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Sherlock Holmes (2009)
What a piece of junk
I am still reeling from the sheer terror of enduring this movie. It was a masterpiece of horror. It was a collection of platitudes and nonsense on a level that you rarely see in movies with this kind of budget. I can not find a single redeeming quality. Nothing at all.
Bad acting is excusable here, and I won't cover the obvious stiffness and discomfort of Jude Law. I'd be too if I was him. That wasn't the bad part though.
Holmes. Drug addict. Manic depressive perhaps. Prone to lock him self up in his room for weeks on end. Not good for the old physique. But oh, he's a veritable Bruce Lee meets the Karate Kid. Are you joking? Are you serious? I can suspend my disbelief with the best of them, but that is just too much of a stretch. It is actually too bloody stupid to even contemplate.
For half the movie you think you are watching some kind of a "Harry Potter has Grown Up" production. It is uncanny how much like Harry Potter they tried to make this thing. If I want wizards, I'll go see Harry Potter, the real one, thank you very much. No, Harry Potter is not an improvement on the old Dickensian movie look. Really. It's not.
Oh, and who let bloody Dan Brown into the script writers room. Honestly. The only thing missing was a bad cut to some medieval knight fighting some secret society in Jerusalem.
I hereby nominate Sherlock Holmes for the Turkey of the year, and I doubt any other will come close to this junk.
Population 436 (2006)
This is just bad, bad, bad. Who on earth green-lighted this garbage? The plot is terrible, the execution formulaic in the extreme. There was literally not a single move any of the characters in this movie made that was anything but blatantly obvious and horrifyingly stupid.
You connect with absolutely nobody in this movie. The "hero" is boring in all kinds of ways, and when the obvious ending comes, you breathe a sigh of relief that this is FINALLY over.
I enjoy watching an Ed Wood movie because it is so bad it is both funny and tragic. When this movie was over I was just left with a feeling that I wished it was the script writer who met his maker in the end, not the "hero". I didn't like or dislike the "hero" enough to care what happened to him.
The Astronaut's Wife (1999)
What a piece of garbage.
Incredibly stupid story, incredibly bad female lead actress, uninspired and lazy Johnny Depp, paired with a lousy production team and annoying clipping. This is the worst movie I have seen this year. I'd rather see The Out-of-Towners 10 times in a row while having teeth pulled than see this again.
We meet an astronaut and his wife. He has had an accident in space, and has a bit of a strange behavior when he returns. Why? Well, he has apparently had an alien encounter in space, and... Well, if you are into masochism, go find out. My advice is not to try to find out however.