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9/10
Canada got the original uncut version
17 April 2000
Patrick Bateman is the Vice President of a company that does accounts or something like that. Patrick Bateman's long time girlfriend Evelyn Williams wants to get married though Patrick isn't interested in getting married. Patrick has strong desires to murder women and store their body parts in his apartment and the apartment of Paul a guy he murdered. Patrick isn't interested in anything but working out, properly cleaning himself and acting out his sick desires. The film plays out as a satire of the 1980's it shows the emptiness of the decade through the viewpoint of Patrick Bateman. The film has a number of funny times as well as scary and intense times. The director Mary Harron balances the satire elements and the horror elements in a entertaining way. The gory violence mostly occurs off screen though it does still have some good gory moments. The version I got to see was the original uncut version which has a three way sex scene. In Canada you get the uncut version which has that scene; the American version does not have that scene it has been cut out. I have not read the original novel by Bret Easton Ellis though I defiantly would like to read it.
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Time Runner (1993)
3/10
ripoff of The Terminator
17 April 2000
Time Runner is nothing more then a low budget ripoff of James Cameron's The Terminator. Mark Hamill hasn't had much of a film career after Star Wars well at least he did better then Carrie Fisher. Mark Hamill plays Michael Raynor a guy that has ended up in the past because of a worm hole. Michael Raynor must warn somebody about what is going to happen in the future. In the future people to launch a bomb that will destroy the aliens. A bunch of dumb events leads to Micheal trying to save his baby self. Low budget special effects, poor acting and badly put together plot kept this film from going anywhere. Sadly this film was made in Canada for the most part.
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3/10
This Film Must Die
27 March 2000
This film was terrible I hated it from beginning to end. I did try to like this film but I just couldn't like it. Jet Li was cool but the plot around him sucked. The plot was weak and distorted making the film hard to follow. The film was quite mindless but not in fun way and the dialogue was pitiful. The director of the film kept putting in rapmusic and all the rapmusic was terrible and quite painful to listen to at times. Jet Li does great martial arts stunts but computer tricks keep getting in the way, killing the effect of the stunts. If Jet Li wants to make another film in America he should direct it. The film is painfully slow at times making the film distorted and boring. Jet Li try but fails to save this film from being a dud. The film borrows the love story but nothing else from William Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet. What was with showing the inside of the body during the fight scenes; that was just plain dumb. If your looking for an entertaining martial arts action film look somewhere else.
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4/10
these games are out of season
27 February 2000
The first problem with this film is the fact that it is out of season. The Christmas season ended almost two months ago, it's near the end of February. Violence and robbing casinos is that really the message of Christmas I don't think so. Violent Christmas films are ok if the film is really goofy and funny like the straight to video horror-comedy Jack Frost. The thing about Christmas is that Christmas is supposed to be a pleasant and fun holiday where you get gifts. The film is funny in some parts but in other parts the film takes itself a little too seriously. The villain Gabriel attitude and actions in a couple are just plain too nasty for film that takes place days before Christmas. The critics disliked this film because they thought that the twists and turns in this film were stupid. I agree with them the twists and surprises in this film were kind of retarded. The film has plenty of action so it is quite easy to watch and you might even have some fun watching the movie. Christmas is over so please Hollywood don't release any more Christmas action/thrillers until November.
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Dead Alive (1992)
10/10
unedited version is the best
7 February 2000
Paquita is told by her mother that she will find a man who will be her lover forever she will know she has found him when she sees a star. Her future lifetime partner turns out to be a geek named Lionel who has an overprotective mother. A shaky relationship develops over the course of the movie especially when Lionel mother is bitten by the rat monkey (I'm serious) in death she becomes and starts eating dogs and turning other people into Zombies. Father McGruder who knows Kung Fu and can really kick butt until he gets turned into a Zombie himself mates with a nurse Zombie and they have a demon child. Watch for the hilarious scene when Lionel takes the demon child to the park. If you like romantic comedies and/or horror movies you will like this movie. This movie is hilarious and quite violent just like that television show South Park. The unedited version is the best though I have seen both versions. The unedited version features almost 12 minutes more of gory violence, the unedited version of this film is a must see. Lessons Learned: Never pee on the grave of a person who has been turned into a Zombie. ZOOS let vicious animals get near to people. Catholic priests know and fight Kung Fu. Zombies can have babies. Intestines that move around outside the body can kill you. Best Line: "I kick ass for the Lord" 10/10. Note: The unedited version is unrated.
