Come on, Hal is what you name the AI robot thing, could you not think of something more original than that... I normally love terrible B-movies but this was too serious for my liking, it needs the terrible acting where you feel nothing is taken seriously. I want to feel the badness in the film so I can laugh and just watch pure rubbish. Sadly I was disappointed! Maybe I'll watch zombeavers again cos that was great!
56 Reviews
Is there nothing in the criminal code for movies like this?
S_Soma1 June 2019
Warning: Spoilers
So one day it happens. You fall off the couch at 3 in the afternoon after a hard night of whiskey and blow, bang your head a cropper on the coffee table as you stagger on up to consciousness, and then say to yourself, "Dammit! I'm gonna go for it!"
You're going to make that outer space epic you've always dreamed of making.
But when you break open your piggy bank, reality rears its ugly head. $8.47. And you KNOW the thrilling space opera you wanna make, you NEED to make, is gonna cost at least $10 or $12 to do it justice.
So yeah, it's wrong, but it's for the greater good. You hide in the bushes along the main approach to the local elementary school and roll a few third-graders for their milk money. Not a proud moment, but hell, this is for your art!
Being forced to make your outer space pot-boiler on a shoestring is a forgivable sin. But if you ain't got the scratch to do it right it's a rule of the cineverse that you gotta make up for it in other ways. You gotta give it your heart, give it the love it needs to fight its way out of the ground and into the sky! You have to sweat the details and craft a shimmering star for the ages!
Of course, NONE of those things happened with JURASSIC GALAXY. JURASSIC GALAXY is such a moldering pile of cow flop you have to stand upwind just to watch it. And the thing that makes JURASSIC GALAXY truly vomit inspiring is that it is excruciatingly obvious, from frame one, that NOBODY gave a crap about this poor thing. It looks like a transporter accident from beginning to end. How MUCH nobody cared about this movie to make even a half-baked effort is the real sin here.
Examples:
The movie opens with the most appallingly rendered space crash you've ever seen with the various pieces of wreckage being spread over a large area, a primary plot point for the movie. A girl struggles out of her piece of the wreckage and lands on a large tree branch wrapped in some spaceship wiring. As you watch the scene play out, you can't help but notice that what she's actually wrapped in is a 4 conductor trailer wiring harness. There's the connector front and center. Nobody cared.
In another scene a few characters are hanging around a bit of "wreckage". By the simple expedient of just leaving your eyes open it's utterly obvious that the piece of "wreckage" is an upside down derelict truck that they found somewhere in the desert. You can see the rusted chassis in most of the scene and the entire thing is riddled with de rigueur bullet holes from the local yokels using it for target practice. Nobody cared.
Our intrepid spacemen (Sorry. Sorry. Space people...) arm themselves with ad hoc ax- and spear-like weapons from wreckage parts because they have no guns. And because this would preclude having to make any space-weapon special-effects. Of course. The space-jock "leader" security officer character apparently broke HIS "weapon" at one point because in one scene we can see that the blade of HIS weapon is flopping around so badly as he walks that it threatens to fall off of the shaft. Nobody cared.
"Atmospheric" scenes of dinosaurs are played repeatedly, verbatim. You just see the same scene repeatedly.
The entire menu of dinosaurs consists of, I believe, 3 flavors. Tyrannosaurus Rex, velociraptor and pterodactyl. Because, you know, those are the popular ones. Throwing in a plant eater to suggest an actual functioning ecosystem would just be wasted effort. The population density of just predators depicted would be unsupportable ANYWHERE in, yes, the galaxy.
While the animation of the dinosaurs themselves isn't too bad, which from the looks of it can apparently be bought off-the-shelf, the compositing of the dinosaurs into the context is so badly done that the dinosaurs have auras.
