is substandard, and ever since Supergirl's sister, Alex, came out, the show has been nothing short of an ad for LGBTQ. The relationship between Alex Danvers and Maggie Sawyer is nothing short of mawkish. The plot line between the two has nothing to do with any of the stories. It is all, "Are you really gay?" "Are you really into me?" "Of course, I am. You're my forever love." OMG! Why don't they just take out a billboard? This is losing me as a viewer.

Characters have been distorted from the comic books. Snapper Carr in the comic books was a teenager. Dick Malvern was Linda Lee's (later Linda Lee Danvers) boyfriend. Now, he became a villain. Lena Luthor, because of the disgrace to her parents by Lex, had their names changed to Thorul, and Lena, who had not a bad bone in her BLONDE head, had ESP resultant from one of her brother's experiments. Kara was not older than Superman, but was born more than a decade later, her parents having survived Krypton's explosion by having had their city blown away in one large chunk with the fortune of having a dome to preserve the air, though lead sheets had to be spread to protect the inhabitants of Argo City from the ground, which had been turned into kryptonite. When Supergirl was 15, a meteor storm punctured the dome and the lead, and so her parents sent her to earth, then projected themselves into the Survival Zone, similar to the Phantom Zone, where they later appeared to Supergirl as ghosts, and made her think she was going insane. Linda Lee Danvers parents were both good. No one was a secret agent. Kara had a good relationship with Superman, who insisted that she be trained before her presence was made public. This went on for several years. Linda Lee Danvers never wore glasses. Instead she wore a brown wig to conceal her identity. She also owned an orange cat with a lightning bolt across its body, that became super from an experiment, and which she named Streaky. Additionally, she had a brief romance with a man, who turned out to be a centaur from ancient Greece that could turn human only while a certain comet was near. Supergirl, trying to let him remain him, gave him a potion, though, as it turned out, the wrong one, which turned him into a horse forever. Thus, Comet, the Superhorse was born. Comet, which could communicated telepathically, still had the mind of a man, but later joined the Legion of Super Pets, which included Superman's dog, Krypto, Streaky and Super Monkey, who had acquired his powers as a test animal in space. Meanwhile J'onn J'onzz in the comic books, was a changeling Martian, accidentally teleported to by a dying scientist, who left him stranded to join the police force as a detective named John Jones, whose one vulnerability was fire.