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Total Recall (1990)
9/10
great sci-fic action/adventure movie
5 February 2000
Is this reality? Or is this only a dream the ultimate questions in the science fiction action/adventure film Total Recall. That's the fun part of the movie is figuring out if Douglas Quaid is dreaming or not, the events that happen are real I say but other people might disagree. Directed by the always entertaining except in the case of Showgirls filmmaker Paul Verhoeven who has a unique style. Hopefully Paul Verhoeven will come out with another film after the somewhat of a failure at the box office Starship Troopers. Douglas Quaid life is turn upside down after going to the Recall center, his wife and friends keep trying to kill him and he learns he might be someone else. Quaid goes to Mars where he meets up with Melina and the underground rebelling movement. Quaid discovers about his new purpose and about his old purpose created by his other self. The film is a great example how well science fiction and action can mix together to make an excellent movie. The story is intriguing, well scripted and has enough Arnold action style to entertain anybody who likes action stories. If you like this movie check out Robocop and Starship Troopers. Lessons Learned: Colonizing Mars can result in mutants. Mars has a prostitution problem. The concept of a woman having three breasts is not much of a turn on. Even in the future there's Pepsi. Good guys own stripper clubs.
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Supernova (I) (2000)
5/10
better then Wing Commander
30 January 2000
The first odd thing about this you will notice is the fact that this movie has no beginning credits. There is no credits of any kind nor is the title shown; they show the MGM logo and then it starts right into a shot of the ship Nightingale. The title of the movie is shown at the end of the movie and during the ending credits. The reason for this is that directors and producers kept quitting during production so they had to keep replacing the directors and producers. It's a wonder they finished the project at all; it's a good thing this movie is only 97 minutes long any longer this movie would have really sucked. Supernova is ok as these really bad science fiction movies go; it is better then last year's first bad stinker of the year Wing Commander. The reason why I say this movie was better then Wing Commander was the fact there was a lot of sex and you do get to see the tits of a good looking chick (and unfortunately butt of Nick) so there was a little less pointless chit-chat. The problem with both films is the fact that they are kind of like watching an episode of a television series. The sex and nudity is the only thing that can't be done on prime time TV but the rest of it can be on TV. Supernova really doesn't much of a plot; the violence in this film doesn't happen until near the end but the films action sequences don't offer anything special. Lessons Learned: Sex in zero gravity is popular. People must go into stasis during dimension jump. Dimension jump can be deadly especially if your face forges with the material inside the stasis pod. Touching bombs can make you stronger.
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Dead Alive (1992)
10/10
awesome
15 January 2000
Dead Alive is a romantic comedy (oh yes it is) with a zombie story twist. Paquita is told by her mother that she will find a man who will be her lover forever she will know she has found him when she sees a star. Her future lifetime partner turns out to be a geek named Lionel who has an overprotective mother. A shaky relationship develops over the course of the movie especially when Lionel mother is bitten by the rat monkey (I'm serious) in death she becomes and starts eating dogs and turning other people into Zombies. Father McGruder who knows Kung Fu and can really kick butt until he gets turned into a Zombie himself mates with a nurse Zombie and they have a demon child. Watch for the hilarious scene when Lionel takes the demon child to the park. If you like romantic comedies and/or horror movies you will like this movie. This movie is hilarious and quite violent just like that television show South Park. The unedited version is the best though I have only seen the edited version. The film it still awesome no matter what version you see, this film is a must see. Lessons Learned: Never pee on the grave of a person who has been turned into a Zombie. ZOOS let vicious animals get near to people. Catholic priests know and fight Kung Fu. Zombies can have babies. Intestines that move around outside the body can kill you. Best Line: "I kick ass for the Lord" 10/10.
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Evil Dead II (1987)
9/10
good horror-comedy
15 January 2000
Though Army of Darkness (Evil Dead 3) was an action-comedy the first two films are horror-comedy. Ash and his girlfriend Linda stay the night at a cabin that belongs to an archeologist who was studying the book of the dead. The evil that was awoken by the book kills Linda and several humorous attempts to take out Ash. Ash troubles increase when a group of people comes to the cabin one of which is the daughter of the archeologist. The film makes good use of creepy and funny elements to tell its story. The setting of the story is set up well and the film gets right down to business instead of dragging along. Funny of use the blood splashing all over the place especially the face. Lessons Learned: Dead people look like walking rubber from a distance. Trees can leave their places so they can attack cabins. Trees have faces well sort of.