And it just goes on and on and on. Stampedes of velociraptors that's badly looped like a Fred-Flintstone-running sequence. 3 victims of cannibalism all reclining next to each other as perfectly articulated, complete skeletons. Algorithmically rendered depictions of rock rubble that literally could not BE anything other than algorithmically rendered piles of rock rubble. Etc. Every scene, every frame a crime against humanity. Nobody cared.
There is but one somewhat-redeemable element in this movie. There's this little, flying sphere-thing that's a sort of digital assistant. It's poorly made and badly animated (I think it sits at the end of a green-screen stick), but at least it was somewhat original and a little inventive and the little "special-effect" to conceal the connection point between the mounting stick and the sphere was actually intriguing. So of course the little sphere-thing got smashed early on. From my perspective, it was the only good thing in the whole movie.
I've seen scads of low-to-no budget movies, and many of them are some of the best movies, budget notwithstanding. Making a movie is a monumentally difficult task, never mind making a good one, but budgetary constraints are just another problem in an endeavor that is composed mostly of problems to be overcome. It is the crime of making a movie while not giving even a tiny damn about it that renders a movie unwatchable, not the lack of budget. The clever tricks that moviemakers sometimes employ to overcome their budgetary obstacles are often so inspired it can make you actually cheer the movie on.
The people who made JURASSIC GALAXY should be prosecuted, their equipment confiscated, and the movie made into a college level course on how NOT to make a movie. If JURASSIC GALAXY was intended to be some sort of a humorous send-up of cheap and cheesy sci-fi movies, then it failed that way too.
You're going to make that outer space epic you've always dreamed of making.
But when you break open your piggy bank, reality rears its ugly head. $8.47. And you KNOW the thrilling space opera you wanna make, you NEED to make, is gonna cost at least $10 or $12 to do it justice.
So yeah, it's wrong, but it's for the greater good. You hide in the bushes along the main approach to the local elementary school and roll a few third-graders for their milk money. Not a proud moment, but hell, this is for your art!
Being forced to make your outer space pot-boiler on a shoestring is a forgivable sin. But if you ain't got the scratch to do it right it's a rule of the cineverse that you gotta make up for it in other ways. You gotta give it your heart, give it the love it needs to fight its way out of the ground and into the sky! You have to sweat the details and craft a shimmering star for the ages!
Of course, NONE of those things happened with JURASSIC GALAXY. JURASSIC GALAXY is such a moldering pile of cow flop you have to stand upwind just to watch it. And the thing that makes JURASSIC GALAXY truly vomit inspiring is that it is excruciatingly obvious, from frame one, that NOBODY gave a crap about this poor thing. It looks like a transporter accident from beginning to end. How MUCH nobody cared about this movie to make even a half-baked effort is the real sin here.
Examples:
The movie opens with the most appallingly rendered space crash you've ever seen with the various pieces of wreckage being spread over a large area, a primary plot point for the movie. A girl struggles out of her piece of the wreckage and lands on a large tree branch wrapped in some spaceship wiring. As you watch the scene play out, you can't help but notice that what she's actually wrapped in is a 4 conductor trailer wiring harness. There's the connector front and center. Nobody cared.
In another scene a few characters are hanging around a bit of "wreckage". By the simple expedient of just leaving your eyes open it's utterly obvious that the piece of "wreckage" is an upside down derelict truck that they found somewhere in the desert. You can see the rusted chassis in most of the scene and the entire thing is riddled with de rigueur bullet holes from the local yokels using it for target practice. Nobody cared.
Our intrepid spacemen (Sorry. Sorry. Space people...) arm themselves with ad hoc ax- and spear-like weapons from wreckage parts because they have no guns. And because this would preclude having to make any space-weapon special-effects. Of course. The space-jock "leader" security officer character apparently broke HIS "weapon" at one point because in one scene we can see that the blade of HIS weapon is flopping around so badly as he walks that it threatens to fall off of the shaft. Nobody cared.
"Atmospheric" scenes of dinosaurs are played repeatedly, verbatim. You just see the same scene repeatedly.