Anyway, I decided to watch last night's episode, Midvale, and was pleasantly surprised by the Nancy Drew/No Aliens episode that starred Izabela Vidovic as young Kara and Olivia Nikkanen as young, not yet lesbian, Alex. Great casting on both roles. If only the other episodes could match this one. Alas.
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Star Trek (2009)
10/10
Excellent Movie, but Gaping Plot Hole
10 August 2017
Warning: Spoilers
The dialogue, the characters, the direction and special effects gave homage to the original cast and series. There was not one single moment that was dull. The film affected an alternate timeline when Nero destroyed the USS Kelvin, commanded by Captain George Kirk, the father of James T. Kirk.Nero is a Romulan, who for some odd reason, sent Spock to save his planet. Spock failed, but his attempt sent both Spock and the Nero's giant ship back close to 200 years in time. But rather than using the "gift" of time he has received to be able to save his planet and eventually rescue his wife and family, Nero spends his time idly plotting revenge against Spock.So, either Nero is a totally idiot, or the writers were. At least this could have been explained by having Nero's ship losing warp capability and throw to, say, near earth, so that he couldn't go back to save his planet. But that wasn't the case.It was also a bit of a stretch without explanation that when young Spock maroons Kirk on an arbitrary planet, it turns out to be the same planet that old Spock just happened to crash land on, and that same planet where Scotty has been stationed. That just reminds me of Bogart's line in Casablanca, "Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, she walks into mine."
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Masked Sequel to the Infamously Bad Prometheus
22 May 2017
Warning: Spoilers
I purchased my ticket with great hopes that the movie would be almost as good as the ones with Sigourney Weaver. Boy was I let down. From the opening scene with Guy Pearce and Michael Fassbender, when I thought to myself, "Oh, no!" my worst nightmare came true. Money flushed down. While Prometheus was just plain bad, Covenant had moments of more mature dialogue, but even that was overrun by more moments of sheer stupidity. David, of course, was the android determined to play god and destroy two races in the process in separate acts of genocide (One could not explain why the David/Walter android had aged or why David's hair could grow). Anyway, it seems that androids mostly go bad, mostly. There is David here and in Prometheus, Data was constantly nearly destroying the Enterprise in Star Trek the Next Generation and there was Ash in the original Alien. Someone needs to get a clue. The writers apparently were trying to turn Prometheus and Covenant into origin stories for Alien, set prior to the first film. David, it seems, is the one who has created the alien race, along with the face-huggers, but there are gaping plot holes. In Alien, the crew lands on a planet where they find the remnants of one of the giants' space ships, where the giant astronaut had apparently been killed by the creatures. Yet in Covenant, David has already destroyed them. In Prometheus, the black stuff merely kills, but in Covenant, an alien pops out from the infected person. Neither is there an explanation as to how an alien got on board the Covenant, when we clearly see the doors close after the three have entered. Meanwhile, Daniels, one of two survivors, now captain, is totally clueless that Walter is not really Walter but David (Were they intent upon creating a whole colony of stupid people?) And if there were 1000 colonists on board, why would they need human fetuses or don't colonists breed and have children like normal people? And what were they going to do with the fetuses anyway, just shove them in? These weren't fertilized eggs. They were each 3" long. I'm sure one can even implant fetuses without a placenta in place. Unlike the first four Alien movies, Covenant ended on a note of doom and gloom. Everyone but David is going to die as either a host or fodder for some yet unborn alien. Deaths came quick. All for the best, I suppose, because we really didn't care about any of the crew. Poorly written, sadly directed. I would have walked out at the start if I thought I could have gotten my money back.The only thing that might have made it worse would have been another clone of Ripley, saying, "Who do I have to f--k to get off this planet?"
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5/10
Riddled with Plot holes - Poor Casting
9 July 2015
Warning: Spoilers
While the special effects were excellent, the writing was so sub par it was subterranean.

No 1. In the beginning, Kyle Reese, the apparent narrator, says that he was born after Judgment Day. Yet it was clearly established in the Sarah Connor Chronicles that Kyle Reese was about nine or ten when Judgment Day occurred. Now there are those who will contend that by sending Reese back in time, it postponed Judgment Day, but if that were the case and John Connor is the son of Kyle Reese...oh, this is giving me a headache.

No. 2. If everything went the same as in the original Terminator movie, who sent back a reprogrammed Terminator to rescue Sarah Connor and where did Skynet get another time machine and why wouldn't it have followed the original protocol in Terminator 2?

No. 3 The creation of a human being is based upon one egg united with one sperm. Every time a man ejaculates, there are billions of sperm. The odds of the same egg and sperm uniting with all the changes in time are uncounted trillions to one. John Connor would have been erased from the moment Sarah's life was interfered with as a child.

No. 4. It was established that John Connor was compromised the moment Kyle Reese was sent back. So, who sent "Pops" back in time to save Sarah? And how did Skynet, on the brink of destruction have time to create a liquid metal T-1000, and why the hell would Skynet even bother to give its cyborgs human designations? Wouldn't it just be assigned some binary code?

No. 5. But now that John Connor has become the worst person in human existence, why did anyone bother to try and save him in the first place? The resistance would have been better off had he never existed.

No. 6. This version of Sarah Connor is a whole lot weaker and stupider than any of the others. Why would either she have any feelings for John Connor? She never gave birth to him; never met him. It's like someone telling you that Adolf Hitler is going to be your son and you hesitate for a moment not killing him? She should have had no ties to him whatsoever. She's also younger than Linda Hamilton

As for the casting, John Clarke is awful. First off, he doesn't look like a john Connor, but rather like Conan O'Brien. He most certainly doesn't look anything like his supposed parents and he doesn't have the likability that Edward Furlong did or Thomas Dekker. Nor does he have the commanding presence of Christian Bale. Jai Courtney in about as lifeless as he was in A Good Day to Die Hard, which was a yawn and a half in and of itself.

That being said, I still liked Emilia Clarke and Arnold Schwarzenegger, who looks much better with silver gray hair than with the dyed reddish brown mop he normally sports. And J.K. Simmons was good as well. But I would have preferred them to have brought Robert Patrick back, at least through CGI than the T-1000 that replaced him.