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10/10
good thriller
4 January 2000
You won't see a more intelligent thriller this year, a stylish masterpiece. Tom Ripley is hired to bring back Dickie and his wife back to New York from Italy. Tom Ripley becomes enchanted with the life of Dickie; when Dickie threatens to send Tom away, Tom acts out violently. Tom attempts to be Dickie and himself at the same time leading to some problems. Tom's somewhat homosexual actions could leave the girl fans of Matt Damon confused. Matt Damon does a excellent job of playing the disturbing character Tom Ripley. The film is well directed, the story is involving and compelling a truly flawless thriller. 10/10 A definite contender for the Academy Awards.
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10/10
a masterpiece
4 January 2000
Is Princess Mononoke for children in North America? The answer can be yes or no it depends on your viewpoint. A lot of this film will go over well with children and the intense violence well scare them out of their seats. The girls in Iron town were rescued from the brothels and they do mention that in the film but they don't say what they did other then men bother them. The film runtime is 135 minutes; children are use to films that run for only 80-90 minutes, as the result children will have trouble following the film. Adult anime fans will love this movie unless they just watch anime for animated nudity. When Ashitaka defeats a boar that had turned into a demon he is left with a mark on his arm that will spread across his body and kill him. Ashitaka leaves his village to find the Sprit of the forest in the forest from which no man has returned. Ashitaka makes to it a town called Iron Town where they make Iron. The town is run by Lady Eboshi who wants to tame the forest to gain profit; she is destroying the forest. Lady Eboshi has very good aspects to her she did rescue women from the brothels and gave Lepers a chance to work. A relationship develops between Princess Mononoke who was raised by wolf gods and Ashitaka when Ashitaka rescues Mononoke from Iron Town. The story is struggle between good and evil but simplistic one like in the case of Disney films. Japanese films have more freedom when it comes to creating their stories since they don't have to worry about over sensitive editors. Hayao Miyazaki gives us a story about how humans, animals and nature gods constantly fight over share of emerging order. The ending isn't better then life happy like in Disney its just practical and realistic. This movie is very well directed, the story is enchanting and involving, it grabs the audience attention and never lets it go. The animation is sharp and visually stunning, a true landmark in animation and fantasy adventure, a flawless masterpiece. 10/10 A definite contender for Best Foreign Picture at the Academy Awards.
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10/10
fun fantasy adventure film
4 January 2000
Ok so its no Citizen Kane but still think that this deserved more praise then it got. The critics dislike this because it was different from the previous films, which is true. I have yet to The Evil Dead and Evil Dead 2 Dead by Dawn maybe when I do see these films my view of this film will change. Ash is transported to 1300 AD when he goes through a wormhole like thing. To get back to his time Ash must get the book of the dead and say three magic words. Ash forgets the last word but takes the book as the result he awakens the army of darkness also known as the deadites. Ash decides the people to fight the deadites because they refused to send him home. The film makes great use of fantasy and humor; the film is more comedy then horror unlike the first two films. If you are looking for a horror film this isn't for you but if you want a funny fantasy adventure film this is for you. Short run time, plenty of action and laughs makes this film quite watchable even if you don't like it. An exciting, entertaining and fun fantasy adventure comedy; though some of the special effects are campy the comedy makes up for that. Lessons Learned: People from the 14th century are considered to be primates. People that work in the hardware section at S-Mark know how to make artificial limbs. Everybody has a chemistry textbook in the trunk of their car. New pickup Line: "Give me some sugar baby"
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3/10
nobody's perfect
2 January 2000
The finest film about flying piranhas ever made; James Cameron once said about his first film. I can now say I have seen this movie in which James Cameron made every mistake a director could make. The concept is laughable; the characters are ugly and not very interesting. For some reason bad movies can't afford good looking actors, the men and women in this film are all ugly. The special effects are quite bad the flying look rubber and the keep going in back and forth motion when they attack people. The killer piranhas make an annoying sound when there they are attacking and when there not attacking. The acting is poor during the attack scenes making them more laughable then scary. There is a similarity between Piranha 2 and Titanic; they both feature a shipwreck. Going from this movie to Titanic is fantastic infact going from this to The Terminator is great. This would have been better if it played out like a spoof instead of a direct horror film. I wonder if this film inspired the plot for Jaws 3; well at least a lot of people get killed Piranha 2 unlike in Jaws 3 and 4. Piranha 2 was lousy attempt to recapture the brilliance of the original Jaws it failed in every possible way. James Cameron first film featured more nudity then any of other films. At least James Cameron made all mistakes he could have made in one film. Lesson Learned: Its possible to have sex underwater.