The entire menu of dinosaurs consists of, I believe, 3 flavors. Tyrannosaurus Rex, velociraptor and pterodactyl. Because, you know, those are the popular ones. Throwing in a plant eater to suggest an actual functioning ecosystem would just be wasted effort. The population density of just predators depicted would be unsupportable ANYWHERE in, yes, the galaxy.
While the animation of the dinosaurs themselves isn't too bad, which from the looks of it can apparently be bought off-the-shelf, the compositing of the dinosaurs into the context is so badly done that the dinosaurs have auras.
And it just goes on and on and on. Stampedes of velociraptors that's badly looped like a Fred-Flintstone-running sequence. 3 victims of cannibalism all reclining next to each other as perfectly articulated, complete skeletons. Algorithmically rendered depictions of rock rubble that literally could not BE anything other than algorithmically rendered piles of rock rubble. Etc. Every scene, every frame a crime against humanity. Nobody cared.
There is but one somewhat-redeemable element in this movie. There's this little, flying sphere-thing that's a sort of digital assistant. It's poorly made and badly animated (I think it sits at the end of a green-screen stick), but at least it was somewhat original and a little inventive and the little "special-effect" to conceal the connection point between the mounting stick and the sphere was actually intriguing. So of course the little sphere-thing got smashed early on. From my perspective, it was the only good thing in the whole movie.
I've seen scads of low-to-no budget movies, and many of them are some of the best movies, budget notwithstanding. Making a movie is a monumentally difficult task, never mind making a good one, but budgetary constraints are just another problem in an endeavor that is composed mostly of problems to be overcome. It is the crime of making a movie while not giving even a tiny damn about it that renders a movie unwatchable, not the lack of budget. The clever tricks that moviemakers sometimes employ to overcome their budgetary obstacles are often so inspired it can make you actually cheer the movie on.
The people who made JURASSIC GALAXY should be prosecuted, their equipment confiscated, and the movie made into a college level course on how NOT to make a movie. If JURASSIC GALAXY was intended to be some sort of a humorous send-up of cheap and cheesy sci-fi movies, then it failed that way too.
Mark Hamill is that you ?
pamar6622 July 2019
A one hour movie that slows down time
hdiport17 June 2019
Warning: Spoilers
Let me start out by saying, I have seen many low-budget films. I expect cheesy effects, low end acting and hit and miss dialogue from time to time. But I have NEVER seen a movie that managed to make one hour feel like an eternity.
This film was so boring and so poorly thrown together it was practically torturous to watch. The CGI, at times, wasn't half bad. In fact, there was one slightly redeeming creation towards the beginning of the film.
There are hardly any dinosaurs in this film. There is an excess amount of "dramatic walking to dramatic music" shots because they could barely even stretch the plot to an hour. One dude gets stabbed in the gut, where vital organs are, and is fine. 100% fine. Another man gets cut on the arm a touch, and he dies, oh so dramatically. There is no chemistry. No explanation for why they are on this planet. No background. No zest to the characters. I'm pretty sure someone told a vacation close to a desert area and decided to shoot the dinosaur film they've dreamed of since they were 5.
Don't do what I did. Don't waste your time dragging yourself through this movie. It's not even fun to watch ironically. It's just painful.
This film was so boring and so poorly thrown together it was practically torturous to watch. The CGI, at times, wasn't half bad. In fact, there was one slightly redeeming creation towards the beginning of the film.
There are hardly any dinosaurs in this film. There is an excess amount of "dramatic walking to dramatic music" shots because they could barely even stretch the plot to an hour. One dude gets stabbed in the gut, where vital organs are, and is fine. 100% fine. Another man gets cut on the arm a touch, and he dies, oh so dramatically. There is no chemistry. No explanation for why they are on this planet. No background. No zest to the characters. I'm pretty sure someone told a vacation close to a desert area and decided to shoot the dinosaur film they've dreamed of since they were 5.