In the end, both Sarah and Kyle give young Kyle things to remember, but since the time line has now been altered, none of that matters. And you would think that Kyle would have wanted to tell his parents who he really is. Martin Sloan tried in the Twilight Zone episode, "Walking Distance." In fact that was the first thing he did.

All in all, T-5 is a predictable, poorly written, poorly cast film that is entertaining, but hurts your head when you try to make sense of it all. They would have been better off if they had picked up where the Sarah Connor Chronicles left off. But then, where would Ahhhnold have been?
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Gunga Din (1939)
10/10
A Great Movie
28 September 2014
What all the critics of this movie today fail to understand the Wright brothers didn't make a Stealth Fighter or a Boeing 747. Steve Jobs' first computer wasn't an iPhone 6 Plus. Bill Gates didn't start out by making Windows 8 (thank God!). Teenagers today look at the original King Kong and call it stupid and amateurish. But when it came out, audiences were in awe. When Al Jolson first sang in the Jazz Singer, people couldn't believe that there could ever be such a thing as a talking picture. And, when Captain James T. Kirk, in 1966, first used his communicator, no one ever thought that such a thing was possible—a box that you hold in your hands that works like a telephone without wires. Today, "communicators" even come with built-in cameras, a built in televisions, miniature computers and pinball machines, not to mention the entire wall of maps from AAA, along with a little person inside to talk to if you get lonely.

Gunga Din (pronounced Gunga Deen) is a story of camaraderie, not war. Cary Grant and Douglas Fairbanks, Jr. were huge box office draws back then (yes, boys and girls, even bigger than Leonardo DiCaprio) and people went to their movies to see them. Back then, people didn't go to the cinema to be educated, to watch Lincoln or Silkwood. They didn't want the reality of Transformers. They wanted to get away from reality. They got all the reality they needed from the newsreels that came after the cartoons. They were about to enter World War II. More than half of the men would be shipped overseas to fight Hitler and many would never return.

Gunga Din was a fun picture. It didn't matter if was sent in India or Brazil. As with the Treasure of the Sierra Madre, it was about the lives of the main stars and how they interacted with each other. Watching it, I could only feel saddened by the thought that everyone involved in that film is now dead. Joan Fontaine was the last survivor. Cary Grant was simply stand out. He always was. I mourn the loss of all of them, even the bad guys. And I thank them for the legacy they left, which became a stepping stone for future film makers and actors to build upon.
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Extant (2014–2015)
6/10
Great Production Values, Poor Storyline
13 July 2014
Warning: Spoilers
With bits of Caprica and AI, Extant is a muddled conspiracy sci-fi series that tries to give credibility to its storyline. Molly Woods (Halle Berry) is a astronaut just returned from a long solitary space mission, whom it turns out is inexplicably pregnant. Meanwhile, her husband, John, is a robotics designer, who apparently has designed the first AI in the form of their son, Ethan. Meanwhile again, it seems that the government or the company that sent her up in space are in on some conspiracy to maker her the brood mother for some extraterrestrial species. Meanwhile, once more, Ethan is about to go ballistic (Didn't we learn anything from the creation of Skynet, I Robot or even R.U.R. and when is THAT going to be a major motion picture coming to a theatre near you?) Obviously, the Woods are very wealthy in order for John to build robots from scratch, let alone ones that have self awareness and learn. I'm not sure how many happily married people would volunteer for a year-long space mission, or why John, having been left to his lonesome, wouldn't have built a hot 22 year old looking female robot instead. Maybe the guy's just a saint or a wannabe Catholic priest. Anyway, the coincidence of both of them being involved in conspiracies—her with the pregnancy and him with the robot kid that has been taken over—strains the plot beyond Andromeda. The aliens appear to Molly in the form of her ex-husband, whom only she and her ovaries can see, and wasn't this sort of kind of used in Contact? The kid premise started out really good, but then he turned into Damien. I'm sorry, but, with the exception of occasional comedies, American television has been formulaic and basically sucked for decades. The days of Rockford Files, The Fugitive, Route 66 and Ben Casey, when there were talented writers writing are long gone. Extant needed Halle Berry to survive, but as a space opera, I don't know that she, along with the special effects, is enough to launch it into renewal. because Battlestar Galactica it ain't. Oh, and one more thing. Why all the flashing lights on the space station computer? Does YOUR computer look like a Christmas tree?
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Bionic Woman (2007)
4/10
The Series Needed an Implant of New Writers
3 November 2013
This rehash of the Bionic Woman saw the same light of day as Battlestar Galactica and The Sarah Conner Chronicles. Both of those sci-fi shows had characters to care about. This one didn't. There was a soap opera relationship between Jamie and her kid sister, but it never sent anywhere. Plus, audiences are more savvy than they were back in the 70's. Just because someone has bionic legs or a bionic arm would not endow them with super strength. Try punching through a brick wall and your bionic humerus bone will shatter your shoulder blade. Try lifting a car and you'll crush your pelvis and back. Clearly, from a scientific point of view, while bionic replacements are within the realm of possibility, to create a bionic superman, one needs to replace most of the skeletal system with titanium, and then you have to worry about where, without a skeleton, blood is going to be made by the body, as blood, both red blood cells for oxygen and white blood cells for immunity, are manufactured in the marrow. Furthermore, just by having a titanium skeleton, does now endow someone with super strength. So, even if she were able to leverage herself to lift a lamp post, if she attempted to throw it, she would rip half of her muscles and tendons in her shoulder, which is not bionic, and would probably fall backwards with the lamp post coming down on top of her. Running at 60 miles per hour represents another problem. Although she might be able to jump high from the servos in her knees, running would involve the use of muscles to move her entire legs, and human muscles are not capable of this feat, especially driving legs that are made of titanium alloy that is a lot heavier than bone. To accomplish what this series purported to do, they would have had to turn her into Robocop. So why did the original Six Million Dollar Man and Bionic Woman last as long as they did? I think it was because audiences liked Lee Majors and Lindsay Wagner more than they cared about the concept of the shows, and it was a different time.

