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4/10
Pay *close* attention when watching this
4 March 2008
Warning: Spoilers
At the risk of being associated with this bizarre movie, I'm giving in to the urge to address some points brought up by other people.

Spoilers follow; you have been warned.

One review said that the bad guy in this movie sexually abused nearly all of the victims. Out of the 9 women who were already in the house or walked in later, I counted three who were sexually abused. Those being the first one, the lesbian, and the object of her affection. Others were eliminated rather quickly and suddenly. Most of the "torture" was mental, as far as the nurses who were tied up in the upstairs bedroom.

Someone wanted to know why none of them fought back. As I recall, the first victim, whom someone here dubbed "the mature leader", bit the killer's lip and her reward was death by strangulation. The lesbian made a grab for his giant knife (a phallic symbol on the killer's part if ever there was one, especially after he made a point of telling the one nurse that his friend Jimmy was "hung like a horse"), and he quickly grabbed hold of her wrist. Perhaps she could have put up more of a struggle for the knife, but most likely would have ended up the way she did anyway. In any case, I suspect we're to believe that she was more concerned for Jenny than herself. We're also supposed to believe, I think, that the rest of the nurses were so concerned for the safety of the ones he'd led out of the room that they were afraid to make a move. Kind of wishy-washy, but they were all tied up (though one did try to untie another at one point) and one, if I remember correctly, was pretty nearly hogtied.

I also read a review that wondered why he singled out those two particular nurses for his girl-on-girl scene when he couldn't have known that one or both might be lesbians. Watch again. He walked in on their conversation during the ballet where Christine (I think that was her name) was telling Jenny that she didn't want her to be unhappy and then proceeded to tell her she had beautiful lips. Then she reached out to touch Jenny's mouth. Psycho Boy was witness to this exchange. It wouldn't have been a huge leap to assume there was something going on between them, even if Jenny didn't have a clue what was going on.

Of the pile of movies I've seen this compared to, I've seen Taxi Driver, Last House on the Left and I Spit on Your Grave. All I can say about that is this: Taxi Driver has the most pathetic lead character. By that I mean, I found myself feeling bad for him. Last House on the Left didn't leave enough of an impression on me to comment on, though it's been a looong time since I saw it. I Spit on Your Grave was the most violent of these films, as far as I'm concerned. Born for Hell, which I downloaded from public domain bit torrents as Naked Massacre, just had the Speck angle going for it. I felt bad for the victims because of what Cain did to them, but didn't really know them well enough to care too deeply about them. And there's no caring about Cain. He tells that ridiculous story about Jimmy-Boy and his wife, but there's no telling if that's true or the made-up ramblings of a madman.

And that leads back to that giant knife and Jimmy being hung like a horse. Makes me wonder if the writer wanted us to think Cain suffered from feelings of inadequacy as far as his manhood. Then threw in that suggestion that he might be gay. As well as impotent. Or did I imagine or perhaps infer that one? Sheesh, I thought I had it all straight in my head.
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SciFi Channel is scraping the underside of the barrel now...
28 October 2007
Just saw this thing last night. Why? I dunno. I was also surfing YouTube and even the bad videos there were better than this waste of my time. This was bad. BAAAAAAD. And not in a cheesy B-movie bad-is-good way.

Bad writing, baaad acting, plot practically straight out of the Friday the 13th Series from the late 80s, but without the convenience of being over and locked in a vault in an hour.

Seemed to me that they'd spent all of the budget on visual effects, leaving no money to pay decent writers and cast this movie with people who could act. With the exception of Richard Moll, they must have found these people at community theater productions in towns where the people have never seen what real acting looks like.

If you thought the 8 Movies to Die For picks were bad, this might make you want to throw your TV out a window.

BTW, why is this still (as of this moment) marked as being in post-production when SciFi has gotten their hands on it?
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Lawn Dogs (1997)
Other reviewer summed up well
28 July 2004
The story, anyway. Not much I could add to that. However, he blew the Angie Harmon nude scene out of proportion. She appears topless for a few seconds. If you ask me, one of the highlights of the movie is Sam Rockwell's full rear & frontal nude scene on the bridge. That guy is toned and tanned. I'm still not entirely sure why that scene was included in the movie, but I'm certainly not complaining. Male nudity is so rare in American films that I can't help but notice it when it happens. Oh yeah, interesting story, too.
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Gigli (2003)
Not quite the worst movie ever made
4 March 2004
Warning: Spoilers
That honor, as far as I'm concerned, goes to a French mess called Baise Moi. Gigli comes in a close second, though.

Gigli seemed to me to be nothing more than a dumbed-down rehashing of Chasing Amy, which oddly enough, also stars Ben Affleck. Therefore, he should have seen the similarities and also where this film fell waaaaaaay short. Shame on him. Possible spoilers below. Then again, how could I spoil this movie any worse than the people who made it???