Don't do what I did. Don't waste your time dragging yourself through this movie. It's not even fun to watch ironically. It's just painful.
Was I the only one
grash8 July 2019
Do not waste time
anobbzy-2494128 March 2019
I'd rather die a good man
nogodnomasters14 May 2019
Warning: Spoilers
The Galileo crash lands on an unknown planet. It must have been rather large as none of the sparse survivors know each other. Half the ship went one way, and the half with a rescue shuttle went the other way. There is "unknown" radiation that affects their brains. They battle raptors and each other as they travel to the shuttle.
The CG dinosaurs were not great, but acceptable for a low budget film. They never explained the "Galaxy" part of the title. Looked like a Jurassic planet. The characters and their interaction is what makes a low budget film. They created diverse characters but couldn't come up with any entertaining dialogue. We never knew what the Galileo was doing or how many people were on board, or even the year.
Guide: No swearing, sex, or nudity.
The CG dinosaurs were not great, but acceptable for a low budget film. They never explained the "Galaxy" part of the title. Looked like a Jurassic planet. The characters and their interaction is what makes a low budget film. They created diverse characters but couldn't come up with any entertaining dialogue. We never knew what the Galileo was doing or how many people were on board, or even the year.
Guide: No swearing, sex, or nudity.
Boring movie
sjaaksy29 August 2019
I was wondering what the title implied... a movie with intelligent dinosaurs that invented space travel?
Instead of that a bunch of stranded people on a planet with dino's and with such bad acting that I hated myself for even wasting time on this movie.
All they could do was shouting at each other (yes, the atmosphere of the planet did that).
I don't want to say how it ended, but it was stupid as well.... who can think of such a crap and has money enough to make it?
This was not only a bad b-movie, if there was a worse categorie, it would fall beyond that.
I have watched many crappy movies but
jesssika232 April 2019
I have purposefully watched many terrible movies on a crappy movie night. I have found some good movies I wouldn't have otherwise watched and worried about the loss of brain cells other movies have taken. This one has to be the most epic crappy movie I have ever seen.
These crashed crew members who apparently never met in their long voyage spaceship have crashed on a planet that is only populated by dinosaurs. One minute you see heinous computer graphics of mountains and forests but the survivors are traipsing about in dry desert brush. They make the environment seem like it's summer and hot yet it was clearly filmed in late fall when no leaves were left on the vegetation with the exception of carefully placed palms. So on a planet where no other life forms but dinosaurs apparently exist they walk on gravel roads and pass trees that have graffiti on them. They never even ask are there other humans here for these roads to exist. Dinosaurs attack some survivors and kill them but apparently humans aren't on the menu as all victims are left intact and uneaten.
Not only is the plot more holes than story, but these actors don't make believable astronauts or even crash survivors. The best part of the movie is Pal and it's just a small orb that is a jack of all trades. I guess in this movies' case, you get what you pay for. I feel like this was someone's dream and since no production companies would pick it up they decided to film it themselves.
These crashed crew members who apparently never met in their long voyage spaceship have crashed on a planet that is only populated by dinosaurs. One minute you see heinous computer graphics of mountains and forests but the survivors are traipsing about in dry desert brush. They make the environment seem like it's summer and hot yet it was clearly filmed in late fall when no leaves were left on the vegetation with the exception of carefully placed palms. So on a planet where no other life forms but dinosaurs apparently exist they walk on gravel roads and pass trees that have graffiti on them. They never even ask are there other humans here for these roads to exist. Dinosaurs attack some survivors and kill them but apparently humans aren't on the menu as all victims are left intact and uneaten.
Not only is the plot more holes than story, but these actors don't make believable astronauts or even crash survivors. The best part of the movie is Pal and it's just a small orb that is a jack of all trades. I guess in this movies' case, you get what you pay for. I feel like this was someone's dream and since no production companies would pick it up they decided to film it themselves.