Meanwhile, the pilot seemed to launch the character in a more human direction. The story arc with her sister never really sent anywhere, so why bother giving her a sister at all? The same happened with Nikita, which became a total bore after the first season. Alias went a similar route, as did 24. All action. Nothing and no one to care about. The best part was Katee Sackhoff as the bad ass villain, who had a reason. And again, her character was short-lived, as was the series. I don't think that many will miss this show, because the show really missed its mark.
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4/10
Let Me Get This Straight...
20 September 2013
Warning: Spoilers
This movie is about a really unlikable, shallow guy, who is obsessed with an emotionally dead rainbow-haired girl, for whom he breaks up with a totally awesome girl. He plays in a really crappy band that everyone loves, has superpowers and it able to kill Rainbow Girl's exes by turning them into coins, one of her exes being ex-Superman? Oh, the humanities! Despite the fact that those engaged in battle are hurled into walls and beaten again and again, no on is ever really injured; not even a scratch. It's like a cartoon where a character can get flattened by a steam roller, then pop right back up. The only good lines that came out of this were Rainbow Girl's ex gf saying that she was bi-furious and calling her a hasbian. The movie comes across like Sucker Punch on acid. I guess that there are some movies that are so incredibly bad that they appear to be good. This one is just plain bizarre, but can probably be wildly entertaining if you're watching it while zoned out on pot.
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5/10
Running Man Rehash
4 September 2013
Although in retrospect, Running Man seems cheesy, the basic plot is the same, from the worldwide television audience to the boisterous game show host. The only differences are that here the contestants are teens, they did not commit any crimes and they go after each other. At least the Running Man game show had a purported purpose. In the Hunger Games, it seem s strictly for sadistic entertainment. Essentially, this is a Roman gladiator scenario, but with unskilled teens, some some of them seem able to acquire weaponry talents overnight. Not a whole lot of tension. Everyone knew who was going to win from the start. Basically, it's a one-watch film; nothing to go out and by on blu-ray or DVD.
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The Wolverine (2013)
4/10
Plot Holes Galore
30 July 2013
Warning: Spoilers
1. When Logan recovers from the atomic bomb blast, why does his hair grow back perfectly styled?

2. When he loses his healing ability and he extends his claws on the train, then retracts them, why do his knuckles instantly heal?