Lesse... Guy who considers himself to be a fairly macho, heterosexual man falls for lesbian. She tries to convince him that a relationship between them won't work but ends up in bed with him anyway. This is basically the plot of both movies. However, in Chasing Amy, the relationship did not work in the end because, duh, she's a lesbian and he can't handle her sexual past. In Gigli, the lesbian doesn't seem to have much of a sexul past, beyond the psycho girlfriend who barges in on them at one point only to attempt suicide, thereby interrupting what little flow the movie has for a few minutes while they take her to the hospital. I won't spoil the ending, but I will say that I was glad to finally get to it.

I'm surprised that advocates for the mentally challenged didn't protest this movie based on that incredibly sex-obsessed Brian kid. (I think it was Brian - I don't want to watch this movie again just to find out) Yes, everybody gets urges, but that kid seemed to think of nothing else. Sheesh.

Gigli's posing and posturing in the mirror before going to bed was embarrassing to watch. Ricki's explanation for why everyone wants to kiss people on the lips was just silly.

I can't believe Al Pacino got involved in this train wreck of a movie.

The whole movie felt like it was written by a 9th grader stuck in the Playboy fantasy he has playing in his head.

I'm done. To continue would validate this movie and it certainly doesn't deserve that. Blech. That's my rating.
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Rape Me (2000)
1/10
For those who thought Gigli was the worst movie ever made...
4 March 2004
Yes, it is true. I have now seen a movie that makes Gigli look deep and meaningful. Some reviews I have seen described this piece of trash as a film about female sexual rage or empowerment. That is nonsense. There is nothing empowering about this movie and the rage demonstrated has nothing to do with being female.

The synopsis of this movie at netflix describes Manu as being a "hardened young waif" and Nadine as a "tough-skinned prostitute" who "sells her body but refuses to give up her soul". Not only are those descriptions misleading, they're entirely inaccurate. The "hardened young waif" is actually a girl from a bad neighborhood who's involved with all manner of crooked people and who's starred in apparently more than one cheap porn flick. The "tough-skinned prostitute" seems to be a sex addict who just found a way to make money from her habit. As for refusing to give up her soul, it doesn't seem she had one to begin with. The two of them meet by chance, Nadine recognizes Manu as the star of some of her favorite porn flicks and the two embark on a killing spree along the lines of Natural Born Killers, but without the plot, killing just about anything that moves and getting their ya-yas off in the process. Fine. Just don't try to convince me there was anything deep or philosophical behind it.

As for "female sexual rage" or "female sexual empowerment" I would have to say that was done way better in Thelma & Louise, Dispara (a.k.a. Outrage) with Antonio Banderas (bonus), or even I Spit on Your Grave, which even though it seems a tad like an expoloitation film, at least makes some sense as far as the resulting murders. I read that this movie was banned in France. I can see why. I'd have banned it too. Not because of the hard-core porn scenes or the excessive and senseless violence (I am American after all and don't we just love our senseless violence to death...) but because it was BAD! An embarrassment to French cinema, maybe. Certainly an embarrassment to filmmakers everywhere. Oh, and the video quality itself was so grainy on the dvd I rented that it made me wanna check my cable connection, despite the fact that I was fully aware that I was watching a dvd. Don't even get me started on the "music" chosen for the soundtrack.

If you decide to see this "film" and end up bashing your dvd player into dust with a Louisville Slugger, don't say I didn't warn you. There is not a negative enough to express how I feel about this movie.
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Lord of the Piercing (2002 TV Short)
1/10
Can't believe they put this on the dvd (may contain spoilers)
31 December 2002
Warning: Spoilers
I like a good parody as much as anyone, but this was baaaaad. I love The Lord of the Rings and I'd love to see a funny parody of it, but this wasn't it. This was mostly junior high level humor. And I *never* wanted to see Jack Black's bare butt. Aragorn (love that guy) kneeling in front of him was *almost* funny. Almost. I would, however, pay to see Sarah Michelle Gellar bite off his "little hobbit" for real. >:)
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How many movies were ripped off to make this one?
19 November 2002
I lost track of how many movies this one stole from -- Cube (the scene where the lawyer was sliced in half was entirely too much like the scene in Cube where the one guy gets it in the giant egg slicer), Tomb Raider, Ghostbusters, the Shining, just to name a few.

And how original was it to have the only black character in the movie constantly cracking un-funny jokes and grumbling about white people. Amazingly, she survived to the end of the movie, which is unusual for cheesy horror movies.

The writing in this movie was... not good. The scene where the psychic rants and raves about being an amoral, greedy freak felt like bad X-Files fanfiction. Already mentioned the jokes. They were not funny at all.

A young boy on a scooter in a house made of glass. Gooooood idea. Am I the only one who was reminded of the boy in The Shining zipping around the hotel on his Big Wheel?

There was no reason I could figure for the "princess" to be nude, other than to fulfill the gratuitous nudity clause every cheesy horror movie seems to have. She reminded me of the woman in the bathroom scene in The Shining, now that I think about it.