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9/10
longer then it needed to be
11 December 1999
The only complaint against this film is its length; the film runs too slow and thins in parts. It's going real good then suddenly drops off for a while then starts running real well again. I could tell that other people agreed with me because people were checking there watches and other people were asking each other how long is this film. This affected the film power to gets supernatural message across to a bored audience. The film has good moments of humor surrounding the popular mouse Mr. Jingles. The performances are great and the characters are interesting. Though seeing Dale gruesomely get electrocuted was probably something people could have done without during the Christmas season. If you like supernatural stories this is for you and if you liked The Shawshank Redemption you might like this movie.
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End of Days (1999)
8/10
Good comeback for Arnold Schwarzenegger
27 November 1999
Arnold Schwarzenegger is back after that awful film Batman and Robin; he plays a hero this time around. Jericho Cane (Arnold Schwarzenegger) is a depressed excop who must protect Christine York from Satan. Gabriel Byrne makes an interesting Satan who try's to mate with Christine York before the year 2000 starts. References a lot to the Bible story where Satan becomes free from his cage every thousand years since that is what the film is about. The film is effectively scary in some parts the rest is the action packed and gory just what I was excepting to see. The film is a complete time capsule upon itself; it will be dated by the time reaches video. I would suggest that you see this movie now otherwise this was defiantly a good comeback for Arnold Schwarzenegger.
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9/10
another great James Bond movie
27 November 1999
The latest film in the James Bond series is the best of Pierce Brosnan as James Bond flicks yet. They have changed Bond they have made him the way he used to be before Goldeneye and Tomorrow Never Dies. Q is retiring so he is training a replacement named R played by John Cleese from the Monty Phon franchise. Elektra and her dying lover Renard wish to blowup part of the world for reasons I won't mention. James Bond teams up with the beautiful Christmas Jones (Denise Richards) who is an expert in nuclear physics. M is developed more in this film we get to different side of her. Money Penny is the same as she always was. Delivers all the action and sex we come to except from the James Bond series. The opening teasers have been getting longer and longer but that has aloud them to give us more insight into the story. James Bond will return it says so in the ending credits I wonder if it land on the same year as Austin Powers 3 does again.
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Armour of God (1986)
8/10
good sequel
13 November 1999
Not as good as the original but still good fun with the continuing adventures of Agent Hawk played by Jackie Chan. This one takes some time to develop a romance between characters and properly develop the characters. The history story about the armor of the god is definitely worth a number of laughs. The evil monk's idea is hilarious; they have biker punks working for them. The black kung fu chick's scene is golden and the dynamite scene that follows that is hilarious. Things I learned from this movie.

Chinese dorks have British Accents. Chinese hookers are all white and are quite attractive.

Hookers really like monks. Gay waiters know everything about evil monks. Chinese rockers dress like gay dorks. Jackie Chan can sing.
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10/10
wonderful experience
8 November 1999
I have never watched an entire silent movie before, though I have seen parts of some of them. I very much enjoyed this silent version of the phantom of the opera it gave me an enlightening look at early Hollywood. There is dialogue it's just that you read it instead of hearing it. Silent films depended on acting to express the situation, feelings of the characters. The actors gave excellent performances especially Lon Chaney as the Phantom (Erik). The movie was well done and fun to watch, the background score is a classic (It was added into the movie after the original release). 74 years old and its still a great fright classic that is a must see for anyone who has seen the Broadway musical version by Andrew Lloyd Webber. 10/10 I have seen the Broadway musical version; it's probably one of the best musicals I have seen.
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Jack Frost (1997 Video)
5/10
What a concept
31 October 1999
A serial killer is turned into a snowman and decides to go after Max the man who had caught him; I'm not joking that is the plot of the movie. I figure it would be a bad movie that would be worth a few laughs and it was just that. The odd thing about this movie is the fact that in the beginning there is little snow, as the movie goes on more and more snow seems to be on the ground especially infornt of Sheriff Tyler's home. The snowman can turn into liquid so it can go through any door and survive hot temperatures. The film is low budget and it went straight to video. The director of the movie wisely chooses not to make the film serious; snowman is not scary so that was a good idea. The funniest moment would be when the Snowman rapes Jill next to the Christmas lights scene. Jill and her boyfriend undressing to Christmas music was nice touch; funny too due to the fact they had so many layers of clothing. The science logic in the film does not work and is quite stupid. Lessons Learned about Antifreeze (hehehe) Antifreeze is used in the cooking of oatmeal. Antifreeze is deadly to snowmen. It's okay for humans to swim around in Antifreeze.