3. After Logan is shot several times in the chest, wouldn't the last thing he would want to do is go chop apart a huge fallen tree? Wouldn't his wounds open up and cause him to bleed to death?

4. It is very convenient that is Prometheus there was an alien removal machine and in Wolverine there was a color x-ray machine, but how could Logan operate on himself and reach to his heart to get the parasite? Beyond the fact that it would be awkward, beyond the fact that heart surgeons have to crack apart the ribs and then use a rib spreader, beyond the fact that his ribcage is saturated with adamantine, wouldn't the pain have caused him to black out?

5. If all Shingen had to do to get Logan's healing ability, wouldn't it have been easier for him to have drilled into his claws when he had him trapped in the chair, rather than building an adamantine transformer?

6. If Professor X found the ability to reintegrate his molecules like Dr. Manhattan in Watchmen, why didn't he fix his spine so that he didn't have to use the wheelchair anymore? And grow some hair on his head? (eh, you even gotta wonder why in the 24th Century, Jon Luc Picard never heard about Rogaine)

7. If only part of Logan's adamantine claws were chopped off, why do complete bone ones grow back? What happened to the partial metal ones?

The movie was far too long on ninja fight scenes. I was beginning to fall asleep. Sad that the bad guy turned out to be someone whose life he saved. The Viper character was just creepy without any definable reason for why he was even there.

All in all, it was a waste of bad popcorn.
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2/10
Dawson Great. All Else Lacking.
31 March 2013
Warning: Spoilers
Most people remember Richard Dawson as the host of Family Feud. But Dawson was a character actor, whose first real claim to fame was on Hogan's Heroes. But there were other roles dating back to the early Sixties, including one on the Dick Van Dyke Show in Racy Tracy Rattigan, where he played a lothario with his eye on Laura Petrie. Dawson's role as Killian gave self homage to his role on Family Feud.

The rest of the acting was stilted and wooden. Years later would fine Arnold running for governor of California with more disastrous results. The direction by Paul Michael Glazer only proved that most actors should stick to acting. Production values were even less than television quality. What in 1987 was released as a sci-fi action thriller, today reflects more as a low budget comedy. I find it incredible that the same man, who wrote both Die Hard and Die Hard 2, wrote this. Guaranteed that if this had come out after DH, Arnold would have spouted yippee-ki-yay, mother f**ker as Dawson sped towards his doom.
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1/10
Die Already!
21 February 2013
Warning: Spoilers
No wonder they gave away free tickets to see this one. Don't get me wrong. I like the other Die Hards, but this one was nothing but special effects. Not one character to give a damn about. Wooden performances. Bad script. Poor direction. And John McClane seemed like a gun happy idiot.

1. John McClane goes to Moscow to search for his son, and finds him in two minutes.

2. Apparently there are no cops in Moscow while guns are blazing and a kajillion cars are being destroyed by John McClane.

3. The bad guys get their hands on an advanced military helicopter exactly how?

4. The CIA plans a three-year mission based on bad information.

5. The Soviet and Russian governments conveniently abandon for decades tons of refined bomb- grade Uranium 235 for anyone to walk away with.

6. McClane, Jr. gets run through by bar steel, but when it's pulled out from his gut, he doesn't even need a bandage.

7. In real life, actor Kevin Smith (Aries in Xena/Hercules) fell off a stage and died from the fall. Here, MeClane and son both jump from a tall building twice with barely a scratch.

8 The bad buy dies the same way Hans Gruber died in Die Hard 1 with the exact same falling shot.

9. And what was up with the back side of the guy to the left of the screen in the opening shot. Bad direction.

10. When it finally ended, my thoughts were, "That's it?" Yep. Two hours of my life gone forever.

Yippee ki yay my a**!
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1/10
God Awful
21 December 2012
This is one of three movies I have ever walked out on. I would have rather have watched paint dry. First of all, the high frame rate makes it look like video. The acting was atrocious. The writing was insipid. The direction was awful. And the real 3D, OMG, but great if you like Cinderella's birds fluttering towards you. It was like a grand-scale cartoon with real people. But this...! It was like Peter Jackson was taking a hammer to my brain! And the colors! Beyond Technicolor to the point where they just looked like you were seeing them under UV light. I could only take about an hour of it. Good luck, Mr. Jackson, with the millions you will make off of this and be sure and add my ticket price to what you make. God save us all from the four-hour, extended director's cut!