I could go on, but I can't stand long user reviews. I watched this movie only because it was on cable on a night when there was nothing else to watch. If I'd had special glasses that could make it invisible to me, I'd have taken them off and ground them into dust.
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83 Hours 'Til Dawn (1990 TV Movie)
Based on a true story
16 November 2002
The fact that this actually happened (to Barbara Mackle, who wrote a book about her experience that this movie is based on) makes it even creepier. And the fact that the man who kidnapped her is now a doctor (Gary Steven Krist) is frightening. The fact that he thinks everyone should forgive and forget (and even wrote a book of his own) tells me that he has no idea what he did to that girl or what could have happened to her. It's been a while since I saw the movie, but watching it gave me the creeps, thinking that someone could do that to another person. Good movie.
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Body Melt (1993)
Worst Aussie movie I've seen since Razorback
8 February 2002
As many others have already said, it's neither horror nor comedy. And the so-called "FX" that some have raved about were almost worse than the "plot". Made me think of what little I can remember of "Cameron's Closet." It's not funny, it's not scary, it's not really gross, it's just not interesting. BAAAAAAAAD movie. It makes any Roger Corman movie look like sheer genius.
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Dogma (1999)
9/10
I enjoyed this movie - several times
16 December 2001
I first this movie already in progress on cable one night recently and it grabbed me right away. I'd heard of it before but never had any real interest in it. But what little I saw made me want to see it from the beginning. Next time it was on, I had my VCR ready for it. I've watched it multiple times in the past few days and I'm really liking it. That's in spite of George Carlin and Salma Hayek. I'm no fan of Matt Damon, either, but Loki is likeable enough that I forgot who was playing him. I can relate to Bethany in some ways. 'Course, as far as I know I'm not Jesus' great great great great great great-- I've lost count. :) Anyways, I like this movie and I get the feeling some who've given it really bad reviews sort of missed the point of it.
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Dante's Peak (1997)
I don't understand all these fussy people
29 November 2001
I've seen Dante's Peak *and* Volcano and I liked Dante's Peak more because it seemed more human than Volcano. That is, I never really liked or cared about the characters in Volcano. In fact, I can't even remember how the movie ended. I've never liked the "Grandma in the acid lake" scene in Dante's Peak, but there wouldn't have been much tragedy in the movie if someone close to the family didn't buy the farm. For all those people who wanted to see the dog die, I don't want you anywhere near my pets. :) To those people who can't watch Linda Hamilton without seeing Sarah Connor, try to get your hands on a copy of "Go Towards the Light" or even old tapes of the "Beauty and the Beast" series she starred in briefly (though be prepared for some sugar shock from that one). For anyone who thinks Volcano was better just because Tommy Lee Jones was in it and they think Linda Hamilton doesn't have enough "real" credits to her name, she co-starred in a movie with Tommy Lee Jones that was kinda lame. So even "big" stars do hack roles sometimes and everyone has to start somewhere. And keep in mind that before Gillian Anderson became known around the world for her work on "The X-Files", she was an unknown with one credit under her belt, and that one she tried to keep a secret. Sure, Dante's Peak isn't some epic masterpiece of modern cinema, but who says it has to be? I get the feeling that people who expect that kind of film every time they sit down to watch a movie are just never satisfied and will find something to dislike about anything and just want an excuse to complain. Boys and girls, it's just a movie. It's usually pretty easy to tell when you're not going to like a movie. Nobody *made* you watch this one all the way through.
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Omega Diary (1999)
A look at human behavior
9 August 2001
What happens when a half dozen people who don't know each other find themselves locked in a bomb shelter? They've just met at the beach when they hear, over the radio that World War III has started. One of them knows of a bomb shelter nearby where they all go and hole up. From then on it becomes a psychological study as paranoia and cabin fever set in. They begin to take sides and turn on each other and very bad things happen. This movie features actors I've never seen before (a couple of them overact a bit at times), one two-room set (once they enter the bomb shelter), and a twist at the end. I'm a sucker for end-of-the-world flicks so I had to watch this one when I saw it at the video store. It was pretty good. If you saw "Cube" and liked it, you'll probably enjoy this movie.
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Castaway (1986)
Interesting imagery, fairly believable
3 August 2001
Two people who barely know each other, spend a year on an island together. They suffer malnutrition, stormy weather, and just plain I'm-sick-of-you-itis. I managed to catch this movie a while back on cable. I love watching movies from England, Australia or New Zealand because they're so different from what I'm used to. This movie didn't disappoint there. There was only one thing missing from this movie to make it totally realistic. Amanda Donohoe played a young, presumably fertile woman on an island for 12 months and never so much as had PMS, if you catch my drift. Forgive me, but as a woman, this is something I think of *whenever* I think about being stranded *anywhere* for months at a time. All in all, though, a very entertaining movie.
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