Please spare yourselves the pain
jrthawk8627 July 2019
I will sit through any movie once I've started it. I want to find some redeeming quality in the film. Maybe im stubborn, or I just don't like to leave things unfinished. I once had to fast forward through a particularly bad film just to get to the conclusion. This is the first time I can remember that ive actually turned a movie off. I made it about 20 minutes. Couldn't bear any more.
MUST SEE
ianl-1614824 November 2019
Why can't there be a dinosaur movie that is just about the dinosaurs?
CubsandCulture22 April 2019
Look you don't watch a movie called Jurassic Galaxy expecting well basic competence. That the plot of the movie doesn't make any sense, that acting is hilariously pitched, and the special effects are unbelievable is exactly the sort of thing you expect when you watch crap like this. What you are hopeful for are some goofy scenes and gags that entertain due to their sheer idiocy. In that regard this film doesn't disappoint. It has a ton of low budget charm that is mostly amusing. And Pal is a neat concept in any context. It is also quite short so it doesn't wear out its welcome.
The film loses a lot of points of ejecting a human villain into the story for no reason. Just focus on the dinosaurs! Why is that SO hard to do?
The film loses a lot of points of ejecting a human villain into the story for no reason. Just focus on the dinosaurs! Why is that SO hard to do?
Don't. Just don't...
paul_haakonsen28 June 2019
Right, well with a movie of this caliber, you have a pretty good idea what kind of low budget torment you are getting yourself into. But still, I decided to sit down and watch the 2018 movie "Jurassic Galaxy" despite that, on the odd chance that the movie might actually be so campy it would be fun to watch.
Let me just state for the record right now, it wasn't...
First of all, the CGI effects in "Jurassic Galaxy" were atrocious. Sure, they tried and they did have the appearance of the dinosaurs fairly much in place, just a shame that the CGI effects themselves were so poorly made that it looked abysmal most of the time. For a movie such as this, then special effects are a must. And they just failed to deliver on this account.
As for the characters in the movie, well... Let's just say that you shouldn't expect a grand character gallery here, because the characters were unimaginative, flaccid and essentially as interesting as cardboard cut outs. And these lousy characters and lack of proper script hindered the actors and actresses in performing adequately.
Sure the movie managed to deliver exactly what I was expecting, but it wasn't in a good way, and as such then the movie lacked appeal and just utterly failed to captivate me.
I was good and ready to turn off "Jurassic Galaxy" about 25 minutes into the ordeal. But I managed to endure it up until a total of 52 minutes, then I just had my share of nonsense and pointless characters. So I got up and turned off the movie, knowing that I will never return to watch the last 30 minutes or whatever was left of directors James Kondelik and Jon Kondelik 2018 movie "Jurassic Galaxy".
Let me just state for the record right now, it wasn't...
First of all, the CGI effects in "Jurassic Galaxy" were atrocious. Sure, they tried and they did have the appearance of the dinosaurs fairly much in place, just a shame that the CGI effects themselves were so poorly made that it looked abysmal most of the time. For a movie such as this, then special effects are a must. And they just failed to deliver on this account.
As for the characters in the movie, well... Let's just say that you shouldn't expect a grand character gallery here, because the characters were unimaginative, flaccid and essentially as interesting as cardboard cut outs. And these lousy characters and lack of proper script hindered the actors and actresses in performing adequately.
Sure the movie managed to deliver exactly what I was expecting, but it wasn't in a good way, and as such then the movie lacked appeal and just utterly failed to captivate me.