Don't get me wrong. I love the Lord of the Rings. I own it on blu-ray. I guess I'm just not a creature of hobbit. Blech!

Oh, and the other two films I walked out on—What Lies Beneath and Signs.
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Cloud Atlas (2012)
4/10
Disjointed, Pointless, Overlong, Confusing Film
6 November 2012
There are some directors that are one-hit wonders. The Wachowskis are two-hit wonders: the Matrix and V for Vendetta. High production values are the only thing that make this movie at all watchable. There are several stories making up this hodgepodge of dispair and occasional redemption. The Tagline lies and says "Everything is Connected," but the various tales do not come together in any way. The gimmick was that each of the principle actors had multiple roles, which only lends to the confusion. Are we to believe that these are reincarnations, doomed to tortured lives? At the end, I didn't feel as though I was better for the experience, but mourned the loss of the nearly seventeen dollars my ticket cost.
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1/10
Disney Does It Again
24 September 2012
No plot, poor CGI (looks like soap opera video), awful voices, distracting songs. That about sums it up. Chicken Little is to Valiant as Bugs was to Ants. The movie is geared towards five-year-olds. All of the old talent that Walt Disney had gathered is gone. It is what fast forward was made for. It was just a hodgepodge of bad slapstick, predictable plodding plot and insipid characters. I am beside myself as to what to say. I feel as though after watching it, a virus has invaded my brain and is eating away at it. But on a more positive note, the movie did result in a very cute Chicken Little bobble head doll. Ugh! Negative stars for this one!
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Bridesmaids (I) (2011)
1/10
Why Can't I Rate this in Negative Numbers?
7 September 2012
If you love comedies where women fart, vomit on each other and defecate in sinks and in the middle of the street, you'll thing this film is a hoot and a half. Unfortunately, I don't. This has to be one of the worst movies ever produced, and I cannot believe the ratings it is getting? The acting was atrocious. The writing was ridiculous (not in a good way) and the direction was drek, which fits in with the defecation scenes. There are no words as to how bad this really is, other than to say that someone should form a committee to gather up every known copy, put them in a rocket ship and launch them on a collision path with the sun. What frightens me is how many people loved it.
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Coma (2012)
Great Scott Not
6 September 2012
One would have thought that something produced by Ridley Scott, who directed Alien and Blade Runner, would have been tightly knit. It wasn't. The movie totally drags during the first half and the first hour of the second half. This, like the original, should have been a two-hour film. I was bothered from the start when during the first commercial break, there were cast interviews revealing what was going to happen. The only thing really interesting were the special effects towards the end. Fortunately, I recorded it and was able to use fast forward or I, too, might have lapsed into a coma from having to sit through all of the initial tedium.
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Inception (2010)
1/10
Juno Does Reality on LSD
9 October 2011
I was trying my best to keep from falling asleep. What purports to be a breakthrough film about dreams, turned out to be a first-rate, high-budget snooze fest. The writer couldn't decide, I suppose, whether he wanted to do a James Bond movie or the Matrix or the Thirteen Floor. Leo Dicapprio's character is insipid. Ellen Page's character is two sentences short of a paragraph. Everyone else was unmemorable. I couldn't care less if anyone lived or died. Nothing really made much sense. And don't get me wrong, I absolutely loved the Thirteenth Floor and the Matrix (though the sequels were blech!). Christopher Nolan did a great job with Memento and Batman Begins and the Dark Knight, but OMG, what was everyone thinking? Apparently, I, too, am in a nightmare, looking at the great reviews. And while the special effects were eye-catching, they were not mind boggling. Two clenched fists for this one. Methinks now, I'll just go and watch Green Lantern and do myself in.
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Who Is Julia? (1986 TV Movie)
The Definition of Love
4 September 2011
When a beautiful fashion model's body is crushed in a traffic accident, and a rather homely woman suffers a brain hemorrhage, doctors decide to transplant the brain of the model into the brain dead woman. Therein comes the dilemma of the former model, Julia, to discover whether it's the body or the mind that make a person who he or she is.