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4/10
acid urine
30 October 1999
A reporter is befriended by a genetically engineered dog that can deceive human minds and has acid urine; a bit silly. Scientist who wants him back keeps getting on the bad side of the police. The plot of the movie runs too slow during almost the first hour of the film, then it suddenly speeds up during the last 30 or 40 minutes of the movie. The 40 minutes are entertaining and fun it's too bad the beginning wasn't as strong. Its lighthearted horror doesn't work that well, the story is weakly executed. The scare scenes are not that scary at all and I thought they could have been made gory. The ending makes us sad that the killing dog bites the bullet. The ending leads open for a sequel.
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3/10
bad real bad
30 October 1999
Anything that is electric goes crazy and starts killing people because of a comet that is passing by; oh the humanity. Stephen King was sick and tired of people screwing up his books by making bad film adaptations. Stephen King decided to make a movie based on his recent book, the end result was one of the worst adaptations of a Stephen King novel. This movie is bad real bad, it could make it on Mystery Science Theater 3000. The man could not make a decent film version of his own novel that's just too funny. The sequences when I was supposed to be scared I was either laughing or giggling. The film focuses on bunch of dumb characters being stuck in a Gas Station Café. The film starts off entertainingly bad then it becomes more and more boring as it gets to conclusion. The music was done by AC/DC some of the score sounds like a corny rip-off of the Jaws score. The movie has the complete look and feel of an average bomb, horrible plot, bad acting, ugly women and laughable fright scenes. Its quite surprising that it was made by one of the greatest authors of this century.
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10/10
Great Fun
19 October 1999
The Son'a want to remove the Ba'Ku from their perfect world and Captain Picard intends to stop them; hence the tagline "The Battle For Paradise Has Begun" This Star Trek adventure has a number of breathtaking visual effects and a wide new range of ships. It's a humanitarian type of story that's a lot of fun to watch. That was the goal of the filmmakers, they wanted it to be fun, funny, show relations between characters and as always tell a good story. In my view they successfully achieved what they were aiming for. There isn't really anything wrong with the story, it addressee's moral issues and questions. Do we have a right to force people from their homes so we can destroy their land? I think some Trek fans were expecting some thing like First Contact and as a result wrongfully called the film crap. In this feature Diana Troi and Will Riker restart their relationship and Picard falls in love with Anij a 200 year old Ba'Ku woman. A great addition to the Star Trek franchise. It's exciting, entertaining, has a good sense of humor, a lot of fun and the special effects are excellent. 10/10
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9/10
groovy
11 October 1999
The best spoof movie since The Naked Gun. Austin Powers played by Mike Myers is unfrozen to face his archenemy Dr. Evil also played by Mike Myers. The concept of someone from the 60's being brought into the 90's isn't original. The Brady Bunch used this idea first but that movie gave us a new definition of corny. The 60's was very much an age of change and social revolution making the time period easy to pick on. The James Bond movie Austin Powers spoofs the most is Gold Finger the second movie in the Bond series. Mike Myers knows well what can make people and what will become popular. The movie's 60's dialogue will catch on with the teen generation. The movie is clever and hilarious even more then once. The bottom line is the movie is fun, funny and totally groovy baby.
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8/10
Cruel to be kind.
10 October 1999
You have to be cruel to be kind in this new twisted teen drama. It's like a teen version of soap opera, you got a evil women who likes having sex and ruining people lives. The characters are simple minded and unlikable, its just that this soap opera is compacted into two hours. TV soap operas have been going for many decades with kind of story and characters not to mention bad acting. I would have to admit I like this teen soap opera movie. It has some good moments of drama and twisted sexy style of the film is kind of fun. The love story is well drawn out and the movie has some decent acting. I would mostly recommend it to teens that are fans of TV soap operas.
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Three Kings (1999)
10/10
The best movie of the year, so far.
10 October 1999
This would be the funniest war drama I have seen since the TV series Mash. One of the first movies to deal with the events of the Gulf War. It twists history by creating a story about four army officers who decide to find gold that Sadam Hussein had stolen from the Kuwaitis. The movie becomes humanitarian story when the four soldiers realize that Sadam is trying to slaughter the people in the town they are stealing the gold from. A excellent mix of humor and drama throughout the movie. David O'Russell's clever story telling and wonderful use of cinematography could make this movie be nominated for best picture. It's the best movie of the year so far in my books. The scene where a bullet goes through Troy then comes right back out is an instant classic. The beginning of the movie has documentary look to it, "Are we shooting people?" Troy. The must see movie of the year. 10/10 The best movie of the year, so far.
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