Bless Your Dead Little Hearts

[first lines]

Alucard: [eating dinner alone] What do you think, Trevor?

[He looks at two rag dolls representing Trevor and Sypha, sitting on a shelf]

Alucard: [imitating Trevor] "I think I hate everything and everybody, so I'm going to get drunk on beer that's been brewed in an old sheep carcass, and then I'm going to stick my tiny penis in a dead dog I found in a ditch to make hate babies or something, because I am actually more stupid than mud."

[imitating Sypha]

Alucard: "You are a horrible, terrible person. And many other words for horrible and terrible, because I know all the words, because I am smarter than everybody, and one day I will go back to live with my flea-bitten family in a cart, which makes me better than everyone, and you will all die in a fire. A big one."

[pause]

Alucard: Oh my God. I am losing my mind. It's only been a month... I think.