Rejected by her husband, Julia must thwart off the affections of the man once married to the woman, whose body she now inhabits, and convince his children that she is not their mother. Throughout her life, Julie held everyone's attention. Now, she must struggle for it. No longer beautiful, she must come to grips with whom she really is.

The plot foreshadows John Woo's Face Off with Nicholas Cage and John Travolta (though there is no telling if that is where he got the idea), where the faces and identities of two men, one good, one bad, are exchanged.

Ultimately, Julia learns that much of what she believed to be love was based upon how she looked, and not upon who she was inside. The viewer must, of course, give license to the fact that no one has ever successfully transplanted a brain (George Bush grants proof to that) and Julia might have experienced the same dilemma had she been scarred by fire or lost all of her limbs. This was just a less lurid way of putting forth the idea that sometimes love is an illusion; that marriages often fail, not because they grow cold, but because people grow old and the sexual attraction that was the basis of it is now gone.

This is not a great movie, in that it was made for television on a modest budget, but it gives one pause to consider how others might treat us if suddenly we became outwardly different in a not so pleasant way.
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7/10
Not a First Class Film
10 June 2011
I sat through it. I ate my popcorn, but I wasn't really thrilled. The direction/cinematography were both a bit on the sloppy side; some shots were unintentionally blurry. The Wolverine prequel actually had more soul.I also thought that Xaviar and Mystique were terribly miscast; not that there performances were off; I just didn't see in them young Patrick Stewart or Rebecca Romijn. But film companies are so reluctant against going with unknowns.

Then there are the discrepancies: in X-Men 1 and 2, Xaviar describes Magneto as an old friend, but in this prequel, they barely knew each other. Nor in those first two films did Mystique even seem to know Xaviar, when here she apparently spent two decades with him growing up. And while plot holes abound, a decent rewrite of the script could have solved most of them. But apparently, the script went through three rewrites, which is in and of itself a bad sign.

Worst line in the film: towards the end, Xaviar says something like, "What worse can happen? I'll probably become bald." The writers probably could have gotten more laughs from him saying "Beam me up," but the film takes place two years prior to Star Trek being aired.

As far as comic books to films go, it was all right. It just wasn't X-cellent.
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Medium (2005–2011)
8/10
Horrible Series Ending
22 January 2011
Warning: Spoilers
I dunno. Maybe Thomas Jane did it, but in my mind it was a lousy ending killing off Joe. 41 years of children not having a father; of a woman not having a husband, all summed up in a Ghost and Mrs. Muir ending with, "You waited for me," from the now 83-year-old but somewhat rejuvenated Alison, who kicks the bucket without any of her family anywhere in sight. We, of course, assume that in all this time she never dated, never remarried, and, God forbid, never had sex, because we know that ghosts, like Santa Claus, are watching all the time. Waited for her, huh? What was spirit Joe supposed to do as a ghost—play golf for 41 years on Cloud 9? And when Alison turns into a vapid spirit herself, why does she manifest as a 42-year-old woman? Why not the 25-year-old hottie she was in True Romance as Alabama Worley? If it was within CGI capability to fabricate a young Arnold out of smoke and mirrors in Terminator Salvation, the producers most certainly could have turned back the clock a decade and a half or so. Does the Big Guy up in Heaven only reanimate dead souls as middle-aged?

I don't know why there are so many tears of joy in the board threads about the killing of JD. Wasn't it bad enough he got eaten by zombies in Dawn of the Dead? Give the poor guy a break!
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The Contract (2006)
1/10
Argh!
14 November 2010
I actually sat through it. I like John Cusak and Morgan Freeman and even Megan Dodds, whom I have watched in MI5 and Ever After. "Writers" Stephen Katz and John Darrouzet give expert lessons in how to write the worst imaginable screenplay. These two yokels have got to be two of the most untalented WGA members in the history of film. At one juncture, Morgan Freeman is talking about Aboriginals. The word is Aborigines. Aboriginal is an adjective. However, if the writers were, in fact, child prodigies in fifth grade, this was an incredible piece of writing. A great film to watch on a Sunday night if you happen to be stoned out of your mind, but otherwise, try using the DVD for skeet shooting if you must use it at all.
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