I was good and ready to turn off "Jurassic Galaxy" about 25 minutes into the ordeal. But I managed to endure it up until a total of 52 minutes, then I just had my share of nonsense and pointless characters. So I got up and turned off the movie, knowing that I will never return to watch the last 30 minutes or whatever was left of directors James Kondelik and Jon Kondelik 2018 movie "Jurassic Galaxy".
bad
SnoopyStyle17 July 2019
In the near future, survivors of a spaceship disaster find themselves stranded on a desolate planet filled with ravenous dinosaurs. That was once a TV show called On the Lot. It was a competition show for aspiring filmmakers. One of them was semi-competent in creating consumer grade CGI and everybody was amazed by his work. Ten years later, the CGI here is inferior to that. This has to be a film by recent film school graduates. They've gathered a bunch of their friends and gone out into the desert with some leftover props. It's all pretty bad. Let's face it. Nobody is expecting much and we don't get much of anything good.
No exaggeration here...the worst movie I've ever seen
mistela6727 September 2019
Some movies are so bad, they are entertaining. And usually, the unskilled or under budgetted crew understand that. So, they make the most of it. Not so with this movie. I've watched plenty of bad movies, SYFY channel sorts, B-movies, Indies. I never thought I could designate any of them as the worst.
Until now.
Jurassic Galaxy is, literally, the worst movie I've ever seen. I knew from the first 2 minutes that it would be bad, but it just got progressively worst. Horrible directing, horrible writing, horrible editing, horrible acting, horrible cinematography. Just bad, all around.
I will say this though, I'm proud to say I was able to get through the entire film. Yay for me...
Until now.
Jurassic Galaxy is, literally, the worst movie I've ever seen. I knew from the first 2 minutes that it would be bad, but it just got progressively worst. Horrible directing, horrible writing, horrible editing, horrible acting, horrible cinematography. Just bad, all around.
I will say this though, I'm proud to say I was able to get through the entire film. Yay for me...
So bad it's...bad
bc_global183 September 2019
This is one of those movies you keep watching to see how bad it can get. The acting is slightly better than the cgi which is not saying anything really. It's like Sharknado with far less humor and unknown actors. The budget was probably around $1,000. If you're really in the mood for campy horrible effects sci-fi with a sixth grade script, don't miss this gem.
Not trying to be rude but...
hamza-587677 August 2021
Not the complete worst, at least it ain't boriing
rocknrollsteve1 July 2019
This one isn't for fans of "good" movies, it's more for people that like cult films. It's one that may or may not find a place on shelves next to "Blood Freak" or "Samurai Cop", but it's worth a watch especially if you've got a few friends over and the bong is being passed around. The pilot chick is hot in her snakeskin pants and the rest of the actors get the job done, but the CGI dinosaurs are pretty comical. I'm not sure it's totally worth buying, but if you you find it streaming somewhere, you could do worse.
Pitch Black if ordered from Wish.
chrissands-029502 June 2021
Drug addicted security guard, washed up pilot, convict released during the crash.
Only thing that could have been better is if it was shot in darkness or at least with the camera lens on.
Laughed at all the graffiti, power lines in the background, the converse holding the boom mic, and the paved roads in the "look at that view" moment.
Only thing that could have been better is if it was shot in darkness or at least with the camera lens on.
Laughed at all the graffiti, power lines in the background, the converse holding the boom mic, and the paved roads in the "look at that view" moment.
Lots of walking to dramatic music.
Howard198113 February 2021
great sci-fi comedy !
mathieumartineau1 January 2019
A little gem of entertainment. Admittedly, the 3D integration lacked a little something but the other small mistakes made it a great comedy. There is a beautiful imagination to reduce post production costs. I loved the drone mounted on a stick and camouflaged by the reactor, just brilliant!
Pitch Black done on a very low budget
domivel15 April 2020
Movie has so many similarities to Pitch Black that we gonna watch it again and make it into a drinking game! The camera effects are low key but effective, esp. when one of the characters looks down while hanging off a cliff. The acting is for the most part, mediocre, the storyline recycled (drink!), the CGI meh, but kudos on character development.
Showtime, You Convinced Me to Cancel!
saysjenn8 August 2020
Decent effects
lane-arden15 November 2020
Laughable CGI...
rogers_jeffrey22 April 2020
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